20-Somethings - OT: should I be revengeful?

so, this is way ot but i need advice.

so my ex has gotten back in contact with me, and the only thing we've done is email each other. )I'll make a long story short here) he was emailing me a lot of rated R stuff, but he has a girlfriend. He's asked me not to tell on him, saying he can't get me out of his head, no one can do it for him like I can, he's been dreaming about me, all this stuff.

But he was truly mean to me for the past two years. Cheating on me. (more then once) leaving me for other people (a MONTH before he were getting married. And took 200 dollars from our joint account to start a new life with another girl) came back to me (I took him back, I was 18 and thought it was love) left me again, we got back together, I spent 900 dollar to get us an apartment out of state (he didn't have a job) he kicked me out two months later, said he was sorry, I moved back in he started dating another girl while still being intimate with me, telling me he didn't like her he wanted me, while bashing me to other people, took all my income tax money (he gave me about 50) and kicked me out again.. ...

It'd be easy to send a message to his new gf, telling her about all that he's done behind her back, I think I would want to know. But Im second guessing myself and need advice. what should I do??:?::?:

I would REALLY want to be revengeful too...buuuut on the other hand it would probably be best to just be the better person. Block his emails (after you tell him off once in one last attempt to open his eyes...haha), ignore his calls if he does call, and just forget about him.
You telling on him probably wont do anygood but start a WHOLE lot of drama and as Ive lived and learned I find its best to forget and move on.

Ive been in a situation before similiar and had a chance to rat out an ex and tell the new gf what scum he is but for 1- she probably already knows and if she doesnt then for 2- you dont want to be "that crazy ex" which you might get called when another girl is in denial about her "loving sweet boyfriend".

Hope I helped a bit! Good luck with your decision! =)

Rather than actually telling on him, I'd just tell *him* that I was going to - make him sweat. :)

I agree with Vern Dern except I would consider telling the new girl. I'd be very frank, and honest, and kind - and say "look, I have no interest in him, but this is what he did to me, and information is power - and however the two of you end up, I hope it's what makes you happy in the end - have a great life" or something else along those lines. Then I'd follow through - and not contact him again or accept his attempts at talking.

I'd be tempted to be vengeful too. I might want to just warn the girl about what hes like (although she probably already knows right) and then block the emails/calls etc. I'm usually one for a complete, clean break though

I don't think it's your place to say. Who knows - maybe they have some strange system working out. I'd say tell him you are no longer going to talk to him, block him out of your life completely, and just forget about it. I think that's the most mature, and most beneficial thing to do for you. You're the only person here who really mattes in this situation. You're the only person you can change.

Put it behind you and move on. Don't stoop to his level.

I'd also want revenge...a little click on the Forward button and she can find out everything, right? Unless she's in the same place you've been with him...where she'll believe him and take him back, no matter what. Then you'd just look like the "jealous" ex-girlfriend meddling in their lives to her.

No...no matter HOW tempting it is, the best course of action would be blocking his emails and making a total, clean break from him forever. He's toxic to be around, and is dragging you down with his nonsense!

Ooooh I can imagine - I'd want to be revengeful, too! However, he is someone else's problem now, and telling her would create a lot of drama that (if it were me), I'd just rather stay out of. Sounds like he's a class one a-hole, so she'll find out on her own soon enough that he likes to mess around. From this point on, though, I'd ignore his emails/calls/texts/etc completely and get him out of your life for good.

You could tell her what he's all about, but she wouldn't believe you. And then you would be in the middle of another mess involving him. Sometimes we have to learn for ourselves about the skeevey ones, right?

Be the class act, since he apparently isn't. Move onward and upward.

I was in a similar situation, and while its so tempting to just forward the correspondence, etc, its just not worth it. I'm with the others in saying just make a clean break.

The girlfriend may not want to hear what you have to say, and then you come out looking like the bad guy. Just tell him you don't want to speak with him anymore, and block his emails. Its probably the best way.

I'm a 40-something, crashing the young ladies' thread. ;) I just wanted to say that revenge, for me, really is never as "sweet" as they say it is. It ultimately ends up making me feel bad about myself, about what kind of person I am. The reasons that other posters gave you for staying above the fray are all really good reasons--the drama, the continuation of being entangled with this toxic person, the protection of your image. But my top reason for resisting being vengeful is that when I've done it in the past, it has made me feel terrible about myself. Participating in revenge doesn't make us smarter, better people; instead, it makes us small and bitter and mean.

So for all those reasons, I would just resist the urge to notify her of his actions. Chances are, she already knows just as you knew but kept forgiving him. Oh, may not know the particulars, but she will soon anyway, because of who and what he is. I vote for just cutting him off. Stop chit-chatting, block him from email, don't take his calls. No drama, no explanations or justifications--just a communication black-out. This guy is not your friend and he would probably like nothing better than to drag you back into the drama.

I've gotten myself involved in a sticky situation, where I told someone the gossip about them - as a heads up, thought I was being helpful. Turns out they think *I* started the gossip and my so-called good deed has turned into a nightmare. So based on what happened with this? I wouldn't get involved, your revenge would be better placed in cutting him off completely. He'll always wonder why, if you passed along the email, etc... It's like torture but you aren't responsible - he is!

-Aimee

I agree with everyones posts. Revenge never is as sweet as you want it to be. It may sound good in your head but your better off cutting your loses and move on. Your a better person than that. You should be proud of yourself and just forget him and start over :)

I would be tempted to respond to him and CC the girlfriend ... but I wouldn't.

It's better revenge to just never respond, in my opinion. Indifference.

Plus, based on everything he did to you, he obviously gets off on drama involving multiple women. Quite likely it wouldn't 'hurt' him to have his new girlfriend see what he's writing you. It would hurt her, involve you, and basically feed into his need for other women/cheating drama. That may well be the kind of thing he wants to happen.

So don't be tempted any longer -- ignore, ignore!

What is that saying? "The best revenge is living well." I LOVE that advice!

Me and my ex broke up after 4 years and I found out 8 months later he was ENGAGED! I could tell you how many times I was tempted to facebook her and tell her all about the crappy things he did to me and to even ask how long they had been dating if in fact he was cheating on me but I told myself It wouldn't make me happy. I am so much happier without him and I have all the revenge I need from losing 83lbs! :)

What is that saying? "The best revenge is living well." I LOVE that advice!

:bravo:

I just can't picture how you would come out looking good accept to live well.

I think enmeshing more will only get you .... well, more enmeshed. What if you make him really angry? What if the new GF is unbalanced?

I say just block and become a black hole to him.

Don't do it, it will backfire and make you look like a jerk, when he is the jerk. Get him out of your life . He is nothing but trouble for you and the new girlfriend will find out soon enough what a total jerk he is.

I would just ignore him.Don't tell the other girl. She will pick up on his character soon enough. Revenge is something they may sound good at the time, but is never as sweet as you thought it would be.

While it is definitely tempting to send the other girl a message, I would resist. In the end, it's up to her to make the decision and some people need to see it for themselves to act on it.
As for you, dump this guy for good. Just stop replying to his emails, as a matter of fact, don't even open them to read them. It doesn't matter what he says to you - You're better than that and you deserve better than that. I think that how strong you choose to be about this situation says something about yourself. If you decide to stop all contact you'll prove to yourself once and for all that that chapter of your life is over and you're completely ready to start a new one. Best of luck and remember that you're worth it. ;)

Tell him you'll forward everything to her if he doesn't write you a check for all of the money he owes you.

Tell him you'll forward everything to her if he doesn't write you a check for all of the money he owes you.

Haha, I like it.

While I see where a lot of the girls are coming from.... I actually WOULD forward the correspondences to the other girl, explain that its no skin off my back but the guy is a dog and did QUITE enough ruining your life... so you figured you'd pass it on and then cut ties. And explain you're cutting ties... just trying to do the right thing. And then do so. Consider it your good deed for the year. Its not revenge if you're TRULY doing it to help another person out. *shrug* (here is where you delve deep into yourself and figure out if that's the reason why you'd do it!)

Rather than actually telling on him, I'd just tell *him* that I was going to - make him sweat. :)

o i totally agree... you deserve so much better dont fall for his lies....

I agree with Vern Dern except I would consider telling the new girl. I'd be very frank, and honest, and kind - and say "look, I have no interest in him, but this is what he did to me, and information is power - and however the two of you end up, I hope it's what makes you happy in the end - have a great life" or something else along those lines. Then I'd follow through - and not contact him again or accept his attempts at talking.

I agree. I would personally tell her, but not in the spirit of revenge. I've been cheated on and I wish the girl would have told me. As it was I felt I wasted my time with him because I was clueless. If he's being mean to her, she may kind of know this is going on already. You telling her in an honest and kind way may be the kick in the pants she needs to demand better for herself. If she has no clue maybe she'll listen and save herself some heartache. Worst case she doesn't listen but you've planted the bug and when he starts pulling shady stuff, she will remember and give it some attention. after you do that, I'd tell him firmly and without emotion that your life doesn't include him now and cut him off. Listening to him further just empowers him to fill your life with negativity.

I feel really strongly about this kind of thing. I was naive when I was with my ex-husband and I so wish even one of the few girls he fooled around with would have spoken up. They didn't and we had a baby together. I found out a few weeks later about the girls and the relationship wasn't salvageable. His character shows in the way he's treated his son; he hasn't seen him in many years. So on the upside I now have a beautiful, wonderful son who I wouldn't trade for anything and a new husband who is amazing. But, my son has to deal with the pain of his biological father's rejection and I often feel really guilty that I didn't pick up on things sooner. So I feel really bad for women like you who have been cheated on, and this woman who, if he hasn't cheated on her physically, he is emotionally. Sorry you're dealing with this. :hug:

wow, I guess this is what happens whenI go MIA for a few days.

thanks for all the advice. :hug::hug: i'm still not sure what i'm going to do about telling her, but I do know one thing that he is out of my life for good. I have decided that much!!

My vote is to block him. Send up a little prayer for the new girl and then try to never think of such a toxic person again.
Revenge never feels as good as you think it will.

I'm a 40-something, crashing the young ladies' thread. ;) I just wanted to say that revenge, for me, really is never as "sweet" as they say it is. It ultimately ends up making me feel bad about myself, about what kind of person I am. The reasons that other posters gave you for staying above the fray are all really good reasons--the drama, the continuation of being entangled with this toxic person, the protection of your image. But my top reason for resisting being vengeful is that when I've done it in the past, it has made me feel terrible about myself. Participating in revenge doesn't make us smarter, better people; instead, it makes us small and bitter and mean.

So for all those reasons, I would just resist the urge to notify her of his actions. Chances are, she already knows just as you knew but kept forgiving him. Oh, may not know the particulars, but she will soon anyway, because of who and what he is. I vote for just cutting him off. Stop chit-chatting, block him from email, don't take his calls. No drama, no explanations or justifications--just a communication black-out. This guy is not your friend and he would probably like nothing better than to drag you back into the drama.
Another old lady crashing the thread :) - this is what I say, too. The opposite of love isn't hate - it's indifference. As that wise old sage, Will Smith, said, hate in your heart will consume you, too.