General chatter - Helicopter Parents
11-07-2009, 12:53 PM
Angie brought home an article yesterday talking about helicopter parents...those parents that hover over their kids, taking care of everything they do...buying them everything under the sun.
Seems there is a wave of kids going through the higher education system that rely on their parents to solve their problems. They are not accountable of anything anymore. Kids getting their parents on their cell phone to talk to their college profs about their tests...having their parents contact their bosses!
Each year Angie finds more and more kids, 6-8th gardes, flat refusing to do any homework at all. When she asked one of the kids this week why he refused to turn anything in he said "Why?...my parents don't make me."
Time and time again she gets parents on calls or meetings that want her to give their child some extra credit work...so they don't fail her class...
WHAT!!??? Extra credit...when the child refuses to turn in any homework at all...does nothing in class...fails the tests...and the parents want EXTRA CREDIT!!!!???
How about some responsibility here folks...
The ARMY came out this week and said the 75% of our young Americans do not qualify...DO NOT QUALIFY!! because of physical ability...overweight...and academics...
bet they would qualify if video games were involved!
Is it time to wake up?...or is it too late?
Helicopter Parents...never heard that term before...but I sure have seen it.
11-07-2009, 01:12 PM
We moved to a new town, and due to an unfortunate situation with the school district, we opted to put our daughter in a private school for one year (the issue was not an issue the following year due to the grade she would be in).
I'm a classically trained musician (as in, studied at a fine college, could have been a pro opera singer if I hadn't chosen to be a mom, get called to sing all the time, etc.), and my daughter has inherited my skill...but we're humble about our innate musical skill...because it's God-given. In fact, a lot of people in our new town don't know!
At the end of the year at the private school, the children gave a show for the parents (it was a K-6 Catholic school). I was shocked when many of the children came out at the end with WAGONS filled with trophies. My poor daughter had on her girl scout vest...and these other kids had wagons...I was shocked. Here's my child who (outside of all of these other children) in Jr. High has been picked out by the music teacher has having exceptional musical talent (which, by the way, I haven't pushed one bit), while some of these kids have been in baby pageants, etc...
I ran into this mentality as a manager...when I had kids who were straight out of college who came to work for me...I gave them a task to do, and they did it, and then they wanted some sort of gold star or trophy or party for their accomplishment. (Meanwhile everyone else was working 2x harder with no acknowledgment)....
11-07-2009, 01:22 PM
I am a college professor and it is against the law for me to talk to a parent about their child's grade unless I have that child's express permission. Not to say parents don't try... It can be hard for them to realize that as far as the college is concerned their son or daughter is an adult and is expected to take responsibility for him or herself. After all, they have just come from high school where that isn't necessarily the case...
We call some of the more aggressive helicopter parents "Blackhawk Parents" .
11-07-2009, 01:32 PM
These parents are doing their kids a HUGE disservice and I don't understand how they don't see that! How in the world will their kids grow up to be responsible, thinking, contributing members of society if they don't have to meet any expectations as they are maturing?
When my kids were in elementary school and Jr. High, I did monitor their homework and made sure that they got it done. Once they got to high school, I would occasionally ask them about it but that was the extent of it. I didn't monitor or review it unless they were specifically asking me for help. I didn't type up their papers (as I have heard of some parents doing) or do their homework for them. If they were struggling, of course I would talk to the teacher but as a peer, asking him/her for advice on how we could help my child to succeed. By the time high school hits, the grade you get is the grade you earned in my opinion.
It's very strange. I'm just really curious as to how these parents expect that their children will ever know how to work and earn things for themselves?
11-07-2009, 01:58 PM
Love the BLACKHAWK PARENTS term HEATHER.
I wasn't clear about the cell phone/college kids...Angie and I were discussing the article she brought home last night and shared another story a teacher shared with her where the girl got her mom on the cell phone while in class...explained she needed to 'fix" her grade for her and handed the phone to the professor...not even sure if the professor talked to the parent.
Shannon in ATL
11-07-2009, 03:14 PM
Gary, it isn't just at school. I've heard the term "helicopter parents" working in HR. I have parents call me all the time about their kids who work for me. They call about off days, they call about the work schedule, they call if te kid gets in trouble. I can almost accept it from the parent of the 15 & 16 year olds. Almost. (I would have been mortified if my parents had called my boss at my first job...) Where I have a problem is the parents of the 20 something callin me. :eek:
I've read about colleges having seperate parent orientations. I've seen big companies do parnt orientation for kids recruited straight out of college. I actually had to write a policy for my managers to tell them what they can an can't discuss with the parent. The parent isn't my employee, the child is.
It doesn't help the children at all, and in the long run will hurt us as a society I'm sure. Creating large groups of adults who can't think for themselves. Scary.
11-07-2009, 05:41 PM
i can't even imagine!!! wow.
i did have one job when i was 18, at a video store working pretty late at night. the store was between two bars- and there was an alley way between the store and one of the bars. my parents were a little freaked out whenever i had to close at night, so they'd come in right before closing and hang out til everyone was out then go sit in the car while i closed out the til and shut stuff down. they were just worried about me- but that's as far as it ever went and frankly i was glad to have them there it was a little scary.
i have noticed a huge amount of college age kids where i work that just have absolutely no personal responsibility at all. and it makes me wonder how they got that way.
11-07-2009, 06:49 PM
LIZZIE....those were responsible and caring parents!
SHANNON...When my kids were in college there was an orientation with and w/o the kids. Parents were told right up the apron strings were cut....just keep that $$$ coming!
11-07-2009, 06:52 PM
My SIL is a helicopter parent. She intervened every time her DD had trouble in school throughout all grades. It was always the teacher's fault. Then she said that her daughter had a learning disability -- one that the tester had never seen before, that had never been identified in the books, and they weren't sure what it was, just that she had to work hard to learn (!). DN got a CHIT giving her time and a half to finish exams and was allowed to do all exams openbook style.
DN filled her grade 11 and grade 12 with soft subjects -- coop working in a hair salon (it was the owner's fault that she couldn't make appointments properly, according to SIL), coop working for an Interior Designer (who gave DN a failing grade because she was INTIMIDATED by the sheer brilliance of DN according to SIL).
DN finished grade 12 on suspension for drinking at a high school dance (her friends made her drink from an unmarked bottle of clear liquid and made her get drunk, according to SIL).
DN went to college, where she promptly flunked out after 1st year. According to DN, the scholastic program was too easy and she didn't concentrate because it was so easy she was bored which is why she failed.
DN now works part time in customer service. She feels that she isn't getting the shifts she deserves. She needs her 8 hours of sleep and her evenings and weekends off and won't be "taken advantage of" by her employer because she is worth more than that kind of treatment. She is looking for a new job. SIL's DH is going to "pull in some favors and get her a great permanent job at the local college working in the HR department". Hasn't happened yet. Something tells me it probably won't, either. But that will be someone else's fault.
Hovering won't do your kids any good in the long run. It catches up with them, sooner or later.
11-07-2009, 06:56 PM
Personally I think it is an entitlement issue. A large percentage of kids these days actually believe that they deserve things just because of who they are, as opposed to working for them. It goes back to childhood, actually, and how they are raised.
It is the responsibility of parents and society to instill and reinforce the values they would like to see perpetuated.
11-07-2009, 10:30 PM
i had a "helipcopter parent" call and yell at me saying he was going to report me to HR for firing his 19 yr old daughter because she was late 6 times (and not just by a few minutes) in a 2 wk period. I told him to go ahead and call hr...we have every right to let your daughter go on grounds of tardiness. If i did something like be late for a job..my daddy would have had my hide and told me I'm a responsible adult..now its time to act like one and show up for work on time...talk about a helicopter parent. Really sir...you daughter needs to learn a job is taken seriously..and you learn from the reprocutions of showing up late!
11-08-2009, 10:30 AM
I've heard this term before (and Blackhawk parents cracks me up!). I read an article about it which described parents "hovering" during high school, college and jobs out of college. But the thing that really got me was that there's a problem with this in the military! One woman called the Base Commander to complain that her child was being treated unfairly!
I used to work for a woman who was a bit of a helicopter parent. When her kid went to college, they would speak on the phone several times a day (all four years), and he would do his papers or homework and email it to her so she could edit it for him (all four years).
The last time I talked to her, he was going to be interviewed for a Masters program in another state and she was going with him to find him an apartment, etc. I'm not sure if she would be considered a full blown helicopter mom, but by the time I was his age I was all grown up, making my own decisions and whether they were right or wrong, at least I was able to learn from them.
11-14-2009, 01:42 PM
*shakes head* at the whole helicopter parenting aspect. How on Earth is your child going to learn right from wrong? Sticking up for ones self? Doing things on their own? I wonder are these children, when they grow up going to ask mommy and daddy if it is okay to procreate? Move to another town? Or heavens oh my, have a disagreement with their spouse and have their helicoptor parent drop in to "fix" it.
I can see a parent being there for ones child, but making all the decisions, reparing all the break downs... No. That just isn't right. Who's to think that they'd get far in life with always having to call on mommy and daddy to fix things, or get them that IT job, or, or, or.... shouldn't you do it, because of all your credentials? I know I do things my way, and if I make a mistake I learn form it. Once I get to the goal, I know I got there, not with help from mommy and daddy, but by my own doing.
still shaking head....