General chatter - Do you reply to personal emails sent to your spouse/SO?

11-06-2009, 09:18 AM
Hi all,

This kind of bothered me and I would not do this myself, but maybe it's a common practice.

I sent an email to my brother ("Hey Bro whazzzup?") about my daughter's upcoming ballet performance, signed "Love, Sis", and got a reply back from his wife, my SIL, that they were busy and couldn't come.

I'm not going to dwell on it, but it did bother me somewhat.
Do other people do that much?

Thanks :dizzy:

11-06-2009, 09:24 AM
Yes, we only have one email account.

The only ones I do not look at are the ones from the church board (DH is an elder) that's a confidentiality thing.

11-06-2009, 09:30 AM
He and she might be on that level where they don't mind writing for each other and trust each other enough to do so. I'd mention it to him (casually of course "I got an email from you the other day and boy did you sound feminine!... then I realized it was [insert name here]! Haha! How funny!"), see how he reacts to what she did, and go from there. ;)

11-06-2009, 09:54 AM
Angie really isn't interested in meds from Canada, erectile dysfunction or penis enlargements so she stays out of mine :D.....seems like that's all I get :(

Nah :) I even get some from my 3FC friends.

Seriously, we have different accounts...she knows my password and as far as I know only goes in there if I tell her I want her to see something. I have never gone into hers, not even sure if know her password to the account....she has several she uses...although I may, I do know ones she uses for accounts.

Very little activity in there from the kids or family now because of texting and facebook for Angie.

We have never answered one meant for the other.

11-06-2009, 10:03 AM
My husband's mother will send both of us emails and she likes hearing back from both of us but we each have different email accounts. I am more likely to send her emails than my husband. He will call her though and talk to her. Her and my father in law share an email account though and she will be the most likely one to email of the 2.

11-06-2009, 10:14 AM
We have 1 account and of course I would read all e-mails from family, but if I could tell it was written to him, I would likely let him respond. The only e-mails I stay out of are when they are from his friends.

She might have read it, said something to him about it and he said, tell her we have plans, so she did. Steve always prefers me to respond, just because I am better at typing.

I wouldn't think anything of it.

Thighs Be Gone
11-06-2009, 10:19 AM
We have different email accounts. BUT--I have learned after 17 years of marriage to let my hubby deal with his family. I am a friendly, supportive and a happy-go-lucky daughter-in-law or what not. So, I let him respond any time an invite is extended.

The only exception to this is my sis-in-law. She and I are actually close and I would consider us intimate friends. I would feel comfortable giving an answer to her.

11-06-2009, 10:19 AM
I do respond to my hubby's mostly since we have 1 account. And he is a transport driver so he dictates responses to me over the phone but its from him not me.

11-06-2009, 11:01 AM
No, I do not read or respond to my husband's emails unless he tells me to, and even then I don't like to. We have separate accounts and just as I would not open mail addressed to him (again, unless he says its okay), I do not open email addressed to him. Its called TRUST. I have no reason to look at his mail and he has no reason to look at mine. I do know his passwords and he knows mine.

And yes, it would irritate the crud out of me to get a response from my SIL when I wanted a response from my brother. It seems just the sort of thing my SIL would do, too.

11-06-2009, 11:50 AM
I don't look at his e-mails, even though we know each others passwords... once or twice we've had the other person look for something in our e-mails if we're away from the computer, so I think for us it's worth knowing the passwords, but I do assume he'll never look at my e-mails otherwise!

I have sent instant messages back for him when he's asked ("hey honey, I think I just got an IM, if it's Dennis let him know we'll be over at 4pm!") or back in the day when we played World of Warcraft, if I was doing something on his account and someone messaged "him," I'd reply to them. But I always explained why he couldn't do it at the time, hoping people wouldn't think it was TOO weird.

I still HATE answering his phone, though, even if he wants me to... that's just too awkward to me... but his sister and her husband seem to answer each other's phones all the time. :dizzy:

11-06-2009, 11:58 AM
My husband and i have our own accounts. We do not know each others passwords. I think email falls into that personal category. But if I wrote my BIL and got a response from his wife, I would assume they had talked it over and she was just the one responding.
If you suspect foul play, maybe the next time you talk to him, just say you are bummed they can't make it to the recital and gauge his reaction.

11-06-2009, 12:59 PM
Angie really isn't interested in meds from Canada, erectile dysfunction or penis enlargements so she stays out of mine :D.....seems like that's all I get :(

If she knows the secret to not getting those emails just because you're female, please share ;)

11-06-2009, 01:08 PM
I wouldn't but my stepmom sometimes answers emails that I send to my dad, which I don't mind. In fact, when I send my dad a mail, I just send it to both of their addresses now and see who I get a reply from.

Personally? Anyone besides my dad and stepmom I would be annoyed. But I guess it really depends. If my SIL answered an email I sent my brother that would bother me, simply because I don't really have much of a relationship with her (and with him it's rocky). I think only if I addressed it to the both of them would it not bother me that she would answer instead of him.

I'm not saying it's wrong and I hope it doesn't sound offensive (because I don't mean it that way) but I find it strange that couples still only have one email account!! that's just me though! obviously it works for various reasons for people :)

11-06-2009, 01:23 PM
It seems like the irritation at getting the response from the in-law should be at the sibling/parent/friend, not the in-law, no? I mean, I think in the cases described it's the sibling/parent/friend who has either chosen a joint account or shared their password, and they probably like their spouse taking care of some of their business for them. It doesn't sound like these spouses are doing anything on the sly.

11-06-2009, 02:39 PM
As long as he's fine with it, I don't see a problem. Hubby and I have separate accounts, but we do have each other's password (even though we both tend to forget it, and have to ask the other for it any time we use it - so it's not like it's we're ever being secretive) , and have on occasion responded for the other person. In our case, it's because we're both on disability with pain/joint and other health problems. If one of us is having a bad day, we may ask the other to read our emails to see if there's anything important in there - and if necessary respond.

Also, hubby is a terrible speller (atrocious actually - he has a good vocabulary - he just can't spell the big words he uses (or some small ones). He'll sometimes ask me to write some of his emails for him (but I generally sign both of our names unless he asks me to sign only his name. I have him check it over first, to see if it gets across what he wanted to say).

If you believe he is being kept out of the loop, I might make a few subtle inquiries or comments to confirm that she acted with his consent and approval - maybe calling and talking to your brother and saying "I got the email from (insert wife's name her) and just wanted to say that if your plans change we'd love to see you.

I suspect though that it's completely innocent.

11-06-2009, 02:42 PM
I have my bfs passwords and I wouldn't reply to any emails from his family members and he wouldn't to mine either. But if your brother is okay with his wife doing so, it shouldn't be much of an issue, I wouldn't think anyway.

11-06-2009, 03:02 PM
separate accounts, we don't know each others passwords. but sometimes it keeps us logged in and we accidentally reply to the other persons email. yesterday hubby replied to an email his mom sent me, not realizing- and now she's confused even though i explained to her it was him not me. ugh.

to me email is private. what if you can emailed him to tell him something your mom said about his wife or something? i mean, stuff like that does happen. i never thought to be careful that what i was sending would be read by someone else i guess.

11-06-2009, 04:05 PM
We have separate accounts but the same password. I don't care if DH responds to an email that I get that is time sensitive and I'm not around (as in, do both of you want to come over for dinner on the 10th?) OR if it is from mutual friends. We identfiy ourselves, tho, and say something like "Kimmy forwarded this to me, and we won't be able to make dinner on the 10th".
I don't care if DH opens my mail and this extends to email, and vice versa. IF I am expecting say a receipt from an online purchase for a birthday gift, I'll ask him not to check my emails for a few days.
Personally, it make no difference to me. I can't tell you how many programs I've seen where one partner has "secret emails" from affairs or others. I have only one account and DH has access to it. The same goes for DH, and I have to trust that this is true. And we tend not to pass family issues on to others via email simply because it is possible for emails to be misdirected or shared in ways we never originally intended.

11-06-2009, 11:44 PM
I must be a major exception.We both have multiple email accounts, cell phones, pagers and such. I have no idea what his passwords are and he does not know mine.In fact we have security settings set on all devices.To me this is all very personal.He is a CFO of a large company and I have patient information on all of my devices.I take confidentality very seriously so maybe we are an exception for this reason.I would actually be very upset if my SIL responded to an email I sent my brother.But that is just me.:)