100 lb. Club - the "how much more do you want to lose" question

I can't believe people are asking me this already.

How much more do you want to lose?

I hate to say 65 lbs, even more than I've already lost, because I get the whole NO WAY reaction...

Plus, it's sort of embarrassing to admit that I started out with over 100 pounds to lose.

I mean, I'm still in an 18W and have a BMI of 36!!!

It always makes me wonder what is going through people's minds.

It doesn't surprise me when random people say it, but when people I know well, like my mom, say it, I find it odd.

My mother tonight INSISTED that If I lost 20 more pounds I'd wear no bigger than a fourteen and I'm thinking that last time I wore a fourteen I weighed 175, which is still 65 pounds away.

Maybe I've just been big for so long that no one can imagine me actually thin.

I think that people really have no idea what 65 pounds or 20 pounds look like. So when you say you want/need to lose another 65 pounds, they are probably imagining you being skin and bones. They may truly think that you will answer "20 more" because it's hard for people to tell and they probably think that's what you've got to lose. Does that make sense?

However, I know what you mean about not wanting to say because I'm embarrassed to admit that I want to lose a total of 65-80 pounds. For that reason, I don't really tell most people how much I have lost (or want to lose), because I don't like to deal with the shocked "No way!" comments.

I don't answer questions like that and never have really. That's what the 3FC is for! :) When people ask questions about things that make me uncomfortable I usually go into the importance of whole foods--that will bore anyone to tears and chase them off like the plague. If it doesn't--I just say, "I eat and move like I should and I will let my body decide."

I'd probably treat it like they were joking around with me (which we both know they aren't) and say something like, "I'll let you know when I get there!" Conversation continues in another direction; no one gets hurt.

The people asking that have no concept of space/weight/size/what a size looks like (or of manners).

I just say "I haven't decided, I guess I'll know when I'm done" and leave it at that - it isn't rude, but it doesn't invite the person further down that line of questioning.

yah I get ya. When people ask how much I've lost and I tell them 158 pounds... and then they ask how much more I want to lose... and I tell them 65ish... and then they ask what my goal weight is... like HELLO LOSER. I know you are trying to do the math! lol!!! So I just say "a bit more... I'll know when I get there!"

They don't think of you as someone who is smaller or of normal weight. Their mental picture of you is how you were. My husband, years ago, during my one and only experience of losing a lot of weight (130lb) when we were in public used to pull people aside and point at me and ask them if they thought I really needed to lose any more weight (when I was about 155lbs).

I've taken to giving replies along the lines of, "I'll know when I get there," or "I don't know. I'm more interested in getting to a dress size where I'll be comfortable." I am also deliberately vague about how much I've lost. Maybe I'm just uptight and have an overly developed appreciation for privacy, but it does shock me when people baldly ask exactly how much I've lost.

I think that people really have no idea what 65 pounds or 20 pounds look like. So when you say you want/need to lose another 65 pounds, they are probably imagining you being skin and bones. They may truly think that you will answer "20 more" because it's hard for people to tell and they probably think that's what you've got to lose. Does that make sense?

However, I know what you mean about not wanting to say because I'm embarrassed to admit that I want to lose a total of 65-80 pounds. For that reason, I don't really tell most people how much I have lost (or want to lose), because I don't like to deal with the shocked "No way!" comments.

I TOTALLY AGREE..
My doctor told me i should be around 145-125, Hey even i thought he was nutz but now that ive lost 50lbs i want to reach 125 as my own personal goal and a friend of mine thought i was nuts. i think it is possible but she has only known me as an overweight person and i think its hard for her and even sometimes myself to picture me at 125pounds...but i say prove them wrong show them that you can plus after losing a good chuck of weight i believe i will be 125.

I've started responding with "the only pound I'm worried about losing is the next one" - quiets the rest of the questions.

That's a great response, gggirls, to a very obnoxious question. This one and the "don't lose too much!" comments drive me CRAZY! Just tell me I look fabulous and leave it at that!

LOL!! :rofl: Ditto natamars!

I've lost 40ish lbs since May, and just NOW people are starting to make comments all the time.... and not just all the time, but ALL THE TIME. Like I can't go a day without people at work (regular customers and even fellow employees) constantly yappin' me up about my weight loss. For the most part, its gratifying (I'm a Leo, what can I say? I like to be adored ;) ) ... but sometimes it gets annoying when people start asking that question or telling me not to lose too much. I'm like What? It took me to lose 45lbs for you even notice I was losing weight! Like another 45 will matter? :lol:

One guy even told me yesterday it looks like I've gotten a boob reduction.

Um, thanks?

People have asked me too. I don't think that they are saying that I have lost enough but are just curious. That devil on my shoulder thinks that they might be trying to figure out what I weighed when I started. If anyone asks me how much weight I have lost, my answer is, "A lot!". If they ask how much more I want to lose I say, "I don't know. I am taking it 5 pounds at a time."

That's a great response, gggirls, to a very obnoxious question. This one and the "don't lose too much!" comments drive me CRAZY! Just tell me I look fabulous and leave it at that!

Amen, sister. My best friend (who also struggles with her weight) told me again yesterday that I am getting too thin. Hello, I still weigh over 190 pounds!??? I suspect it might be because all my work pants are getting baggy; I still can't fit comfortably into a 12 so my 14's are really kind of hanging off me. But I am still 30 pounds heavier than when I was before babies (and I was 24 when I had my first baby, so I should be able to get close to that weight again).

It's frustrating. I don't dare tell my friend that I'd like to lose another 20 or so pounds because I'm sure that will make her think I'll be emaciated. So I've started telling most people that I'm done losing.

Honestly, I don't see how this question is too much different than asking how much you weigh. I think it's so terribly rude, although people just don't realise it! AH! So frustrating. Everyone has an opinion about everything, if it weren't weight loss, it would be something else.

I agree with the option of saying you're not sure, or you'll know when you get there. Personally, if someone asks me that question, or anything like it, I'm going to try to say "I'd rather not say". And if they push "I just think it's a very personal thing, and I'd rather not talk about publicly"

It has always surprised me when people have an opinion on someone else's weight - unless you're the doctor, or possibly a spouse, why get involved? My father-in-law asked me once "doesn't she look like she's lost TOO much weight?" How weird! The lady he was referring to is the one who referred me to 3FC, by the way!

The people in my life who ask these questions out of love get straight answers - my hubby, my dad, my sis-in-law, one of my bros, my best friends. If any of them say things like that's too much weight to lose or I'll be too skinny then I will explain to them where I got my goal weight and I remind them that I am being doctor supervised. I know that these people are asking only out of love and concern and they aren't doctors so they don't understand that my goal weight really would be healthy. They just hear 115 and think that's really small. With my hubby I had to actually show him bmi charts and measure my wrist and elbow in front of him to show him I AM small boned. My doctor and my diabetes specialist also get straight answers of course, but at least with them I never need to explain. Everyone else gets some vague answer or gets told that I don't wish to discuss it. If they persist then I explain in no uncertain terms that it is none of their business and they are very rude. If the still continue then I start asking them rude, personal questions to make my point.

Oh, this question. Like it's any of their business! I have reached the point where I preface my answer with 'my doctor would like me to lose', and then I say '40 more pounds', and even though it's MEDICALLY SUPERVISED they accuse me of being anorexic.

Which...hello, I may have lost a lot of weight, but I do NOT look even remotely anorexic. I'm 5 feet tall and I wear a size 10. I have plenty more to lose!

In short: I feel your pain. :) People can be kind of ridiculous. (And nosy.)

People really don't want to see others in their life making major changes, even if they're positive ones. Changes can be scary, even threatening. Whether we want to admit it or not, one of the ways people define each other is by their weight.

And speaking on the same lines, I've always hated being the "fat one." I've always hated that people would make certain assumptions about me based solely on my weight, even people that are close to me. So I also hate the idea of my friends being threatened by my weight loss. It really doesn't change who I am on the inside; it's more that it allows me to be who I am on the inside, if that makes sense. Why wouldn't they want to see me get happier and healthier?

Heh, I'm rambling . . .

Personally, I don't care if people ask how much weight I've lost or plan on losing, I'll tell them straight up. And if they worry I'm losing "too much," eh . . . whatever. I'm doing this for me. No one else.

If it is someone other than people I have shared all of this with, I've just used the same answer:
How much have you lost? A lot.
How much do you want to lose? A lot.

But a lot of you have given me much better answers. Thanks!

Wow, it never occurred to me that such a question might be rude, but maybe that is because I am a very high disclosure person and if I can inspire someone with details I'll do it! It also helps that the people who ask are those who I know are nothing but excited for me and care about me, so they aren't trying to corner or insult me.

It's amazing how differently two people can take the same comment!

It's amazing how differently two people can take the same comment!

The rude comments are often accompanied by a look of incredulity and raised eyebrows.

Exactly bcort. I am not bothered by people who are asking for the right reasons.

I do answer vaguely to strangers, but if they then continue the discussion in a manner which is seeking advice on how to do it themselves or maybe how to help a friend or something then I have no problem whatsoever explaining to them how I have lost my "a lot" or how I plan on losing "bunches" more. I don't wish to discuss my exact numbers with everyone, but I will give them info that might be helpful.

The rude comments are often accompanied by a look of incredulity and raised eyebrows.

Yep, it's the comments in combination with the "look" that makes it rude. People here don't tend to ask outright how much I've lost so I think I'm luckier than some, but the comments about how "thin" I am (when I'm still obviously much heavier than the person making the comments) are upsetting. It's as if I have no right to upset the status quo by getting slim!

It's amazing how differently two people can take the same comment!

The question only bothers me when it's accompanied by accusations of an eating disorder and/or insinuations that I don't know what I'm doing. Often it's not coming from a bad place, but it's still annoying.

Yes, I can't say I've ever gotten it like that - maybe in the future? I just tend to let unpleasantness roll off my back, and I am darn proud of the exact amount I've lost and where I started. But as I said, I'm a high disclosure person :)

Mmmm, I guess because I am approaching wt loss from a health perspective that's how I answer questions.

I have a friend who was asking me how I was doing and I started giving her the results of my last blood workup. She listened and then said, 'Well, I meant how much wt have you lost.' I just gave her a confused look and said, 'Oh, I guess a couple of more pounds.' I could tell she got it and she dropped it.

People are so obsessed about the wt, whereas for me to be successful I have to look at my health issues. The wt. loss is just a side effect of doing what I need to do to be in better health.

Focus on the health issues and the success you are having in that area. I am loving the responses others are giving but this is working for me.

ANewCreation - I tell people about my lab results too. I think the problem there is that frequently unless they are a medical professional or someone effected by that particular health concern people don't understand the lab tests. People understand weight. If I tell an average person I have lost 54 pounds they know that must be a good thing. If I tell them I have dropped my A1C from 8% to 5.9% they look at me like I just spoke some Martian language to them. The people close to me know what I mean when I give them my lab results because they love me enough to have taken the time to learn what things like A1C mean, but most people just don't get it. I tell them anyway though, lol.

I feel so fortunate that I don't really have people in my life who ask rude questions about my weight loss. The people who really dig for info are the ones who are overweight themselves, and want help, which I am more-than-happy to give. I guess the main annoyance I have is, folks asking me, how'd you do it? So I tell them about my low-carb lifestyle, then they either bash it as unsafe ("I heard Dr. Atkins starved to death on it!") or moan to me how they just can't give up _____ (insert crappy food item(s) here). I tell them, it's a trade off, you have to be willing to do SOMETHING in exchange for weight loss, be it counting carbs/calories/whatever, exercising, etc. The p*ssing and moaning annoys me a lot more than nosey pointed questions about my starting weight, total weight loss, etc.

ANewCreation - I tell people about my lab results too. I think the problem there is that frequently unless they are a medical professional or someone effected by that particular health concern people don't understand the lab tests. People understand weight. If I tell an average person I have lost 54 pounds they know that must be a good thing. If I tell them I have dropped my A1C from 8% to 5.9% they look at me like I just spoke some Martian language to them. The people close to me know what I mean when I give them my lab results because they love me enough to have taken the time to learn what things like A1C mean, but most people just don't get it. I tell them anyway though, lol.

That's my exactly my point. Like you, I usually get the same response and that's what I want. Either they love/care for me enough to want to hear my health is improving or they are just acting out on their own wt obessions and this cuts them off. Yes, let's tell them anyway! :carrot:

I haven't thought about what I would say in this kind of situation... technically I have a whole person I need to lose. I'd imagine it would be kind of hard for people to imagine that I need to remove as much as they weigh off my body.

My aim is "More than Giselle, less than Oprah" lol

Well, I realize how I've shot myself in the foot because I've been keeping everybody posted about EXACTLY how many pounds I've lost... so I can't really blame people for asking...

But, I do think from now on I'll just say one of the clever ripostes that you guys suggested.

I think I was really anxious in the beginning to announce how much I had lost because I really wanted people to believe I was committed.

OMG, your post made me laugh. I lost about 65 pounds when I first graduated high school, and after 20 my aunt (who has issues and is a whole other "What's wrong with Sushi Post) would start pestering me "Well don't get too thin", and then the more I lost the more she annoyed me.
I think people are not really trying to be rude when they ask things like that. They see it as an accomplishment and I guess want to give you a chance to brag, not realizing they would never ask your weight BEFORE you started loosing. I agree with some of the other responses above to just shut them down politely and if they press just look at them and ask if they would like advice on how to loose weight. Just so they know they aren't exactly perfect.

I agree with some of the other responses above to just shut them down politely and if they press just look at them and ask if they would like advice on how to lose weight. Just so they know they aren't exactly perfect.

:rofl: Excellent.

No-one's asked me this time round but I guess that's mostly because no-one in my new job/home knows me very well.

Last time people did ask but i can't think of anyone from whom the question led to a helpful conversation. Mostly it was either the blank looks because no, most people have no idea what Xlbs looks like (as an aside I'm on an online dating site - no luck so far - and I'm fascinated by the guys who describe themselves as 'slightly overweight' and then list their weight as 150lbs at height 6'. I don't think they're lying, I think they just don't know!).

The other response was always 'Don't lose too much. Don't go too low.' which I always found irritating, as it felt like sayin I couldn't look after my own body properly - and I Know that from some it was because I'd be lighter/thinner than them, and the relationship would change once I was no longer The Fat One.

I lost 75 lbs since February. People ask me how much I've lost and I tell them straight up. This is always followed by "You need to gain some back", or "Are you Anorexic?" What is amazing is that these same people were full of compliments 20 lbs ago and now the compliments have turned negative. My current BMI is 20.7 which is not underweight for my height and age. I've been to my doctor and she thinks I am at a good weight right now.
I really think jealousy plays a role in what others say. They are ok with you when you lose a bit but when you reach your goal and actually look good, then the tables turn on you. Its upsetting but I can live with this. Eventually people will only know me as I am not as I was.

When people make those comments to me, I know it's because of my body type. I've always looked like I weighed 30 pounds less than I really do. You know those guys at the fair who guess your weight and if they don't guess within three pounds you win a prize? I ALWAYS won at those things! I had one guy make me lift up my pant legs to see if I was wearing ankle weights! And recently, I was talking to an old flame about how I wanted to get back to about 150 lbs. like I was when we met 23 years ago. He was completely flabbergasted! "You weighed 150 back then? Holy cow! But you were so TINY! I would have guessed you for 125 at the MOST!"

At the beginning of this weight loss journey, I was talking to a girlfriend about how I'd like to lose about 120 lbs and she looked really concerned and said, "You know, I think if you get below 130, you'll be too skinny." She was floored to find out that I started out at 270! :lol:

Ive replied to such questions (how much have you lost? how much do you still want to lose? how much do you weigh?) amounts which are ridiculously high/low (60lb/60lb/100lb) if they really get up my nose! Reactions are always priceless! :-)

This is a wonderful answer!

That sounds fun Stella. I think I'll tell some of the nosier/ruder ones I want to lose 100 more pounds and see what happens.