100 lb. Club - Feeling like an addict

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10-31-2009, 08:33 AM
For anyone who has been addicted to anything else you know what I'm talking about. I quit smoking a couple of years ago and it feels the same. Maybe worse. The irritability creeps in and you think you can ignore it, that itchy twitchy feeling that you need something. So you grab a handfull of almonds. Ya that'll do. Untill it doesn't do at all. So ya grab one of the cupcakes you made for the kids for halloween. They are just the tiny ones. Maybe 100cals. And BAM! you feel better instantly. Of course that is followed by guilt and it's such a slippery slope that before you know it you have had take out for supper and like 3 more little cupcakes.

Every morning I start out perfect. Oatmeal, exercise, healthy snack. It always goes wrong. Somewhere. That feeling. And you think I'll just have this one and then it'll be my last. Tomorrow is always a start over day.

I think i read somewhere that high starch, high carb, high fat foods increase your level of serotonin in like 6 seconds. And on top of that it messes up yor brain chemicals to make you need that serotonin even more. No wonder I feel like this.

I need to detox myself and get my brain juices (technical scientific term) back to normal. I need to find something else to turn to to make me feel better. I mean exercise is good, and I run/walk almost every day, but it doesn't last the whole day and I can't just drop everything and go for a run I have 4 kids. I need a hobby.

Sry bout the vent. Needed to get it out there.

10-31-2009, 09:02 AM
I too consider myself an addict. That's why moderation and taking just one bite doesn't work for me. Know it. Accept it. Make peace with it. Taking that one bite leads to disaster. You DO have to detox from the stuff. And you do that by completing avoiding the stuff. Period. No ifs ands or buts. You don't have to give into those cravings. They do pass. They always will. Nothing awful will happen to you if you don't have what you want. You're an adult it's okay to tell yourself no. You need to make mature, responsible, sensible decisions. Work past that initial discomfort. Reach. Stretch. PUSH YOURSELF. It gets sooo much easier. Remember, you're detoxing. The longer you do without it, the less and less you want it. Give yourself this gift.

But again, you've got to push through that initial temporary discomfort. Go beyond what you've already mastered. Don't give into it. Read a book, write, journal, have a hot cup of tea, a cold glass of water, clean the toilets, run in circles, whatever the heck you have to do. DON'T MAKE IT AN OPTION TO EAT THE STUFF. It's off limits to you. Make a vow, a pact, a promise, a commitment - a something. And execute the heck out of it. Make a plan, map out your food and activity schedule IN ADVANCE and stick to it like glue. If you want what you do not have, you must do what you have not done.

Push yourself. Elevate yourself to a new level. Learn. Grow. Prosper. Be all that you can be. It's time.

You can do this. You can SO do this. I'm certain of it.

10-31-2009, 09:30 AM
I also consider myself an addict. That being said, I think that you can break the addiction through behavior modification that changes both to your psychology and biology in regards to food. I've managed to do this at this point through very gradual behavioral and food changes. I can eat small amounts of chocolate, cake, cookies, chips, etc. without losing control. I don't even have the desire to eat a lot of any of these things when I have a few bites, and I eat a little of such things everyday now (about 100 calories worth).

I attribute this mainly to weaning myself slowly off of large portions and changing my thinking about how I regard food in terms of enjoying it. A lot of eating is compulsive and an effort to seek the feeling of being full. Putting away a bag of cookies doesn't mean you're enjoying each cookie. It means you're seeking to fill the gnawing emptiness through something you associate with pleasure more than actually getting the pleasure since the first bite or two is the best. After that, you're hitting serious diminishing returns. Of course, this only works once you break the biochemical responses to large amounts of food (in my case through graduated portion reduction).

I liken what I've done as a form of "methadone treatment" for a food addict. Just as heroin addicts can gradually break the hold the drug has on them with methadone, I seem to have broken the hold food has had on me. I might be fooling myself, but right now, I don't have any problems losing control, engaging in emotional eating, or craving junk (at least not now - though I have had those issues for decades - literally most of my life). It helps that I eat whatever I want if I want it, but I eat small portions and often delay gratification if I've eaten as many calories as I think I should. If I want something and don't have the calories, I'll say I can have it tomorrow, and if I still want it, I have it (so, this isn't a way of tricking myself or lying to myself to put off eating a "bad" food). Often, the craving has passed by then though.

This didn't come easy, and it didn't come fast, but it does feel pretty permanent. That being said, I think I'm at the fulcrum of a food balancing act. If I binged, I could easily tip the scales back to being out of control. I just can't say what would happen if I overdid it at this point.

I completely relate to everything you say though. Every feeling you describe is absolutely familiar to me, and I'm very scared that those feelings could come back if I lose control again.

10-31-2009, 11:51 AM
Another addict here. That is the worst feeling... being stuck in that cycle and unable to break out of it. For me the key was to white knuckle it for a few days until it got easier. At first my brain was SCREAMING for sugar and fat, and I just kept telling myself NO. Now I am okay, over a month with no soda, junk food, etc. I know if I baked cupcakes "for the kids" and had ONE, I would be back in that cycle so I have to be super careful. My kids get enough sugar just from trick or treating and they are not the least bit deprived now that I no longer bake Halloween cakes and cookies for them. I even have a deal with my youngest that she is going to give me most of her candy in exchange for "tickets" towards buying a toy she wants (she'll do a few chores for the rest). And I wont be eating ANY of her candy either...

10-31-2009, 12:23 PM
Another addict here.
But I'm going into this with moderation in mind. I want my kids to know that everything is okay in moderation so I need to be able to practice it myself. I'm just trying to make myself knowledgable about calories in different foods and teaching myself when things are worth it and when they really aren't.
I'm trying to eat like a thin person basically LOL. All the thin people I know eat candy and cakes and cookies...they just don't eat ALL the candy and cakes and cookies.
I might lose slower this way, but I'm okay with that.

10-31-2009, 01:40 PM
Another addict here. Starting secret binges in my teens and I'm 48 now, so YES I thought it was a habit that could NEVER be broken.

And for some reason, when I read the book Overcoming Overeating by David Kessler, it really made sense to me. I always thought I was addicted because I had dieted too much in childhood, or had psychological issues, or whatever, but reading that book, I realized that the reasons I had gotten started really didn't matter.

I had programmed myself to get that little hit of pleasure. Once I recognized it for what it was, then I started to be able to deal with it better.

I can tell you something that I've been learning over the last 4-5 months.

I am actually teaching myself not to expect ANY reward. Not exercise, not reading a book, not buying myself something. Nothing. I mean, long term, yes, I get myself rewards, but in the moment that I have that feeling of "wanting something" I give myself nothing.

I used Robin's strategy to put the stuff STRICTLY OFF LIMITS. That's an easy rule to follow that doesn't involve a lot of decision making.

Then, I do a lot of self-talk. I tell myself "No, I don't eat that stuff."

But the third thing, the most crucial thing, is that I'm learning to ride out that desire for pleasure.

In every other time I've tried to diet, I've tried to find a way to placate the desire, by eating a sugar free jello, or a little bite of something. I've still obeyed the basic impulse, but just used a substitute. And that NEVER worked for me, and I have thirty years of diets that never lasted more than a week to show for it.

So, now, I just recognize the impulse and wait it out.

And honestly, I don't even get the impulse every day now.... I barely think about food. Sometimes, I actually FORGET TO EAT.

Weird. But true.

I don't know if this will help, or even make sense, but I can tell you that whatever strategy works for you, you REALLY CAN GET PAST THIS. If an unlikely candidate like me can get past it, then you can too. :hug::hug::hug:

10-31-2009, 06:57 PM
I hear you. I get frustrated with myself too, that I still use food to deal with non food stuff, like stress.

yes, there's that rush from eating the junk food, chocolate, ice cream. And I think you're right, those fats, salts, sugars, etc., make me want to eat more of it. Food science at its most insidious.

I can't help feeling like some of it is just plain old habit. It can be so knee jerk to reach for chocolate when I feel upset. Maybe part of it really is just getting a good hobby, ha. Lots of stuff I do does help, knitting, crossword puzzles, the gym, walks, other interests. I think I need to push myself a little bit harder.

Truth is, with that falling into the non helpful for the cause food choices, once I get through one day, the next day feels easier. Robin has talked about that, giving herself a set number of days of having to stick to it (3 days?).

sometimes I wish I could go to a Biggest Loser camp an just concentrate on the weight loss without having to deal with all the other distractions life throws at me.

10-31-2009, 08:14 PM
I hear ya. I have made it a priority to up my protein and decrease my carbs. When I eat chips or sweets i want more and more and binge. Now my only carbs are fruit, wraps, my fiber bars and cereal. I cant eat just one, for now I just have to not eat it at all.
I consider my cereal a treat its sweet but has protein and fiber in it. I fight the cravings every day. One day at a time, its taking more mental toughness than I ever thought but this today I have it, and thats all I can expect.

Keep it going, youve done so well girl!

11-01-2009, 12:53 AM
Yup. Food addict here too. It may not be recognized as an addiction by the medical community, but food can be a very strong addictive force in my personal experience.

11-01-2009, 02:15 AM
I too struggle with this, what I can tell you is, just do it, cold turkey, no matter what, do not let it pass your lips. What you will find is that first couple of days, you will need to be extra strong, but after that those cravings will get less and less. You did mention you gave up smoking, that is wonderful, try to draw on that strength, you do have it in you!! rockinrobin said it, so beautifully!!

this is what I know, works for me, I make my food journal out every morning after I eat breakfast, listing everything that I plan to have, for the rest of my daily meals and snacks, ...I'm sticking to those choices, since the less time I spend in the kitchen the better. If it's not in my journal, can't have it. For me I'm holding myself accountable.

11-01-2009, 07:32 AM
OH yes, addiction, food is one, smoking for me is another. I lost 100 lbs with curves and WW..it took me exactly one year to accomplish this goal. I got sick after being at goal for 6 months that put me in the hospital for 3 months and still am recovering..had strep A, sepsis, all kinds of bad germs..(thank you Bahamas)..that put me back over 100 and then the inability to exercise due to weakness put me at a bigger number than when I started..however, bygones..
What I did was I treated it like I was getting my master's degree (which also took one year), and then to maintain, would be like working after the degree..
I didn't complain, just did what I needed to do, counted my points, went to curves 3x/week...and voila...did feel like I was in recovery and it was the best feeling..Yes, I'm an addict, but I felt like the WW meetings were my AA..
my motto still is "ONE DAY AT A TIME"

We can do this ladies (and gents):carrot:
Love this site and am grateful for it for wonderful people that don't make me feel so isolated..


11-01-2009, 09:09 AM
You bring up a very important point. Food can be physically addictive. I have been reading more and more about how sugar and salt effect brain chemistry. I spoke to a biologist about this recently and was told the best things I could do for my health (weight included) was to eliminate all salt, sugar, animal fat, and alcohol from my diet. That's it. According to the biologist, humans were not meant to eat this stuff. Look at it this way-- people crave certain flavors, right? That is because these things (salt, sugar, fat, alcohol) are actually rare in nature. Our taste buds actually seek out these tastes. Yes, we need them, but in much smaller quantities than we get them.

Ive also discovered myself that if you do not add salt, sugar, fats and so on, you do not overeat-- why? Because most food is rather boring without those chemicals. In other words, you only binge on delicious food. If you force yourself to eat a bowl of bland beans, you don't want to keep eating. Food is not supposed to be "exciting" it is fuel, not entertainment.

11-01-2009, 09:37 AM
Ive also discovered myself that if you do not add salt, sugar, fats and so on, you do not overeat-- why? Because most food is rather boring without those chemicals. In other words, you only binge on delicious food. If you force yourself to eat a bowl of bland beans, you don't want to keep eating. Food is not supposed to be "exciting" it is fuel, not entertainment.

I kinda disagree with some aspects of this.

When I was in the throes of my binging days, I'm telling you I could have binged on cardboard. Not so delicious!

This healthy lifestyle that I've adapted could never work if I was eating bland beans or other "boring" foods. How can one stick to plan if they don't like what they're eating???? I simply can not/will not/refuse to eat foods that I don't love, adore and get pleasure from. Everything I eat is exciting, scrumptious and thoroughly enjoyable. *I* still and will always need to get pleasure from my foods. But the thing is, upon giving up the sugar/carb/fat laden foods, my tastes CHANGED. I did detox from those other foods, which woke up my taste buds to the deliciousness of wholesome, nutritious foods. I now crave foods that actually benefit my body. And by the way, I've overeaten them at times too. Many times. ;)

Judy Lynn
11-01-2009, 11:40 AM
Holy Smokes Robin, you aren't kidding when you said you make delicious, exciting, scrumptious food! I just happened to read This Thread on the Maintenance Board (http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/2991776-post1.html). All I can say is, can you adopt me?

I think most people are sensitive to highly processed simple carbs. Highly addictive and seductive combinations of sugar/salt/fat are specifically formulated by the food industry to be just that. Addicitve and seductive. I think it was Lay's potato chips that had the slogan "betcha you can't eat just one." And who among us has ever had just one Oreo cookie? Only if it was the last one in the house. :rofl:

I find that abstinence works best for me with junkie carby food. I am fine with whole grains, potatoes, whole wheat pasta, brown rice, that kind of healthy carbs. But cookies, chips, cake, other sundry crap I adopt a "Just Say No" approach. We need food to live, but we don't need junk food, so that is where I endeavour to draw the line. Not that I am perfect, by any means. And it is not always easy. I don't bring it in the house, so that makes it easy at home. But, what about work when co-workers bring stuff in to share? Like this week a co-worker brought those giant Costco muffins to share. You know, the monster muffins that are more like cake than a muffin. Well, I looked up the calorie and fat count on-line. Can you believe almost 700 calories for the chocolate one and 34 grams of fat. She is a skinny little thing and didn't want them hanging around her house. Thanks a lot! Then don't buy the damn things in the first place! Anyway, I digress. I did not have any of the Monster Fat-laden Evil Cake Muffins. But, it was not easy. The kitchen is right by the photcopier and every time I went to photocopy anything they were in plain view.

Anyway, I think if you are truly addicted to something, as in you can't stop once you start, then abstinence is the only way to beat it. I have never met an alcoholic that can only have just one drink. I do believe that some people are not as sensitive to processed carbs as others and can have them in small quantities without a problem. And that is great for them, and I can certainly see the value in teaching moderation to our kids. But, really, maybe what we should be teaching them is that potato chips are really, really bad for our health so we choose not to include them in a healthy lifestyle.

11-01-2009, 12:00 PM
As with many issues with weight loss (and life) there are multiple routes to success for different people. Here I see two main themes emerging regarding these sweet, carby foods: moderation and abstinence. I'll add a third: abstinence most of the time, with rare exception (which I see as a little different from "moderation"). These three options seem to fit with what most successful maintainers are doing.

So, knowing that, I'd encourage you to experiment and figure out which of these options works best for you, given your situation. I know I'm still trying to figure it out! I used to think I could be a "moderation" person, but I'm starting to think that abstinence, most of the time, is the way to go for me. I'm fine with some foods -- dark chocolate for example -- and awful with others -- like cake or ice cream. And with these, I cannot keep them in the house, but I might want to have them outside the house, in limited quantity on rare occasion.

So, it's an ongoing process for many of us! Good luck and please let us know how it's going.

11-02-2009, 06:50 AM
Hey there TraceyElaine.... You still there? Have you had a chance to read the responses? Any thoughts? How've you been doing?

11-02-2009, 10:46 AM
But the thing is, upon giving up the sugar/carb/fat laden foods, my tastes CHANGED. I did detox from those other foods, which woke up my taste buds to the deliciousness of wholesome, nutritious foods. I now crave foods that actually benefit my body.

I have experienced this too... The cravings for junk do subside AFTER you go through that detox period. That's not to say they are completely gone... like anyone who is addicted to something, it does stick in the back of your mind... but it doesn't control me anymore. I can't enjoy it as much... it's not worth it. And quite frankly, some of the junk I used to love so much just doesn't taste as good to me anymore. White bread, for instance, just tastes like flour to me... I've adapted to whole grains. And sugary candy actually can taste too sweet to me now... it gives me a headache. And super fatty foods make me feel sick to my stomach and tired...

You can do this. You just need to cut the junk completely to allow your body to adjust.

11-02-2009, 10:56 AM
Thanks for starting this thread. I too am a binger. Most of the time on the weekends. By you starting this thread and all the other ladies inputting their advise, it started my wheels churning...... so I went to the bookstore this weekend and found a pretty good read. It is "Take It Off and Keep It Off" it has a lot of OA members that share what works for them. Just as people have pointed out above..... like an alcoholic it is better to not have that "one drink"..... this is my relationship with food. When I have that one ______ that is loaded with sugar...... all of the very hard work I have done all week with staying on plan has gone out the window. BUT, if I don't take that one bite.... I am fine. So, for me doing without completely is the only way to go..... I do agree that some do have what it takes to eat whatever in moderation, but for me..... it is NONE AT ALL.

In this book, there is something that is stuck in my head.... it is an acronym K.I.S.S which stands for Keep It Simple Stupid.... which is not "nice", but it works for me. Just simplify your plan and make it work for you......

I wish you the best..... and if you need a binge buddy.... PM me.

Thanks for everyone else's input..... it has been great!

11-02-2009, 11:26 AM
Carb addict. Not that I wanted to, but I was addicted. Moderation does not work for me, only avoidance. Like Robin, those foods are completely off-limits for me. Carrots cause me to crave carbs just as badly as carrot cake. It's a physical addiction. I definitely sympathize.

11-02-2009, 11:44 AM
Complete and total addict here :D
I'm so thankful for this thread - it's been a shot in the arm.

I've been struggling since about the 4th of July and am in the process of accepting that there are certain foods I can't EVER eat again.
I'm actually nervous, angry & grieving a little over that fact.

For the last 9 years I keep gaining & losing the same 25 - 30 lbs.
What happens to me is that I manage to get on track for a couple of months then something always comes along (usually a holiday), and then I get back into the binging cycle & gain all my loses back.
Today is the first day of trying again

11-03-2009, 12:35 AM
"Every day is a start over day"

Man, I hear you loud and clear. And you know what? I'm learning to embrace the fact that I am NOT perfect, and that slip ups will happen. Maybe you eat a cupcake, but you can say to yourself, "Ok, that was a mistake, but I won't let it ruin the rest of my day" - pick yourself up, and forgo the takeout and additional cupcakes.

I know it's hard, and it's something I still struggle with... like RockinRobin said, the best option might be cold turkey. I'm not sure I can trust myself with one bite, one little bit... we are like addicts. I've known this for awhile, and that's what makes it so hard to change.

But the good news is that we CAN do it. So hang in there and keep trying, even if you have to start over a thousand times. We are all there with you.

11-03-2009, 07:09 AM
It is a hard pill to swallow, that's for sure. Which is why it probably took me 20+ years to make the change. I resisted it and resisted it. I had heard that that was the way to go. Get rid of the sugar, flour-y, carb-y stuff. And I figured that I'm doomed. doomed. Because I could *never* live without that stuff. Well after getting sick and tired enough, after trying the moderation route time and time and time again with no progress being made, with just getting bigger and bigger and more and more miserable, it was time. I couldn't go on the way that I was. SOMETHING had to change. I could no longer live WITH that stuff in my life. The price was just too high to pay.

Upon giving it up, very strict in the beginning, I can tell you that it WAS the right decision. "They" were right. After a difficult period, not even two weeks, it then became, dare I say, almost easy. There, I said it. I am telling you that once you do do it, you will wonder why you didn't do it sooner.

So yes, if you have to start a thousand times, well then do so. But I urge you to start now and continue. Make peace with it. Is your life really worth some "food"? Is it? Make this "the" time. There is no time like right now. I wasted sooooo many years. I LOVE my life now. Love. Love. LOVE IT. I would never, ever go back to my old life. Not for a billion dollars. Why would I? Eating those foods never, ever provided me with happiness. Not the food itself and not what it produced. A miserable, under productive, lethargic, mope-y, poorly dressed, inactive, sad, unhealthy, in pain, constant heartburn, underutilized person.

It is no deprivation to be without these foods. The deprivation is eating them and remaining morbidly obese and settling for an inferior quality of life. And most likely a shorter one. Don't dread these changes. Look forward to them. Embrace them. Get excited about them. Because you will transform your life. Discover who you were meant to be. Today. Because you can tomorrow away your life. Don't waste another precious second settling for second best. Not when first is well within your reach. :)

I feel badly that TraceyElaine has not popped back in, but it appears that others have found this thread beneficial. I know I have. :hug:

11-03-2009, 07:49 AM
Wow..you really don't eat carbs or flour? That's amazing! I couldn't imagine..how long has it been?

11-03-2009, 08:08 AM
I read everyone's post here you guys really made me think and reflect on myself thank you!

11-03-2009, 08:20 AM
:hug:So the very night I posted this I ate copious amounts of chips and chocolate. It was, after all, Halloween. For the last 3 days I have been exercising like before and eating spot on. It has beeen a torturous few days. Last night I had a bad "i want something" moment and so I popped one of those little 1 square Caramilk bars. I put it in my mouth and let it sit there a moment. And it dawned on me. I don't even like these bars. And in 5 min I will still "want something". So I spit it in the compost bin and toughed it out. I even cried a little.

So I am doing this. Again. I am still not over that rough patch. I hope that after a week or so of being spot on with my plan I will start to feel like it's more habbit and less torture lol. I know it will come. I was there not long ago. I was to the point where I craved healthier things. And I'll be there again.

For now I am trying to keep busy because I am a big "i'm bored" eater. So my house will be imaculate by weeks end lol. I am thinking about picking up a hobby. I am very artsy fartsy. I find that if i am doing something creative the whole world melts away. And it's been a long time since i have done anything creative. I always think i dont have time. But I need to give myself that time. I need to do all of this for me. And all others will benefit as a result.

Alot of soul searching going on for me. That's part of the process I guess. For me anyway. I always ate to fill some empty spot. I was bored or sad or tired or angry. When i "wanted somthing" it was never food. But food is what made the feeling subside. It's hard to be sad or bored in a food coma. It's also hard to be happy in one.

So the trudge continues and enlightment goes on. You guys are great. It makes such a huge difference to know you aren't alone. ♥

p.s. Robin you inspire the heck out of me and i love your no nonsense advice!

11-03-2009, 11:42 AM
Carb addict. Not that I wanted to, but I was addicted. Moderation does not work for me, only avoidance. Like Robin, those foods are completely off-limits for me. Carrots cause me to crave carbs just as badly as carrot cake. It's a physical addiction. I definitely sympathize.

Wow..you really don't eat carbs or flour? That's amazing! I couldn't imagine..how long has it been?

Oh I eat tons of carbs. Just the healthy, unrefined ones that are found in veggies and fruits. In the months that I was losing, I did away with all added sugars and flour, rice, pasta, etc, with the exception of Fiber One cereal. I probably did have a few added and planned items further along into my journey, but I can't recall exactly when. I did go cold turkey though. Now that I'm in maintenance I do have an occasional sugar/flour-y item - in a controlled setting. But there are people stricter then me. Like DCHound.

Is it amazing? Well not really. Once you DECIDE to do it and really, really stick with it, it becomes kinda simple! And freeing. And life transforming. What IS amazing - the results. What is it they say, in order to achieve extraordinary results, you've got to use extraordinary measures. And really, again, once you're into it, it's NOT that big a deal. And whatever "hard" it is, which again, is not all that hard when you become accustomed to it, is a waaaaaay less hard then that of the hard of being morbidly obese. THAT was hard. Really, really hard. All day. Every day.

I have a condition - compulsive overeating which leads to obesity, which leads to a lower quality of life and very often an early death. That is the harsh reality of my condition. Fortunately, with careful monitoring it can be managed. So that's what I do - manage my debilitating and deadly condition. The truly amazing thing is that I didn't do it sooner. That I was taking my health and my life for granted. But not anymore. Those days are long gone. This lifestyle is no hardship or burden. It is a joy and a blessing. And the truth is this is what I should have been doing all along. :)

11-03-2009, 12:22 PM
If I eat just one , I end up donut diving into the whole box... so buying them is not an option...
I agree w/ rockinrobin... get off the processed carby junk... healthy cooking can so yummy !!

11-03-2009, 01:29 PM
TraceyElaine, I totally relate to you. I've even spit candy out into the garbage before, ha! Hang in there, chica. We're totally cabable of achieving whatever we want. The hobbies have helped me, despite the fact I've been knitting and unknitting the rows of my lap blanket for the last two nights bec of mistakes (!)

11-03-2009, 02:56 PM
Another addict here. Seriously, I sometimes feel like its as if food is my "crack". It has control over me and I dont like it at all!

11-04-2009, 10:37 AM
This thread has been very inspiring for me as well. It's funny that in ALL other areas of my life I accomplish much, goal oriented, focused and succeed but with FOOD oh good lord ...I mean I have asked my self a million time why NOT???why not in the area of my food????? My weight???? geeeeesssshhh

and of course GOTTA LOVE THAT ROCKINROBIN ugh is she not incredible or what??????? for real Robin where's your book? I am sure you have written and published one by now :)

Well now I am pouring some of my "ambitious" ways in all the other areas of my life STRAIGHT into my new healthy way of living. It might be tough for a little while but SO FREAKIN WHAT......I want to be there for my family, I want to live a happy fulfilled life. I truly feel like NOW is my time to be "reborn" so to speak....if that makes sense.....