100 lb. Club - Fear of Failure
10-30-2009, 12:59 PM
I have always had a fear of failure. I am the youngest of 4 kids - I was much younger then my 3 sisters. It always seemed like my parents were giving my sisters grief about something or other. There was not alot of love shown. So my mission was not to fail them.. so they would should love. This carried over to my weight issues. I became a black and white kind of person.. no gray. Since I could not be perfect in my parents eyes.. (ie. I was a competitive skier) I would be perfect at the opposite end - I would be fat. I would be perfect at being fat. My struggle now.. being half way to goal - is that I'm in this gray area.. not perfect at being fit or perfect at being obese. (sick, I know) and now I'm dealing with mental failure.
This week's Biggest Loser's episode was a lot amount Abby - who I love. But for me it was about Amanda and Jillian and failure
Two Quotes I heard on The Biggest Loser tonight that I just had to write down. Honestly, I'm writing them down so I remember - they are that important on my journey.
"There is a difference between quitting and failing" ~ Jillian, Biggest Loser Trainer
What? There is? I always thought they were the same. But they aren't. If I quit - I fail. But if I fail - I learn. Get it? Cool, eh? I have always had a fear of failure - maybe I shouldn't.
"If you are not failing you are not trying hard enough" ~ Jillian, Biggest Loser Trainer
What? Failure is good? Yep. This changes everything.
10-30-2009, 01:19 PM
Loved the quotes... thank you for sharing... and welcome to the club of the fear of failure...
I am there everyday...
And maybe that is what make me going... If we don’t fear it we wouldn’t care. But I fight everyday because I am so scared of failing. Even now, at my goal, I am having a hard time to believe I’ll not going back to my old habits...
I fight it everyday... right now there is a bunch of chocolate and cookies for Halloween at the kitchen, here at my work, and it is so hard to just ignore it...
I took one piece of chocolate, had a bite and spited out!!! ahhhh, but the flavor of it was soooooooo good!!! I know, I have a problem, and I admit it... I am fighting it with all my strength. That is the best I can do. And I WONT quit. Because it wasn’t easy to get where I am right now and I make sure I remember myself that everyday, so I can keep going forward, not backwards.
Good luck to you.
PS: I read your other threat: I think you should get the eye surgery. I did, and it is awesome!!!
You are working so hard, you deserve it!!!!
10-30-2009, 02:21 PM
I know how you feel- I feel that way in my weight loss and in my career. With this economy I've struggled a lot and now I am so close to moving up in my career but STILL not there yet.
Then with my weight- I do well a while then go up- then well again then stall.
But the one thing I remember and I did like Jillian's quote was that I REFUSE to give up. This time I'm going to keep pursuing the career of my dreams AND this time I will not let myself get back to my starting weight OR quit working on the weight loss until I reach my goal!
10-30-2009, 02:25 PM
Those are awesome quotes and good for you getting some perspective. I feel the youngest kid issues too, I was the baby and also the only girl. My youngest brother is 7 years older than me and the oldest is 22 years older than me. I constantly felt like my mother was disappointed because I wasn't the perfect daughter she had kept having more babies to get. I have finally begun (I'm not there completely yet) to let that go and make this about me and not about my mother or the rest of my family.
10-30-2009, 04:09 PM
Great message -- definitely some good quotes!
10-30-2009, 04:10 PM
Love the quotes, what a new perspective, I always thought failure had a negative connotation, but there's a whole new side to it now!
10-31-2009, 04:33 AM
All the great achievers in this world have failed. I think Edison made hundreds or attempts to make an electric light before he succeeded; same with Bell and the telephone. Just ordinary people never succeed if they never fail because it means they never tried. I can feel this failure thing personally because until I was in my forties I thought my mother was perfect. I moved back with her for a period when I divorced and came to realize that she seemed perfect because she never stepped outside her little comfort zone and tried anything new. I was the oldest so the pressure to be perfect was even harder. You are the example to the younger siblings. I used to have this weird thing for years that if I succeeded losing weight my mother would win. It was a kind of emotional immaturity thing I hope I've overcome finally. I had to become my own person and separate myself as an individual from my parents and do what was best for me. Now, my mother is just a person, one with faults and problems and her opinion of me is not important anymore. That's the way it's supposed to be after you grow up. If she likes what I do and the decisions I make, fine; if she doesn't, well, that's the way it is. In your case, with overly critical parents, you will have to make a family for yourself outside of them. Lots of people do that. They create a support group that they can rely on to be there for them. You deserve that. Why inthe world would you need people who do not wish the best for you? You don't. You are doing very well and succeeding at something important. Don't look back. Ahead is a new life for you. Give up that kockamayme :dizzy: idea of perfection. It's messing you up.