Weight Loss Support - So frustrated and disappointed




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LizzieRules
10-24-2009, 02:08 AM
Hi all!
I am relatively new to 3FC but a veteran to weight loss (and gain).
I guess I am just reaching out to anyone right now.
I was, at one time, ten years ago 370 lbs. I now weigh 196. BUT I have been 150 before and that was the best feeling in the world!!!
I packed on the extra 50 after my complete hysterectomy in 2007 and high doses of Premarin.
I have weaned myself off of the Premarin and rely on supplements (soy isoflavones, black cohash, etc). I have started to lose OUNCES (hahahahaha) but nothing significant.
My problem now is my hubby of 20 plus years eyeing every young, hard bodied girl that walks the face of the earth (he is 53 YO).
I know, what's my point? I am not sure I have one. I cry all of the time. We fight all of the time and I will starve myself and workout but to no avail.
I am almost 50 and a size 10. He nevers says anything about my weight but when I was a size 4 he LOVED feeling my bones and wrapping his arms around me. I don't know what I am trying to say...he doesn't say anything but it is "different" now...

Can anyone help me?? What is the fastest way to lose weight? How can I do it without losing any hair? (I have lost tons of hair since hysterectomy except now I grown chin hair; maybe I should grow out the chin hair and do a comb up to my scalp??)

Thanks for letting me cry on your shoulder....


Heather
10-24-2009, 08:03 AM
Hi! You made me laugh about the chin hair!!

As for weight loss, we don't often advocate fastest weight loss, but most sustainable. Too frequently people lose weight quickly, but gain it back and then some because the habits they used to learn weight aren't the kind of habits that you need to maintain the loss.

I think you've seen that -- starving and working out tends to backfire.

Instead, I would recommend a plan of diet and exercise that you can stick with for life! As for what that plan is, there are lots out there to choose from. I am a calorie counter, but I also try to eat healthy foods as much as possible. I eat at least 5 times a day, and try to eat foods that help keep me feeling full (lots of protein, whole grains, fiber...)

Lori Bell
10-24-2009, 08:24 AM
Hi Lizzy. Congratulations on maintaining the majority of your awesome weight loss. How did you do it? Can you do it again?

Oh and about your hubby, well, just start eyeballing every hard-bodied hot young male running around, nothing wrong with human appreciation. It's actually kind of fun! ;)


Trudiha
10-24-2009, 08:27 AM
Hello from another newbie! :)

I don't really have any advice about weight loss but I do know that all middle aged men look at young women, the only consolation I can offer is that, unless he's very rich indeed, they won't be looking back with anything but pity and that sooner or later he'll notice that.

Well done on your previous weight loss, if you've done it once, I'm sure that you'll be able to do it again. Well, that's what I'm telling myself anyway.

Ryanne
10-24-2009, 08:40 AM
I don't really have any advice about weight loss but I do know that all middle aged men look at young women, the only consolation I can offer is that, unless he's very rich indeed, they won't be looking back with anything but pity and that sooner or later he'll notice that.



:rofl: LOL, isn't that the truth! :D LOL... Anyway, I agree with the post by Heather, it's not about fast but the sustaining, and exercising moderately and eating good, healthy foods.
I'm sorry, because it's not fun when husband's are looking at someone else besides you, but start feeling good about yourself, and you will be glowing from the inside out. The ladies in the Bible times focused on their relationship with God, and this is true beauty. That's what I want to be like. Really and truly beautiful, from the inside out. Be a blessing to him and look for ways to esteem him, for we reap what we sow. Start sowing mercy and kindness to him, and hope that it will be returned by him.
Have a wonderful day and :welcome3:

Havisham
10-24-2009, 09:07 AM
Hang in - the chin hair is just a few - make nasty with the tweezers! :)

I'd agree with the suggestion of looking at the hot young things yourself - what's good for the goose. :)

I'm not sure what you've done in the past, but sometimes a little change will do wonders. I do the Carbohydrate Addicts diet - it loses fast enough to keep me motivated. My dad's a runner/cyclist and he uses it for a couple of weeks to drop any extra weight after a vacation or something. Give it a shot.

Good luck!

BLLgirl
10-24-2009, 09:26 AM
Hi Lizzy! Hang in there. I often get that feeling of wanting to lose a ton of weight quickly -- for nothing else than to get me motivated and in the mindset to stop eating so much. From someone who was also originally heavier (started out at 195 in high school), I understand where you're coming from. I've gained some of the weight I lost, and it's a disappointing feeling. But this board will offer support and we can all do it together!

bargoo
10-24-2009, 09:34 AM
Going from a high of 370 to 196 is awesome. I am sure you don't want to go back to 370. Do this for yourself , make your health a priority . I personally find counting calories works best for me. I have also lost and regained, I hate when that happens ! I have done many diets and have found that if I stay with calorie counting I maintain my loss . You can do it , too.

JustBeckyV
10-24-2009, 10:03 AM
You have done wonderful so far with your weight loss. I think you just need to get back on track and do things the right way.

Men do look at younger built women -- just the way they are but doesn't mean that they REALLY want that. Just like the other said - we may look at a young buff guy but doesn't mean we really want that.

Hang in there and do this for you!

Onederchic
10-24-2009, 10:04 AM
Hi! You made me laugh about the chin hair!!

As for weight loss, we don't often advocate fastest weight loss, but most sustainable. Too frequently people lose weight quickly, but gain it back and then some because the habits they used to learn weight aren't the kind of habits that you need to maintain the loss.

I think you've seen that -- starving and working out tends to backfire.

Instead, I would recommend a plan of diet and exercise that you can stick with for life! As for what that plan is, there are lots out there to choose from. I am a calorie counter, but I also try to eat healthy foods as much as possible. I eat at least 5 times a day, and try to eat foods that help keep me feeling full (lots of protein, whole grains, fiber...)


I agree with Heather. You have to find an eating plan that is sustainable for life and we all know starving is not it.

LizzieRules
10-24-2009, 05:13 PM
Thank you to everyone for your replies HOWEVER when he doesn't come to your marital bed for over a week (after your wedding ceremony when u are supposed to be on your honeymoon) because he is more interested in self gratification looking at images on the computer...well, he REALLY does want that. Problem is I didn't know any of this (yes, call me stupid; he told me he was tired...) until this year...almost 21 years into the marriage and after he had been busted for trying to find his "true love" from college (and she dumped him) this year on Valentine's Day....
I am not good enough or thin enough or anything enough and I get it...
Good news...starving does work....lost 8 lbs in 3 days...can't function or move but, hey, I will be skinny!!!

LizzieRules
10-24-2009, 05:17 PM
Hello from another newbie! :)

I don't really have any advice about weight loss but I do know that all middle aged men look at young women, the only consolation I can offer is that, unless he's very rich indeed, they won't be looking back with anything but pity and that sooner or later he'll notice that.

Well done on your previous weight loss, if you've done it once, I'm sure that you'll be able to do it again. Well, that's what I'm telling myself anyway.

No! He is faaarrrrrr from rich! I was the sole provider and very well indeed...just not skinny enough, blonde enough, whatever enough....
I have always provided for our family and I have always earned the money. Period. I bought him his 40k truck and his 4k computer and his golf clubs, and country club membership, etc.
Ok....so everyone tell me what a major idiot I am??

Heather
10-24-2009, 05:19 PM
I'm sorry you're hurting so much! It sounds like you have bigger issues than your weight -- it's not about you, it's about HIM. I know a lot of women are in loving relationships no matter their weight, and there are skinny women whose husbands' eyes rove...

And yes, starving does work in the short term, but usually not in the long run. I really wish you the best of luck, it sounds like you're in a lot of pain right now.

Onederchic
10-24-2009, 05:20 PM
Thank you to everyone for your replies HOWEVER when he doesn't come to your marital bed for over a week (after your wedding ceremony when u are supposed to be on your honeymoon) because he is more interested in self gratification looking at images on the computer...well, he REALLY does want that. Problem is I didn't know any of this (yes, call me stupid; he told me he was tired...) until this year...almost 21 years into the marriage and after he had been busted for trying to find his "true love" from college (and she dumped him) this year on Valentine's Day....
I am not good enough or thin enough or anything enough and I get it...
Good news...starving does work....lost 8 lbs in 3 days...can't function or move but, hey, I will be skinny!!!


I truly hope you are joking. Starving may cause you to drop some pounds quickly but it won't last. Your body will go into starvation mode and your weight loss will stall.

LizzieRules
10-24-2009, 05:20 PM
:rofl: LOL, isn't that the truth! :D LOL... Anyway, I agree with the post by Heather, it's not about fast but the sustaining, and exercising moderately and eating good, healthy foods.
I'm sorry, because it's not fun when husband's are looking at someone else besides you, but start feeling good about yourself, and you will be glowing from the inside out. The ladies in the Bible times focused on their relationship with God, and this is true beauty. That's what I want to be like. Really and truly beautiful, from the inside out. Be a blessing to him and look for ways to esteem him, for we reap what we sow. Start sowing mercy and kindness to him, and hope that it will be returned by him.
Have a wonderful day and :welcome3:

What is the "Bible Times" and could you steer me in that direction?
I am very interested.
Thank you.

LizzieRules
10-24-2009, 05:22 PM
I truly hope you are joking. Starving may cause you to drop some pounds quickly but it won't last. Your body will go into starvation mode and your weight loss will stall.

Sorry to say I am not joking...don't know any other way...
I am queen of all diets imagined since 1968...
Sorry but true.

Heather
10-24-2009, 05:23 PM
Well, I hope you'll let us all help you learn some more sustainable ways...

Onederchic
10-24-2009, 05:24 PM
How about taking on a sensible approach and eat healthy foods, count calories and exercise.

LizzieRules
10-24-2009, 05:24 PM
I truly hope you are joking. Starving may cause you to drop some pounds quickly but it won't last. Your body will go into starvation mode and your weight loss will stall.

I just read your quote that you lost 148 lbs!!!! That is so remarkable and fantastic!!!! Congrats and thank you for caring!

LizzieRules
10-24-2009, 05:26 PM
Well, I hope you'll let us all help you learn some more sustainable ways...

My hubby would love you, Heather. You are a gorgeous brunette! So wonderful for what you have accomplished...
Thank you for sharing and caring....

Onederchic
10-24-2009, 05:31 PM
I understand you are hurting. Trust me when I say you are not the only one here who is or has dealt with terrible situations. My husband of 10 years passed away in 1999, in 2005 I found my momma dead and in 2006 my daddy passed away. I didn't starve myself but I ate myself into morbid obesity so a reversal there but my point is, I only harmed myself. Eating the crap I was eating did not make my hurt and pain go away or bring back my loved ones. You need to make this the time to truly love yourself and take care of yourself and show him and yourself that you can get on with a better life..a healthier life. When I first started losing weight, I believed less was best when it came to calories so I was eating about 900 a day. I lost a chunk of weight rather quickly but in a couple months my weight loss stalled so I found 3FC and they opened my eyes to knowing that I must fuel my body each and every day so I can lose weight and be healthy. I urge you to read back over your own posts here with objective eyes, imagine if it were your closest friends saying these things to you..what would you tell her? Don't let someone else keep you down and cause you to do more harm than good to your own body.

Lori Bell
10-24-2009, 05:39 PM
Very nice post Onederchick...

Lizzie, maybe it's time to cut him loose...sure way to lose a bunch of dead(beat) weight quickly. Please take care of yourself. :hug:

Havisham
10-24-2009, 06:29 PM
Thank you to everyone for your replies HOWEVER when he doesn't come to your marital bed for over a week (after your wedding ceremony when u are supposed to be on your honeymoon) because he is more interested in self gratification looking at images on the computer...well, he REALLY does want that. Problem is I didn't know any of this (yes, call me stupid; he told me he was tired...) until this year...almost 21 years into the marriage and after he had been busted for trying to find his "true love" from college (and she dumped him) this year on Valentine's Day....
I am not good enough or thin enough or anything enough and I get it...
Good news...starving does work....lost 8 lbs in 3 days...can't function or move but, hey, I will be skinny!!!

Oh, Lizzie, this is soooo sad. You only have to be thin and good enough for YOU. If he's happier in front of the computer, or looking for his 'true love', then it sounds like you have a sure fire way to drop about 200lbs or so in one fell swoop.

You're strong - you can lose all that weight, you can do ANYTHING. And your husband has no idea what he's losing.

Hang in there!!!

nooch
10-24-2009, 10:43 PM
The problem is NOT WITH YOU. The problem IS HIM. Any man who would withhold sex and affection and love from his wife in favor of the computer and searching for old girlfriends IS NOT A MAN he is a bum. Please don't starve yourself hoping it will change your husband.

What would you tell your mother or your sister if she had made these posts? Do that.

Jacquie668
10-25-2009, 05:41 AM
I'm sorry you're hurting so much! It sounds like you have bigger issues than your weight -- it's not about you, it's about HIM. I know a lot of women are in loving relationships no matter their weight, and there are skinny women whose husbands' eyes rove...

And yes, starving does work in the short term, but usually not in the long run. I really wish you the best of luck, it sounds like you're in a lot of pain right now.

Ditto...a big big DITTO here.

Personally, my added thoughts, forget about the weight as it isn't about that at all. You can be more blond, you can be more skinny, and you can fly and be able to turn snap your fingers and turn the world into gold...BUT NONE of that makes a man love or want you. The problems are with HIM, not YOU and that is the truth. 100% blunt truth.

There is somewhere right now a woman and a man who are "perfect." A 10, perfect breasts, flawless skin, in shape, yadda yadda and those two people are hurting, unhappy, and killing themselves trying to get someone to see, appreciate, CELEBRATE, and love them. They give and give and give and get nothing back. Being thin has NOTHING to do with it and starving yourself, sure you can lose weight starving. You can do that with a variety of eating disorders, but at the end of the day you're not going to be happy. Things won't magically be better or perfect. You KNOW that.

You're hurting, angry, desperate...but you know you are a BEAUTIFUL person. Someone who deserves love and to be happy. That may mean finding that strength to move on...believe me when I say that I'm learning that those lessons too. I'm learning about how beautiful I am, inside and out. It is something I struggle with, but no amount of weight loss is going to make things perfect for me. My journey, as with most of us, isn't just about weight loss. I could be 140 pounds and STILL unhappy and STILL finding ways to hurt myself. Heal yourself from the inside out, not starving yourself from the inside out and that will take time.

His problems are his own. You can't change him, he has to change himself. :hug:

P.S. Starving yourself physically is not a "HA I DID IT" moment. Not only is it unhealthy, you WILL regain a large portion if not all of your weight back once you start eating again. Why? Because you probably haven't lost fat. You lost water and solid foods. Once you start eating, and believe me I know as I did a juice feast to jump start my weight loss only I drank my calorie intake in freshly made juices (that is a lot of green juices every day), you WILL see your weight go up. I fluctuate about 2-4 pounds a day and I'm always carrying around water and obviously solid food. So, let's say I starve myself for a week and then I'm down 7 or 8 pounds. Well the truth is I probably lost less than a pound of fat, the rest is all the water and lack of solids in my system. If I were to eat and drink my weight would probably go up, from my own experience, about 7-8 pounds. So you see, I did MORE damage to my body. Had I just chosen a healthier method, I could have a loss of 1 or more pounds of fat depending on my body. That means I ate healthy, I exercised, I worked on myself physically and emotionally in that week. Seems a lot more positive to me.