When to say "Stop the Insanity" - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

TamiL · 10-18-2009, 05:32 AM

I've been playing the weight loss rollercoaster game since early adulthood. I'd lose interest in dieting and eventually balloon my way up to close to 200 lbs. Then I'd go on some diet and lose 50 to 75 lbs and stay that way for awhile. Then I'd always end up pregnant (can someone please tell my how that happens, LOL) and back up the weight class.

Here I am, 45 years old in two weeks and once again down to 115 lbs. I have no plans to be pregnant again but I still am obsessed with not gaining weight. But the obsession has gotten out of hand and I'm smart enough to realize this.

Yesterday my mother saw me for the first time in a few months and the first thing she said was "You are way to skinny" and then her husband said he actually agreed with her (this doesn't usually happen). I, of course, ignored her because she always told me how chubby I was as a teen. Last night I went to a bonfire with my family and some little boy looked at me and called me "Scarecrow". I asked my husband why he thought the boy said this and my husband said it was probably because I was the thinnest women there by far. Even my husband has taken to called me Maria Schriver because my bone structure is very evident in my face.

So why can't I see what others see. Why do I look at myself in the mirror and only see the "chubby" girl. Why can't I look at the scale and see that the number really isn't too high for an old broad? I really need to stop this obsession and just learn to maintain my weight instead of constantly trying to push myself even lower. Unfortunately that is easier said than done. I guess I am admitting that I need help which is not an easy thing for me to say. Any thoughts?

Sorry about the rambling post.

Stella · 10-18-2009, 06:10 AM

Don`t know about yourself but I never seem to see a true picture of myself in the mirror - it usually takes photos, pereferrably of myself next to other women whom I perceive as large or skinny, to show me that I`m too large or too thin (in the past, that is!).

TamiL · 10-18-2009, 07:26 AM

I know what you mean by photos next to other women. I am extremely camera shy. Afraid to see what others see. There is always the fear that I will see someone who I don't know looking back at me.

Lori Bell · 10-18-2009, 08:38 AM

I don't know Tami, I think what you describe might be why so many of us end up gaining our weight back. I too am a 40+ woman with kids, and have yo-yo dieted my entire life. In the past I also could never be happy with a "number". I always wanted to see the next pound lower, and if I didn't accomplish it, I ended up just saying screw it, would eventually gain it all back again, (usually rapidly). This time around I have taken another approach, but it is not exactly fool proof. I have a strong desire to not gain it back. I am working toward that as a goal. MY MAIN goal THIS TIME is to stay in the 140's until I leave this earth. My weight can fluctuate wildly. Up to 5-6 pounds a day depending on TOM/PMS/Sodium etc. But you know, when the scale says 148 instead of 145 NO ONE knows it but me. I don't exactly know where I'm going with this, I'm rambling more than anything, but I do know how you feel, and I hope that maybe you can come to realize that health is more important than a number.

Being happy with normal is a hard thing to do.

CyndiM · 10-18-2009, 08:57 AM

When I first reached goal I looked too thin, almost gaunt, especially my face. I was pretty distressed because it made me look older (not something I was hoping for at 47!) I suspect some of us lose our weight that way. Now my skin has settled into its new shape though and I no longer hear that or see it when I look in the mirror. My mother just commented about that the other day.

The bigger question is are you happy with the weight you are now? Do you feel healthier? Are you settling into a maintenance routine or do you still feel you need to keep losing?

midwife · 10-18-2009, 09:36 AM

Sometimes I think we overrely on the scale. The scale just gives us an overall picture at a moment in time. Maybe consider changing how you evaluate your physical health status to body fat %. Strength training is so important for women. I'm a huge fan.

TamiL · 10-18-2009, 11:18 AM

Thank you all for your help and suggestions.

Lori Bell, I can really relate to the lower and lower on the scale thing. I thought I'd be happy when I hit 150, but no, then 140, but nope not there....it just contiuned until I've now reached a weight that I haven't seen since junior high school. At this point I know in my mind that I have to stop losing and try to maintain, but every morsel I eat comes with the dread of gaining weight. I am trying to stay between 115 and 120 for the rest of my life (I'm short). Its just so frustrating to allow a scale to dictate my life.

CyndiM, I can relate to the gaunt face thing. It doesn't appear to make me look older as most people seem to think I am in my early 30's. Go figure. But my cheekbones stick out so much, its just weird. Of course, my mother doesn't help because she criticizes every thing I do. My husband says to ignore her because she is jealous that she can't stick to a diet. Yes, I am exremely happy with my weight and my general health (except for my growing baldness in front-genetic not weight related). I really want to start maintaining but I am so afraid that I will add the wrong things back into my diet and get used to eating them again.......then I'll keep eating them.

midwife, I have thought of strength training but I've never tried it. I don't have alot of fat anywhere left on my body now, thanks to really muscular legs and arms. I'll have to look into it because I think what I need is to tone up and maybe start exercising now.

Stella · 10-18-2009, 01:02 PM

Re. photos - I always meant to blog about that.

Somehow, there was a weight/image I did not really see beyond. When I got beyond that weight I did not see it, and even though the scale was saying I gained and my clothes no longer fit as well, I was in denial. When I saw pics of myself I was mortified and then quick to lash out at the person who took the pic for making me look fat.

I now have the same issue. Although I`m 25lb and 2 dress sizes down, I still do not see major changes in the mirror. When I saw a set of photos of a recent party, I was gobsmacked at how slim I looked in every single one of them.

CountingDown · 10-18-2009, 01:27 PM

Oh, yeah - it has taken a LONG time for my brain to catch up with my loss.
Pictures do help. So does asking for an honest opinion from those you trust.

I also set a red ine for a LOW weight as well as a HIGH weight in maintenance. When the scale goes down below 117, I add back 200-300 calories for the day until the scale goes back up.

I do feel that I need to weigh daily - not weighing got me in trouble before.

I agree with the comment about weight training - it really does help!