Hello my lovely FC's..here I am again, to grovel.
I honestly dont know how much the weight has crept up now, because I refuse to get on the scale. I feel disgusting. Seriously. My boyfriend has even given me the hint that I need to get this weight off soon..and for once in my life I dont blame him. I am utterly surrounded by this fat suit. I get winded going up the stairs to my office. I sweat profusely even if its not hot outside, just walking to my car. Im pretty used to the challenges of being fat, I really learned to live witht hem, and they almost seemed normal to me, but I am slowly realizing they are not. A laptop computer is supposed to be able to go on your lap..right? well in my case, no..I dont really have much of a lap. I never realized that others had all this space to have items in their lap. I want my right to a lap! I was faced with a serious problem the other day. (this may be TMI..)I NEVER use public restrooms, but I was at my college the other day and had to go..it was an ER..so I went into a stall. Then I was faced with a big problem..umm I couldnt like..wipe. Thats a big problem. It took me a few minutes to maneuver and think..and I broke down and cried. I cant use a dang BATHROOOM anymore!! I had to go out and buy all new jeans because all of mine had these stupid slits in the inner thighs from wearing out..nice, new jeans..ruined. I dont even want to do um..things with my fiance anymore, because quite frankly it takes more effort and its hard to breathe and gets very uncomfortable, and really, not enjoyable. This lifestyle is out of control, Im so over it. I need to stop this, and start over. I NEED to..or else Im digging my own grave.
so there it is..Im here again, groveling at your feet 3fc..help?:(
10-14-2009, 01:03 AM
Hi TLP! :) I'm sorry you sound so down tonight. I wish I could have hugged you when you came out of the bathroom. So glad you signed on to 3FC tonight. I'm starting again tonight, too. We can do this! Chin up! **hugs**
10-14-2009, 08:26 AM
Hi tlp. I totally remember you from this spring. I'm going to tell you something you already know, but it might, (or might not) help to hear it from someone who as been EXACTLY where you are at... down to the public restroom story.
In the six months since you joined 3FC, if you would have followed a modest plan of any kind, you would be under 300 by now. You could breath better, bend, move use the rest room, be a size or 2 (or more) smaller, have a better sex life and be an all over healthier person. In just 6 short months your life would have been dramatically improved. No, you would not be at goal, and yes you would still be morbidly obese, but your quality of life GREATLY improved. It might take you 3 years (or more) to reach your goal, but every single pound makes a huge difference. You need to give up your love of food, and replace it with the love of yourself. I think it's our dear friend Countingdown who says, "Your life is calling you". Get out there and live it. NOW, don't wait another minute.
There were times during my weight loss that I just wanted to say "F" it, but I knew from past experience that everyday I blew it was another day of being fat and miserable and not being able to wipe properly in a public bathroom. If that isn't motivation to make a commitment, than nothing is!
10-14-2009, 08:34 AM
Yes, we will help you.
Make sure you come to 3FC and (at least) read a couple of times a day. Find a daily accountability thread and post each day. Don't be alone!
10-14-2009, 08:53 AM
YOU! just made your first positive step to a healthier you. I too wish I could give you a Big hug :hug: all of us know the frustrations of being fat and the feeling that its just to hard to overcome and the feelings that this is just the way it is I'm fat I might as well get used to it (wrong!) what has help me to lose is not to be on a diet instead surround myself with healthy foods and when I feel the need to eat I eat everything but its all healthy for me if I don't have junk food around I can't back slide and in a short time of eating healthy I realized how much better I feel and that gives me the power to continue. 3 1/2 weeks ago I had a near death scare and thats when I knew I had to do something trust me don't go down that road. you CAN do this and you will!!!
10-14-2009, 08:55 AM
Gosh, :hug:. I can hear the pain and frustration. You know you are in the best place to help you reach your goals. It IS possible to lose weight. You CAN do this. Some days will be hard. Keep plugging away. Print out your post and reread it often. I look forward to hearing about your journey.
10-14-2009, 09:24 AM
Hi from another Southerner,
First, I want to say "Get up, no groveling!" Of course, we will help you as much as we can. Like Lori, I have been where you are. My weight was a little lower, but I am shorter so our starting BMIs are probably close. I suggest that you hang out in the 100 pound club. There are many of us there who have been where you are now. I also suggest that you read some of the success stories. They have helped me so much to realize that this is doable. And it is, it really is. I know that it can seem impossible, but it really is possible. Believe it.
My best help and support that I can give you now is to tell you to just start. You don't have to do everything perfect. Just start. You can tweak your plan as you go but first you need to start. Don't wait until everything is perfect, just start.
Lori, is right. Six months can make a huge difference. The time is going to pass anyway so you can choose. I am still a long way from goal but I feel and look so much better. Six months from now will you be smaller, the same size, or bigger? It is your choice.
Let us know how we can help you. YOU can do this.
10-14-2009, 09:42 AM
I hear ya' sista'! I am back after a 2 year resurgence to 2 pounds shy of my highest weight ever (274). I am just so sick of it. Sick of feeling tired, lethargic, gross, stared at, etc. We can do this. And like Time2Lose said, just start. We don't have to be perfect. If we just start, we are doing better than we were doing, right??? And then we can tweak as we go. So let's cheer up, let's stop feeling sorry for ourselves, let's stop being okay with being fat and let's do something about it! Baby steps.....baby steps....one day at a time.
If you want to PM me, feel free. I could use some personal support too.:hug:
10-14-2009, 09:56 AM
PS - I think a huge part of this journey is realizing that weight loss is doable. I know that I just did not think that it was possible. I want to suggest that, in addition to reading posts here, you look at the videos for the Today show's "Joy Fit Club". Their stories are so inspiring. Many are available from the Today show site but it is easier to go to youtube and search for "Joy Fit Club".
You can get ideas of different plans from those stories too. Different plans work for different people.
10-14-2009, 10:14 AM
You are A LOT braver than I was. When I was 370 lbs I never, ever would have admitted to anyone how miserable/uncomfortable/in pain I was, physically or mentally. That's how I stayed at that high weight for 5 years...not being brave enough to ADMIT it was a problem or to DO ANYTHING about it.
See, you've already won. You KNOW what the problem is. And you KNOW how to solve it. It doesn't matter which plan you go on...find the plan that's right for you. Learn it. Live it. Love it. Don't start tomorrow, start RIGHT NOW. Don't wait and hope for more or better motivation, screw motivation. Just commit.
I was <>370 lbs, size 32 last August, 2008. I jumped into this all at once, committed, and never looked back. I haven't been 100% perfect, but I keep plugging along. And here we are 14 months later and I've lost 140 lbs. I'm half the size I was, size 32 to a size 16. I started out too fat to shop at Lane Bryant - all my clothes were either 4/5XL sweatpants or came from Catherine's. And now I'm too small to shop at Catherine's and almost too small for Lane Bryant.
I have been precisely where you are and the changes and rewards for losing weight are too too long to list here--I'll give you one. I noticed a couple days ago, while out running and playing with my dogs--running!--that I wasn't in pain. I had no pain anywhere. Knees, ankles, feet--no pain. None. It used to take me 2-3 tries to get out of bed in the morning, then I had to stand still 30-40 seconds to get my balance and wait for my ankles/knees to get steady. And it HURT. Those first 3-5 steps I took after sitting or laying for any amount of time HURT. I figured it was just a normal part of aging, and accepted it. It had NOTHING to do with aging--it was being so heavy! And now it's gone! I can jump right out of bed like nothing! That to me is worth more than all the size 12/14/16 outfits in the world.
As many have said before me, the time will pass regardless. You can let the time go by and do nothing, with no results. Or you can start this journey and, as the time passes, grow thinner, healthier and MORE ALIVE. You can totally do this. You already are, just by posting here. We're all pulling for you, you can do this. You can.
10-14-2009, 11:41 AM
First, welcome and secondly you don't have to grovel. You are always welcome here and I think everyone would 100% agree with that and that we ALL get it and get where you are coming from emotionally and physically.
When I REALLY started my new outlook on life in June of 2008, I just jumped in as well and I have made that commitment and I have changed. I struggled, oh yes and I still do, and all my struggles that I do have I work through no matter how long it takes me to. I know right now how you feel, we all do. I was 340+ pounds, probably closer to 350, and I remember how sad and depressed I was then. How I was embarrassed and well...I was hiding away in my fat like the fat protected the real me. A giant wall, but things started to change for me before I lost weight. I wanted to live my life, be happy, but I couldn't do that feeling so physically unwell so I finally took the plunge and though I've struggled a lot, I still am moving toward my goals.
Being the weight I am now allows me to do new things, enjoy things, and there are rewards, but if you get rid of all of that and just focus on the "inner me" coming out from hiding...well that is FAR MORE REWARDING for me personally. Allowing myself to be me and not hide is something new, really scary lol, and exciting all at the same time. For me it is one step at a time and learning how to work through my own personal issues and learning how to love myself. By doing that my weight is coming off, not as fast as some other people, but it is still shedding.
You can totally do this and take the steps to start changing your life. It won't happen in one day, but think about where you are today and how you got back up, posted this here. That is a huge step don't you think? You are already on your way, I hope you see that. Welcome!
10-14-2009, 12:33 PM
just focus on the "inner me" coming out from hiding
I love that! So true.........
10-14-2009, 01:46 PM
I am sorry that you are SO down right now, I remember that feeling. I also remember all of the struggles of being obese (instead of just overweight like I am now, lol). I remember not being able to walk up stairs without getting winded, and sweating constantly.
I lost about 30 lbs one summer and then gained it all back. When I started my journey this past January, I didn't even tell anyone because I was so sure that I would fail again. Aside from the 30 lbs loss, I've had SO many 5, 10, 20 lb losses that I gave up on and gained back. When you have a lot to lose (and I realize I didnt have as much as you, so I'm sure you feel even more overwhelmed) it can feel impossible, or like it will never happen. It WILL though. All you have to do is stick to it. I've heard a lot of girls on here say the phrase, "if you don't give up, you CANT fail". Its true. I've had weeks where I gained. Currently I'm losing less than one lb/week. Sometimes that amount seems so small that I just want to quit. Then I think, would I rather lose 3-4 lb a month and be at a normal BMI in a few months, or would I rather look back on those months with regret and curse myself for not losing, and even more likely, gaining some pounds back. Lori Bells words were probably hard to hear, but she is right. If you don't start now, you'll be posting again in 6 months instead of being under 300 lb and on your way to a better life.
10-14-2009, 02:06 PM
I know where you are coming from, I was once 356 pounds. There has already been a lot of good advice given, but I'd like to suggest you don't focus on the total amount of weight you have to lose - take it in 10% increments. Your first goal would be to lose 35 pounds. When you reach that, do another 10%. Expect pitfalls along the way, they happen to all of us, but as long as you keep trying, you will see results. Please keep us posted on your progress.