100 lb. Club - Sleeveless *cringes*

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10-13-2009, 07:30 PM
I just got a picture of the dress my cousin wants me to wear to her wedding (maid of honor)...and its sleeveless. And, she knows I will not go sleeveless. I will wear a flippin long sleeve layering tee under that dang dress if she thinks thats what she wants me to wear. Why do skinny chicks always completely ingore the requests of other people when picking out brides maids dresses. Its a winter wedding too...on the solstice, in ALASKA. She's crazy. Any other bridesmaid dress horror stories out there. I'm sending my cousin a link to a long sleeve thermal shirt I'll be wearing under my dress. See how she likes that!

10-13-2009, 07:38 PM
It seems like there are very few dresses with sleeves for brides or bridesmaids these days. I would rather die than go sleeveless in public!

10-13-2009, 07:39 PM
can she get a dress that has a matching shawl?

10-13-2009, 07:48 PM
I wore a strapless bridesmaids dress for my best friend's wedding at 250lbs. The dress was pretty...but not on me. However it's the Bride's day so she wins.

I would also suggest matching shawl!

10-13-2009, 07:49 PM
Yes, a shawl or a cardigan. Point out to her that it will be cold--maybe she'll be able to relate more to that!

10-13-2009, 08:05 PM
A shawl would look very nice, I bet. I wouldn't rock the boat, it is her day.

I bet your arms do not look as bad as you imagine at your weight. You are a lot smaller than I am, and I imagine you are your worst critic! If you can comfortably oblige her, I'd do it.

10-13-2009, 08:16 PM
I HATE my arms and would totally ask if you could wear a matching shaw or something in some nice polite way. I dont see anything wrong with asking.

But Im sure even at worst case, she doesnt agree, you wont look bad at all! We're all def more hard on ourselves.

Hope it works out for ya!

10-13-2009, 08:46 PM
When I got married my bridesmaids were all sizes (from a size 24 to a size 2), so I just picked a color and let them all wear whatever dress they wanted. I guess I'm lucky that I've never been a bridesmaid.

10-13-2009, 08:50 PM
It's the brides vision. What can you do?:shrug:

I'm the Maid of honor in my sister in laws wedding. she picked a halter top bridesmaid dress. I. have. huge. boobs. :o crap.

10-13-2009, 08:51 PM
Well, 80 lbs ago my arms looked fine but since I've lost weight they've literally deflated and look like old lady flapping wings with unstretched out stretch marks and lumpy cellulite. One of them has a permanent crease where a roll used to be. I carried my weight like an apple when I was at my heaviest so I was arms, boobs and belly. And, its her third wedding so I'm not going to humiliate myself for her, I'd rather not even be involved in the ceremony if its going to involve humiliating myself. I literally need to have my arms surgically fixed to ever look remotely normal again, and she should be sympathetic to that, why humiliate the person that is supporting you through the whole wedding thing. I really am tempted to just say **** with it and just be a plain ol' guest for the whole affair. I don't want to be like that, but, she's got a 30 year old maid of honor at her third wedding...I feel like she is literally being mean and making me look hideous so she can feel better about herself. And really, I told her three months ago when she asked me to be her MOH that I didn't want to wear anything sleeveless and the dress had to hit the ankles. AND, I have to buy the dress myself so am I that far off base here in complaining?

10-13-2009, 09:00 PM
Yea, knowing the situation now I would def tell her youre wearing a non sleeveless dress or a shaw or you arnt in the wedding! Eck! Sorry about your tough spot! Good luck!

Judy Lynn
10-13-2009, 09:04 PM
A couple of thoughts.
- Since you asked her in advance for nothing sleeveless, I do think she should respect your wishes. Any chance the dress could be altered by a seamstress to add a sleeve? Even a sheer material should help you feel more covered.
- When is the wedding? Do you lift weights? Maybe you could build up some lovely biceps in time?
- I think the idea of having matching colors, and letting the bridesmaids choose their own dresses is a great one. Do you think she would go for that?

10-13-2009, 09:13 PM
eh, like all of her weddings, she is acting like a princess. I did email her a picture of a thermal long sleeve shirt and told her that was what I was going to wear under it. For this wedding she has me as the maid of honor, my thin sister as a brides maid and her two daughters as flower girls and all the dresses are this sick cotton candy pink with shimmery beads or something on the bodice, I can't tell from the picture she sent. I don't think the dress can be altered, it has spaghetti straps (hello, boobs! that also means I'll have to wear a strapless bra to hold up my double d's *forehead smack*, good thing I have a good corsette that will work under the dress).

I can deal with the cotton candy pink....ick, I know she loves pink so I knew from her first two weddings what I was getting into with the pink situation. Oh, guess what. Her wedding dress has full sleeves, all the way down to a loop to the middle finger. ???. *shakes head*. The wedding isn't till December so I have time to either work it out with her or bail on her. I'm trying to enlist my sister on the the demanding sleeves for the winter wedding thing...but she's in Slovakia right now and not responding to my emails.
The flower girl dresses are freakin adorable. I wish I was 5.

10-13-2009, 09:14 PM
I agree. I picked bridesmaid dresses with sleeves when I got married 10 years ago, and I swear, they were the ONLY ones around. EVERYTHING else I saw was sleeveless. I even had cap sleeves on my wedding gown. Also extremely hard to find. A few of my bridesmaids could have pulled off sleeveless, but my SIL definitely could not, and I would have had **** to pay if I had given her a sleeveless dress. I can't say anything though, because I still can't pull off sleeveless (big arms, big boobs, ugh!). I would try talking to her about this again.

10-13-2009, 09:14 PM
she picked a halter top bridesmaid dress :o crap.

I have HORRIBLE memories from this type of bridesmaid dress. When I ordered it I was one size and when the wedding happened I was 1-2 sizes larger. Oh, it was awful. Then I got drunk and made an A$$ of myself.

do. not. repeat. :(

10-13-2009, 09:16 PM
:rofl: "I wish I was 5."

love it!

10-13-2009, 09:21 PM
I'm sure you will look just beautiful, bare arms and all! I would see about a shawl or jacket...if not, you may freeze!

I don't have a bridesmaid dress horror story, but I do have a humerous story. My younger sister is getting married next October. She and one of my other sisters were discussing dresses the other day, my other sister asked if she was going to put us in dresses with huge "butt bows." My younger sister's (bride-to-be) comment was (and please note, this is all in fun, nothing serious) "Do you really think we need something to draw a lot of attention to Amanda's (me) butt?" I told her to watch out, by next October, my butt would look so good that it was going to draw all the attention away from her. I'm actually very lucky, my sisters and I get along well enough that if she picks something that doesn't fit one of us well, we could tell her and she would change it. It's difficult for her to know what to pick for other people because her highest weight in her life was 115lbs. She will gladly take comments, complaints and suggestions.

10-13-2009, 09:24 PM
hehehe, I just got a response from my sister:

"You really think the wedding is going to happen? I'm going neked, you can wear my dress on your arms."

10-13-2009, 09:32 PM
hehehe, I just got a response from my sister:

"You really think the wedding is going to happen? I'm going neked, you can wear my dress on your arms."


10-13-2009, 10:17 PM
LOL at your sister. Considering you told her you wanted sleeves and I am assuming you explained why, I definitely think she is in the wrong. You have some choices. You could tell her to find you a dress with sleeves or you aren't in the wedding. If you go with this I would give her a date to make a decision by, that way she has time to decide who to replace you with and you have time to decide what to wear as a guest (assuming you will still be invited if you refuse to be in it) plus a date may show her that you are serious. Try explaining to her that the maid of honor doesn't have to have the same dress as the other bridesmaids, many brides have the maid of honor different. You could refuse to be in the wedding at this point without giving her the option of finding another dress, that depends on how mad you are about it and it doesn't sound like you are that mad but it IS an option. You could tell her you will find your own dress and then find something you are ok with in as close to the color she has chosen as possible. You could follow through with the thermal threat. You could go with the dress she has chosen and find a jacket or something to put over it.

David's Bridal has bridesmaid's dresses with sleeves and they do the separates, they probably have something in pink. You could also get a white dress and take it to be dyed (I'd go to a pro for this considering it is an important event, even if it's her third important event). You might also find a dress that is not a "bridesmaid" dress that would work well.

10-13-2009, 10:20 PM
I'm not very good with altering things or anything like that, but if you post pics of the dress maybe some of the chicks on here who are good at such things could give you some advice.

10-13-2009, 10:44 PM
Honestly, I'd just back out if she weren't willing to compromise on the sleeves. There is nothing on earth that would get me to wear a sleeveless dress. Nothing. :)

10-14-2009, 06:50 PM
Her response to my thermal shirt email was "I didn't think it was such a big deal, go to a tanning booth." Now I am for sure wearing that dress in her wedding with a thermal shirt under it. For sho! And I wouldn't put it past my sister to show up naked either. So I may have sleeves afterall. I hate cousins. When I get married I am soooo making her wear a tube dress made out of terry cloth.

10-15-2009, 04:53 AM
lolz id pay to come to a wedding where the bridesmades wore terry cloth tube dresses lolllz

10-15-2009, 12:21 PM
Maybe because I'm 40, but I've long since abandoned doing things that make me unhappy or uncomfortable, just because other people want or expect it. You don't have to be raging b!tch about it or anything, but a simple "i said no sleeves, so it's a beautiful shawl/shrug/wrap or I can't do it, I'm sorry if that ruins your plans but you have loads of time to pick someone it won't bother at all and I'll happily support you and help any way i can" that's fair, that's reasonable, and there's no need for you be embarrassed or feel self-conscious

Shannon in ATL
10-15-2009, 12:49 PM
When I get married I am soooo making her wear a tube dress made out of terry cloth.

Now that is funny. :) Remember those long fuzzy tube scarves that were popular a few years ago? The ads said that they could be worn as a scarf, a wrap, a mini skirt, a tube top or a tube dress? That is what I'm picturing her wearing in my head - the bright blue tube scarf I have lying over a chair at my house! :lol:

I second, third, fourth the pretty shawl or wrap idea. A dress with spaghetti straps with no wrap or shawl for a December wedding in Alaska just seems cruel. I would be blue and chattery the entire service!

Good luck!

10-15-2009, 12:52 PM
My sister made me go sleeveless at her wedding. In fact, those pictures were the impetus to start losing weight for me. I *still* have not looked at her entire album, and she's been married six years now.

Anyway, I went sleeveless, but since I was MOH my mother found identical fabric and sewed a wrap that I wore with the dress. It was better than being completely bare, but I still felt horrible in that dress. I think it's still hanging in my mother's house somewhere. I should get her to send it to me so I can burn it.

10-15-2009, 01:11 PM
I love the terry cloth tube dress idea, I'm lol! What about a pashmina shawl. In the San Francisco area they are very popular for bridesmaids at weddings. It gets chilly there so many brides give them to their bridesmaids as gifts.

10-16-2009, 04:55 AM
Mango 30, you are hilarious...:dizzy: I have laughed out loud reading this thread. Sounds like it's gonna be fun and i wish i could be a fly on the wall!


10-16-2009, 12:40 PM
Maybe because I'm 40, but I've long since abandoned doing things that make me unhappy or uncomfortable, just because other people want or expect it.

Nono, it's not just because you're 40. At 31, I won't. At 25 I mostly wouldn't have and I was probably about half way there at 20. Life is too short for that nonsense. The only way I'm going to be unhappy or uncomfortable over something someone else wants is if it is something of the nature of one of my brothers wanting (an needing) a kidney or something and even then it might depend on which brother, lol.

10-16-2009, 12:55 PM
OH I have a lovely bridesmaid story. When my brother got married, his fiance and him decided they would fill the wedding party entirely with family on both sides. Which meant that I would be a bridesmaid for his fiance. Mind you she picked out awesome bridesmaid dresses - her goal was to pick something you could actually wear other places afterward. These were black dresses - like "little black dresses" only longer and with a nice size slit. They came with a black bolero style jacket. Beautiful.

EXCEPT. At the time I was a size 22. They surprised everyone by picking out the dresses and sending them. They had asked my size when they were deciding on dresses. When the dress arrived.. it was a size 16. "Sorry, they didn't come any bigger than that."

WTH???? Talk about pissed off. I wasn't sure whether they really thought there was some way I could fit into that thing (and it WASN'T a big 16) or whether they were trying to tell me to get off my *** and lose weight for the wedding. Either way, I was not a happy person. I lost one size before their wedding.. but I actually had to take the jacket and go around and find MATCHING material and a MATCHING pattern and pay someone to make me a dress. The jacket had to be altered to fit me as well.

Talk about insensitive. It was both annoying and maddening. I did make it through the wedding and looked fabulous, btw. :D Still, that's no excuse for rudeness!!!

10-16-2009, 02:14 PM
I've been in 3 weddings... bridesmaids in my sister and brother's wedding and MOH in my friend's wedding. All 3 times I wore strapless dresses. The only one that really made me feel terrible was the dress for my brother's wedding. Not only was it a hideous dark blue color but it had weird boning in the top portion... the way the fabric fell on it I looked huge. I'm very busty and the dress just dropped straight down from my chest. It couldn't even be altered enough to make it look like I wasn't a blue marshmallow. Ugh! Did I mention the painful shoes? I thought I was going to pass out standing up there is those danged things. ;)