Weight Loss Support - Complete failure

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10-12-2009, 08:55 PM
Is it possible to accept yourself fat? Cause it might be at that point. Anything i do/try is a complete failure. I get motivated and then give up. Any "diet" I try i fail at. Even couting calories or weight watchers. Anyone have any suggestions?

10-12-2009, 08:57 PM
I am at a similar point but don't give up! I wish I had more for you but I know that quiting is not loving your self. Loving your self is not letting your self be unhealthy. I know what you are going through so I know all of that prob seems stupid because nothing works but continuing can't hurt. Quitting can!

10-12-2009, 09:04 PM
I've tried everything... I've lost weight and put it back on before I was done celebrating.. I've even celebrated weight loss with pizza! BUT... as long as you know your trying and you know you do what you can, when you can your never a failure.

Avai Cullen
10-12-2009, 09:04 PM
Sometimes its not just about the diet or the counting calories. Sometimes it is about making small changes for yourself and your famlies lifestyle. I don't know your situation, and I am new to this website, it has taken me a whole year just to loose 20lbs, its not fast and its not easy and sometimes I relapse, but it will all be worth it in the end. Keep your chin up and keep going!

10-12-2009, 09:06 PM
It's SO hard but why give in to "failure" by giving up. Stay strong, you can do this!!

10-12-2009, 09:11 PM
Please don't quit. I suggest that you just start making small changes that you can live with. Don't worry about how many pounds that you need to lose. Set a goal to lose 10 pounds and then go from there.

We talk a lot about not counting on motivation because motivation can be fleeting. Make a commitment to yourself. If you don't think that you can go full force, make the changes that you can make and then build on it.

You can do this!

10-12-2009, 09:24 PM
Yes, accept yourself as you are - that is who you are right at this moment! Body image is so important at every stage, because if you dont love yourself fat you still will not love yourself when you are thin! Think of what you would tell a friend, do you love your "fat" friends less than your thin friends? No of course not!
I have tried all sorts of methods and diets and find that only when I am feeling good about myself am I in a right frame of mind to budge the weight. I hope this helps you - I noticed that you have a picture that says someday I'll be a flower - you are a flower already. Be kind to yourself.

10-12-2009, 09:24 PM
Yep...I have a suggestion...

how about you start failing at failing!

You are in the right place to start...

you can do this kiddo...it won't be easy but it is way easier to do it now...
and your life will be so much more rewarding when you get older...

don't waste your youth "trying"....you can do it....

we are here to help!

Hugs ~ Gary

10-12-2009, 09:36 PM
Don't give up! You can do it! Si se puede!

For me, the solution was to completely revamp my relationship with food. It's a very rare occasion now that I reach for ice cream or cake or even a grilled cheese sandwich when I'm upset. I still reach for food, but for healthier food. Crunchy soy nuts, for example.

If you have a bad relationship with food, you'll never be "successful" with a "diet." You may fight for a while and lose some weight, but you'll put it back on. So, for a while, maybe instead of being so focused on the scale, focus on how you feel about food, how it makes you feel and how you react to its presence.

better health3
10-12-2009, 09:37 PM
Pick 3 things you want to work on. For instance, counting calories, walking 30minutes 5x a week, and drinking 8-10 glasses of water daily.

Have you had your thyroid checked (T3 and T4)?

Where there is a will, there is a way. You just haven't found or made a plan that works for you. Weight loss is doable-no one stops us except ourselves. Excuses are the culprit typically. Keep working at it and you will find something that works. Calories in vs. calories out. The more you move the more you lose. You are not a failure. Sometimes it takes trial and error. There isn't a quick fix and does involve work.

If you give up, you are sure to fail. Why settle for a lower quality of life when you don't have to? Often it takes baby steps. Pick your worst habits to work on and then expand from there...

Please don't let your negative self-talk prevent you from losing weight. You are capable, and you definitely can do it.

Do you want these consequences?

Health Consequences
Research has shown that as weight increases to reach the levels referred to as "overweight" and "obesity,"* the risks for the following conditions also increases:1

Coronary heart disease
Type 2 diabetes
Cancers (endometrial, breast, and colon)
Hypertension (high blood pressure)
Dyslipidemia (for example, high total cholesterol or high levels of triglycerides)
Liver and Gallbladder disease
Sleep apnea and respiratory problems
Osteoarthritis (a degeneration of cartilage and its underlying bone within a joint)
Gynecological problems (abnormal menses, infertility)
*Overweight is defined as a body mass index (BMI) of 25 or higher; obesity is defined as a BMI of 30 or higher

This is what may happen to us if we do not get the excess weight off. What is fun about that? Is the food truly worth it? PM me if you need support.

10-12-2009, 09:40 PM
Is it possible to accept yourself fat? Cause it might be at that point. Anything i do/try is a complete failure. I get motivated and then give up. Any "diet" I try i fail at. Even couting calories or weight watchers. Anyone have any suggestions?

I think it is possible to accept yourself at any size, IF you are happy with how you look.

I use to think everything I tried failed as well, but I never really "tried" You have to look at this as a lifestyle change, it's not something you stop doing. This is a journey. We all have up and downs, but you have to keep going. I know this site has helped me soooo much. It's our own huge support group. We all know the challenges weight loss is, how HARD it is. Hang in there, we are all in this together! :hug:

10-12-2009, 09:41 PM
Breanna, I'm sorry that you're feeling so discouraged. I've certainly been there before, having spent a good 20 years on diets that I couldn't maintain for very long... it's incredibly frustrating, isn't it? I felt like a failure for a really long time.

It's often said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I'm not sure that I agree with that 100%, but when it came to losing fat and getting healthy I definitely had to change my approach. What finally worked for me was making little changes at first rather than launching directly into a strict diet. One of the first things I did was stop drinking regular pop. I later replaced some of the processed junk with my favorite healthy foods, and later on with healthy foods that were totally new to me. After a while I started feeling better and more able to take on even bigger changes. My journey really involved a number of steps (big and small) rather than one giant leap.

Everyone (even people who "fail" at diet after diet) can make a healthy change or two. You can do this!

10-12-2009, 09:43 PM
Thanks ladies. A lot of me failing has to do with my mind. All I do is think about food. Its disgusting. Even when Im not hungry im thinking of what to eat next. I mean why do I do that? Maybe I will try for a trainer, Maybe i need that kind of motivation.

10-12-2009, 10:04 PM
Thanks ladies. A lot of me failing has to do with my mind. All I do is think about food. Its disgusting. Even when Im not hungry im thinking of what to eat next. I mean why do I do that? Maybe I will try for a trainer, Maybe i need that kind of motivation.

I think you need to focus on taking one small step at a time. Make it an hour sticking to your plan, then half a day, then a day. String a few good days together and you start to believe you have it in you to do this. String a few weeks together and you've shown you have what it takes. Anytime it feels overwhelming, just pull back your focus and just focus on the next hour and work your way out again. There is no magic motivation out there. You have to make hard, good choices for yourself over and over again that often go against what your mind tells you it wants. And that leads to success. You can do it. Don't give up!

10-12-2009, 10:09 PM
Hey there! I just wanted to say you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to! I always think about food too idk why I always have lol Start off with small goals like another person said. Believe it or not it works when u just stop drinking soda and eating junk food :) You can do it don't give up and if you do tomorrows always a new day to try again!

PSP Orange
10-12-2009, 11:40 PM
As someone who has "given up" too many times to count...

I had to get to know myself, and be brutally honest with myself.

Self-awareness is the key - know and love yourself...

Sounds like you need some successes (victory) breeds confidence...

Many good suggestions here by others - my 2c is just this....

You need to give yourself some victories to "build" the confidence...

For example, knowing myself... calling it a diet for me never worked...
Diets have a beginning and an end - if you know what I mean.

I had to change somethings and make small victories....

When I started - All I did was give up soda pop, no more sugar laden drinks.
Could have a diet soda, but never really liked them that much. Save diet A&W root beer that is.....
After several weeks, maybe even a month.... I was surprised - I didn't crave or even want pop anymore, tried a sip and it tasted awful....
VICTORY :carrot:

I told myself, if I can change that - what else can I change? ok, no more eating after 7pm at least 3 hours before bed.... If I don't eat by 7 I am going to bed hungry.... ( I was a late night pizza junkie ) .... About 3 weeks later this change wasn't a problem..
VICTORY :carrot:

BONUS - I will never "go on a diet" again!!! Victory - I am losing weight
Without a diet... Small victories -

I just looked to make some changes, nothing overwhelming change one thing at a time - prove to yourself you can do it - and celebrate each Victory!!

Don't settle for less -
You can be victorious !!!
Change one thing!
Prove it to yourself and celebrate!!

My 2c.
The Orange One

10-13-2009, 09:39 AM
I'm going to address the topic of 'always thinking about food'.

Your body needs fuel. From food we make new cells that our bodies need to build all kinds of tissue ... skin, heart muscle, fingernails, hair ... You are never going to be able to do without food. Never!

You are ever mindful of the gas tank in your car. You need to make sure your bus pass is valid. Right?

When my kids were little I thought about food all the time. What to make for breakfast, what to pack for lunches, what to make for supper, what to eat for snacks, when to go to the grocery store, do I have any apples, when to start the roast, do I have enough time to make bread, how many muffins for the bake sale ...

I still need to plan my diet, grocery store trips, cooking times, packing my lunch for work ... And yes, I think about what to eat next. Of course I do.

This is not necessarily a bad thing. If I spend part of this morning planning food, buying food, cooking it and packing it properly ... I can dream about what to eat next because it's all in the fridge ready to go.
There is no stress attached.

Join a chat thread. Come here at least once a day. Take the encouragement everyone is offering and hold it close to your heart.

10-13-2009, 10:55 AM
You are NOT a failure.

I don't think motivation is what you need. I think you need to make a plan for yourself and follow it religiously. Find out your daily caloric needs using online calculators (freedieting.com, sparkpeople.com, thedailyplate.com). Pick a range from these values and get a list of meals (variety is best!) that allow you to stick to these ranges. Freedieting has sample meal plans for a number of calorie ranges that can give you ideas.

If you are addicted to fast food and convenience foods, then start by incorporating more veggies, low fat milk/cheese, less butter and more healthy starches into your diet for 2 weeks while reducing the number of fast food meals/junk food. Make a bet with yourself that you can do this for 2 weeks. More important, STICK TO IT! Ignore motivation. For me, motivation comes when I see results on the scale, but it's really my determination to follow my plan that gets me the results, not motivation.

Once you have made these dietary changes for at least a month or so, then start exercising. It can be as simple as a 10 minute walk 3 days a week that you can increase every 2 weeks. The idea is to take small steps at a time. If you tell yourself that you will exercise for 2 hours everyday and eat only salads for lunch and dinner with 2 slices of toast for breakfast, you might feel overwhelmed and be more tempted to give up. That's what I did the last 5-6 times I tried to lose weight. This time, I've decided to eat what I want but in moderation. I make 90% of my meals at home and make sure they pack a nutritious punch. So far it's working, so I've found a plan that works for me. Finding a plan is tricky, but reworking your diet is fundamental.

Rockinrobin has some excellent words of advise on the issue of motivation v. commitment. I'll see if I can link you to her posts. It's really inspiring and true!

10-13-2009, 11:25 AM
I totally understand where you are coming from! We both have a similar amount of weight to lose and it seems so daunting that giving up seems like the best option.
After a wake up call last week from my husband, I realized that I HAVE to take the OPTION of failure out of the equation. I have convinced myself that I HAVE to lose weight. There is no option and no room for failure. PERIOD. I feel like if I give myself the option to fail then I will choose to fail. So I'm determined to make healthy eating and exercising as vital and as normal as breathing. If I don't breathe I will die, just like I will if I continue to carry this weight around and continue gaining.

10-13-2009, 11:38 AM
Do you remember when American Cancer Society ran a stop smoking campaign to "Never quit quiting"? Not even sure that was the phrase but basically it said every time you quit, you learn something even if you restarted and to apply it to the next time you quit.

Think about all the "failures" you have had at weight loss. What did you learn from them? A trigger food or habit that derailed you? Work on that habit first. Discover a few high nutrition filling foods that you liked? Incorporate them into your meal plan. An activity or exercise you didn't dread? Build an exercise program around that activity that you'll actually do.

10-13-2009, 02:34 PM
I remember feeling that way and feeling I woudl have to accept the weight I was. At 308lb it was just too hard to accept I would stay that way forever so I decided to persist in weight loss while trying to accept my weight - turned out losing weight was easier for me than accepting I would be 308 lb forever.

I decided to count calories and do an exercise and when I "failed" (ie when I stopped losing weight again) I would just maintain for a while to take the pressure off myself and then try again. I had to examine myself to work out why every "diet" failed for me though and I'm sure it was because of my emmotional eating which I wasn't aware I was doing. My weight lsos hasn't stalled sicne March (from August til March I was maintaining due to recoverign from a broken ankle)

You're not a failiure though, as long as you persist and don't give up. Try and work out why you haven't been able to stick to any plan and work on those issues and fidn what works for you. I am sure you can do it.

Setting mini goals really helps me- rather than dealing with the whole weight you need to lose just deal with a little bit at a time.

10-13-2009, 04:52 PM
Hey, Breanna,
I feel exactly that way right now - lots of teenager stress at home and lots of work stress at work right now and I just can't seem to get on track.

I've tried everything and the only thing that's really worked for me was the GI diet - basically because i was literally never hungry - and the weight fell off. It's hard for the first few days, but once i got in to it, I felt great. I'm really not good at being restricted and hungry - GI suggests planning to 'cheat' 10% of the time, as it's not a diet, but a lifestyle.

Don't think of it as failure, if you can't do it right now. Think of it as being on hiatus. When you're feeling more ready, you'll start back up again - until then, you're in a holding pattern. :)

10-15-2009, 09:09 PM
Whats the GI Diet??? But maybe i dont want to know? It has the word diet in it. I dont want to feel like im dieting. For now I am going to go on 20 minute walks with my dog after work. He has to go out and walk and so do I. So day 1 completed. I did it today.

10-15-2009, 10:24 PM
I think you're on the right track. Something that worked for me once was making one change at a time. First I gave up "bread things." Now, there are some pretty big loopholes in there. (Ice cream, candy bars, margaritas--but no chips!!--you get the idea!) But I didn't eat bread-things, which made pigging out just a little bit more inconvenient. I lost weight, without feeling deprived. Then, one by one, over time, I gave up other things. But by then, I was enjoying the results, so I didn't mind as much.

10-16-2009, 01:19 AM
I am saying this out of love.

You need to answer your own question. Can you accept yourself as fat? At your height and weight you are considered to be pretty obese, aside from accepting yourself as "fat", can you live with the consequences to your health? If your answer to those questions is yes, then you are choosing to stay as you are, and that is your choice.

If your answer is no, then you need to make some changes. I would be more than happy to send you my email and "buddy up" with you for accountability. Like everyone else said, start with small changes. We are all here for you but you have to make sure that YOU are here for you.

10-16-2009, 11:59 AM

You sound like the former me. For me, weight loss is 99% mental games. It's easy to know how to lose weight - the hard part is what our minds bring into the situation. We are all somewhat unique in our mental struggles with weight loss. This time, I finally realized WHY I kept failing. Thousands and thousands of thoughts run through our heads each day - we constantly carry on a mental conversation with ourselves. You would be surprised how much of the conversation is completely NEGATIVE. I had many, many negative thoughts about myself running around in my head. What I learned is that you become what you dwell on most. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you are constantly thinking.. "I'm SO fat. I hate the way I look. I can't stand exercising. My hair is awful. I'll never be thin. I am a failure." ... then your subconscious mind directs you towards things that make that true.

Knowing this completely changed my attitude towards myself and my eating habits. It was a revelation - a HUGE thing for me. I didn't even realize just how many negative thoughts were there until I actually started listening to my internal conversation during the day. I still have some, and don't think anyone can ever be completely rid of them & 100% positive all the time. But, the difference is I listen to them, and immediately replace the negative with positive. I cannot tell you how much this has changed my thoughts about myself, and especially toward weight loss. It's really kind of freeing.

Anyway, here is a book that explains quite extensively about these mental games and this author is the one that turned me around:

The Body Fat Solution (http://www.amazon.com/Body-Fat-Solution-Principles-Maintaining/dp/1583333290/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1255704976&sr=8-1) by Tom Venuto

You might want to consider taking a look at it. Good luck to you on whatever you decide to do!!! :hug:

10-16-2009, 12:20 PM
Breanna -- that's a great start! I also found that I had to start small before I could really get going. Before I started losing weight, I started by simply taking supplements every day (which I hadn't done regularly and I felt was important if I was going to be restricting calories). Then I added drinking enough fluids. It was several weeks before I actually ate less, lol!

Also, regarding the thinking about eating problem -- gosh you have lots of company. I know that in the past (and even now, sometimes), I am thinking about what I will be eating next after I finish what I am eating! Whe I catch myself doing it now, I am able to stop but it's an easy habit to get into.

Keep on looking for small steps you can take to improve your health!