30-Somethings - When others discourage you...




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HappyHousewife
10-09-2009, 10:41 AM
I feel like people are treating me different now that I've lost weight.

It seems like people are throwing foot at me. I'm not doing anything unhealthy. Eating healthy + exercise.

It's not what they say, really. Just the way they say things. (Kinda the I'm encouraging you-but not encouraging way).
Hope you know what I mean.

Help me deal w/this. It's stressing me out and I'm afraid I'll start eating my feelings.
Also, others losing weight make it seem like a contest. I'm just trying to get healthy not be super skinny. :-(

I guess I just need some support.


mom4life
10-09-2009, 10:54 AM
:hug: I'm sorry

I've gotten the same thing. Mostly this comes from people who seem like they are jealous of your weight loss and want you to suffer for it.
I've gotten "I prefer to give my kids the attention they need rather then worry about the way I look." This comment came after a group of friends started talking to me about wanting to lose weight since they see that I'm doing it. Then from out of no where this chick says this. everyone ignored her but I felt like she was trying to say that I was ignoring my kids.
Another comment that I get a lot is pertaining to my goal/ideal weight. People don't understand or refuse to hear that I was once at that weight. It has nothing to do with wanting to be super thin or a model type. This is the weight I was 8 yrs ago, I was wearing a size 8 pants....I don't consider that super skinny. But I guess this is coming from the same group of people I mentioned before.
Its jealousy, Just let it run off your back and keep going. I had one comment that was funny "You better stop losing weight or the wind will blow you away." LOL I just see it as her opinion.
Don't let it get you down. Its your body. :hug:
You're doing great!!

TamiL
10-09-2009, 10:59 AM
I am not a 30 something anymore but this thread was interesting.

Jealous is the only word for this type of behavior. I have noticed that the only people who tell me to stop losing weight are women. The men whistle and tell me how fabulous looking I am. Who would you rather get your comments from?
I agree with mom4life....let in run off your back and keep going for it!!


bargoo
10-09-2009, 11:04 AM
They are called diet saboteurs .Sometimes they don't even realize they are doing it. Some do it because they are jealous, some have the mistaken idea that they are being helpful. I talk as little as posiible about my diet or weight loss in general,this helps to avoid the unwanted advice and or critiscism. Try to avoid them as much as you can and continue to do what is right for you.I would remind those who criticize you as a mother that the best thing you can do for your children is to give them a healthy mother(preferably you ).

getfitchicks
10-09-2009, 11:40 AM
I know exactly what you're talking about! I've had sevreral similar comments as well. They're hurtful and always set me back a bit when they happen. People pushing food is also a common occurance.

Keep doing what your doing and take pride in that! And checking in here where there is a TON of support is a great way to counteract those feelings. :)

HappyHousewife
10-09-2009, 01:16 PM
You guys are awesome! If I could keep you guys around..that'd be great! :)

beerab
10-09-2009, 01:43 PM
I've gotten "I prefer to give my kids the attention they need rather then worry about the way I look." This comment came after a group of friends started talking to me about wanting to lose weight since they see that I'm doing it. Then from out of no where this chick says this. everyone ignored her but I felt like she was trying to say that I was ignoring my kids.


I would have flat out said "I'm getting healthy so I will be around for my kids as long as possible, looking better is MERELY a plus."

Seriously- how rude!

I get them all the time "oh one cookie won't hurt, one doughnut won't hurt, one slice of cheesecake won't hurt." I know many people don't mean harm, and heck even my sister last week went to Jack in the Box and brought me a slice of cheesecake! I told her thanks but she could have it. She apologized saying she didn't even think about it- but I wasn't mad- I know she supports me.

I've told myself the only person I can count on 100% is ME- yesterday I had two meetings and BOTH of them had boxes of CHOCOLATE doughnuts- it was hard- but I said no and was proud of myself after :D

Usually saying things like "my doctor" gets people to chill also. Yesterday I said "if I eat a doughnut my doctor will kill me" and people stopped badgering me to eat a doughnut. :)

Mango30
10-09-2009, 01:49 PM
OMGosh I so know what you are going through. I live in a really small town and have been here for over 20 years so people feel that they can be candid with me about very personal things. One lady told me to stop losing weight because I was making everybody else look bad...I'm not kidding you. For the most part my close personal friends who have seen me struggle and knew how depressed I was when I was really heavy are very proud of me but there are ladies out there that have developed a downright hate for me for doing what they don't have the gumption to do for themselves and they are the ones who make snide comments. Keep your chin up and don't let comments like that slide, confront people when they say things that hurt you or they will continue to hurt you given the chance. Stand up for yourself and your priorities.

Stella
10-09-2009, 02:27 PM
I get it, too, and although I *know* that it`s merely sour grapes, I find it hard to deal with.

But please do "not" eat your feelings and regain the weight in order to shut them up. In the end, you are doing it for yourself and not these saboteurs. I know this can be incredibly hard not to do, if, like me, you find emotional eating an issue. But you need to keep telling yourself that you just don`t do that any more.

willa
10-09-2009, 09:32 PM
I have this book, a motivation book, where the author says that people around us might try anything they can (unconsciously) to make us avoid reaching our goal, because the majority of the people in life are conditionned to losing.

It says a lot...

People don't like others to win

As mean as it can sound

Thighs Be Gone
10-09-2009, 09:47 PM
I rarely discuss nutrition/workouts and never, ever with anyone that I don't know exceptionally well and feel safe with. When somone I don't want to discuss the issue with corners me I launch into a spill about whole foods, water and the regularity of my bowel movements. LOL..anything really..just as long as I KEEP FEELING COMFORTABLE! :) Let the haters, the sabateurs or whatever they are, motivate you!

Mollz
10-09-2009, 09:50 PM
I hate when that happens. :mad:

My best mate does that to me occasionally- "have a dessert, you've been good all week" or "have an entree, god knows you deserve it". Sometimes it's hard to say no, and then I find myself feeling like crap afterwards because I've eaten too much. :mad: :mad: :mad:

I think deep down, they are jealous of you. For so long, they've been the centre of attention ("oh, you've had 3 kids and you look great!" and "how can you eat so much and be so thin?") and now, they're not the centre of attention anymore ("isn't so-an-so looking great?" and "she's lost so much weight!"). Their husbands/partners may be looking at you on the sly and to another woman, that's very threatening. So, without knowing it, they're putting you down to make themselves look good.

Don't listen to them. Easier said than done, but (while we're on cliches) practice makes perfect.

angelawest
10-09-2009, 11:55 PM
This is true of everything. People will always try to keep you down, for whatever weird psychological reasons they have. I think a key thing is to figure out exactly what caused you to gain weight in the first place - I just had a breakthrough last week when I figured out that I had gained weight to prevent unwanted attention, as that caused a lot of problems for me when I was skinny. Now guys look approvingly at my face but stop there, and for a while that was just the way I liked it. Don't let others keep you down, and don't let yourself keep you down. You are so strong and you can do it!!

Stella
10-10-2009, 02:51 PM
People don't like others to win



In my experience, this is true. I`ve envied myself.

Seeing someone else succeeding at something we keep failing at, shows us that it is indeed possible, so it takes away our favourite excuse! I`d think "If she can, so should I", but if I just can`t I feel lazy, inferiour and a failure. So I resent her success because it makes me feel bad.

While, when I`m happy with that area of my life, I`d rejoice her success!

Lots2Lose
10-10-2009, 04:13 PM
I get the exact same thing, mostly from my mother.....it took me a long time to realize that it was jealousy. Growing up she would never compliment me and I think she liked the fact that I became overweight. Now that I am losing, she constantly wants to eat out, get sweets, etc... when we're out shopping and looking at clothes she scoffs at me when I say that I'm not buying anything new until I lose some more weight and absolutely need smaller clothes....I have learned to ignore her and focus on myself and my own family, I don't need people like that in my life - unfortunately its my mother though!

willa
10-10-2009, 06:00 PM
I get the exact same thing, mostly from my mother.....it took me a long time to realize that it was jealousy. Growing up she would never compliment me and I think she liked the fact that I became overweight. Now that I am losing, she constantly wants to eat out, get sweets, etc... when we're out shopping and looking at clothes she scoffs at me when I say that I'm not buying anything new until I lose some more weight and absolutely need smaller clothes....I have learned to ignore her and focus on myself and my own family, I don't need people like that in my life - unfortunately its my mother though!

I think this makes you a very strong person! :yes:

I don't know how I would deal with my situation if my mother would act like that... o_0