Weight Loss Support - This morning my husband informed me...




justaloozer
10-08-2009, 03:52 PM
He is done with me complaining about my weight! He says that for years all I did was complain but do nothing to change it. I do not love myself anymore and I hide from the world which is straining our marriage and our family. He says that because I hate the way I look I no longer take care of myself the way I once did, which is unattractive.

I think I just received the kick in the @$$ that I needed. I never realized that it was straining our relationship the way it was. I lost 25lbs but have put back 5 of them. I weigh MORE than my husband:( And the worst part is that only about 20lbs is baby weight from having my two children. When he met me I was 160lbs and now I am 295! All I can think is WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?!?!:?:

So as of this evening I am BACK on track. This conversation has been a complete a slap back to reality.


ladyrider72472
10-08-2009, 04:03 PM
Ya know..... you took it better than I would have and I am so glad you have realized that "this is the time". So, don't just do this b/c of his statements but do it FOR YOU! For the person you want to be..... Although I have to admit, if it wasn't for my son telling me he did not think I could do it and I quit every diet I have ever been on..... this may not have been my time, but everytime I wanted to quit, his words echoed in my mind.

As far as the "what have I done" statement..... that is not relevant now, you cannot change it, but you can change what you are going to do. YOU ARE SOOOOO going to do this.

Niko84
10-08-2009, 04:27 PM
Boy have I been here before!
I don't think I'll ever forget the time my (now) husband said to me "Well, you don't look like you did at 120 pounds".... Whenever I look in the mirror I hear it, and here I am 100 pounds heavier! I'm working on loving myself and trying to get some weight off because I feel like I am hiding and that I hold back from life because of my weight. I feel myself not wanting to go out, not wanting to meet new people, embarrassed. The worst part is missing out on things, like swimming with my kids, because I don't want people to see me in a bathing suit. So hey, we've all been in this spot, and we just need each other's support and understanding. And most of all, we need to do this for OURSELVES, not for anyone else and not because someone is unhappy with us. Love yourself and make the changes for YOU.


yoovie
10-08-2009, 04:46 PM
Woohoo! Let's do it!!!

bargoo
10-08-2009, 04:54 PM
It takes what it takes ! You can do it !

Thighs Be Gone
10-08-2009, 05:16 PM
We get it. We understand! YAY for 3FC!

We can do this. We all deserve this. GO! GO! GO! Glad you found us!

MotoXMama
10-08-2009, 05:27 PM
I completely understand where you're coming from! I know a lot of people here do!

Although my husband has never said anything to me about it... I feel exactly like you do. I have that "WHAT HAVE I DONE" feeling too! I weighed about 150 when I met my husband. I now weight a lot more than that, and 80 lbs more than my husband. :( I am so sad because of it. I have gained just about 80 lbs in 6 years alone.

But, we are HERE! And we are ready to make changes!

You can do this, and so can I! Go for it, you deserve it!

juliastl27
10-08-2009, 05:33 PM
i think we all had that moment. stepping on the scale, seeing your high weight. for me it was 220 and i PANICKED. it was: what have i done? how can i ever undo it?

my husband has never commented on my weight, i weighed 160 when we met. i slowly gained 60 lbs over about 4 years and he never said a word. in some ways i am glad for that because it probably wouldve just made me feel worse, but it also made it easier for me to gain weight because i knew he didnt care. i always tell him now that if i was single i never wouldve gotten that big, lol.

you need to have that moment of panic and regret to get yourself started sometimes. just don't focus on it. what you did is done, now you work on undoing it. ;)

justaloozer
10-08-2009, 06:08 PM
He honestly did not mean it in a mean way. He has (in 9 yrs) never said a word about my weight. Always says I am beautiful, he loves me, etc. and I truly believe he means every word. I don't think it is my weight that bothers him as much as my attitude because of my weight. I am embarrassed to really go out anywhere besides the stores. I never want to meet new people. I hate how I look and even worse, when I try to doll myself up I feel like a pig with lipstick. I feel like I look ridiculous. I also want to take my kids swimming but I have stopped living because I'm overweight. This is what bothers him most.
So I am doing this for my kids, him and most of all myself. I need to be able to be proud of myself.
Thank you!

WildThings
10-08-2009, 07:50 PM
I know that you can do this. You definitely seem to be in the right frame of mind and have the right attitude. It's astonishing how much of our lives our weight can affect without us even really noticing, or at least thinking we are doing a good job of hiding our own dissatisfaction from others.

paris81
10-08-2009, 08:33 PM
It sounds like he's really supportive. Comments about weight are so difficult to hear, but from what you describe, it sounds like it was more about how you feel about yourself, which comes from the weight.

He's not saying that he's bothered by how much you weigh, but that how much you weigh is affecting your confiance, your personality, and that's what is bothering him. Kudos to him for being sensitve yet constructive, and kudos to you for taking his comments in the spirit (that I think) they were intended and doing something about it!

juliastl27
10-08-2009, 08:33 PM
im sure he wasnt trying to be mean, he just sees how unhappy you are and wants something to change. my husband never said anything about my weight and could care less, but when i start getting aggravated and wanting to give up he tells me not to. he doesnt care that im getting smaller, he cares because he can tell im feeling better about myself and getting out more. im sure if you were totally happy and confident at your current weight, he wouldnt care.

lol, and after posting this i see that the person above me wrote basically the same thing and posted it in the same minute.

justaloozer
10-08-2009, 08:51 PM
Thanks everyone! You are absolutely right. I just thought my first post might have come across wrong.

Havisham
10-08-2009, 09:40 PM
I get you...my husband isn't upset with how I look for himself, but because he knows how it upsets me.

When we met I was 175 and (at 5' 10") relatively trim. I could wear his shirts and look sexy and comfy. Now you could get two of him in to my pants....and not in a good way! ;)

Good for you for taking it in a positive way and using it as a kick start!

kaplods
10-08-2009, 10:04 PM
My husband and I had a similar discussion recently. We met and married at our highest weights - so the issue isn't weight-caused, but health issue caused.

I've always been fairly self-confident and sociable. Especially in the last decade, or so (ironically after discovering and largely embracing the "fat acceptance movement), I've not let my weight hold me back from being active socially or physically. My husband met a fat, but sociable, funny, confident, intelligent, witty, ambitious, professional woman. He now often finds himself with a frumpy, moody, indecisive, unemployed, unemployable semi-hermit.

About six years ago, my health took a nosedive. I was having all sorts of bizarre symptoms, and (to make a long story short) I eventually had to stop working, and go onto SSDI, and deal with the stresses of chronic illness/disability. Never knowing how or when my body would betray me (the scariest part of my health issues is an autoimmune disease destroying my sinuses and lungs, and possibly more generically blood vessels and connective tissue).

All those changes have affected how I see myself. I'm not as confident, I'm more prone to depression, I'm often anti-social, sometimes nearly agoraphobic - and it's not so much that I'm afraid to leave the house, as much as I hate to plan activities that take me too far from home and/or involve too many people in case I feel ill - I don't want to put my husband in the position of having to leave early to take me home.

When I'm no fun to be around, it's pretty natural for hubby to miss the old, fun me. Now that he's going through the same thing - I miss the old him, too. Having to give up our jobs and independence has thrown us both through a heck of a large loop. We're readjusting to lives that are very different than the ones we envisioned when we married.

It's not the same as your situation, and yet it is. Getting my health back, as much as I'm able, is largely going to depend on weight loss. While I was able to be fat, and active in the past, it's not working for me know. I do understand why we miss the old "us," we were a lot more fun to be around. It's going to take work to regain some of what we've lost, and to adjust to the parts that we can't get back.

Some of it, we'll be able to accomplish by "faking it until we make it." Some of it will come back naturally as we get our health issues under control.

I don't know what if any of our situation is applicable in any way to yours, but I do sympathize so much.

getfitchicks
10-08-2009, 10:40 PM
Good for you for deciding to make the change! It's so hard to be hit with reality but sometimes its exactly what you need to realize that you are ready to make the change.

Good luck with your progress!

Tante Claire
10-09-2009, 12:26 AM
He honestly did not mean it in a mean way. He has (in 9 yrs) never said a word about my weight. Always says I am beautiful, he loves me, etc. and I truly believe he means every word. I don't think it is my weight that bothers him as much as my attitude because of my weight. I am embarrassed to really go out anywhere besides the stores. I never want to meet new people. I hate how I look and even worse, when I try to doll myself up I feel like a pig with lipstick. I feel like I look ridiculous. I also want to take my kids swimming but I have stopped living because I'm overweight. This is what bothers him most.
So I am doing this for my kids, him and most of all myself. I need to be able to be proud of myself.
Thank you!Your situation matches mine to a T, down to the conversation with hubby. It was truly a wake up call. Sometimes we need a little tough love too, the important thing is that we are doing something that nobody can do for us. We are fighting the fight, and we will overcome, and set a good example for our kids. It's the least we can do.

justaloozer
10-09-2009, 10:05 AM
Thank you all for the support!

I ordered a food scale and the 30 day shred dvd last night from ebay! This is the start of a new me!

JustBeckyV
10-10-2009, 11:01 AM
While I don't agree with certain parts -- i am glad you have found your motivation inside of you to help you get back on track. You are a strong person and I know you can reach your goals!

tricon7
07-16-2013, 11:29 AM
my husband has never commented on my weight, i weighed 160 when we met. i slowly gained 60 lbs over about 4 years and he never said a word. in some ways i am glad for that because it probably wouldve just made me feel worse, but it also made it easier for me to gain weight because i knew he didnt care. i always tell him now that if i was single i never wouldve gotten that big, lol.

I don't understand this. If I say nothing to my wife, she should interpret my silence that her obesity doesn't bother me, but if I say something she gets livid and I'm in the doghouse?

Desiderata
07-16-2013, 11:39 AM
tricon - out of curiosity, how did you come across this 4 year old thread?

tricon7
07-16-2013, 11:40 AM
tricon - out of curiosity, how did you come across this 4 year old thread?

Y'know, I just noticed that. It was linked to a new thread. I was actually going to go back and delete it. What wuz I thinking?

GlamourGirl827
07-16-2013, 11:48 AM
tricon - out of curiosity, how did you come across this 4 year old thread?

I was wondering the same thing! lol!

GlamourGirl827
07-16-2013, 11:54 AM
I don't understand this. If I say nothing to my wife, she should interpret my silence that her obesity doesn't bother me, but if I say something she gets livid and I'm in the doghouse?

Buuuttttt, since you posted, this is the issue in our house. I have gained a ridiculous amount of weight with each pregnancy BUT took it off each time, and gotten back to the weight that I was when DH and I met. (actually lower after the last baby) and I plan to do the same again this time. So I am no stranger to being obese and having to lose weight and all the crap that goes with it.

DH has put on close to an extra 130 lbs since we met and has no desire to do anything about it. He's been this way for about 7 years. I am not allowed to bring it up...but his weight just increases and now he doesnt have the energy to be a dad or husband. He snores and likely has sleep apnea, he is always falling asleep mid day, he gets angry at the kids if he has to bend over for something for them because he is so physically uncomfortable. His blodd sugar is high, cholesterol is high, BP is high...but it is a double edged sword, say nothing and he take it as we are all fine with his ever growing isssue, say something and I am the devil. Never mind that I have battled my weight my whole life and complete understand the struggle and feelings that go along with it....

To heck with appearance, I just want his weight to be at a point where he can physically be a father nad husband again. His weight is starting to cause issues in our family, as he can't do things with the kids that other dads can do...But we are all required to keep silent about it.

JohnP
07-16-2013, 01:07 PM
To heck with appearance, I just want his weight to be at a point where he can physically be a father nad husband again. His weight is starting to cause issues in our family, as he can't do things with the kids that other dads can do...But we are all required to keep silent about it.

Stupid question. If either one of you had cancer would you hope it got better or would you go see a specialist and get treatment?

Consider seeking professional help for your problem. (Marriage counseling)

tricon7
07-16-2013, 01:43 PM
Stupid question. If either one of you had cancer would you hope it got better or would you go see a specialist and get treatment?

Consider seeking professional help for your problem. (Marriage counseling)

You have to understand our situation. Advising to do it (get marriage counseling) and actually doing it are quite different. Knowing you'll have to confront your significant other about his/her weight when you know they'll go ballistic, then try and convince them to go to counseling, which just exacerbates an already-prickly subject makes us cringe and just want to let sleeping dogs lie. Kind of like pulling a tooth that's not quite ready to let go yet.

GlamourGirl827
07-16-2013, 02:02 PM
Stupid question. If either one of you had cancer would you hope it got better or would you go see a specialist and get treatment?

Consider seeking professional help for your problem. (Marriage counseling)

Thank you John. I think this may be our next step. In the past "we" have tried a coucilor for him, anti depressants, physical work up to make sure it isn't medical, a nutritionist, all stuff set up by me trying to help him. Cooking healthy, family activities (bike riding), gym memberships together, then he never went and got mad at me for pushing it...He says its not a mental issue (that he doesn't need a coucilor or anti depressant meds) that he just wants to eat whatever and how ever much he wants and he doesnt want to work out. End of story. That simple. At the rate he's going he will be a diabetic before he's 35.
My older son and I did some races before I got pregnant and I promised him I wll be able to do some races by next year ( I'm sure I can at least get down to a comfortable weight fror running by spring). He's so happy I will be "his happy fun mommy again" next summer. Because when mommy isn't being active with him, no one is cause daddy just sits.... :(

JohnP
07-16-2013, 02:04 PM
You have to understand our situation. Advising to do it (get marriage counseling) and actually doing it are quite different. Knowing you'll have to confront your significant other about his/her weight when you know they'll go ballistic, then try and convince them to go to counseling, which just exacerbates an already-prickly subject makes us cringe and just want to let sleeping dogs lie. Kind of like pulling a tooth that's not quite ready to let go yet.

It's not a tooth that is not quite ready to go. I don't see this as a problem which will resolve itself. It's more like a tooth that is infected and may heal itself but may also need a root canal if left untreated.

By the way ... I'm also not sure why you think I don't understand. I've been married 17 years. :D

GlamourGirl827
07-16-2013, 02:10 PM
You have to understand our situation. Advising to do it (get marriage counseling) and actually doing it are quite different. Knowing you'll have to confront your significant other about his/her weight when you know they'll go ballistic, then try and convince them to go to counseling, which just exacerbates an already-prickly subject makes us cringe and just want to let sleeping dogs lie. Kind of like pulling a tooth that's not quite ready to let go yet.

I have already talked to my husband about this. Usually after each pregnancy when my weight is this high, I start talking about how excited I am to lose the weight and feel like me again. I talk about how we should do it together and how fun it is blah blah...I cook healthy and try to do family walks, but he's an adult and choses to stop on the way to work for a large ised coffee with cream and sugar and idk how many breakfast sandwiches, then stop after work for fast food, and buys two jars of cheese sauce and a bag of chips for snack...I cannot forbid him from making these choices.

Yesterday I was less subtle about it, and he basically expressed he doesn't want to put in the effort. He said he gew up thin, which he did, and ate anything and everything he wanted and never gained, which is true, and now that he has a weight problem he said he's still going to eat like he used to because that's what he's been doing his whole life. And yes when I bring it up he gets very angry. He basically said he wasn't fat his whole life like me so it doesnt bother him to be fat like it bothers me to be fat. End of discussion.

Mozzy
07-16-2013, 02:12 PM
Hugs

GlamourGirl827
07-16-2013, 02:15 PM
It's not a tooth that is not quite ready to go. I don't see this as a problem which will resolve itself. It's more like a tooth that is infected and may heal itself but may also need a root canal if left untreated.

By the way ... I'm also not sure why you think I don't understand. I've been married 17 years. :D

I agree. Ignoring it isn't making the problem any better, if anything its getting worse, the feelings and frustration. I agree that for us, the time is near to handle it straight on and come what may. My husband is in his 30s and has the health profile of an old man, and the energy level. I'm already worrying about him dying young and being without him. I can't put into words what an amazing person he is, he is truly a diamond in the rough, and I cannot imagine my life without him. I wanted him to grow old with me and see our kids grow up. The way he is going, that will not happen. SO I'll take my chances with his anger if we go to a therapist, if I can get him to go.

GlamourGirl827
07-16-2013, 02:17 PM
On a side note, we've totally resurrected a deceased thread. lol

GlamourGirl827
07-16-2013, 02:17 PM
Hugs

Thank you Mozzy. This has been an on going issue for us for many many years.

luckymommy
07-16-2013, 03:13 PM
My husband was on the same path. He was binge eating and when he'd get home, the kids got nothing but negativity from him. :( I wasn't to mention the food or he would be even worse. He would spend all his free time either watching sports or sleeping on the couch and snoring. I was miserable and I tried to be the best mom (and dad) for my kids, which isn't easy because I suffer from chronic daily migraines. Anyway, I told him that I'm very worried for his health and that I'm worried he will die and his kids will be left without a father. Nothing made a difference and he's completely anti therapy. He's actually a brilliant person and when he was a kid, he was a super athlete and academically gifted. I wasn't able to change anything but he was almost at 300 lbs. and only 5'10" and sleeping with a CPAP (which he still does).

Finally, he started trying to lose weight over the last few months. How? His brother is having a wedding and he was very embarrassed about his appearance. Now, I've started to make every effort to motivate him to continue on this path beyond the wedding and I'm praying it will stick because he's now so much better as a husband and a father.

If he ever slips back to his old ways, I"m going to tell him that what he's doing is selfish and unfair to us. It has NOTHING to do with how he looks for us. It has to do with his health and attitude. It doesn't matter that he was skinny and athletic as a kid. Things change. There are people who can't eat sugar like they used to because of diabetes or they lose their vision, limbs and even their lives.

Excuses are easy to invent and some excuses are actually quite valid. I had a wonderful excuse to binge and gain weight: chronic migraines and the abnormal MRI to prove it. I also have a son with special needs that are heart breaking. I have lots of good reasons to give up and not care, but I have to find more reasons to stay on track because the truth is that food never makes anything better in the long run. It's a short term drug of choice but it only exacerbates all the problems.

I really hope you find ways to help your spouses. I think often times they get angry because they don't want to hear the truth, much like drug addicts don't want to be told that they have a problem. We have to fight for our spouses to get on board with the health and they need to understand that we come from a place of love and kindness.

tricon7
07-16-2013, 03:18 PM
It's not a tooth that is not quite ready to go. I don't see this as a problem which will resolve itself. It's more like a tooth that is infected and may heal itself but may also need a root canal if left untreated.

By the way ... I'm also not sure why you think I don't understand. I've been married 17 years. :D

I didn't say you were wrong - only that it's a highly distasteful thing to do and will make for a VERY unpleasant day.

I know you're married - I only meant that you might not understand in a personal way if you haven't had to deal with an overweight spouse who was living in denial. Such as her commenting disparagingly on her weight at times, but doing nothing about it; having a brand new, shiny bicycle from Christmas, but always making excuses why she can never ride it; dealing with chronic high blood pressure; and suggesting that a lack of intimacy (if you know what I mean) may be a physical problem on my part.

GlamourGirl827
07-16-2013, 04:06 PM
My husband was on the same path. He was binge eating and when he'd get home, the kids got nothing but negativity from him. :( I wasn't to mention the food or he would be even worse. He would spend all his free time either watching sports or sleeping on the couch and snoring. I was miserable and I tried to be the best mom (and dad) for my kids, which isn't easy because I suffer from chronic daily migraines. Anyway, I told him that I'm very worried for his health and that I'm worried he will die and his kids will be left without a father. Nothing made a difference and he's completely anti therapy. He's actually a brilliant person and when he was a kid, he was a super athlete and academically gifted. I wasn't able to change anything but he was almost at 300 lbs. and only 5'10" and sleeping with a CPAP (which he still does).

Finally, he started trying to lose weight over the last few months. How? His brother is having a wedding and he was very embarrassed about his appearance. Now, I've started to make every effort to motivate him to continue on this path beyond the wedding and I'm praying it will stick because he's now so much better as a husband and a father.

If he ever slips back to his old ways, I"m going to tell him that what he's doing is selfish and unfair to us. It has NOTHING to do with how he looks for us. It has to do with his health and attitude. It doesn't matter that he was skinny and athletic as a kid. Things change. There are people who can't eat sugar like they used to because of diabetes or they lose their vision, limbs and even their lives.

Excuses are easy to invent and some excuses are actually quite valid. I had a wonderful excuse to binge and gain weight: chronic migraines and the abnormal MRI to prove it. I also have a son with special needs that are heart breaking. I have lots of good reasons to give up and not care, but I have to find more reasons to stay on track because the truth is that food never makes anything better in the long run. It's a short term drug of choice but it only exacerbates all the problems.

I really hope you find ways to help your spouses. I think often times they get angry because they don't want to hear the truth, much like drug addicts don't want to be told that they have a problem. We have to fight for our spouses to get on board with the health and they need to understand that we come from a place of love and kindness.

Thank you lucky mommy. I really helps to know that other people, especially other wives, understand how difficult this is. Its sounds like our situation is similar. My husband is a brilliant man as well. He is, in every other area of his life, motivated. He has overcome so much in life, and has set and achieved many goals, mainly academic. He tries to help around the house, and if not held back be physical fatigue, is involved with the kids. He truly is a terrifc husband, father, and person.

But his declining health, as a result of his weight, is robbing him of life and robbing us of him. My 3 year old puts on his own shoes, but needs them tightened (velcro) which requires bending over. Also he needed help with his jacket back during the cold months. My DH would tell him to do it himself and my 3 year old would get frustrated and cry and the shoes...they would fall off as he was walking to the car. :( I spoke to my husband about this, and it turns out my DH was avoiding bending down because his stomach is so big it is uncomfortable. It was such a mix of saddness and anger, that the kids should have any less of a parent because of his weight. So I do it. Even now 2 weeks from having a baby, and its really hard to bend over! I do it because DH gets so angry at my son because he cannot tighten his own shoes.

My huaband can not get out of bed in the morning, and its been like this for years. When I would go out for a morning run, I'd come home to the kids awake and unsupervised because he just sleeps all the time. With a new baby coming, I expressed my concern over how his sleep is more important than caring for the kids. (He has never helped with the babies at night because he will not give up any sleep. But this is so obviously from asleep apnea, of course he is exhausted! He is constantly falling asleep during the day. He snores so loudly that for several months he slept on the couch because it woke me constantly, AND whenever he woke me, I woke him. I missed him in bed so much that we tried again, and I think I will be talking to him about the couch again, since I am tired of being up from him at night and I will soon be up at night with a new baby, that I do not want to be woken up in the little time I will have by snoring. When I brought up about the sleeping, he said he would just get a cpap... and I talked to him about losing weight instead. But he just doesn't want to.

This is my last weightloss journey. We are done with kids after this. I fear that if he doesn't "jump on board" now that he never will. He has no concern abou his appearance. He says in his minds eye he is still thin, and has no concern for what others think of him. His health issues have not convinced him. I think at this point nothing will.

Last year when I was running, I was taking my oldest son running too. Of course it was more for fun, but as he's getting older, I'd love to see him get more into it. Plus he does soccer and karate. I look forward to sharing an active life with my kids, something I was never given as a child. I'm afraid that me and the boys, as the years go on, are going to start "living life" without my husband. Its like if we want to spend time with dad, it has to be at the movies or doing something sedentary. And then someday, we are going to have to watch him deal with all the health issues related to his obesity, and eventually bury a great man too early.

I would not care if my husband always carried a extra weight, as long as he was still able to be active and healthy. But right now that last he told me he was about 330 lbs? I really don't know for sure, that number is from 6 months ago at least.

tricon7
07-16-2013, 04:52 PM
He snores so loudly that for several months he slept on the couch because it woke me constantly, AND whenever he woke me, I woke him. I missed him in bed so much that we tried again, and I think I will be talking to him about the couch again, since I am tired of being up from him at night and I will soon be up at night with a new baby, that I do not want to be woken up in the little time I will have by snoring. When I brought up about the sleeping, he said he would just get a cpap... and I talked to him about losing weight instead. But he just doesn't want to.

Do you think his snoring is due to his increased weight?

GlamourGirl827
07-16-2013, 05:09 PM
Do you think his snoring is due to his increased weight?
yes

kaplods
07-16-2013, 05:42 PM
Sleep apnea can damage the heart, so a cpap if it is needed, is needed immediately and shouldn't wait for weight loss.

Also, many people lose weight as a result of using a cpap. I thought my pulmonologist was nuts when he said I would probably lose weight without doing anything but use the cpap.

He was right though. Over the course of 6-8 months, I lost about 20 lbs without trying, even though I was almost bed-ridden.

The weight loss inspired me to try to lose more.

I owe my weight loss to the cpap, and I was able to stop using it when the apnea disappeared after losing only 35 lbs.

GlamourGirl827
07-16-2013, 06:06 PM
Sleep apnea can damage the heart, so a cpap if it is needed, is needed immediately and shouldn't wait for weight loss.

Also, many people lose weight as a result of using a cpap. I thought my pulmonologist was nuts when he said I would probably lose weight without doing anything but use the cpap.

He was right though. Over the course of 6-8 months, I lost about 20 lbs without trying, even though I was almost bed-ridden.

The weight loss inspired me to try to lose more.

I owe my weight loss to the cpap, and I was able to stop using it when the apnea disappeared after losing only 35 lbs.

Thank you, but my husband wont even go for the sleep study to get the cpap.

I have read studies that do show a relation between sleep habits and weight. However, even if that prompted a 20 or 30 lbs weight loss in him, it is still a band aid for the underlying issue. This is not someone that wants to lose weight and is lost or frustrated. This is not someone paralysed by depression or the over whelmed feeling of having some much to lose. I thought this was the case for many years, I thought he was harboring some of the feelings or challenges that go along with weight gain/lose as I knew them from having experienced it. But the more we've talked the more he is explaining to me he just doesn't feel like it. He has said the the work invovled in losing weight is too much and he doesn't want to.

I see the cpap for him as an enabling tool, not a door to starting down the weightloss path. I think this because he has expressed it. I know he'd feel better on it, he knows too, but wont be bothered going to a doctor for it. But when we talka bout having more energy and maybe being more active together, or using the cpap as a starting point to move forward on weightloss, he gets mad. He has made his position clear. He is going to eat himself to death, regardless of who he hurts in the process. Like my dad, who is a smoker, he gets mad if I bring it up. And he has stated clearly, he is going to smoke until it kills him, and if that means he misses watching his grandkids grow up that so be it. I don't understand it, but its not my choice to make. :(

pnkrckpixikat
07-16-2013, 06:15 PM
Just wanted to throw some :hug::hug::hug: to glamourgirl

PreciousMissy
07-16-2013, 06:32 PM
Hugs glamourgirl and tricon

GlamourGirl827
07-16-2013, 07:03 PM
Thank you both. Since DH and I had another failed talk just yesterday, and I think being so hormonal, I have been especially upset by this today. He is home tomorrow and its so hard to just act like everything is ok, when I'm so hurt. One day at a time I guess.

aspen13
07-16-2013, 07:28 PM
Sending big :hug:!!

gagalu
07-17-2013, 12:29 PM
it's good you know he's there for you!!

Arctic Mama
07-17-2013, 12:44 PM
Big hugs, GlamourGirl!

Tohisha77
07-17-2013, 01:18 PM
Ya know..... you took it better than I would have and I am so glad you have realized that "this is the time". So, don't just do this b/c of his statements but do it FOR YOU! For the person you want to be..... Although I have to admit, if it wasn't for my son telling me he did not think I could do it and I quit every diet I have ever been on..... this may not have been my time, but everytime I wanted to quit, his words echoed in my mind.

As far as the "what have I done" statement..... that is not relevant now, you cannot change it, but you can change what you are going to do. YOU ARE SOOOOO going to do this.

^^^EXCELLENT post :)