Lighten Up! - Fun with telemarketers

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10-07-2009, 04:57 PM
One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer.

I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this:

Me: (swallowing) Hello

AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?

Me: May I ask who is calling?

AT&T: This is AT&T.

Me: OK, hold on.

At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.

Me: Hello?

AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?

Me: May I ask who is calling please?

AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?

Me: Yes, is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: The phone company?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.

AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.

Me: I already have a phone.

AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.

Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling.

When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested," but this lady was persistent.

AT&T: Mr. Byron, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute, but she at no time used the word "rate." I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.

Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?

AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!

Me: 7 days a week?

AT&T: That's right.

Me: 365 days a year?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!

AT&T: We think so!

Me: That's quite a sum of money!

AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.

Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?

AT&T: Excuse me?

Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.

AT&T: What are you talking about?

Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.

AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.

Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute? Are you sure this is AT&T?

AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but......

Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.

AT&T: No sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for.....

Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!

AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.

Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?

AT&T: What?

Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!

AT&T: Yes Mr. Byron. Please hold.

So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food:

Supervisor: Mr. Byron?

Me: Yeth?

Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.

Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?

Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.

I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.

Me: No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.

Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.

Me: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?

Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...

AT&T: (click)

10-07-2009, 05:34 PM
that is wonderful!!!!!

10-07-2009, 05:58 PM
Oh my gosh that totally just made my day - thanks for the laughter!!

10-07-2009, 06:00 PM
Hilarious! :lol:

10-07-2009, 06:16 PM
that poor telemarketer!(yes, that is sarcasm) you had me laughing out loud : )

10-07-2009, 06:17 PM
I did telemarketing when I was in high school. I would've hung up on you a long time ago! :lol:

10-07-2009, 06:30 PM
maybe your telemarketer is one of my customers-here's one from the other side, though I can't use the name of the company I work for. after listening to our announcements about our company and the features and services we offer a call comes in and goes something like this:

me: thank you for calling xyz WIRELESS, how can I help you today?

customer: my phone isn't working!

me: I'm so sorry your phone isn't working, can I have your MOBILE telephone number please?

customer: 999-999-999

me: I'm sorry sir, that number isn't coming up in my system. Is this your xyz WIRELESS number?

customer: yes that's my phone number, I want to know why my service isn't working!

me: are you sure you have your MOBILE telephone service w/ xyz WIRELESS?

customer: (really getting ticked) I told you that's my phone number. you people were supposed to come to my house and turn on my service yesterday but I still don't have a dial tone!

me: I'm so sorry your home telephone service isn't working, this is xyz WIRELES. I'm unable to assist you with your landline service, would you like me to get you the number for that company?

customer: what company?

me: your LAND LINE company.

customer: I thought that's who I called?!

me: no sir, I'm sorry, this is xyz WIRELESS.

customer: (CLICK)

10-07-2009, 07:11 PM
How funny- I was busting up at this! *lol*

10-07-2009, 08:21 PM
Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?

Hahahahahaa! Cute!!

10-07-2009, 08:23 PM
A telemarketer called me one evening ,as soon as she started her pitch I hung up, not rudely , just hung up. In a few seconds my phone rang again and it was her, she chewed me out for hanging up on her and then hung up on me !

10-07-2009, 08:50 PM
My dad once told telemarketer (calling right before our dinner time) selling windows that our home had no windows. It stumped the guy for a second and he said, "Oh, you live in an apartment," and Dad said "no, it's a two story house, just no windows."

10-07-2009, 10:13 PM
I am one of the worst people to call if you are a telemarketer...

but then I am the guy that takes all of those credit card come-ons and place all of their trash in the pre-paid envelope , along with whatever else junk mail I can jam in there and mail it back.

Just doing what I can to help keep the United Sates Postal workers working so they can feed their families.

10-07-2009, 11:42 PM
EZ - I love it, I'm sooooo saving my junk mail to mail back to someone from now on...

10-08-2009, 12:16 AM
That was funny

I just google the number now and don't answer the phone.

10-08-2009, 12:43 AM

I needed this tonight - thanks!

10-08-2009, 02:07 AM
My dad once told telemarketer (calling right before our dinner time) selling windows that our home had no windows. It stumped the guy for a second and he said, "Oh, you live in an apartment," and Dad said "no, it's a two story house, just no windows."

:lol: Kudos to your Dad! ;)

10-09-2009, 08:55 PM

10-10-2009, 03:06 PM
I have heard this one before and I always wish I could remember it when a telemarketer calls :D

10-12-2009, 12:37 AM
I always feel so bad with the charity things but OMG I cant give money to everyone in the world I am glad we dont get as many calls as we used to. Especially those phone rate ones.

10-12-2009, 02:52 AM
Poor guy! :-)

My husband will usually say: "No, I`m not Mr C, but I`ll get him, one sec..." Then, he`ll walk away, and after 10mins, he`ll check if the telemarketer is still there.

I cannot bring myself to annoy them and waste their time. They are probably on low wages and bonuses, so time is money for them. I`m sure most of them really would like to do something else.

I`ll just tell them, firmly but friendlily, that we are on the Telephone Preference List (we are, but the calls are still coming!) so it`s illegal that they call us. Half of them don`t even say bye-bye before they hang up, and I hope that our number is removed from their list for good.

10-12-2009, 09:25 AM
When I was a probation officer, "telemarketing" jobs were the only local employers that never seemed to turn anyone away. It was the "last resort" job for many of the folks on my probation caseload (I hesitated to suggest it, until after a person had exhausted all other options).

It's such a stressful job, that many people just can't handle it (especially sinced the people who CAN handle it, rarely want the job).

I do feel badly for anyone who has to take the job (if it suits there personality and they like it, that's a different story. Just in my experience I would guess that isn't the average telemarketer's situation).

That doesn't mean that I'm willing to let their situation impinge on my life. I think a polite but firm response is generally the best. I agree with Stella on the best approach (I believe in the US, it's called the The National Do Not Call Registry). After you've been on the list for a month, you can file complaints against companies that do not follow the list (there are some exceptions, for example when I worked for State Farm, the legal exception was that if you already had a contract with a company, it was legal for them to contact you with offers for different services. So your bank, insurance carrier, phone company, cable company.... could call you asking if you'd like to change, modify or add new services).

You can still ask these companies not to call you (and most will comply, especially if you inform them that your business with them is contingent upon them honoring your request. I know State Farm had it's own no-call list, for customers that didn't wish to be called at home).

10-14-2009, 02:04 PM
My aunt sent me an email yesterday that she received a call from a person asking if she'd be willing to donate clothes to the hungry overseas. She said, " Heck no! If they can fit into my clothes than they are OBVIOUSLY not starving! "

10-17-2009, 10:21 PM
I hear ya, starving folks don't need my clothes.:D

I do feel for the telemarketers, it's got to be the worlds crappiest job. You either don't care or you have to have a hide thicker than a mammoth to do that job.

We do get a lot of tm calls at the veterinary hospital where I work and they are a horrid nuisance for us. But we just tell them no, or if we're super busy, just hang up. No offense, but bleeding patients take priority.

I did have a tm stalk me a few years ago. It was not fun. The dumb thing is, his phone# actually showed up on our caller id. So I did a reverse search lookup and found his address. Then my dh called him back and told him we knew where he lived/worked and if he called again, we would call the cops and turn him in for stalking. He finally quit.