babygrant
10-04-2009, 09:27 PM
My ED goes WAY back.
The earliest memory of when food became a huge issue for me is grade 7. That is also the time I started to pack on the pounds. I was very think through grade 6, I used to be picked on quite a bit about it. So in grade 7 I volunteered to work in the school cafeteria. It was strictly volunteer, no money was paid out. Now why in the heck would a grade 6 student volunteer every lunch hour five days a week to work in the school cafeteria when they could be playing with friends? Well, it was because I got free food. Anything that was made and not bought, we got for free. So five days a week for lunch we got nachos, hot dogs, nanaimo bars, chips, cakes, soup......etc etc etc. Sometimes I could be left to eat lunch on my own after my "shift" was over, and I would go back to class feeling physically sick because I ate so much. I came from a above poverty family...so its not like I ate because I didn't get enough food at home.
Slowly my binges started at home. I ate and ate and ate at home. I started work at a department store and worked 5 nights a week. Every single night I would buy my dinner. Half of the time it was a bottle of pop and a can of pringles and the other half it was chicken fingers and fries at the store restraunt.
After a while, I started riding my bike and walking. One time I was walking and a car pulled up beside me and the guys yelled out "Keep walking, your still fat!". So that was the end of that.
I got married at 20 and had my first baby at 21. After I had my son and still had the 40 pounds of pregnancy weight on, my binges started being followed by purging. I would eat and eat and eat and puke. It worked perfectly. I was able to binge and eat all the good food, then I was able to puke and avoid those crappy feelings of being full and knowing the weight will pack on. After a couple years of that my husband questioned me about puking. I will always be honest with him so I admitted it. I promised him that I wouldn't puke anymore, and I have stuck with it. But the binges are still there. I binge daily. And becaue I've stopped puking, I've gained a lot of weight. I'm 5 pounds heavier than when I gave birth to my 2nd son 4 years ago.
I constantly obsess about food. I get invited to a party and I can't stop thinking about what we are going to eat. We decide to go to another town to go shopping and I get excited thinking about what fast food place we'll eat at. I hide food. Everything is just focused around food with me.
I went to my doctor a couple of years ago and she referred me to a therapist. I went there and she pretty much told me "Ummm, well stop eating so much!". I went to another therapist and he said "Stick to a diet of vegetables, fruit, and lean protein". That made me obsess even more because I realized how much food I could not eat.
I just don't know what to do. I feel so unhealthy. I do NOT want my kids to have the same negative attitudes towards food. :(
The earliest memory of when food became a huge issue for me is grade 7. That is also the time I started to pack on the pounds. I was very think through grade 6, I used to be picked on quite a bit about it. So in grade 7 I volunteered to work in the school cafeteria. It was strictly volunteer, no money was paid out. Now why in the heck would a grade 6 student volunteer every lunch hour five days a week to work in the school cafeteria when they could be playing with friends? Well, it was because I got free food. Anything that was made and not bought, we got for free. So five days a week for lunch we got nachos, hot dogs, nanaimo bars, chips, cakes, soup......etc etc etc. Sometimes I could be left to eat lunch on my own after my "shift" was over, and I would go back to class feeling physically sick because I ate so much. I came from a above poverty family...so its not like I ate because I didn't get enough food at home.
Slowly my binges started at home. I ate and ate and ate at home. I started work at a department store and worked 5 nights a week. Every single night I would buy my dinner. Half of the time it was a bottle of pop and a can of pringles and the other half it was chicken fingers and fries at the store restraunt.
After a while, I started riding my bike and walking. One time I was walking and a car pulled up beside me and the guys yelled out "Keep walking, your still fat!". So that was the end of that.
I got married at 20 and had my first baby at 21. After I had my son and still had the 40 pounds of pregnancy weight on, my binges started being followed by purging. I would eat and eat and eat and puke. It worked perfectly. I was able to binge and eat all the good food, then I was able to puke and avoid those crappy feelings of being full and knowing the weight will pack on. After a couple years of that my husband questioned me about puking. I will always be honest with him so I admitted it. I promised him that I wouldn't puke anymore, and I have stuck with it. But the binges are still there. I binge daily. And becaue I've stopped puking, I've gained a lot of weight. I'm 5 pounds heavier than when I gave birth to my 2nd son 4 years ago.
I constantly obsess about food. I get invited to a party and I can't stop thinking about what we are going to eat. We decide to go to another town to go shopping and I get excited thinking about what fast food place we'll eat at. I hide food. Everything is just focused around food with me.
I went to my doctor a couple of years ago and she referred me to a therapist. I went there and she pretty much told me "Ummm, well stop eating so much!". I went to another therapist and he said "Stick to a diet of vegetables, fruit, and lean protein". That made me obsess even more because I realized how much food I could not eat.
I just don't know what to do. I feel so unhealthy. I do NOT want my kids to have the same negative attitudes towards food. :(