100 lb. Club - Need advice: when friends ask…”How did you do it?”




daniela
09-17-2009, 10:26 AM
Hi ladies!

I’ve had multipe girlfriends on Facbook message me asking the infamous question “How did you do it?” Quick background…I grew up in NY but left for the Army a couple years after HS and never went back, so I’ve caught up with many friends via FB, which has been pretty cool. I have a photo album on there with my weight loss pics, started it for family but soon had many old girlfriend giving me encouragement and compliments. It’s been real nice.

So back to my question…how do you answer that question? Do you just give them an overview? Go into details? How much to you tell someone? I’ve kind of done both in the past. A couple of friends messaged back saying thanks or ask more questions, I’ve had one girl tell me one of my tips helped her months later but then there are some friends that never wrote back. No thanks, no nothing…maybe it was too overwhelming to hear that I don’t have a magic weight loss pill LOL

I think we all think our way is the best (the best for us) but that doesn’t mean our plan is going to work for everyone, I know that. But I do want to share what I do. I like being able to help someone and if just one of the things I do helps someone else that’s great!

Love to hear your input…


nelie
09-17-2009, 10:34 AM
I go with short and simple unless they really really want to know. "Eating better and exercising more". Honestly, that usually will shut up 99% of the people. Last time I told someone that, they told me that they were lazy and that sounded like it would require effort so they weren't interested.

daniela
09-17-2009, 10:40 AM
I go with short and simple unless they really really want to know. "Eating better and exercising more". Honestly, that usually will shut up 99% of the people. Last time I told someone that, they told me that they were lazy and that sounded like it would require effort so they weren't interested.

HAHA excellent advice. Short and sweet and if they ask follow up questions then offer more info. Even a year later I'm still excited about my new lifestyle and it's hard sometimes for me to just shut up and not want to talk about it :tape:


Ryanne
09-17-2009, 10:51 AM
I go with short and simple unless they really really want to know. "Eating better and exercising more". Honestly, that usually will shut up 99% of the people. Last time I told someone that, they told me that they were lazy and that sounded like it would require effort so they weren't interested.
Isn't that the truth...so funny! :rofl::D

FromFat2Fit
09-17-2009, 11:46 AM
HAHA excellent advice. Short and sweet and if they ask follow up questions then offer more info. Even a year later I'm still excited about my new lifestyle and it's hard sometimes for me to just shut up and not want to talk about it :tape:


I think it is fine that you talk about it in depth. I know that I would be one of the people that would ask questions. I think some people ask because they assume you had surgery or something along those lines, and then when they find out you didn't they are no longer interested. I have always been an inquisitive person. I could probably sit and listen to someone tell me EVERYTHING they did. Like every meal they ate, every exercise, etc. It is like they have the key to tons of knowledge in my book.

If you are comfortable talking about it, TALK AWAY!

nelie
09-17-2009, 11:49 AM
I think it is fine that you talk about it in depth. I know that I would be one of the people that would ask questions. I think some people ask because they assume you had surgery or something along those lines, and then when they find out you didn't they are no longer interested. I have always been an inquisitive person. I could probably sit and listen to someone tell me EVERYTHING they did. Like every meal they ate, every exercise, etc. It is like they have the key to tons of knowledge in my book.

If you are comfortable talking about it, TALK AWAY!

And I should say that I don't mean to discourage someone from talking about it. From my experience and those of others, most people really have no interest in listening if it isn't a quick fix solution. I used to get excited when people would ask me and I'd start giving details only to find that they didn't want details if it meant any effort.

If someone is truly interested though, I say go ahead and give details.

FromFat2Fit
09-17-2009, 12:00 PM
Nelie I knew that you were not discouraging anyone from talking about it. The sad thing is that most only want the "quick fix". I guess I am just nosey...so I want to know everything! I would be one of those that would drive people crazy with questions.

beerab
09-17-2009, 12:01 PM
You can always copy and paste your initial response or make a post and direct people to it on your FB? (I don't have FB don't know how it works exactly).

TaraLee
09-17-2009, 12:03 PM
I'd love to know... are you counting calories or is it a specific diet your doing?
You look AMAZING!!

pintobean
09-17-2009, 12:03 PM
I think it would be best to keep it short and simple initially with an option to ask you questions if they have any. Like Nelie said, it would weed out lot of the folks, if they're not ready yet, when they find out it is all about hard work and eating right for life. Also, there's a possibility that someone might feel overwhelmed with information overload. But, if someone *really* wanted to know and asked you questions then go in details as to what worked for you and what didn't etc. HTH :)

OT - I saw your progress pictures, you look amazing!! I recently started weight training and I know I have a long road ahead to feel and see any muscle definition.

daniela
09-17-2009, 12:06 PM
I think it is fine that you talk about it in depth. I know that I would be one of the people that would ask questions. I think some people ask because they assume you had surgery or something along those lines, and then when they find out you didn't they are no longer interested. I have always been an inquisitive person. I could probably sit and listen to someone tell me EVERYTHING they did. Like every meal they ate, every exercise, etc. It is like they have the key to tons of knowledge in my book.

If you are comfortable talking about it, TALK AWAY!

I don't mind talking about all the details to someone that wants to hear it. I just think I jumped the gun in the past when I should have just said I did X, Y, Z...if you want details let me know & I'll share.

From my experience and those of others, most people really have no interest in listening if it isn't a quick fix solution. I used to get excited when people would ask me and I'd start giving details only to find that they didn't want details if it meant any effort.

Yes! This is exactly why I posted asking for advice. I'm happy to share I just don't want to be overly obnoxious about my response and then get disappointed when I don't here back from them.

I hate to say it but I get the nothing response more from my very overweight friends then those just looking to lose 10-20 lbs. When I was 240 I was blown away by someone losing a great deal of weight without surgery and even if they told me how they did it, I'm not sure it would have helped me because I wasn't truly ready. On the other hand girlfriends that are just looking to lose a little weight seem to ask more questions but still don't take my advice about diet. They eat so little during the week, workout like nuts, drink on the weekends, eat crap, and then wonder why they can't lose the last 10 lbs LOL

Sometimes it's easier to be quiet then to be the know it all workout-diet guru...I don't want to be the know it all (even when I disagree with what they are doing)...not cool :p

daniela
09-17-2009, 12:45 PM
Nelie I knew that you were not discouraging anyone from talking about it. The sad thing is that most only want the "quick fix". I guess I am just nosey...so I want to know everything! I would be one of those that would drive people crazy with questions.
I don't think you would be driving someone crazy if they are into sharing...it's nice when friends show an interest in something you are pationate about. My cube mate at work is a long time marathon runner and I ask him questions ALL the time! I feel like I'm being annoying sometimes but I think he likes it that someone is interested and he's got great advice!

You can always copy and paste your initial response or make a post and direct people to it on your FB? (I don't have FB don't know how it works exactly).
I'd love to know... are you counting calories or is it a specific diet your doing?
You look AMAZING!!

I dig this idea Beerab...I'm going to write up a goal post soon since next week is my 1yr weight loss anniversary. I've kind of changed my goal and it's not about the scale anymore...it's gonna take me at least another year to get to my goal physique. I want to share my whole story (yes, details hehe) with all you awesome 3FC'ers. And then I can link that post to my FB photo album page so that my FB friends can read my story too.

Thanks TaraLee! Yes, I count calories and still food journal one year later.

I think it would be best to keep it short and simple initially with an option to ask you questions if they have any. Like Nelie said, it would weed out lot of the folks, if they're not ready yet, when they find out it is all about hard work and eating right for life. Also, there's a possibility that someone might feel overwhelmed with information overload. But, if someone *really* wanted to know and asked you questions then go in details as to what worked for you and what didn't etc. HTH :)

OT - I saw your progress pictures, you look amazing!! I recently started weight training and I know I have a long road ahead to feel and see any muscle definition.

Agreed Pintobean, especially on the part of being overwhelmed and information overload. If I start blabbering about macros I'm sure some people are like this girl is crazy! :dizzy: Thank you much for the complement :hug: I've been weight training since Feb and I started getting serious about it and lifting heavy at the end of July. You'll see changes, stick with it :D Be sure to take measurements to track your progress, my weight loss has SLOWED down but I can see a big difference in body composition. I know I wouldn't be this "small" looking at 150 without the weight lifting.

Slashnl
09-17-2009, 01:05 PM
Oh my goodness! I have nothing to add to the advice you have been given, but I wanted to comment on your progress pictures and your avatar. Your muscle tone is amazing. I'm so impressed. I'm working on getting that muscle tone because I think it makes you look incredible. Congrats!

Trazey34
09-17-2009, 01:20 PM
I always say "I stopped eating like a linebacker" :D

FromFat2Fit
09-17-2009, 02:20 PM
I always say "I stopped eating like a linebacker" :D



:joker: I LOVE THAT RESPONSE!

Kae
09-17-2009, 02:24 PM
I haven't lost much yet but I did get asked that... She seemed unconvinced when I answered simply, "Eating healthy and exercising." She persisted and was like, "Yea, so what are you really doing? What plan are you on? Did you cut out carbs?" LOL... Like others have said, people don't want to hear you say the truth--- that it's about self control and burning more calories than you eat.

daniela
09-17-2009, 03:27 PM
Oh my goodness! I have nothing to add to the advice you have been given, but I wanted to comment on your progress pictures and your avatar. Your muscle tone is amazing. I'm so impressed. I'm working on getting that muscle tone because I think it makes you look incredible. Congrats!
Thank you much Slahnl!

I always say "I stopped eating like a linebacker" :D
Where were you 9 years ago with that comment when I started packing it on?!?!? HEHE LOVE IT!

Sometimes people just ask as a greeting almost. Like how are you, how've you been? This doesnt mean that everyone who asks how you are really wants to know the nuts and bolts of how you are. Close friends are probably sincere, but for the rest, the answer should be as casual as the relationship.

Nice analogy, thanks!

I haven't lost much yet but I did get asked that... She seemed unconvinced when I answered simply, "Eating healthy and exercising." She persisted and was like, "Yea, so what are you really doing? What plan are you on? Did you cut out carbs?" LOL... Like others have said, people don't want to hear you say the truth--- that it's about self control and burning more calories than you eat.

Ain't that the truth sister! And I just want to throw in I hate the "hows your diet?" "are you allowed to eat that?" "you actually like that stuff?" "do you miss eating junk?" The list could go on and on....

ubergirl
09-17-2009, 03:39 PM
So far, I try to be short and sweet-- because when I go into more detail, everyone seems to want to tell me what I should be doing instead.

Alana in Canada
09-17-2009, 03:40 PM
I don't have anything to add to the advice you've received, it's all great.

I don't know why people think it has to be complicated: I just know that when I was thinking about losing weight this time, I consulted a LOT of books and programs to find "the one" for me--and NONE would do because what I wanted was moderate exercise, and sensible eating. The closest I got was Bob Greene but even he has rules (like no eating 2 hours before bed) which make losing weight unnecessarily difficult.

I am SO glad I've got you chicks. It's an oasis of sanity in a crazy, crazy food world.

MindiV
09-17-2009, 04:37 PM
I tell 'em I started eating better, eating out less, cooking at home more and exercising 5 days a week. Most don't believe it, and they nearly ALL tell me I'm too skinny now. If they want more detailed info, they ask for it.

Arctic Mama
09-17-2009, 05:34 PM
It depends on the person and my relationship to them - I am naturally a very high-disclosure person, but if I think they really aren't interested in the details or will ridicule me I keep it short and sweet, but with my family or close friends who are genuinely curious on the details I give them a novel :lol:

Onederchic
09-17-2009, 06:28 PM
So far, I try to be short and sweet-- because when I go into more detail, everyone seems to want to tell me what I should be doing instead.


This.

Couch
09-17-2009, 11:12 PM
I keep it short and sweet, and generally try and make a bit of a joke about it. But if they struggle with their weight, or really seem to want to know, I always try to make mention of the fact that for me it's 90% mental. I had to work out what worked for me, (stop expecting immediate perfection, take baby steps towards a healthy lifestyle) and work through my totally messed up relationship with food.

I don't like to talk about it, because it's pretty personal and makes me feel vulnerable, but it has been the single most important factor that has made losing weight possible this time. I also find that it's not talked about very much in diet books and the media, so I feel it's important to mention it.

ANewCreation
09-18-2009, 12:35 AM
I'm not sharing with the general public what I'm doing but I've had to 'explain' myself a few times (people are starting to notice my wt loss). I share that I am pre-diabetic and my doctor wants me on a Low Glycemic eating plan. Maybe it's just me but putting it from a health perspective keeps people from asking too many questions and it sure stops any and all needless advice. Who's going to argue with my doctor? And most folks are pretty uneducated about diabetes/lowglycemic eating anyway so they really have nothing to comment on.

If I honestly thought that anyone was truly interested in getting advice to change their own ways I'd share more but the truth is that I don't really know anyone with weight issues. Oh, sure there is always someone who could stand to loose a few, but nothing close to what I need to drop. So, really there is no one in my life that could benefit from what I'm doing.

Just my offtrack two cents.... ;)

Stella
09-18-2009, 06:57 AM
When someone has lost weight and I ask them how they have done it I ask because I really want to know their secret. I`d be disappointed if someone replied "eat better and excercise more". I`d feel that they did not want to share their secret of success with me or, in other words, are really saying that it`s none of my business how they`ve done it.

It`s now me who has lost the weight and I undserstand how and why someone would give such an answer. I`ve given it myself only recently, because the question came from someone who has always followed and commented my weight fluctuations very attentively. Others would have judged and evaluated my programme and may have tried to find fault with it because they grudge me the success.

Yes, I now see why this is often the best answer, unless the person who asks is really and genuinely interested in the details of weight loss and good nutrition.

losermom
09-18-2009, 07:39 AM
I keep it short and sweet, and generally try and make a bit of a joke about it. But if they struggle with their weight, or really seem to want to know, I always try to make mention of the fact that for me it's 90% mental. I had to work out what worked for me, (stop expecting immediate perfection, take baby steps towards a healthy lifestyle) and work through my totally messed up relationship with food.

I don't like to talk about it, because it's pretty personal and makes me feel vulnerable, but it has been the single most important factor that has made losing weight possible this time. I also find that it's not talked about very much in diet books and the media, so I feel it's important to mention it.

Exactly! I have shared my parts of this struggle with a few close family and friends. But I don't really think that anyone has any idea of the whole picture. Most people think that it is about the "doing", and don't get me wrong, that's important. But for me it was and is about my "thinking" and that's too private to share with just anyone, except all of you here. I never could have done this without all of you 3fc chicks! :hug:

daniela
09-18-2009, 11:13 AM
Good morning, just got a chance to read the additional responses. Thank you for all your input :hug: I'm going to stick with the short and sweet moving forward when someone asks and I'm going to say if you have specific questions feel free to ask because I'm more then willing to share. I think that's gonna work!

Oh ya and I LOVE the Linebacker comment so I think I'm going to use that when someone says the word diet (that drives me nuts)! This is just how I eat and it's what I do. Keeping a food journal (counting calories), weighing and measuring portions, working out, for me it's like brushing my teeth just something I do every day. But I don't need to explain that to you guys because I know you all get it :D

The reason I bring that up is back to FB...my status update last night:
Dinner then running 3 miles with my Mom

Reply from friend (who is a normal sized very attractive lady): Nice...I'll think of you when I'm mawing down on my steak and wishing I had the will power to diet. LOL!

This annoys me not big time but still annoying. Little does she know I eat 2000 cal per day, I've been carbing up for 3 days because I have at 15K race this Saturday. I'm having a slice of pizza for lunch and I have a baked ziti I'm gonna pop in the oven for dinner!

I'll get over it sorry just going on a tangent and venting...it's better now. :dizzy:

nineoceansaway
09-18-2009, 02:54 PM
The first 50 pounds I said "weight watchers" which is true. It's an awesome program and I would recommend it to anyone. For people who ask for more or just aren't interested in weight watchers I tell them, my biggest secret is to eat the same things you would just half of what you would have before. That's kinda the secret I live by anyway

starfishkitty
09-18-2009, 04:45 PM
I go with short and simple unless they really really want to know. "Eating better and exercising more". Honestly, that usually will shut up 99% of the people. Last time I told someone that, they told me that they were lazy and that sounded like it would require effort so they weren't interested.

Hah! Same here.... a girl told me the same thing yesterday in fact!