I know from past experience you can be cruising along, intending to start a diet every single monday and then something happens and the fact that you were totally out of control, on the downhill slide and just standing on the sidelines watching the pounds pile on, suddenly reverses and you take control and the next thing you know you have been on a diet for three weeks and doing well.
I was feeling suicidal for weeks. I was telling myself I just couldn't give up eating whatever I wanted. I just couldn't. Every day I thought about it and then sat in front of the TV and ate my way though all my favorite programs night after night. (I'm a night eater).
Then two things happened: the vision in my left eye overnight deteriorated and I found out if was due to high blood sugar, which I had known about but ignored, and worse, that it might not get better. It might be permanent. Secondly, I got on the scales and I had gained 6.5lbs in a week; a record for me. My usual lying to myself came crashing down and I was actually mentally paralyzed for a few minutes. I was staring **** in the face.
The next day I started what I thought I couldn't and my new motto is "You don't have to like it; you just have to do it." I say this because I have lost large amounts of weight a number of times. I alway thought I would become "normal" and be able to enjoy food and my body would regulate my intake. Not. Never. Never. Never. Alcoholics can relapse after 25 years; same with food addicts. It is really a hard reality for me to face. but, somehow in a weird way it makes it easier. We'll see.
Most people don't like limiting what they eat, fat or not. Being a food addict means you don't like it even more. The reality is that you will never "like" it; but, you can choose to do it. And you make this choice everyday.
One morning I woke up and thought I was going to die. I seriously thought it was my last day on earth. I was hung-over beyond belief, and had the worst heart-burn and heart palpitations I had ever experianced. My eyes and face were puffed up so badly that my eyes were but little slits. The thought of my husband and children having to bury their wife and mother in a special made coffin to fit my morbid obesity was more than I could take. I visualized our small town mortician having to call in extra help to handle my huge body, and making fun of me as they embalmed me. This sent me into a full fledged panic attack. That day was March 4th, 2008 and I remembered one of my elementary school teachers commenting on March 4th as in March "forth" (as in go forward), and so I did. I started counting calories, and gave up booze that very minute. A week or so later I went to the doctor, then changed doctors, (because the first one recommended WLS, and I did NOT want WLS). I followed the 2nd Doctors calorie recommendation advice (which wasn't much different than what I had originally started for myself) and put my nose to the grind stone. Here I am today 184 pounds lighter, and feeling terrific.
I often felt I had a "turning point" but it was never enough for me to stick to a regime for longer than 2 weeks. It usually involved seeing a nice but unforgiving dress or comparing myself unfavourably to other women. It prompted me to crash diet and lose a couple of pounds, but soon, chocolate and ice cream became more important than a slender body and I piled it all back on.
Why am I now sticking to my programme since 4 months and still find it easy and rewarding? I had a turning point which was different. I never talked about it before because I found it too embarrassing.
Although, at a BMI of just under 28, I was aware that I could do with cutting back I sought comfort in the fact that I wasn`t obese and still wore one size below the average British woman (although there were more and more brands whose clothes I no longer fitted into). I never stuck out in a crowd and whenever I talked about dieting I was reassured by both large and slender women that I was "fine". I never suffered any health problems because of my weight and enjoyed my food (which was always healthy, apart from me having a sweet tooth).
It was at the end of April that, for the first time I can think of, I felt discriminated against for my size.
I study nutritional therapy, and although this is a homestudy course, it involves a few seminars. April was the first one, and I was the largest student by far. Apparently, everyone assumed that anyone with an interest in and knowledge about nutrition must be skinny, and the tutor did not hide her disapproval. I really felt picked on and at times was used as an example for poor eating habits and health. My results and eating habits were constantly compared to those of the slimmest attendants. When they were better her surprise was obvious. When they were worse, I was berated. When discussing symptoms of malnutrition I was asked directly if I ever suffered them. When I didn`t have them, she was surprised. When I did, I was berated and lectured in front of everybody. Noone was singled out as much as myself.
I was destraught and vowed to be at least a normal weight by the time I see the tutor again for my first exams (November). I knew that I had to lose weight anyway before embarking on a career in nutrition as a nutritional therapist who is overweight may not be taken seriously by all. I however hope that being *formerly* overweight will help me to be taken even *more* seriously, e.g. by those who see me for advice on weight loss.
Anyway, it clicked. I gradually reduced food and increased excercise until I was back at the weight I was before I gradually piled on another few lbs over the last year. This was my weight for a long time, and I did not bother much. When I saw this number again I vowed not to be satisfied with thisthis time.
I have now lost just over 20lbs and one dress size. My shape has changed dramatically as my waist (which I was once so proud of) has re-emerged. I run faster and for longer and no longer crave sweets. Finally, being slim and healthy has become more important than sugar, and the success I`m already enjoying is too precious to me for it to be taken away again by greed.
Weight loss has become very slow now, but I do not care. My BMI is exactly 25 and everything else is a bonus. I don`t care how long it`ll take me for as long as it`s going in the right direction. I however expect to have to lose that much again until I`m slim and wear the size I want to wear - a British 10 (I think that`s an American 6).
Apologies for the rant, but it felt good to write about this experience for the very first time ever.
One morning I woke up and thought I was going to die. I seriously thought it was my last day on earth. I was hung-over beyond belief, and had the worst heart-burn and heart palpitations I had ever experianced. My eyes and face were puffed up so badly that my eyes were but little slits. The thought of my husband and children having to bury their wife and mother in a special made coffin to fit my morbid obesity was more than I could take. I visualized our small town mortician having to call in extra help to handle my huge body, and making fun of me as they embalmed me. This sent me into a full fledged panic attack. That day was March 4th, 2008 and I remembered one of my elementary school teachers commenting on March 4th as in March "forth" (as in go forward), and so I did. I started counting calories, and gave up booze that very minute. A week or so later I went to the doctor, then changed doctors, (because the first one recommended WLS, and I did NOT want WLS). I followed the 2nd Doctors calorie recommendation advice (which wasn't much different than what I had originally started for myself) and put my nose to the grind stone. Here I am today 184 pounds lighter, and feeling terrific.
What a lovely, powerful and inspiring story, Lori! You must be so proud of yourself!!
I just woke up one day and thought enough was enough. I just couldn't go on living like I was living. My marriage was in shambles, I could hardly move, I was so tired all the time, I never got any work done around the house, my house looked like a hurricane went through it. I looked like I had been in the hurricane too. All I did was eat and eat. I was gaining weight rapidly. I slept a lot, I was very depressed.
I just couldn't take it anymore, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
It was Time for change.
It was difficult because I knew I needed something that I could do for the long haul. I was tired of "diets" I couldn't be on a diet because a diet is restrictive and is something temporary. I opted for the lifestyle change. I found this website back in January of this year so i came back on here a month and a half ago.
I looked at all the different plans that people were on. But many of them still seemed like diets. I didn't want to have to pay for my meals to be shipped to me or drink horrible protein shakes 4 times a day. I didn't want to have to read any books. I didn't want to restrict certain food groups from my diet. Like I said all those seemed like diets and I had just had enough of that. I needed something that could fit into my lifestyle and I could do anywhere no matter where I went.
I finally looked at calorie counting. That was something that I thought I could live with. I asked tons and tons of questions before I began. I prayed about it and then it started making sense to me. I decided to count calories and just try it and if it didn't work I could tweak it somehow.
So I began my new life on august 6, 2009 and I haven't looked back since. I've lost 15 lbs and I swear it was the easiest 15 lbs I've ever lost. I'm pretty happy now. My house is getting cleaner, my husband and I are happier, I'm exercising instead of sleeping.
I just feel really good about being able to stick to something for the first time in my life. And I don't think its because I have control over it. I think its because I let go of the control and grasped being accountable for things I do in my life and things I put in my body. I pray constantly for God to help me make the right decisions and do the next right thing.
I cant tell you what I'll be like tomorrow or next week, but I can tell you that right now I'm doing pretty awesome.
Finally, being slim and healthy has become more important than sugar, and the success I`m already enjoying is too precious to me for it to be taken away again
Stella
I have to say that this was the case for me as well. I find stories of people who have hit rock bottom and have a realization to be very moving, but myself, none of the fits of despair ever led me to really want to change. I seemed to always be willing to accept a new rock bottom.
Now, thinking back, when I reached 295, which was my highest weight ever, I was definitely in a bad way. I had a chronic rash across my shins that was obviously worse because my legs got swollen every day at work. Me, who had once been a really good athlete, had trouble standing up from the couch. I had outgrown everything I owned except for a few super-sized items from Walmart.
But, each time I hit a new low in terms of my health, I just started thinking of it as the new sucky norm. The problem is, I didn't honor myself enough to think it was abnormal to have a sucky norm.
So, what hit me? It was a success. A huge life-changing professional success. A success that was going to involve me going out in public and seeing people and presenting myself as a professional. And I had worked unbelievably hard to achieve this success. And the person responsible for giving me the keys to this opportunity said to me, "this is your shot. I just handed it to you on a silver platter. Don't blow it."
That was when it hit me. I realized that for years I had been sabotaging myself because I wasn't willing to make this one fundamental change. I realized that no amount of success and happiness was going to make me truly happy unless I felt good about myself inside and I was NEVER going to feel good about myself inside if I was so fat I had trouble standing up from a sitting position.
That day, I decided that I was going to do whatever it took to change it. Because I wanted to KNOW that I had done every single thing I could in order to do the very best I could with my opportunity, and that I believed in myself, and cared enough not to be handicapped by my shame over my weight.
Since then, losing weight has been easy. Because I have a plan and all I have to do is follow it. I don't have to constantly argue with myself about whether or not it's worth it.
What I'm noticing, by the by, is that there is this huge shift going on in ALL areas of my life. I'm realizing now that I was letting life trample all over me and that I'm NOT WILLING to do that anymore.
Taking care of myself is about eating right and going to the gym, but it's also about more than that. I have four kids, and have been working almost full time in two separate very demanding careers at the same time. I contribute more than fifty per cent of the family income, and though I love my DH, I'm the emotional glue in the family.
Now, I'm learning how to say "this is more than I can manage and so something HAS TO CHANGE."
I have realized that I can't just be same old me only eating less because same old me was a compulsive over eater for at least twenty years.
So, I'm changing. And I'm not sure exactly where it will lead, but I'm POSITIVE it will NOT lead me back to where I was before.
Wow, you all have very life altering moments which brought about the turning point...mine was oh so much more shallow.
I moved to West Virginia in Oct. of last year. My weight had been constant in the 260's. We had to move a few times since the move out; the first landlords were crazy...showing up on my doorstep EVERY day, peeking his head in, asking what my kids were doing so we moved..we weren't familar with the area and moved too far away from DH work and DH had to be within an hour of work so we moved again. Between the stress of the moves and the $$ accompaning the moves I didn't notice but I had really started to pack on the weight after the last move. I quit getting on the scale, I slept ALL the time, was tired when I wasn't sleeping and I barely kept the house picked up, let alone clean. DH had been diagnosed as with daibetes II and instead of dealing with it, choose to realy on the pills to control it and eat whatever. I didn't have enough energy to care for my kids, like they deserved, I'd fall asleep on the couch while they watched cartoons, getting up to get them food. I couldn't fit in my "big" jeans, size 24, very well, either, they were almost too tight to zip up.
My OMG moment came when I stepped on the scale the last day of June...I was 281.8 pounds....282!!!! I'd never been that heavy and I was soooooo close to being 300 it scared me. I was afraid if I went over the 300lb mark I'd never come back. My weight has never had an impact on my "physcial" health (normal labs, bp, glucose, etc) luckily, but my emotional health was really taking a beating and I was tired of being tired and unconsious most days of my life. I was literally sleeping my life away! So between that and being terrified of gaining any more weight I knew I needed to change something ASAP! I was also way too vain and refused to buy BIGGER clothing.
I began calorie and fat counting and trying to get in some exercise 5 days a week. I couldn't cope with "diets" or eliminating foods either. I figured this way if I wanted a sweet I'd work the calories into my day. I've had my highs and lows and I'm still trying to learn to balance my days better (I go from the extremes of doing heavy duty workouts, then extreme cleaning, busy all day long, no me time to days like today were I get my workout in, get the daily chores done and plop down to watch Scooby Doo with the kiddos and surf on here).
My DH at fist did the workouts with me, though he quit, claiming too much stess on his back. I'm trying my best hoping that my trying and improving habits will encourage him to do better too, especially with the diabetes. A side effect...dinner's here are always pretty much healthy so I know his eatting habits are at least a lil better since I always cook.
Lori - I don't think I'd ever read your "spark" moment before, March forth, how beautiful. I got all teary.
I've written my "a ha" moment a few times, but I can give the short hand version:
1. My ONLY pair of jeans that fit (a pair of size 18 "loose fit" Eddie Bauer jeans that I wore everyday) got too tight to wear.
2. My slender-all-her-life mother wanted me to come visit for Christmas. I love my mom, but I had been too ashamed to see her, I hadn't seen her in person in two years.
3. I sat down on the toilet in a movie theater bathroom and cut the outside of my left outer thigh on a sharp-edged metal trash receptacle. It bled. I realized, if I hadn't been overweight, there would have been plenty of room for me.
I weighed about 200 lbs (had been avoiding the scale for months, so actually unsure of my top weight). I had long hair I just let air dry everyday. No make up, the aforementioned loose fit jeans every day. Baggy tunic sweaters, long huge oxfords. I was slugging and depressed, I fell asleep during meetings, in my office at work in the afternoons. I didn't want to look at myself - I avoided, pictures, mirrors - I didn't even look down at myself in the shower.
I was at a bookstore, leafing through the diet books (which I had a weird fascination with) and picked up Super Foods RX: 14 Foods That Will Change Your Life - and that was it. It was like I grabbed hold of an electric fence. Although my plan did change and evolve over the time, I came up with the basis of my plan right there.
All of my grandparents had died way too young - this book made the science of nutrition accessible for me. Instead of focusing on what NOT to eat, I would focus on what TO eat. I would eat foods to make me healthy.
And unlike a lot of my other half hearted diet attempts, I would start RIGHT THAT SECOND. So I did
I went through a really bad break up. It was a new start for me. I was tired of being a person that I hated. I reached my heighest weight and my ex left me and I knew it was enough. I couldn't live like that anymore. So I started and never looked back.
I started my lifestyle change almost one year ago. I've onlylost 40 lbs due to two stalls and 3 months of medication that caused a 10 lb weight gain. I had some health problems, high sugar specifically....then in november I found out my bio dad died of diabetes complications after having lost both legs and his eyesight before his kidneys finally failed. He was only 47. I turn 30 this december. How terrifying.
This was enough for me!
I'd had it, and even through setbacks and such, I have never done this well at keeping weight off for so long. ever. so it's going slow, oh well....it's still going. and that is all that matters.
On 08/27/09, I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes (D-Day). My doctor and I talked about my eating habits and dieting. I informed him that if left to my own devices, I would most likely revert back to a poor diet and lifestyle. Since I had never dieted before and needed some structure until I could stand on my own, he referred me to a weight management center. My dietitian and I clicked right away and I was curious to find anyone else on my specific diet plan. Well, that search led me to 3FC and I am so happy to have found this place.
I was having nightly anxiety attacks about my weight. I was miserable, would cringe whenever I caught my reflection, would wake up gasping for air, none of my clothes fit, oh and did I mention I was miserable? And I so worried about the health issues surrounding obesity, which I thought I had avoided thus far, but that was just luck. All I could think was, I'm 37 and my life is passing me by because I can't get control of this weight, my health, and my eating problem. So I scheduled a doctor's appointment (my first in almost 20 years) and faced the music. I also began working with a therapist on why I use food inappropriately. I signed up for a local fresh meal delivery plan so I could reacquaint myself with what proper portions were and know that I was eating well-rounded meals at set calories. I did that for several months until I felt ready to cook for myself again. That was April that I started and I'm down over 80 pounds. I think I just reached a tipping point where the fear of the life I was living was worse than the "reward" of eating whatever I wanted to.
There have been many moments. I've yo-yo dieted and then binged my way into oblivion. Some of the cringe moments include: feeling my extra fat crush my lungs as I try to go to sleep, not being able to walk 10 minutes because of SOB and my sedentary lifestyle, putting off various activities in my life due to the weight, drinking 7-8 pepsi a day instead of water, looking into the mirror and seeing a terribly unheathy, inflated version of myself, tired of dresses looking like circus tents, being in the Smoky Mountains and I was too out of shape to truly get out and hike, sinking farther and farther into the depression due to how I looked, recognizing the insanity of having fast food for almost every meal, and the way I felt after a typical binge--the food comas were honestly not worth any of the consequences. The realization that I was the root of all the unhappiness and negative things. I can change that and so can you. At some point it seems harder not to change. Looking back at your life and evaluating the things you wanted to do vs. the completion rate.
The biggest eye opener was researching the complications of diabetes, because that is where I am headed if I do not continue.
Last edited by better health3; 09-17-2009 at 03:05 PM.
One morning I woke up and thought I was going to die. I seriously thought it was my last day on earth. I was hung-over beyond belief, and had the worst heart-burn and heart palpitations I had ever experianced. My eyes and face were puffed up so badly that my eyes were but little slits. The thought of my husband and children having to bury their wife and mother in a special made coffin to fit my morbid obesity was more than I could take. I visualized our small town mortician having to call in extra help to handle my huge body, and making fun of me as they embalmed me. This sent me into a full fledged panic attack. That day was March 4th, 2008 and I remembered one of my elementary school teachers commenting on March 4th as in March "forth" (as in go forward), and so I did. I started counting calories, and gave up booze that very minute. A week or so later I went to the doctor, then changed doctors, (because the first one recommended WLS, and I did NOT want WLS). I followed the 2nd Doctors calorie recommendation advice (which wasn't much different than what I had originally started for myself) and put my nose to the grind stone. Here I am today 184 pounds lighter, and feeling terrific.
OMG Lori your post was so inspiring. 184lbs! what a feat and how much courage it must have taken some days. It gives me so much hope for myself.
I often felt I had a "turning point" but it was never enough for me to stick to a regime for longer than 2 weeks. It usually involved seeing a nice but unforgiving dress or comparing myself unfavourably to other women. It prompted me to crash diet and lose a couple of pounds, but soon, chocolate and ice cream became more important than a slender body and I piled it all back on.
Why am I now sticking to my programme since 4 months and still find it easy and rewarding? I had a turning point which was different. I never talked about it before because I found it too embarrassing.
Although, at a BMI of just under 28, I was aware that I could do with cutting back I sought comfort in the fact that I wasn`t obese and still wore one size below the average British woman (although there were more and more brands whose clothes I no longer fitted into). I never stuck out in a crowd and whenever I talked about dieting I was reassured by both large and slender women that I was "fine". I never suffered any health problems because of my weight and enjoyed my food (which was always healthy, apart from me having a sweet tooth).
It was at the end of April that, for the first time I can think of, I felt discriminated against for my size.
I study nutritional therapy, and although this is a homestudy course, it involves a few seminars. April was the first one, and I was the largest student by far. Apparently, everyone assumed that anyone with an interest in and knowledge about nutrition must be skinny, and the tutor did not hide her disapproval. I really felt picked on and at times was used as an example for poor eating habits and health. My results and eating habits were constantly compared to those of the slimmest attendants. When they were better her surprise was obvious. When they were worse, I was berated. When discussing symptoms of malnutrition I was asked directly if I ever suffered them. When I didn`t have them, she was surprised. When I did, I was berated and lectured in front of everybody. Noone was singled out as much as myself.
I was destraught and vowed to be at least a normal weight by the time I see the tutor again for my first exams (November). I knew that I had to lose weight anyway before embarking on a career in nutrition as a nutritional therapist who is overweight may not be taken seriously by all. I however hope that being *formerly* overweight will help me to be taken even *more* seriously, e.g. by those who see me for advice on weight loss.
Anyway, it clicked. I gradually reduced food and increased excercise until I was back at the weight I was before I gradually piled on another few lbs over the last year. This was my weight for a long time, and I did not bother much. When I saw this number again I vowed not to be satisfied with thisthis time.
I have now lost just over 20lbs and one dress size. My shape has changed dramatically as my waist (which I was once so proud of) has re-emerged. I run faster and for longer and no longer crave sweets. Finally, being slim and healthy has become more important than sugar, and the success I`m already enjoying is too precious to me for it to be taken away again by greed.
Weight loss has become very slow now, but I do not care. My BMI is exactly 25 and everything else is a bonus. I don`t care how long it`ll take me for as long as it`s going in the right direction. I however expect to have to lose that much again until I`m slim and wear the size I want to wear - a British 10 (I think that`s an American 6).
Apologies for the rant, but it felt good to write about this experience for the very first time ever.
Stella
I used to think people who only had a few lbs to lose had no idea what I was facing; but, I came to realize that it is just as hard for them to lose and maintain. It's not the numbers at all. Congratulations and what in the world is that teacher doing? I think the philosophy in the U.K is different as far as how students are treated in the US because I went to a class in Edinburgh several years ago and the teacher actually embarassed me in front of the entire class (we were all adults) for using the copying machine. I have never been treated like that anywhere. There is something about the teacher/student relationship that is different there. I should have kicked her a*s. ha.
What was the turning point for you?
Some of the cringe moments include: feeling my extra fat crush my lungs as I try to go to sleep, not being able to walk 10 minutes because of SOB and my sedentary lifestyle, putting off various activities in my life due to the weight, drinking 7-8 pepsi a day instead of water, looking into the mirror and seeing a terribly unheathy, inflated version of myself, tired of dresses looking like circus tents, being in the Smoky Mountains and I was too out of shape to truly get out and hike, sinking farther and farther into the depression due to how I looked, recognizing the insanity of having fast food for almost every meal, and the way I felt after a typical binge--the food comas were honestly not worth any of the consequences.
The realization that I was the root of all the unhappiness and negative things. I can change that and so can you. At some point it seems harder not to change. Looking back at your life and evaluating the things you wanted to do vs. the completion rate.
