DH and I haven't had sex (sorry TMI) in 3 weeks. One week was TOM (again sorry TMI), but the week before and now the week after...nada. I brought it up to him and its like he hadn't even noticed. For us this is FOREVER!! Now to make things more tense for me, I'm coming down with whatever my dear children have had for the past week, I'm drained, my throat is sore, my nose is trying to stuff up and I hurt all over and when I get sick I get clingy and emotional...I don't handle sick well. I was never a sick child, rare for me to get any bug but my once a year cold. But since I've had kids I feel like I'm constantly getting sick! So now I'm whinny, emotional and having freaked out thoughts like he doesn't love me anymore, he's cheating, I'm not attractive to him anymore.
And today, my 4yr old told me he doesn't love me anymore. He's in Pre-K, which is part of the school system here and he goes from 8:15a to 2:15p. He wanted to stay home and watch cartoons and so a huge attitude followed and whils e waiting for the buss he informed me he doesn't love me anymore (I know, logically, that he's 4, and he doesn't understand the depth or meaning of what he said...emotionally, still hurt). I told him it was okay and I still love him.
Last night at school the teacher informed me that in the three days he's been going to school he's been put in time out twice; once for picking food off another child's tray and throwing it at her and once for throwing sand a child on the playground. Plus, he's acting out in line and at lunch. This is ontop of the fact that we can not get him to use the toliet to poop. We've done everything the dr's suggested, he no longer has diapers, so now he poops his pants, and he's been checked. There's nothing wrong with him (he's gone in the toliet before and we keep going back and forth but this time he's gone for about 4 months without pooping in the toliet and I'm about to lose it if I have to clean up THAT mess one more time). This is not my kid! Even the teacher said she NEVER saw behavior like this in him last year. I hadn't either but in the last 2 months he's become defiant and attitudish. I know he's testing his boundaries but he's testing my patience to the brink.
Now I'm sitting here. I've done my a.m. chores but I haven't worked out. I just can't get myself to go do it. I'm tired, depressed and just want to curl up on the couch. I'm seriously considering making this a "day off" and just catching on Sat.
Sorry for the long post, I needed to let this out.
09-09-2009, 10:28 AM
1. Stay with your eating plan. Good food is important for keeping you feeling right, especially if you're feeling like you're getting sick.
2. Get some physical activity, like walking, even if you don't do a workout.
3. Don't worry about sex right now.
4. Take the 4 year old to a child psychologist for consultation. Something may have happened to him that you don't know about.
Good luck! :hug: :hug: :hug:
09-09-2009, 10:31 AM
You just described my previous week. :hug: I got my daughter's cold and it was way worse for me than it was for her. Haven't done the deed in awhile because of the TOM and then I was too sick. And my 5 year old has been out of control since school started. I'm pretty sure she doesn't like me, either. I don't have too much advice, but I can at least comiserate (sp?).
I am feeling better this week. There is light at the end of the tunnel!!! You'll get there. We always have a big adjustment and round of illness at the beginning of the school year.
09-09-2009, 10:34 AM
TaraLee RELAX For the rest of the day while you have a chance...Your obviously sick.
Take a day off from working out.
Your son is in his horrible 4's It will pass~As A mother of 3 and 2 of them being boys trust me I know.
The potty training for pooping will happen soon enough~one day he will just do it~Which will shock you and never go in his pants again~Boys Are just that way....And do not worry He loves ya~He is just going through a stage.
I always hear people say terrible 2's well believe me It's definetly horrible 4's!
As far as the hubby thing............................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ....Just give him some time~your sick~your son is being a rascal~And he is proboly just stressed~just tell Him it's a good stress reliever and maybe he will get the hint!
& FEEL WELL SOON!
09-09-2009, 10:47 AM
Tara, So sorry to hear your having a hard time.
As the previous post stated, eat well. That will be the best thing you can do for yourself, and it will help to get over what ever bug you might be getting.
Don't worry about the hubby. Just let it go for now. Talk to him about it when you aren't emotional.
The 4 year old issues. Let me share some of the issues I had to deal with, with my now 8 year old. He was close to getting kicked out of a few daycare/preschool centers, I took him to his pediatrician, ignored her recommendations, took him to a few others, took him to a psychiatrist which was a total waste of money and time, found a counselor which recommended the same thing his pediatrician did, and it does work. There were a lot of other professionals I went to as well during those years. My son was very quick to get angry and nothing seemed to work as far as punishment to stop the behavior. Anyway, lets just say I didn't think I was going to survive. This is going to sound very ridiculous, that's why I didn't do it when the pediatrician told me. I don't know the author, but get a book titled "1, 2, 3, Magic". It is a very quick read and it helped me understand several things. First, the more emotion I showed when my son acted up was the worst thing I could do, because somehow it just feeds in to him and made things worse. It was and still is the hardest thing not to do at times. Like I said, it sounds very silly, but if it could help with my youngest, I think it can help a lot of people out there. Psychologists are good if you find one that can develop a good relationship with your son, if that's what he needs. My worst fear was that when he started school, he would do something to get kicked out. I'm happy to say, he is now in the third grade and hasn't been an angel, but has never been so bad he had to go the principals office. You might talk to his teacher as well, some schools have resources available for you there.
Hang in there. Exercise will help too. You will feel better after a walk.
09-09-2009, 10:49 AM
Wow, and here i was a bit bummed because they got my coffee wrong this morning! That sounds like a crappy few days!!!
#1 you're right 3 weeks is noteworthy!! I'd go bonkers LOL When you're feeling better, definitely time to do some seducing ;)
#2 kids say the darndest things. I think your response to him was right on the money. No big fuss, just "that's ok, i still love you"
#3 lots of kids regress a bit on the toileting issues, i'm sure you've tried all the rewards and positive re-enforcements, just gotta keep at it.
#4 I'd vote for a day off, have some "me" time Don't go crazy with the eating cuz you'll regret it tomorrow when your head's back on straight!
09-09-2009, 10:51 AM
Oh Tara, don't worry. My four-year-old (my fourth) has pooping issues too. He's always telling me that his poopoo was coming but then it "went back in..."
Ay yi yi. He much prefers pooping behind the TV to pooping in the potty.
The good news is that he no longer poops in his underwear!
You may have tried these things, but there were a few things that finally helped.
1. Gummi Worms.
Yup, I bribed him. Two gummi worms every time he poops in the potty.
(and yeah, I know all about food and rewards, but for a kid who never tastes candy on any other occasion it's a pretty powerful motivator.)
2. The book "Everyone Poops (http://www.amazon.com/Everyone-Poops-My-Body-Science/dp/192913214X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252507681&sr=8-1)" by Taro Gomi.
Somehow something just clicked about seeing all those animals pooping...
Now, after he poops he gets to tell us what kind of animal poops he made.
Hey. Whatever works.... Like I said, he's the youngest of four and it's the first time I ever had a problem pooper.
I agree with everyone that you should take the day off... I think a bath with bath salts is in order.
09-09-2009, 11:52 AM
Oh goodness, you have gotten some great advice.
As far as being sick, eat healthy and get lots of rest. I don't get sick often, in fact neither do my kids.. one of the benefits of homeschooling! When my oldest was in public school (k and 1st grades) he was constantly sick and bringing things home to me and the babies. Breaking the bugs was one of our big reasons to bring him home (but definately not the biggest!).
As far as your little guy and school, well my natural response would be homeschool, but that may not be an option or an interest of yours, so I will say that he is 4! He is very young, and I couldn't imagine even my 5th grade boy having to behave completely for 6 hours straight, I would never expect a 4 year old to. Most kids that age, and boys more than girls are not ready for that much structure in their day.
Oh and the sex thing.. I think every relationship goes through dry spells. Sex is a BIG part of my marriage (in fact we joke because even though we were friends for 11 years, our relationship started with a one night stand) and we go through times when a month will pass and neither of us or one of us is just not into it. It will pass and things will go back to normal.
09-09-2009, 12:16 PM
Tara, I just have to share a funny potty-training story. My son was just under 3 when we started - he's a laid-back fella so we thought we'd give it a try. Well, he was fine with #1 - he thought that was fun. #2 - he had just discovered that this was a point of control - something that he "owned" and could make his own decisions on, when the family was hit with a very mild gastrointestinal bug. Just as he made this crucial assumption about control, Mother Nature intervened and proved to him that there were dire consequences for not making time for those urges. :) There was exactly one catastrophic mess. Potty training was complete from that day forward, and I've not met a kid more in tune with his body since then. Hope you're laughing, and that the laugh helps you feel just a little better!
09-09-2009, 01:24 PM
Honey I have sooo been there done that.
First the son, the great thing about 4 year olds his he will be over his comment to you in no time flat and won't even remember he said it. When he is in a better mood talk to him about him saying that to you made you sad and how you will always love him. I think it might help him to know that it hurt your feelings.
The poop issues. After feeling all smug about how easily I trained our first 4 kids #5 put me in my place. He wouldn't poop in the potty but in his pants. I tried it all! So what I did was this and some people would think it is mean but I felt I had no choice.I made him clean his own self up. If he pooped in his pants I made him get in the bath tub and take it off he had to wash out the undies himself and clean himself. After he was done and checked I would clean the tub but I did not clean anymore poop. It only took a few times and he got tired of cleaning it up and changed his ways.
I would bet he needs some positive praise, I remember when we were dealing with the poop issues my son was in trouble alot . He is just getting the hang of school and those problems are things he will learn from that aren't acceptable school behavior give it some time and try to find things to praise him over also suggest to his teacher to do the same . I would see if he just needs some positive attention since he is trying to adjust so much.
As for the sex thing. It happens here too, life gets busy . I usually start to pout and doubt and that makes it worse and he isn't interested longer. I figure our sex life can be compared to a Monsoon or drought the dry spells are usually short and we make up for it with a monsoon in time. Good luck on that.
09-09-2009, 01:29 PM
I wish I had something good to input like everyone else. But we definitely could use a lot more of these ---> :hug:
09-09-2009, 01:33 PM
Terrible 2s for boys is actually the 4s and 5s, as boys mature very slowly, a lot slower than girls.
My son, now 21, did not even potty in the toitie at all till he was 3 1/2. Now he is 21 and who cares?
09-09-2009, 02:41 PM
We had trouble with potty training our girl when she was 3. My MIL told me... When was the last time you saw a 20 year old go to the bathroom in her pants. And that made sense to me. I knew she will be trained eventually but just on her terms and not mine. I did eventually get to to the point when I told her that I was no longer going to look after her pull ups and she would have to clean herself up. Not long after that is when she started pooping in the toilet. ;)But she still peed in the pull ups for a while and then on her 4th birthday we got her strawberry shortcake pannies. She already had all the other kind of pannies but not the strawberry shortcake kind. She stopped opening her presents and went strait to the bathroom with her new pannies, took off her pull up and put the new pannies on. She never peed in a pull up again after that, even at night.
We were so relieved. If I knew that was what it was going to take, I would have bought those strawberry shortcake pannies a long time before!
09-09-2009, 03:10 PM
TARALEE~Just checking back in To say~I HOPE YOU DAY HAS GOT BETTER!
09-09-2009, 07:05 PM
Not really. I went to myspace.com and got some disturbing news. The girl my husband had an "affair" (they didn't have sex, according to them, but when DH and I were first together we both had had people cheat on us and we agreed that treating someone else like a BF or GF is technically cheating, he kissed her, called her A LOT, etc) is back to trying to contact him and I had a really bad half a day. DH finally called me from work and he got a hold of a wife completely off balance. He swore to me he was responding to her. This is the second time she's tried to contact him. He told him he'd delete that myspace account.
The kicker...she was notifying him that SHE'S losing weight...which, from what I got from message, he NEVER wanted her to do. Maybe I'm bitter but I checked the pics...she doesn't look any thinner to me.
What pisses me off, I let this have power of me and screw up my day and yesterday I was only .2 pounds from my 20lbs mark and now I'm sure I'm going to have to do some re-work to hit that gaol...**Sigh**
09-09-2009, 07:06 PM
Did I mention when DH and I first got together I was in size 14 and he called me chubby! Jesus...what am I now???!???
09-09-2009, 08:29 PM
Oh oh, time to use this power for good. You are feeling sick and emotional so why not right your husband a mash note and leave it on the pillow or with his razor or whatever, just make sure its a positive note saying good things about both of you and what you want to do with him. Don't worry about the kid, he will get it eventually. Easy to say I know. My oldest is a girl and it was like she understood the third time it was explained to her and had a very small number of accidents after. My twin boys? I thought I would be changing their diapers in high school. Hang in there and take care of yourself, don't let the flu convince you that things with your hubby are bad if they really arent, you might not be at your most logical right this second. Hope you feel better really soon!:hug: