Here is my problem. I have some major self esteem problems, and not just "oh, sometimes I feel fat". And I am aware that I sound like a nutcase, but I assure you that I am actually a pretty reasonable person most of the time.
Most of the time when I am in a gathering of people and get away for a second, like to go to the bathroom, I will compulsively start swearing aloud at myself and criticizing my people skills/intelligence/appearance/whatever is remotely relevant or irrelevant without even thinking about it. This happens pretty frequently at other times too, though people don't tend to actually notice the occasional mutter of "you're so dumb". :P
I'm sure this originated with my weight problem, with a history of having people react negatively every time I tried to interact with them because of my former weight. I am well aware that what I need to do is, somehow, cut myself a break, because I feel horrible every time somebody is (as I perceive it)more attractive than I am or does something better than I do, so I feel miserable most of the time. I'm just not sure HOW to cut myself a break. I feel a little better when I tell myself it's okay not to always be the best at everything , but I can't stay on topic long and I usually pretty quickly drift back to my original pattern of thoughts.
Has anyone struggled with anything like this, either generalized or body-image-wise? What did you do to fix/alleviate it?
Yup... I know exactly what you are talking about. I have done this, and it probably stems from childhood abuse for me, and thinking I am not good enough and never will be. I have combatted this with help from Jesus, actually, I still negative talk, but when I notice myself doing it, I turn it around to something positive. Now when I negative self talk or think, I think to myself, "would I ever say this to anyone else?" I don't deserve to be treated this way by anyone, and certainly not from my own self. I had a lot of self hatred for a lot of years, but I know it hurts God's heart as much as my own, when I do this. He made me, and He doesn't like it when we talk bad about HIS children, even if we do say it to ourselves. It just isn't right. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. If you are not thinking nice things, then turn it around to where you are.
I always think people think I'm dumb after I say something, but they don't. It's just me, and if they do think I'm dumb or weird or whatever, then they are missing out on a great person.
I'm gonna be honest here, sometimes I prejudge people or make comments to myself about them, and the thing is, I think that because I'm negative alot about myself, I have a problem with weakness and stuff I deem stupid in others. It is common for us to do that, but again, I have to tell myself,
"what is it any of my business if they want to wear that, or if they have that color hair, or if they said something that I don't feel they should have." It is not our business to judge ourselves or others. It is something that we have to learn to control and give to God so He can help us.
It is good that you recognize this problem, because a lot of people do this out loud in front of other people and it is a little more than uncomfortable for everyone. I always tell people not to say negative stuff about themselves. I wish people could get a grip on what God thinks of them and how He feels about this.
I can certainly relate to the negative feelings regarding my body image. I told myself horrible things about my body and my actions to my body. Things someone would never dream to saying to another human being. Like Ryanne, I am a childhood abuse survivor. I also try to remember that God loves me and wants the very best for me. With His help and guidance, I try to take the best care of His child that I can. I hope that I don't come off too preachy, but sometimes asking for help from your higher power helps.
I have had a big problem with this over the years, but I am getting much better. Every time you start to say something negative to yourself, you have to refute it. In the mirror, tell yourself out loud it's not true, and counteract it with something positive about yourself. Out loud.
It's not enough to tell yourself that it's okay to not be good at everything. What you are basically saying is it's okay to feel those negative thoughts. You're just reinforcing the bad stuff. Instead, think, "I'm smart, damn it!" "People want to be around me. They invited me here because they want my company." Do it over and over and little by little you'll start to believe it, because it's true.
Help with being a little less neurotic? :(
Ah, the negative self talk:
