Weight Watchers - Not Telling Friends And Family

None of my friends or family know that I do WW. They probably know that I'm conscious about my weight and what I eat, and I do buy quite a lot of WW products. But every week, I disappear for an hour, and they don't know where I go. In fact, I usually tell a wee lie about where I've disappeared to, and I'm running out of excuses!

I don't really know why I do it. I guess I'm ashamed. Ashamed that I let myself get this way, ashamed that I've taken this long to sort it out.

I feel like the fact I'm doing WW is admitting defeat, admitting that I've made a failure of myself and also drawing attention to the fact that I'm fat, which is something I really don't want to draw attention to.

How would I tell my friends and family in a way that wouldn't damage my pride too much? Or what amazing excuses can I keep coming up with to disappear for an hour every week?

As you've suggested, they may already know.

Support groups are for people who need support, not only losers who weren't able to manage their life on their own. It isn't the "last resort" (or shouldn't be), only for those who have "admitted defeat." Even weight loss support groups like Weight Watcher's aren't just for the very fat. My sister joined Weight Watchers after her second pregnancy, even though (even with the post pregnancy weight) she was barely over the minimum wieght that Weight Watcher's allowed for someone of her height. If she had weighed only two pounds more they wouldn't have let her join.

If you don't want to tell your family - don't. If they ask where you're going, say "none of your business." They may not ask, because they may have figured it out already.

Only you can damage your pride. You get to feel however you like about your choices. You can feel ashamed of them, or you can feel proud, or for that matter indifferent. You get to decide how to view going to a WW meeting. You can look at it as "no big woop, one way or the other," or you can choose to be proud of yourself for making such a smart choice.

Your body size is something you can't hide. People know if you are overweight, so why would doing something about it be a cause of shame? Believe me, telling someone you're going to WW does not draw attention to (or away) from your weight. People aren't going to think "Oh, Weight Watcher's - that's right, she's fat."

If you're ashamed of how long it's taken you to sort it out, then why would doing something about it now make you more ashamed, than leaving the impression that you're not working on it?

Very successful (and barely overweight) women go to Weight Watcher's. Just as people dealing with depression going to depression support groups aren't all on the verge of suicide. Getting help before a situation gets desperate is a smart choice, not a sign that you couldn't handle it on your own.

You've got to deal with the lies you are telling yourself. Not for the people in your life, but for you.

I don't really know why I do it. I guess I'm ashamed. Ashamed that I let myself get this way, ashamed that I've taken this long to sort it out.

I feel like the fact I'm doing WW is admitting defeat, admitting that I've made a failure of myself and also drawing attention to the fact that I'm fat, which is something I really don't want to draw attention to.



I can very much relate to this. I did tell my Mom but I asked her not to talk about it. After I lost the first 10-15 pounds, I was hurt when the next time I saw her, she didn't notice. When I asked her about it, she said "You told me not to talk about it!!" Haha.

A few people have noticed now and ask what I am doing and I reply "just paying more attention to what I eat". I think, for me, there is some embarrassment that I am PAYING some service to keep me in check. I am doing WW online, so there are no meetings, but I guess I am ashamed that I pay to punch in what I eat because I have no self control.

Although, it would be better for me to realize that I am exercising self control. No one pops out of my computer screen to knock food out of my hand (I might pay extra for that!).

I don't have any helpful advice, I just wanted you to know that someone else feels the same way.

I don't talk about it either, except to my younger sister, who is a personal trainer. But I don't discuss it at length with her, either, just because I know she deals with it so much at work and I don't want to take advantage. (She complains sometimes about friends going to her for free advice--"Why don't they just become my clients?"--which I totally get.)

But other than her, I never discuss my weight with my family--and only with friends in the most general terms. A lot of my weird food issues STARTED with my family, especially my mom. I'm not a kid anymore, and I'm trying to take responsibility for getting where I am, but it's just too loaded a topic for me to feel safe talking about it with them.

I don't tell, either and it has nothing to do with shame.i have found that once people know that you are dieting the diet police will come out , Should you eat that? Oh, You are getting too skinny. Every bite you take someone is sure to comment on it. Eventually someone will say, have you lost weight and I will admit it but try to keep conversations about my diet and weight at a minimum.

I don't really talk about either. I have dropped 50 pounds, but in real life, when someone asks if I have lost weight, I always say "not enough to mention." For me it's because I'm still so over where I want to be, that I don't want to draw any attention to the fact that I've already lost that much.

I should say that my immediate co-workers know. I figure they see me everyday, and there's no hiding it from them. But I haven't told anyone who doesn't see me daily.

Lots of interesting comments, and it is very reassuring to see that I'm not the only one who keeps it a bit shush.

I totally get the whole 'paying' for it bit. Even when people start to notice my loss and comment on it, I probably won't tell them about WW, because it is a service which I am paying for, because I can't do it on my own. And yes, I would definitely pay more for someone to pop out of my computer screen and knock food out of my hand!!

One thing kind of worries me though, and yet it is part of the reason why I keep things secretive. I have a long and very messy history with eating disorders. I am recovered now, but at one point or another I have suffered with pretty much every eating disorder that exists. My family do not talk about it, and only two of my friends know about it. I think if I told my friends (especially my best friend and flatmate) that I was doing WW, she would be concerned that I was going back to old ways, despite that the very fact that I'm doing WW shows, to me, that I am doing incredibly well in terms of not bingeing, not being out of control, etc.

And yet it does concern me that I want to be secretive, that I feel that I have to be secretive.

I definitely do need support though, which is why I need you guys, as well as the support that comes from my meetings. :)

Hi all -

I suppose everyone is different in how they handle things. I too am embarrassed that I let myself get to this point. Sometimes I hate to run into people who knew me when I was a young, thin and extremely fit athlete. I am ashamed for them to see me the way I am right now. But then I think.....yeah....young, thin, fit and bulimic. Young, thin, fit and still thinking that I weigh too much. Seems so very silly now.

All that being said - I think that you should be proud of what you are doing for yourself. Proud that you are making a change. Going to weight watchers is not admitting defeat!!! It is proving that you are ready to fight!!

If you don't want to shout it to the world, that's ok. It really is noone's business what you are doing. But, you should take pride in what you are doing. And I think that you would be surprised how supportive people around you can be. They can be a source of inspiration/motivation when you need it. I think that feeling like you are all alone in your journey is so difficult.

Anyway - wether you tell people around you or not....you are doing a good thing. And obviously, there are lots of people on here who support you! Good luck with your journey.

I didn't do WW but I didn't tell anyone I started. I just began. About -30 pounds my hubby said, "you are lookin' thinner.." and I replied, "I am????"

I didn't want to offer my new lifestyle for discussion. I wasn't ready. It just isn't my style. If you MUST tell someone where you are each week, I would let ONLY that person know.

Hey, by the way. Acknowledging you have an issue is the first real step to your healthy life. If your GUT is telling you to keep the news close to your breast, listen to your gut.

I think, for me, there is some embarrassment that I am PAYING some service to keep me in check. I am doing WW online, so there are no meetings, but I guess I am ashamed that I pay to punch in what I eat because I have no self control.


This is really suprising to me! I never once thought like that. It's not like losing weight is easy. It's not like everyone isn't trying/hasn't tried to lose weight at some point.

It's hard to do! Kudos to you! Be proud of what you're doing.

Paying this service is working. ;) I honestly cannot imagine one person saying, "Oh wait?! You have to pay a fee in order to lose weight?!? You suck!".

If it were that easy to lose, everyone would join WW and drop pounds! You have to put your own blood, sweat, tears and self-control into this program for it to work.

I dunno how many folks I've told, "I am doing WW Online". LOL! :carrot:

All that being said - I think that you should be proud of what you are doing for yourself. Proud that you are making a change. Going to weight watchers is not admitting defeat!!! It is proving that you are ready to fight!!

If you don't want to shout it to the world, that's ok. It really is noone's business what you are doing. But, you should take pride in what you are doing. And I think that you would be surprised how supportive people around you can be. They can be a source of inspiration/motivation when you need it. I think that feeling like you are all alone in your journey is so difficult.

Anyway - wether you tell people around you or not....you are doing a good thing. And obviously, there are lots of people on here who support you! Good luck with your journey.

I totally agree with you!

I personally think that talking to people about it helps. I'm not saying go up and down the street yelling it, but telling people helps. Most of the time when I tell people what I'm doing they are more interested in learning about it than criticizing me.

Plus it gives the support when you go to parties or go out, your friends try and help you, not hurt you.

I did WW years ago and I never told anyone either. I went to a meeting very far from my house. For me, I think that I wanted people to view and interact with me as a person and not as a FAT person.

Today, I am counting calories on my own, but the same is true. I don't talk about it at all. If someone asks if I've lost weight, I tell them I've joined a gym (which is true). Somehow, talking about exercise and my body is okay, but talking about food and my body isn't. I think there is an element of shame there which I don't really understand.

All that was said so you know that other people at 3FC feel like you and maybe we don't understand exactly why. The important thing is to know you are successful if you just keep going and never quit (I stole that from another thread here). That's what I'm doing ... I'm just working my plan and I just keep doing it. I am very happy to have this consistency in my life.

I feel that its ok not to tell your friends and family, i am only telling certain friends and family, some will not find out, I hate it when people look over my shoulder at what i am eating or like at christmas last year ( i was on Metabolic research center) we had noodles, ham, corn and my grandma announces in front of everyone how i am not allowed to eat this food, i was like i can eat whatever the hell i want!!! grrr... (well i didn't say that it was christmas after all, and i am 26 but to her i am 12) that is why i will not be telling her!!!

I've told friends and family, but I'm wishing I didn't tell any family. Tonight, my grandmother whispered LOUDLY behind my back (she's 92), "She's lost 10 pounds, but she looks like she should lost 20 more." I could, honestly, and probably more than that, but that's for me to decide and not her to tell me. No wonder I have weight issues!

I was embarassed the first time I joined WW... but I was 12, everything's embarassing when you're 12. Now I'm not embarassed at all. It's not like people don't know I'm fat. I'd be WAY more embarassed if people thought I was doing nothing about it! My family, friends, and most of my co-workers know I'm on WW. No one really gets in my business about it. Most people are really supportive... either that or they just don't really care. I understand that not everyone is as open about discussing their weight loss as I am. But I see no reason to make it such a big secret.

The family that I live with (my husband and his parents) are VERY supportive... but other than that, everyone else, seems to sit there and ask me why I wont eat their food and such, and I have to explain over and over again that I am trying to lose weight. They will let it go for a bit, but then start up again.

But, it is like this with a lot of things for me: Chocolate, Coffee, Alcohol, Tea, etc. This is because I cannot have caffeine (bad reactions to it) and because I don't agree with alcohol as a recreational drug. I am used to it now. When people start, I will not say anything and just turn around and walk away. It's the only thing I have found to work.

I understand not wanting to tell people. Whenever I tell my mom, everytime she calls me on the phone she asks "how much weight have you lost? Did you lose weight this week?" etc. etc.

I would be embarrassed if I didn't lose and feel like a failure...so now I'm not saying anything until it's noticeable.

To your original question, just say you're going for a walk.

I am a little hesitant to tell anyone im doing it this time around only because this is like seriously my sixth attempt at weight watchers.I will get it right but I dont want the added pressure from my husband or anyone else for that matter.

I think you should tell your husband. Personally, I don't think secrets between spouses can lead to anything good. Other than that, don't tell anyone if you don't want to! I haven't told most people that I've joined WW simply because I don't want people policing me.

I personally told my parents, close friends and my co-workers on my team know as well since I started off doing the at work sessions. One of my co-workers also was in the meetings with me until the session ended and did not get enough members to restart, at which point I joined the center.

I have found that my family, best friend and co-workers are very supportive. They understand that it is going to take time and that you can eat things that maybe are not perceived healthy on this plan as long as you eat them in the correct portion sizes and in moderation so they don't bug me about everything I eat.

My mom in fact has surprised me the most she used to constantly nag me about losing weight and ever since I joined WW the nagging has stopped, it was enough for her to see me join and want to do something about my weight issue. She will ask me how I did after my meetings but she is supportive whether I lose or not understanding that you will have ups and downs but at least I'm on the correct path towards a healthier me.

My father has now taken up to bragging to his side of the family about how much weight I've lost so far, I'm glad he is proud of my accomplishments. I'm hoping that this will entice him to join, but time will tell.

I think you should probably tell anyone you live with. To really do WW right, you need to measure and/or weigh and that is a lot of easier to do when the people around you understand why you are measuring your rice.

The first time I joined WW I didn't tell my boyfriend. We live together and he does most of the cooking. It made things complicated to say the least. Not surprisingly it was a disaster. The next time around I "confessed" that I wanted to join WW. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do because I was really worried that if I admitted that I wasn't happy with the way I looked than he would somehow feel the same way. In the end, he was incredibly supportive. Measured out all of his regular recipes so I could calculate points and everything. WW still didn't work out for me but I really like having him in my corner as I continue to work on myself.

I think you would be pleasantly surprised at the support you get from the people closest to you. On the other hand, there is nothing wrong with not telling people if you don't want them to know.

I don't tell very many people. I told my father and step-mother and they are just awkward about it, like when they asked me to bring my "favorite Weight Watchers recipe". Thanks, keep drumming it into my head cuz I'm just so thrilled about being in WW. :?:

I told some coworkers that are also trying to lose weight. Now that I've lost over 50 lbs it's pretty obvious that I'm doing something. I don't tell anyone the nitty gritty of waking up at 5 am to exercise or eating popcorn every night. A couple of times a week someone says something about my weight and asks me what I'm doing and I just say "that boring eating better and exercising, turns out that it works".

I feel like I don't want anyone elses's pressure, questions, interest, projections. And way too often when I talk about it I get questions wanting details about my weight loss, questions about whether I should be eating what I'm eating, and questions about whether that person should do WW too. I just want to be responsible to myself and no one else.