30-Somethings - what to do what to do....

View Full Version : what to do what to do....

08-22-2009, 08:54 PM
ok i'm 34 and never married.
there's someone at work that i like. really like.
so what do i do?
i think he likes me, but i've never been one to be overt about such things at work, you know, i try to see things professional.

i've always been shy and i've only even had a hand full of relationships.
i never make a move though, i'm not sure how to.
how do you let someone know your are interested?

i feel a love sick teenager :)

Phantom Goddess
08-23-2009, 12:19 AM
I would normally say, suck it up and ask them straight out, but I think you could also get another co -worker friend that you trust to talk to him for you. Get an idea if he likes you through your friend co-worker.

That way, he doesn't know you like him, if he doesn't like you. I think that would be easier to deal with than a mutual awkardness.

This is just my opinion. I've never been in a real, genunine relationship before, so take it with some salt.

08-23-2009, 01:30 AM
I'm a 40-something crashing this forum, but have a couple of thoughts. A lot of it depends on what kind of a workplace you have. Where I work, people will often walk across the street to the coffee place (it's Washington; we've got 'em on every street corner!) to grab a coffee so if you're both coffee people, you could casually suggest it next time you're chatting; "Hey, I'm getting ready to make a run over to Java Dog; wanna join me?".

Maybe that's too overt if you're really feeling shy. Sometimes, a small group of us (again, co-workers) will decide that we're going to run out and eat Thai or Mexican food. If your office does that, perhaps you could engage the help of a co-conspirator to see that the object of your affection is also invited along.

I'm not good at just flirting and expressing interest in guys because ...... well, I'm just not! But these are the types of approaches I would take. Probably the coffee one if I had the guts, because that gives him a better indication that you like him.

Good luck!

08-23-2009, 08:47 AM
Don't I repeat don't have your coworker talk to him that really turns guys off, They think hmmm she sends her co worker over to find out instead of herself does this mean she is very insecure...I would do as one poster suggested, go over and say hey I'm making a run to such and such place would you like to go after work. The worst he can do is say no....

08-23-2009, 04:44 PM
I'm not good at just flirting and expressing interest in guys because ...... well, I'm just not!

yes! see, that's me exactly. probly why i havent' had many relationships.
usually its the guy that makes the first move, or else i've been sure of his interest beforehand.

it's hard to find the object of my interest alone. he always seems to be with his co-worker. but when we have talked we seem to enjoy talking to each other. hes just different than anyone else, maybe that's why i like him, but it's hard for me to read him. some men you know they are interested in you, and some you know they are not looking for something serious, but with this one, i'm not real sure....:?:

i suppose for now i'll just try to be friendly and hope an opportunity arises....
sigh* sometimes i wish i was better with people.

08-24-2009, 09:56 AM
My BFF recently got married to a guy that started out as a group outing thing. A bunch of people from work would get together for happy hours and lunches, etc. Eventually a smaller group would invited each other over for game nights or out to the movies. And then from there they were able to get in alone conversations. It just developed.

I'd advise to just get yourself around the guy as much as possible. Maybe he'll ask you on a date. Good Luck!

08-24-2009, 03:33 PM
I think my best advice would be to not take it too seriously. My sister has the same shyness issues, and every time she sets up something with a guy she likes, she just talks herself into going head over heels for the guy before they've even been on one date...even when it's not a real "date."

So I'll give you the advice I give her -- relax, have fun, enjoy the moment for what it is. If you're nervous about asking him out for a date, then, as others have said, don't make it a date. Remember that this is something enjoyable that you're doing because you want to -- not because you have an ulterior motive.

I also would advise having someone else be the middleman -- just pretend that he's someone you've known for a long time and that you hang out together every week, and it's your turn to pick the place.

Don't know whether this will help, but good luck either way :)

08-24-2009, 05:45 PM
no , i know exactly what you are saying.
i just have gotten so into him that i have lost the ability to just relax and have a normal conversation without worrying that it will go anywhere.
which is easy to do with him, and i know he is a nice guy and he wouldn't do anything mean to me.
but yes, i am like your sister, i think that is why when i was younger i would have crush after crush that never lead anywhere :)
but i'm TIRED of that! and i want to at least step out on a limb and see if anything might happen!
but do to my shyness and pretty much lack of people skills, it is such a hard thing for me to do.
like you said, i just need to be comfortable.

i just have not felt this strongly about anyone in a looooong time, and quite frankly, i thought i was not attractive to the opposite sex anymore, so i was quite the skeptic when i first met him that he would actually be attracted.

i think too that i might have without realizing it made him think that i wasn't that interested, so now i feel bad about that.

i just don't know if i should be blunt about it or just see where it goes....or some intermediate that i'm not sure how to go about.

08-25-2009, 04:08 PM
Whoops -- just read this thread again and saw that I accidentally left out "NOT" for "I would NOT advise having someone else be the middleman" --sorry! Hope it's not too late!!! :-S

08-25-2009, 05:52 PM
i wondered about that :)
i took it as a misprint judging by the rest of your letter.

i don't think it's a good idea to involve anyone else. i don't like other people to know my business. plus it would seem the more mature thing to do to approach the person yourself.

i'm feeling less anxious today. maybe it is completely anxiety related. it tends to come and go in waves....
plus i have other stresses right now too.
thanks girls :)

we'll just see where it goes.

08-31-2009, 09:55 PM
i think i successfully flirted :)
i think he is still interested at least. maybe. who knows really.
but i'm happy anyway.