100 lb. Club - I think I'm a head case




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ubergirl
08-17-2009, 09:17 PM
I think I might be getting the weight loss heebie-jeebies.

So far, I'm down 23 pounds, and I'm also just incredibly more fit than I was two months ago.

Came home from vacation, where I'd been walking 4 hilly miles per day and went back to my lap swim routine-- I could really notice a difference. When I started two months ago, I had to alternate crawl laps with other strokes to rest. Now I can do the whole workout in crawl.

Yesterday, I tried on my "tight" pants, the twenty-twos, and they fit so well I wore them out of the house.

This should all be good, but today I was really fighting the head case demons. All of a sudden, I thought I looked fat and started to feel discouraged that I'm not any slimmer than I was a couple of years ago-- I put on about twenty pounds in the last year and a half. Now those are gone, but now I'm remembering that I never felt good about myself at this weight, and I started to remember how fat and gross I used to feel in my twenty-twos.

So far, none of this has translated into changing my eating, but I'm worried.

This is the kind of negative thinking that I've lived with for so many years. It scares me.


Pita09
08-17-2009, 09:27 PM
Ugghhh don't you hate those head case demons!! :devil: The only way you can combat those negative thoughts of yours is to replace them with positive, life-affirming thoughts. You don't even have to believe the positive words, but you do have to say them.

You have to forgive what's been done and own the good you have done. Losing 23 lbs, being able to exercise, and wearing those jeans is awesome. :cp: Don't let those negative thoughts take that away from you.

I know it's tough. I regained over 50 lbs this last year and I struggle daily with the anger over letting myself lose the control I was gaining over my body. I look at the pics of me at 205 and want to cry. But, I can't allow that to detour my plan, or I will never see 205 once again.

Hang in there. :hug:

matt_H
08-17-2009, 09:29 PM
You lost 23 pounds in 2 months, that is amazing! You are just a few pounds away from your 10% mini goal. :)

It is so easy to get into the trap of negative thinking, even when things are going positive.

I think that everybody should find one thing positive about their body that they like *right now* and try not to think about where you've been, but where you are going.


DCHound
08-17-2009, 09:40 PM
What is up with us 5'8ers, the super small sizes at the heavier weights, and thinking we are enormous!? I have been keeping track, there have been at least half a dozen of us!

You are wearing a 22!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is on the low end of the plus sizes!!! You will be a 20, 18, 16...and on down...before you turn around!!!! Seriously!!! You are doing GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am between a 16 and an 18 and there are plenty of days when I just want to stand in front of a mirror and go MOO - but they are getting farther apart. Just give yourself time to adjust. You are doing GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Own it!!!!!

astigmatistic
08-17-2009, 10:01 PM
What is up with us 5'8ers, the super small sizes at the heavier weights, and thinking we are enormous!? I have been keeping track, there have been at least half a dozen of us!

You are wearing a 22!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is on the low end of the plus sizes!!! You will be a 20, 18, 16...and on down...before you turn around!!!! Seriously!!! You are doing GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am between a 16 and an 18 and there are plenty of days when I just want to stand in front of a mirror and go MOO - but they are getting farther apart. Just give yourself time to adjust. You are doing GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Own it!!!!!

Interesting too, because at my weight I shoved my butt into a pair of size 18s...AND wore them out of the house! :carrot:

pucedaisy
08-17-2009, 10:10 PM
Aw, that's just Rufus talking. (My brother and I call that self-sabotaging voice "Rufus." How we got that is another story...)

Rufus never acknowledges your accomplishments- or if he does,he belittles them. Rufus says, "So what if you lost 23 pounds? Big deal! You've still got more to go- you might as well give up now!" Rufus says things like, "You're probably not really any healthier- you are just fooling yourself. Those hills weren't that steep." He says, "Oh, so you started swimming two months ago, huh? You should have started 2 years ago. And it's not like you're Michael Phelps or anything."

Rufus never says things like, "Aren't you proud of yourself that you started swimming two months ago? And even though it was hard, you kept at it, and now you are already stronger and more fit?" Rufus says, "Hmmm, you gained 20 pounds in a year and a half? You should feel terrible about yourself." He doesn't bother to mention that you lost all that, and then some, in just a few months! And he certainly won't tell you, "What you are doing is really working! You've got results to show for it! Keep it up!" He tells you, "Who are you kidding. That was probably 23 pounds of water weight. And those pants must have gotten stretched out in the wash. What, you think clothes only shrink in hot water?"

Tell Rufus to STFU already! You are doing great!! Learning to replace those negative thoughts with positive ones is part of the process (like Pita said).

Rufus told me that this post is stupid and that you will think I'm deranged and annoying for writing something so lame and silly.

Aclai4067
08-17-2009, 11:10 PM
What is up with us 5'8ers, the super small sizes at the heavier weights, and thinking we are enormous!? I have been keeping track, there have been at least half a dozen of us!

You are wearing a 22!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is on the low end of the plus sizes!!! You will be a 20, 18, 16...and on down...before you turn around!!!! Seriously!!! You are doing GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am between a 16 and an 18 and there are plenty of days when I just want to stand in front of a mirror and go MOO - but they are getting farther apart. Just give yourself time to adjust. You are doing GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Own it!!!!!

I'm also 5'8 and in a 22. (I've been in the 22s since about 270 lbs) While it's great being able to wear smaller sizes for my weight than shorter ladies, the trade off is it takes SO FREAKING LONG to drop a size!

And I can totally relate to the head demons. I reached my 10% mini goal on thursday. I was soooo excited. By Saturday night, I hated everything. I felt so fat and all my clothes (and I have A LOT of clothes) looked aweful. You just have to kind of push through it and force positive thoughts into your head, even if you don't believe them at the moment. You're doing so well, but we all focus on the wrong thing somethings.

Aclai4067
08-17-2009, 11:15 PM
He tells you, "Who are you kidding. That was probably 23 pounds of water weight. And those pants must have gotten stretched out in the wash. What, you think clothes only shrink in hot water?"

Tell Rufus to STFU already!

:rofl:

jrsygrl
08-17-2009, 11:26 PM
:rofl:ROFLMAO about "RUFUS" the self sabatoging voice"

PUCEDAISY is right. Tell RUFUS to kick rocks. He is not going to sabatoge all your great work

caliyah
08-17-2009, 11:26 PM
i'm a 5'8 and size 18's are still a tight fit...don't know why? granted..i only have 1 pair of size 18 pants and am not sure if it's just the style or not. i've been wearing belts to save $$ = /

nooch
08-18-2009, 01:04 AM
Oh man, I could have written this post! I am 5'10 and 298 and I have gone from 26 to 24 and today I just purchased my first 22s since 2006 - they will be public-ready in two weeks (still a little unsightly).

But when I look in the mirror I see myself as fatter than I was in the 320s.

Windchime
08-18-2009, 01:52 AM
I've lost 41 pounds and I usually feel the same. I'm wearing 2 sizes smaller now but I don't really feel much different. I have to continually go put on my bigger pants to prove to myself that yes, I AM smaller. Oh, and I am SO GLAD that I took pictures of me wearing jeans that wouldn't button in February, because it's proof that I'm smaller--those are my go-to jeans today.

Our brains are weird. (Not as weird as pucedaisy's brain, who has a dude named Rufus talking in it, but whatever.......LOL). For some reason, we just cannot seem to accept that we are making progress. It's like our brains are several months behind our bodies!

I recommend taking measurements TODAY. The only thing I measured and recorded was my waist, but I'm glad I did because the tape doesn't lie and it says I've lost SIX INCHES off my waist. Sometimes I hold the tape around my waist on the old measurement and see how much extra space 6" is. It helps me to visualize.

thisisnotatest
08-18-2009, 04:02 PM
I totally hear you and have given this much thought myself.

Imho- As we are blissfully stuffing our faces laying around it is very easy to ignore our bodies.

Once we start paying attention, eating right, moving, we are hyper fixated on our bodies.

So while we may have been blind on the way up, we notice everything more on the way down.

And now that we can really 'see' we get angry at ourselves for not 'seeing' sooner.

Another thing I notice is that when gaining weight, my body feels tight (poor thing is pressing up against my skin as its expanding). I used to think-this fat can't all be fat-my belly is hard, it must be muscle (gotta love denile)

But.. as I lose, my body is somewhat looser and has a squishyness it didn't have before.

So, I get depressed because I don't want to have to look or feel fat anymore. I want it now, but that is not the journey.

You are doing great, all these feelings are part of the journey, the only way to get through it is to go the distance.

Good luck.

DCHound
08-18-2009, 05:32 PM
Rufus told me that this post is stupid and that you will think I'm deranged and annoying for writing something so lame and silly.

ROTFFLMFAO

beaka
08-18-2009, 06:27 PM
You've come so far!!! Stay positive!!! Have you ever read the beck diet solution? It may help. It'a all about the mental part of losing weight.

I wish you continued success on your weight loss journey! :)

starfishkitty
08-18-2009, 07:29 PM
I alternate between days of being like Oh my god YES!! and Ugh, you STILL suck! Though more and more lately, thank God, I've been having the former... :)

I know what you mean though... I'm like 210ish right now, and I'm pretty much ecstatic. I hit my 250's around 22 to 23 and had been so ever since (27 now) but I remember when I was shocked and appalled to be 195 at age 18! Lol! Now I'm like.... *happpppy dance!!*

ubergirl
08-19-2009, 10:57 AM
Aw, that's just Rufus talking. (My brother and I call that self-sabotaging voice "Rufus." How we got that is another story...)

Rufus never acknowledges your accomplishments- or if he does,he belittles them. Rufus says, "So what if you lost 23 pounds? Big deal! You've still got more to go- you might as well give up now!" Rufus says things like, "You're probably not really any healthier- you are just fooling yourself. Those hills weren't that steep." He says, "Oh, so you started swimming two months ago, huh? You should have started 2 years ago. And it's not like you're Michael Phelps or anything."

Pucedaisy... I have bad news for you!

RUFUS IS CHEATING ON YOU!

He lives in my brain too!!! I know that dude far too well...

Working on it, working on it... but no matter how accomplished I am there is always a Rufus telling me that he's NOT impressed.

cfmama
08-19-2009, 11:20 AM
You know what? I'VE LOST over 140 pounds and I still have days like that. We all do. It's NORMAL. We've got to beat these fat demons with sticks until they die.

hugs!