Weight Loss Support - And nobody knows it but me.




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kuhrisuh
08-17-2009, 09:47 PM
So aside from my boyfriend, no one in my personal life really knows that I'm trying to lose weight.

This past weekend, the boo & I went out to eat with his parents, and I haven't seen them since I lost the 12 lbs. Now, I know that most of that was water weight and I probably wont see a difference until 25 or 30 lbs, but I guess I just hope my face would look thinner or something.

As we are walking in, my boyfriend's mom asks HIM, "Are you losing weight???"


Sheeeeeeessshh.

I didn't let it get me too down. Just thought it was kind of ironic.
How much weight did you guys lose before people in your life started noticing??


bargoo
08-17-2009, 09:52 PM
Why would you let it get you down ? You should be proud of losing 12 pounds. You don't have to answer her if you don't want to.

NightengaleShane
08-17-2009, 09:52 PM
Haha, so, you were not flattered by the question?

I was, actually.

Some people started noticing after around ten pounds, though most noticed after fifteen or so.

There were a few who didn't EVEN notice until I'd lost ALL my weight... then, they dropped their jaws and asked, "WHOA! Did you lose a lot of weight really fast? I just noticed how THIN you have gotten!!!" Like you, I didn't tell too many people I was losing weight until it was incredibly obvious. I wanted to see how long it would take for people to see for themselves.

However, with my weight loss came the return of styling my hair (when I was fat, I let it become a shaggy mess because I didn't care), the return of cute clothes, the newfound love of shopping, the return of make-up, and a buttload of confidence. Since I worked with a bunch of guys at the time (still do, but a different bunch), they all said I "got hot."


caliyah
08-17-2009, 10:16 PM
people didn't really start making comments until i lost 30... i tried not to tell many people, i just made sure i had a good support system (3FC) and just have been taking it one day at a time. congrats on the loss!!!

kuhrisuh
08-17-2009, 10:23 PM
Why would you let it get you down ? You should be proud of losing 12 pounds. You don't have to answer her if you don't want to.

Oh it was nothing like that, really.. She is so nice! I just wanted SOMEBODY to notice, and she was the first person I'd been around that hasn't seen me in awhile ;)


Haha, so, you were not flattered by the question?

Well I was flattered that my good eating habits may have helped my boyfriend.. he is looking smaller! :)

kuhrisuh
08-17-2009, 10:25 PM
Thank you caliyah! Right back at ya! :cp:

Lori Bell
08-17-2009, 10:57 PM
Well, I was WAY bigger and a tad shorter than you and it took a good 50 pounds before a single person, (besides my immediate family) noticed. Boy oh boy though, do they notice now. ;)

Funny story. Out of ALL the locals there were 2 people who I would consider pretty close friends that never, ever mentioned my weight loss. Not that I'm complaining, but it was just odd that they not once ever mentioned it where most people do. I have seen them at least weekly since starting my "diet", and they just never made an issue of it. Anyway last week I was at the hospital for a mammogram, and one of these people is a x-ray tech. She saw me from across the hall and her jaw literally fell open. She said, "OH MY GOSH LORI!!!, What happened to you, you have lost A LOT OF WEIGHT." She is practically yelling with excitement, like it was some sort of miracle. LOL Just thinking about it makes me giggle. I'm like, "I've only lost probably 2 pounds since the last time I saw you" ;) Anyway, she still thinks it was some sort of over night divine intervention or something.

Onederchic
08-17-2009, 10:58 PM
If I am to understand correctly, she asked your boyfriend if he is losing weight, yes? Well, regardless, don't let it get you down in the least, just keep on chuggin along. I don't rightly recall when people noticed with me though.

Arctic Mama
08-17-2009, 11:05 PM
I am a bit shorter than you, and started out heavier, but my weight loss hasn't been noticed by too many people who don't know I am losing... HOWEVER, almost everyone who knows me knows I'm losing weight, as I like the support and accountability of friends.

That being said, I received a lot of extra compliments on how much better I was looking by about 25 pounds, and I expect that to get more regular as I shed more poundage :)

RMatS
08-17-2009, 11:09 PM
Something else to consider is that quite a few people (guys mostly) are afraid of mentioning something like that unless it's really obvious. They're all so afraid we'll jump on them with comments like, "Are you saying I looked FAT before?" Then, they think we'll burst into tears or refuse to have sex with them or something.

Do women do that? All of my male coworkers seem to think we do, and that I'm in some sort of denial about what we are.

Of course, I think if you look good, it rates a mention, so "Good job!" ;)

paradoxx
08-17-2009, 11:12 PM
About the time that I had lost 18 pounds people started to notice and it was like it happened overnight. Which effectively, it had.

I don't know if anyone else has had this weird experience, but I apparently lose weight in chunks. For a while, I had started to look like a Swiss cheese. I would wake up and have what looked a bit like a pothole in some bit of me. My closest friend didn't even believe me, until I showed her one on my stomach and she blinked and said, "That is the oddest thing that I have ever seen." I didn't shrink, I just gained sinkholes. Then, at 18 pounds lost, my body started rearranging fat and I lost my depressions and shrank over about a week. Very odd.

Now, I'm gaining new sinkholes. Sigh.

kuhrisuh
08-17-2009, 11:16 PM
Thank you Onderchic!! :)

paradoxx.. I've never heard of that either!! Thats weird! Everyone's different, I guess! :)

and Lori.. how funny! You DO look great!

RMatS - I think some guys probably are like that.. but if anyone was to ask if I was losing weight, I'd be happy whether I was or not & just accept the compliment! Ha

jendiet
08-18-2009, 12:26 AM
ok...what I picked up on is the mother asking the son "are you losing weight??" as meaning "oh my gosh, nobody is feeding you! If you don't get back under my wing, you will whittle away to nothing". It's a mom thing more than it was an "ignore the gf is losing weight and focus on my son". I am a mom of a little man. I can totally see myself being worried about his eating when he moves out.

kuhrisuh
08-18-2009, 12:33 AM
Jen, you're probably right :^:

stargzr
08-18-2009, 12:33 AM
It took 20lbs.. I hadn't seen my mom in a few months (ok maybe more) and she came over with my step-dad to visit hubby and I. They stayed the night... then right before they left the next day, hubby went outside to water the lawn, step-dad was getting dressed and she said "you look like you've lost weight, in this (motioning to her belly) area". It was a major motivator for me. Although I seriously think you can tell more in my face, but w/e. I think people are more cautious with women and saying something might trigger a bad response, so they tend to not say anything. I fully anticipate my father waiting until I reach goal to say something. No biggie... I took photos when I started and I can see the difference, that's a big enough compliment for me. ;)

souvenirdarling
08-18-2009, 01:29 AM
One of my good friends recently hit the 20 Ib mark and I couldn't tell. I felt bad, but I've seen her weight fluctuate greatly over the years. I'm trying to support her as best I can - I'm quite proud for her and she inspires me :)

Actually, 2 of my longest friends are watching it, yet I never directly discuss it with them. Or anyone. I'm sure people notice I'm being "healthy", but not beyond that. I don't really want to sit around talking about it . (Aside from here, of course :) )

WhitePicketFences
08-18-2009, 06:40 AM
I did the same as you, didn't tell anyone but my husband. When I'd lost 35-40 lbs, we went to visit my parents for christmas. They hadn't seen me in 4 months, since before I started losing. Nothing for days. I was alone with my dad when he (mid sentence in a random conversation) interrupted himself to say, Heyyy! Are you losing weight? Then said I looked thinner and maybe it was the clothes? I took it as a genuine outburst of noticing, though I played kind of dumb and said something about eating healthy.

My mom noticed me passing on pie, etc., praised me for being 'good' and then took me aside before we left to tell me how great I looked. I wondered then if she really noticed or if she just noticed me passing on pie.

After that, after 50 lbs down, most people who didn't see me often noticed (people I see regularly are different, like my neighbor only mentioned it last week, as if it happened overnight like loribell described). I agree about men not mentioning it and frankly I appreciate that, as I have no desire for other men to comment on my body. My dad has a big mouth, so that's one thing (a whole other story!) But what I mean is, I know my male in-laws/professional contacts noticed, but thought they were very proper to keep quiet and let their wives compliment me. For that matter, I think I've overall known very polite people in general, judging from some of the threads here about comments posters have received.

Funny enough, my parents were visiting in June, gushed a little about how thin I was looking, etc., and we ended up in a conversation about people noticing weight loss in general. I was still not being specific about my numbers, but my dad brought up noticing at christmas. My mom hedged and in regards to noticing it then, said something about how she noticed, but "of course," she knew I was on a diet. So ... I was right. She didn't notice the weight loss, she noticed the passing on pie :-)

My own husband didn't want to acknowledge noticing for awhile (like 5+ months) as though I would flip out and think he didn't like me before ... or again (he is cautious about that, only makes me more determined not to regain). He has explained that he doesn't want me to think that he thinks I am/was unattractive in any way. Of course I appreciate this but I think it was a little over the top. He relaxed and started complimenting my progress/shrinking starting in the spring, I'd say.

juliastl27
08-18-2009, 02:11 PM
i have lost 40 lb, to date, aside from my husband and immediate family, ONE person has noticed. some of my immediate family still hasnt noticed. i try not to let it get me down, they'll notice eventually!!

i also didnt tell anyone because A) i didnt want the fake compliments and B) i didnt want to be embarrassed if i failed again (i know, negative thinking)

kuhrisuh
08-18-2009, 02:14 PM
i also didnt tell anyone because A) i didnt want the fake compliments and B) i didnt want to be embarrassed if i failed again (i know, negative thinking)

Those are the SAME reasons I haven't told anyone! .. Congrats on losing the 40!!!

DCHound
08-18-2009, 02:56 PM
For me, no one really started saying anything until I'd lost 60 lbs, about 3 sizes, then everyone started noticing all at once. But I began at a much, much higher weight than you...I started out in a 32 then people began noticing around size 24.

Saffytaffy
08-18-2009, 03:20 PM
Until I lost just below 15 lbs no one was noticing my wieght loss. Then it was like the others said...like it had happened overnight and EVERYONE noticed. I like many of you, only told my BF that I was trying to loose weight and when people ask me I just say that I am trying to be healthier.

juliastl27
08-18-2009, 03:37 PM
Those are the SAME reasons I haven't told anyone! .. Congrats on losing the 40!!!

yes it was pretty humiliating a few years back when i announced it far and wide and lost 30 lbs..just to gain it all back. people would actually say "oh whyd you quit your diet? you were doing so well!"

dont worry about it, they'll notice eventually. i also think maybe some people dont say anything because theyre worried its rude.

canadia
08-18-2009, 03:41 PM
My mum was the first to notice for me, but she always has a way of giving backhand compliments. She said to me, "I noticed you're starting to lose that tummy!" It's like, gee, thanks, mum. :D

WRT what your MIL said to your husband: My mother always frets over my brother's weight. She always complains he's too skinny. (And he is, but her worrying doesn't help.)

WhitePicketFences
08-18-2009, 04:03 PM
Every time we see my mother-in-law or grandmother-in-law, they exclaim that my husband is losing weight, getting skinny, whatever. He has weighed between 170-180 for all the 11 years that we've been together. Usually in the middle with no change. Yet they always say it. He grins (grits?) and bears it, but it is actually kind of offensive to hear that, for a man (at least to one who has never had a weight problem). He jokes that they remember him larger than life.

jamiewyn
08-18-2009, 06:07 PM
Every time we see my mother-in-law or grandmother-in-law, they exclaim that my husband is losing weight, getting skinny, whatever. He has weighed between 170-180 for all the 11 years that we've been together. Usually in the middle with no change. Yet they always say it. He grins (grits?) and bears it, but it is actually kind of offensive to hear that, for a man (at least to one who has never had a weight problem). He jokes that they remember him larger than life.

Maybe it's that maternal "Need to Feed" talking. Do they feed him shortly thereafter? :) My aunt is like that with my husband. She always gives him two and three pieces of pie (without even asking if he wants any) and says thing like, "I love a man with an appetite". My husband dutifully eats her baked goods and then looks at me like, "WTF?" :lol:

kiahna23
08-18-2009, 06:16 PM
I was 180 or so when I started losing...You could tell when I lost about 15lbs...But I was still kinda big..Im 146 now and I dont look it...I guess weight training makes you lose fat and gain muscle fairly quickly....

kiahna23
08-18-2009, 06:17 PM
But you will see the difference just keep at it...Thing of what you will look like in 6 months! Thats what keeps me going....

kuhrisuh
08-18-2009, 07:32 PM
kiahna - when I read that I thought of what I'm gonna look like in 6 months like you said,, and it was a big motivator!! Soo I wrote it on my bathroom mirror ha!

juliastl27
08-18-2009, 10:23 PM
i think the more weight you have to lose, the longer it takes people to notice. if a girl who weighs 120 loses 25 lbs, its pretty darn obvious. if someone goes from 220 to 200... its not as noticeable.

Thighs Be Gone
08-18-2009, 10:25 PM
Congrats on your success--

Yep, the comments WILL come with your continued success. Believe me, you will reach a point you won't want anyone to say or ask you another thing.

kuhrisuh
08-19-2009, 12:42 AM
i think the more weight you have to lose, the longer it takes people to notice. if a girl who weighs 120 loses 25 lbs, its pretty darn obvious. if someone goes from 220 to 200... its not as noticeable.

I agree having read what everyone said! :)

Congrats on your success--

Yep, the comments WILL come with your continued success. Believe me, you will reach a point you won't want anyone to say or ask you another thing.

Thank you :^: I hopeee so!

Julietta
08-19-2009, 05:10 AM
Loribell
acually I found it very very nice :)
at least to me, it seems that these close friends of yours really love you, for yuor character and mind and emotions... they don't even put attention on your appearance, because what you are giving to them is really deeper and beyond.
It's like... they are not concerned about how you look, they just enjoy your company and empathy :hug: