100 lb. Club - Gotta love little sisters...
I've been away for a while but working on things away from 3FC... ups and downs like everyone.
So I'm back at it now and my younger sister is kinda driving me batty. She's been ranting at me lately about my weightloss and calorie counting. She told me she didn't understand why I am punishing myself for what I did to my body... I tried to tell her that it's not a punishment but she just kept on lecturing me about being healthy. Does that make sense?!
We just got back from a week long vacation this weekend and I came back 1 lb. heavier (which I could probably attribute to TOM)--- she came back 6 lbs. heavier and not fitting in her shorts. She actually had the nerve to tell people I know that she gained weight on vacation because of me... because I brought so much food with. (Ridiculous!) She said I brought so much food that she was forced to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner each day...
She's a year and a half younger than me... 5'7" and been gaining weight. She's currently at 200 and is unhappy about it. I think maybe she is just trying to deter me because of her own insecurities. She's constantly making remarks about how it's shocking that I only weigh 30 more pounds than her (because I look so much bigger than her.)
I live with her so I can't avoid her, but I'm just trying to find ways to ignore her. Any advise would be lovely. Thanks!
08-17-2009, 05:32 PM
I think maybe she is just trying to deter me because of her own insecurities.
From what you wrote, I think this is exactly what she's doing, although perhaps not completely consciously. You're taking control over an area of your life where she perhaps isn't, and this is a threat to her (not least because her "world" is changing, if that makes any sense).
08-17-2009, 05:48 PM
Just ignore her as much as you can.
Yes, it does make sense. Thanks for responding. I just wanted to bounce it off someone to make sure I'm not losing my mind. I guess I'll just keep on trying to tune her out.
08-17-2009, 06:04 PM
Something I've learned through therapy. People try to push their own issues off on you to make them feel better....it just sucks that its your sister.
08-17-2009, 06:07 PM
Yeah I would try to ignore her as best as I could. There is nothing you can really do or say to make her happy....it's all on her.
08-17-2009, 06:35 PM
Oh man, I would snap on my sister if she said sh*t like that to me. Next time she makes a comment you should confront her. Just say, "You sound jealous. Would you like to lose weigh with me? I'll be glad to give you help if you want it."
08-17-2009, 06:37 PM
It happens- all you can do is keep doing your own thing and when she sees YOU getting slimmer (and eventually thinner than her) she might go "hmm sister, maybe you are doing the right thing..."
People have it instilled in them that less is more and that's why they starve themselves or only eat 1-2 times a day... I used to do this! Took me forever to figure out eating more often, and smaller meals, is the right way to go!
08-17-2009, 07:17 PM
My sister's a year and a half younger than me too. I get a different sort of remark from her, mostly about my hair (mine's curly and hers is straight) and the way I dress (I dress normal for my age but she likes to be completely covered). I just tell her to shut up. She's a few inches taller than me and about ~60 lbs heavier, but I don't think it's about jealousy so much as it is about her own insecurities. She doesn't like the way she looks so she doesn't like the way I look, either.
08-17-2009, 08:07 PM
Tie her up and throw her in the closet! :jig:
If that doesn't work, maybe you two can work on losing weight together. Let her come up with some ideas and see how it goes. It always works better with a partner. :)
Good luck! :)
08-17-2009, 08:13 PM
This would be a kill her with kindness situation for me. It's totally obnoxious and awful, but it's not coming out of a place of evil for her - it's coming out of a place of self-hatred.
Not defending her in the slightest, but I do feel bad for her because I remember being a teenager with seriously misplaced rage.
08-17-2009, 08:23 PM
Is she in a place at all that you could maybe suggest that the two of you do the weight loss thing together? I know for me, that my sister (4 years younger) and I have usually never been on the same page at the same time for that. Maybe suggesting it would make her mad.. I don't know. It's tough with people's insecurities. But knowing where it's coming from at least helps you ignore it better!
08-17-2009, 09:07 PM
My guess is that she's jealous and hurt that you are losing weight and she's not, and she's lashing out in an attempt to hurt you back. Did your relationship used to revolve around food? My sister and I often bonded over eating junk, and it could be hard to lose that and easy to react badly.
She is being irrational though. Don't call her on it in public, but you have ever right to tell her she's being ridiculous in private. Don't expect too much from it though - everyone's weightloss journey is personal, and she sounds too defensive to want your help.
08-18-2009, 12:36 AM
Kae, you hit the nail on the head. She is definitly trying to get in your head because of her own insecurities about herself. You have to be strong and don't let her get in your head. Just ignore her. I know it's easier said than done but all she is trying to do is get you to fall off track so you can remain 30 pounds heavier. She's afraid that she'll be the heavier one if you continue on your journey to a healthier happier you. Don't let her steal your thunder. Be proud of what you have accomplished and keep pushing through no matter what anyone says.
Thanks so much everyone! I really appreciate all the kind words and thoughts.
I can appreciate the idea of losing weight together but that would never work out. My sister and I have always had a negative relationship when it came to weight. Thinking back... I can recall her jiggling my upper arms and laughing, hiding in my bedroom closet with a friend so they could watch me change my clothes (before popping out and laughing), and even exercising in my room only to see her and a friend looking in my bedroom window (again, watching and laughing.) All that aside, I want my family to be healthy but have realized I can't force my ideas upon them. I am trying to live by example and would be more than happy to offer tips or advise if asked. This was actually part of my argument with my sister a couple weeks ago when she told me I was punishing myself by counting calories. She is convinced I should just eat anything and everything and then exercise more... or eat fast food when I want but not eat the rest of the day. Yea, she really said that. So clearly our opinions differ a bit... we've tried to do it as a team but she gets extremely competitive. She's told me before (not in so many words) that she is threatened by the idea of me being thinner than her.
I'm going to follow your advice and just let it go... move on from it. She can't get into my head unless I let her. Thanks so much everyone!
08-18-2009, 10:45 AM
You sound like you know what you have to do. Everyone is right...your sister is just feeling bad about herself and seeing you loose weight and feel better about yourself is making her feel even worse. However, it is NOT your problem; it is hers. Instead of being inspired by you, she wants you to stay fat so she feels better about herself. :( I think she'll come around by herself. Next time she says something to you, I would very calmly tell her just what we all said, that this is about her, NOT you and then walk away, go in a room, close the door, put on headphones - anything to shut her out. ('Cause I am sure she'll have plenty to say after you tell her that.)
She needs to start her own journey and facing WHY she is so upset about your accomplishments may just be her first step.
08-18-2009, 05:36 PM
Wow that's mean!
Oh man that'd be awesome to lose the weight THEN go around and jiggle her arms and laugh at her! How would she like that?!
Yes I am mean like that and would do it to a bully :p