Alternachicks - Are you treated differently if you lose/gain weight?
08-13-2009, 02:44 PM
I definitely see a stark difference in how im treated now (sw-189-cw-175-gw-110) than how I was treated at 110-120 during my teens and early
20's....people seem less friendly and helpful when your bigger.....anyone else experienced this??:?:
08-13-2009, 02:53 PM
Even though I'm still big I find a lot more people talk to me now that I'm out and about on the train or whatever then they did when I was 250+. As a shy person it's a bit of an adjustment Im used to being pretty invisible.
08-13-2009, 02:55 PM
yes..i was actually just talking to a friend abt this today..it seems since i gained weight its almost like i dont exist anymore-like people just WANT to forget me/forget abt me..it seems like no one remembers what i say or do, and tries to pretend i dont exist..its so weird!
08-13-2009, 03:23 PM
i think its absolutly true that people treat big people differently...its a shame but its reality....there are tons of people who would pull over and change a tire for a small woman but would drive right by a bigger one...my oldest daughter is dealing with a weight problem and i notice that whenever she gets a compliment she is surprised and really hasnt learned how to react because shes not used to it....some people also think that big people are fair game for insults and fat jokes...i wish these things werent true, but thats the way it is...lets just keep doing the best we can
08-13-2009, 03:52 PM
I treat myself differently, and I think that's what makes the difference.
Thinner, I'm more confident, fatter, I'm more defensive and ready to take offence.
08-13-2009, 06:25 PM
I think it's just because people think big isn't normal...so if you're big you can't be normal. The media is so full of small people, and there aren't really many advocates for bigger people. We're not represented well enough, so people aren't used to the idea that just because we're big doesn't mean we aren't normal...so we get treated differently.
I think the worst part about it is when everyone knows you're big and sees you as a big person, and then they find out that you're TRYING to lose weight...it can be sooo uncomfortable when people learn you're on a diet, even your friends. It's one of those things that I try to act like it doesn't matter...like I'm doing it to make someone else happy or for cheaper clothes or for whatever....but really the main reason i'm doing it is for myself so i can be happy because all those people out there who act like i'm not normal have made it so close to impossible to be happy for me that i just could no longer be comfortable with who i was anymore. Try admitting THAT to your friends and loved ones. lol
08-13-2009, 09:19 PM
Yes, this is not just in your head. People treat others based on how they look. Everyone does this. Absolutely every single person on the planet save maybe the blind. People's individual biases will vary, but we all make assumptions about people based on the way they look. Not only have I noticed that I get treated differently now that I am bigger than I did when I was thin, thinner and thinnest, but also on other factors. Things like how I am dressed, if my hair is done, if I'm wearing make up or whether I've dyed my hair a different colour. My mom insists she gets treated better by sales people when she wears this one perfume she likes. This phenomina is well documented by psychologists and sociologists. Not only do we treat very attractive people better than everyone else, we also punish people for being unattractive.
08-14-2009, 01:03 AM
david - the thing you said about car trouble has actually happened to me last year.....i had to walk to a gas station and call my aunt to pick me up....but i remember being skinny and my car running out of gas and like 3 people stopped and one guy went to go buy gas and filled my car up free of charge.that just seems so warped to me....
other things ive noticed....when i was thin my mom and sisters (who have always been overweight) would never undress around me....but they would undress around each other.....but now taht im chunky they have no problem shucking off they're clothes in front of me lol....
humans are such a strange species :P
08-14-2009, 05:04 AM
this is a cold reality thread...i wish it wasnt so true!!!
08-14-2009, 09:50 AM
To be honest, I haven't noticed too much of a difference in how other people treat me, but I guess I haven't been in any of the above mentioned situations before.
I find that in myself I am more shy and defensive and constantly trying to work out what other people think of me etc. and I guess that has a lot more to do with the way people treat me than as to whether I am overweight or not. Granted in a club or bar random people are less liklely to chat me up or buy me a drink, but that is unwanted attention I can do without, but in group situations where I don't really know everyone I will basically try to blank the strangers out of the group because they are just too scary for me. They represent the unknown and I hate that, so they either think I'm rude or really shy (and I'm being a bit of both I guess).
People definitely do treat you differently when you are bigger but I guess I can also give myself a helping hand sometimes... I just hate the fact I feel I have to be slim to be confident. meh, such is life!
08-14-2009, 12:30 PM
When people ask me, "What is the biggest change you've noticed since you've lost weight?" my answer is always the same. "People are nicer". It is what it is, I don't know if it's because I feel better about myself and I'm more apt to be outgoing or if it's something in other people. It's a pretty big motivator actually, I don't want to go back to people giving me dirty looks or not talking to me.
08-26-2009, 01:08 AM
I'm not outgoing or friendly at any weight, so it is definitely the weight in my case. I also have had freaky blue and purple hair at all weights and again, it is the weight. Mostly I have noticed shop people being more helpful and more patient with questions and you losing your debit card inside one of 63261231 pockets in your BDUs when those BDUs are small short rather than XL short.