Weight Loss Support - Not So Happy Birthday




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CamiToo
08-11-2009, 08:31 AM
So I've been sitting here for the last 3 hours thinking about this instead of sleeping...

My birthday is coming up in 8 days. I HAD wanted to drive to Chicago for my favorite all you can eat Indian buffet but I decided against that since I'm trying to lose weight.

Then one of my sisters asked me to go out to eat for my bday, which would be fine since we'd hit a diner where I could get cantaloupe and coffee and not ruin my weight loss efforts.

Then my second sister asked if I wanted to take a drive an hour and a half away to see some shop she thinks is nifty. Well, I've never been there and it'd be a fun excursion to take a lengthy drive with her so I said yes. So she says we'll stop to eat somewhere. Ok, sure. I'm mentally praying for another diner and grab a tossed salad, no dressing. So far so good, right? WRONG.:(

I said maybe we could go walk around Burlington since we're passing by there, figuring to get some walking in. She says oooh if we go to Burlington we HAVE to stop for frozen custard at such & such shop. I don't WANT ice cream, frozen custard or not. I don't WANT it. But I don't want to be rude. (And why do we HAVE to get ice cream this year anyhow when the shop will still be there next year?)

Then my roommate says he wants to make me babyback ribs for a birthday dinner. Uhmm, sure. But I'm thinking, is he going to be offended after putting that kind of time into a dinner and I only eat a few bites of ribs? And pretty much nothing else except unseasoned green veggies or salad?

It's not that I don't want to spend time with everyone and it's not that I don't appreciate their good intentions BUT if I wanted my birthday to revolve around food, I'd go for my Indian buffet.:(

I'll handle the food situations and not break my good eating habits but this is upsetting me a little bit. If one more person tries to add food to my bday I'm going to be sick.:(


Eumie
08-11-2009, 08:40 AM
I think you're letting this get to you a little too much.

Remember that it is your birthday and that people are trying to celebrate with you. It's up to you to tell your friend that while you love him for wanting to make you baby back ribs that after all of the restaurant eating you're doing prior to it, you just can't justify it on your eating plan. If you don't want ice cream or yogurt, don't get it. Plain and simple. Your sister can get it if she wants it, but you don't have to.

rosiem
08-11-2009, 08:42 AM
The thing is, most people view food as celebration and it has a lot of symbolic value - it's ok, people want to celebrate YOU! I'm sure your roommate won't be offended- he must have noticed you are watching what you eat, so have a small portion, make a salad to go with it and exclaim over how delicious it is and have a great birthday! He probably won't even notice if you are not gorging on it or anything.
Also, most ice-cream shops have a sorbet or gelato option you can have which is much much healthier- or a frozen yogourt. I guess you should just try and do what you can to plan ahead but as all the ladies always say on here, just get up the next day and go right on plan again! I guess my main point is, don't wreck your own birthday by feeling guilty- it will be fine! sounds like you are doing a good job seeing where things could go wrong and planning around it. Happy Birthday in advance!


Jacquie668
08-11-2009, 08:49 AM
Human beings celebrate most things with food, it is just a fact of life. I don't personally find anything wrong with celebrating with food. One thing that I do is bring or make something that will be my primary meal. Usually that is some sort of salad. I also will make healthy guacamole or mango salsa and share it with everyone. That leaves me the space to nibble and taste things or even have dessert, etc. It someone goes to trouble for me then I want to enjoy the day and enjoy what they have done for me and celebrate. I don't need to go overboard.

As for ice cream, you can always get a small whatever or look for sorbet options. I remember going to a place that had nothing for me to eat ,but they had raspberry ice tea and I really saw that as a treat and enjoyed that. Everyone made sure I was happy as they got other stuff, but you know with my smile and comments they knew I was really content with my tea. For your birthday enjoy a few ribs, why have unseasoned veggies, bring or make something fun! Grilled marinated veggies, maybe a spicy salad...i dunno just suggestions.

Birthdays are a celebration, and we do celebrate things with food, that is always going to be. I have fun with it. I love bringing and making things for people to try. Meaning you can always get involved. You choose what and how much you eat.

jamiewyn
08-11-2009, 09:38 AM
It's nice that so many people want to celebrate with you, but I understand that the last way you want to spend your birthday is by worrying about food choices.

I think all you can really do is plan for these events. Eat lighter meals on the days you know you will be eating "socially" and be choosy about what you eat while celebrating.

I went to a baby shower a couple of weeks ago and knew that a buffet of food would be an issue for me. I stuck to the fruit tray, a handful of wheat crakers and hard cheese and I splurged on a *small* piece of ice cream cake. I managed to pretend that the spinich dip didn't exist :lol: I still lost 2.5lbs that week as I had a light dinner that evening after estimating the calories I had at the shower.

If you don't want ice cream...don't get any! If you still think you need to get some if your sister is, look for sorbet, or order a small scoop and eat 1/2. You could also have a light salad for lunch and an ice cream for dessert w/out completely ruining everything.

Above all, though. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :D

Oohpujie
08-11-2009, 09:50 AM
I definitely agree with everyone else - there are ways to treat yourself, and I'm a firm believer that I should celebrate myself on my birthday! The real reason I wanted to reply was your mention of unseasoned green beans - honey, WHY!? Roast with fresh garlic, a small pinch of salt and pepper, and cooking spray and green beans are magic. Fresh veggies/fruits don't have to be boring, you can definitely play them up. If you eat boring, you won't stick to a plan. I'm a big foodie so I cannot deal with any diet that makes food boring!! lol

have a wonderful birthday and be happy so many people want to celebrate with you! you're a lucky person. =D

Thighs Be Gone
08-11-2009, 10:04 AM
double

Thighs Be Gone
08-11-2009, 10:05 AM
My family LOVES going out for my birthday by designing a cake for me and having it made at a local bakery. The bakery is DEELISH..OMG DEELISH. My family order the cake HUGE--easily enough to serve 40 people--and there are just four of us. This past year was no exception.

Know what I did? I reveled in the fact they do this for me. I opened my HEART and enjoyed every single second of the entire ordeal. After blowing out the candles I truly enjoyed my piece of cake--in all it's buttercream, gooey, "deelish-iousness." Afterwards, the cake went to a neighbors house. I gave away an expensive and frightfully delicious cake--and I did so with a gleeful spirit and happiness I don't think I have experienced before. BECAUSE I DID IT FOR ME! I opened my HEART for once to enjoy the experience, rather than my MOUTH!

How about enjoying just ONE rib. Do you want to? What about helping your sister shop for the treats--for her, not you. If you don't even want to be party to it, I would state my feelings and move on with no guilt.

You are doing well. Keep up your hardwork, good decision making and progress!

Lori Bell
08-11-2009, 10:06 AM
There was a thread awhile back where a fellow chickie was so sad on her birthday because she had NO ONE to celebrate with. She was all alone. So in that assents, you are VERY lucky, and I hope that you will count your blessings that you have friends and family that care and want to celebrate.

As far as eating unseasoned veggies or salad...like how long do you think you will be able to eat that ucky stuff before you binge like there is no tomorrow?? According to your ticker, you have been doing fabulous, but eating dry salads and cantaloupe and coffee will depress you eventually! If your roommate is a talented enough cook to do up great ribs, surely he can saute some green beans in olive oil and garlic. Food doesn't have to taste like crap to be healthy. Most all seasonings have -0- calories.

Sorry if I seem a little grouchy, but I am a firm believer in making the best of situations.

Onederchic
08-11-2009, 10:09 AM
I definitely agree with everyone else - there are ways to treat yourself, and I'm a firm believer that I should celebrate myself on my birthday! The real reason I wanted to reply was your mention of unseasoned green beans - honey, WHY!? Roast with fresh garlic, a small pinch of salt and pepper, and cooking spray and green beans are magic. Fresh veggies/fruits don't have to be boring, you can definitely play them up. If you eat boring, you won't stick to a plan. I'm a big foodie so I cannot deal with any diet that makes food boring!! lol

have a wonderful birthday and be happy so many people want to celebrate with you! you're a lucky person. =D


Yes yes yes!


Have a wonderful birthday and celebrate with all the ones who love you so much!! :hug::hug:

DownSizex100
08-11-2009, 10:16 AM
Your sisters and friend want to do something special for you to celebrate. If it's not going to feel like a celebration, be up front with them. They can't read your mind.

Tell sister #1 that you don't want to face temptation. Suggest something else you can do together. Maybe a coffee somewhere or a movie.

Tell sister #2 that you'd love to make the trip but really would rather avoid ice cream shops at this stage in your dieting.

If your roomie is a cook, redirect him into making something else.

Celebrate your birthday by feeling good about yourself and sticking to your choices. Share those choices with your friends. Don't avoid being social, but don't put yourself in "trigger" situations either if you can't handle them.

I look at your ticker and see you've already lost 56 pounds, so obviously every one of these people should know that you seriously dieting and support you in your choices. Give yourself a birthday present and be honest with your friends and family.

JayEll
08-11-2009, 10:19 AM
Lori Bell said what I was going to say. I'd suggest you find a way of eating to lose weight that isn't so drastic as what you've described. If you are counting calories, it isn't so hard to fit in a couple of baby back ribs or a small serving of ice cream. It does not ruin everything to have a limited amount of high-calorie foods for a special occasion. Life happens!

Try not to think in terms of extremes. I see so many members on 3FC posting about eating dry salads, celery sticks, and fat-free everything, and then suddenly they go nuts and eat the house. People seem to be much more successful if they learn to eat more moderately.

Good luck! As Eumie suggested, try not to let this get to you so much.

Jay

dragonwoman64
08-11-2009, 10:44 AM
Your sisters and friend want to do something special for you to celebrate. If it's not going to feel like a celebration, be up front with them. They can't read your mind.

Tell sister #1 that you don't want to face temptation. Suggest something else you can do together. Maybe a coffee somewhere or a movie.

Tell sister #2 that you'd love to make the trip but really would rather avoid ice cream shops at this stage in your dieting.

If your roomie is a cook, redirect him into making something else.

Celebrate your birthday by feeling good about yourself and sticking to your choices. Share those choices with your friends. Don't avoid being social, but don't put yourself in "trigger" situations either if you can't handle them.

I look at your ticker and see you've already lost 56 pounds, so obviously every one of these people should know that you seriously dieting and support you in your choices. Give yourself a birthday present and be honest with your friends and family.

this was my thought too. if you want to plan whatever food splurge on your birthday to celebrate, that's great; but then if you feel better doing activities less focused on food, I think you should feel free to let people know that (and come up with suggestions of what you'd like to do). even if you get a little resistance, in the end I bet your loved ones will understand.

and happy birthday!

Jacquie668
08-11-2009, 10:57 AM
As far as eating unseasoned veggies or salad...like how long do you think you will be able to eat that ucky stuff before you binge like there is no tomorrow?? According to your ticker, you have been doing fabulous, but eating dry salads and cantaloupe and coffee will depress you eventually! If your roommate is a talented enough cook to do up great ribs, surely he can saute some green beans in olive oil and garlic. Food doesn't have to taste like crap to be healthy. Most all seasonings have -0- calories.

Sorry if I seem a little grouchy, but I am a firm believer in making the best of situations.

I agree and food is exciting. You can turn something boring and mundane into something fab and fun by looking for new recipes or just experimenting. :D I sometimes get tired of salads, salads, salads, and I personally need variety! I'm currently experimenting with new ideas...I needs something more than plain!

When I get to go to things like a get together, I always take that as a time to experiment with ideas. Bring an awesome or rawsome dessert, try something new, share it with everyone. It makes it a lot of fun and I'll tell you the kick I get out of seeing people devour food I bring is awesome! I mean at my last family gathering I did a big thing of simple roasted veggies with rosemary, a tiny bit of olive oil, and garlic....it was great! lol :D :D :D

Food is totally an adventure at times... :carrot:

SoulSurvivor
08-11-2009, 11:03 AM
Hey there!!!
I think everyone has said some really valuable things for you to take into account.

I went to a good friends birthday the other day and I just gave myself a limit, I don't think there's anything wrong with eating food you enjoy.

It must be overwhelming with all these people offering you food to celebrate with but you have to remember that they are thinking it will APPEAL to you, I doubt they're being selfish and I might be assuming here but maybe they are used to you celebrating with food?
If that's the case then , just drop them a message and let them know that you're really trying hard to make a change?

I won't lie though, I know that on my birthday I will celebrate with my food, I won't eat as much as I usually do but I would like to enjoy my day without feeling constrained or too full! Treat yourself if you want to and then get back to your plan the next day! What's going to be different this year from next year in regards to the custard? Yeah you might be a lot lighter but these changes you're making in your eating habits need to be something you can maintain - so don't put off the food till next year, have a little and keep walking lol !!!

Hope you have a wicked birthday!!!
xxxx

ruby2sday
08-11-2009, 11:16 AM
Everyone has great suggestions, just wondered about your comment about you not wanting to be "rude". You need to do what is right for you and what you can be happy with. I think for many of us "not wanting to be rude" is one of the reasons we put the weight on (not the only one though). You go somewhere where someone has prepared a bunch of food, and you eat because you don't want to be rude. Someone brings you a bit of dessert, and you eat it because you don't want to hurt their feelings or be rude.

You are very lucky to have so many caring people that want to make your birthday special, but it is your day. You have all kinds of options for staying OP and still enjoy your day. I'm sure if you open up to them and tell them how important it is for you to stay OP, they will go out of their way to help you with it. As many have said, food seems to be such a big part of celebrations, but we still have choices. You will eat what you choose to eat, but please don't feel bad or that you're being rude if you turn something down or prefer to not go to the ice cream place. Think about what you want.

I hope you are able to not stress too much about it and have a wonderful day. You deserve it !

Tomato
08-11-2009, 11:24 AM
And why on Earth would you want to eat salad with no salad dressing?!? What kind of fun is that? That must be rather unappealing and I would get sick of it pretty quickly.
Why not have some of the ribs WITH your salad? Maybe you can forgo the dressing this time if you so desire since the ribs will have some stuff on them for sure. But remember, you don't have to eat only chicken breast and white fish for the rest of your life.
Go with your sisters whereever they are inviting and if it comes to going to the frozen custard place, tell your sis you don't want to go. If she insists, let her go for her frozen custard alone and you go to another place (a cafe perhaps) and treat yourself to frozen capuccino or whatever you think you can have.

CamiToo
08-11-2009, 02:20 PM
Thank you to everyone who replied. I'm not so stressed now, it was just piling up into not one, but THREE days of "celebration", which was making me a little upset.

Just to clarify something, I don't limit my food to boring choices. I LOVE fresh fruit and can't get enough black coffee so that would be a perfect diner meal, knowing I'll get the rest of my nutrients at home with my own cooking. My plan of a salad with no dressing for lunch#2 is because I'm sure I'll forget to take my own reduced calorie dressing, but this isn't a regular habit (anymore) to eat in restaurants TWICE in one week either. So if I make that choice, I'll enjoy her company rather than fretting about the restaurant food.

My roomie is another story. He believes if a meal doesn't have 100,000 calories per mouthful it's not worth eating, so we RARELY share a meal. The meal he'll make is LIKELY to be a mountain of babyback ribs slathered in tons of BBQ sauce, corn on the cob, baked potato and either angelfood cake smothered in Grand Marnier sauce or butterscotch meringue pie. That's assuming he doesn't make appetizers. And then there'd be multiple double bourbon old fashioneds before dinner and a bottle of wine from his wine cellar with dinner. ...
I rarely eat corn but that's the only veggie he seems to make. I PREFER veggies naked.:p But I prefer brussel sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower, beets, carrots, green beans, etc over corn. Sometimes I spice my veggies up a bit, I was just saying I'd probably nuke myself some naked broccoli rather than eat the majority of the meal this man would make! (Of course I'd use my reduced calorie dressing on a salad since I'd be at home with easy access to it.) And that would be day# 3 of eating food I didn't prepare, which again, is why I was stressing.

I think I'll just go with my restaurant ideas, have a scoop of ice cream and leave half of it so I don't suck the joy out of the excursion for my sister and eat extremely sparingly of the meal my roomie makes.

But you're all correct ... I'm blessed to have people who care enough about me to fuss over my birthday and I thank each and every person here who reminded my grumpy self of that.:D

kiramira
08-11-2009, 02:44 PM
Hon! I feel your pain. Just keep in mind that you MAY have had birthdays in the past that were food-centric. And your friends and family are following in that pattern because that is what it has always been.

I appreciate the path that you've chosen. It sounds, though, on the bigger picture, that it might be helpful to share with those around you that while you appreciate their thoughts and what they want to cook for you, you might prefer to focus on non-food-related activities in the future.

And there is NO harm in having some yummy goodness on your birthday -- you just need to figure out HOW you are going to handle ALL of these celebrations in the future consistently. Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming. You'll have another birthday. So this is MORE than just about this birthday. You might want to define for yourself some celebration rules and work them, and tell those in your life that this is what you want to do. And provide alternatives too, so you aren't shutting your friends and family out of your life because of food. Like "it's July 1st! Come over for a BBQ", means "sure! sounds great! I'm bringing a veggie tray!" Or at your next birthday "thanks! I appreciate you wanting to make me a special meal. But it would be super if we could go to a movie instead -- your treat!!!"

You gotta figure it out now if you want to live it for the rest of your life...


Just a thought!

Kira

MoragMunch
08-11-2009, 10:48 PM
Great ideas, here, and I agree that you should just enjoy the day with your loved ones.

One thing I do if I know I am going to a birthday party or some other even with foods that I know will put me over limit, two days before I lower my calorie amount - that way it helps to offset that one day of splurging.