Body Image and Issues after Weight Loss - Emotional let down "or" post goal making blues?

After reaching your goal, have any of you just felt "blah"? I don't know what is wrong with me but I have been down in the dumps for a few weeks now. I've been trying to fill the void with shopping, activities, and as of late FOOD, and nothing really helps. Today at Church the Pastor gave an awesome sermon about the "let down" response after holidays and important events and how it sometimes triggers depression in some people. It got me thinking to my state of mind lately. Kind of like, "What now?" I've just accomplished an unthinkable feat to many people, I should be on top of the world...but I'm not feeling it. :?: Anyone ever feel like this and how long did it take to go away??

After reaching your goal, have any of you just felt "blah"? I don't know what is wrong with me but I have been down in the dumps for a few weeks now. I've been trying to fill the void with shopping, activities, and as of late FOOD, and nothing really helps. Today at Church the Pastor gave an awesome sermon about the "let down" response after holidays and important events and how it sometimes triggers depression in some people. It got me thinking to my state of mind lately. Kind of like, "What now?" I've just accomplished an unthinkable feat to many people, I should be on top of the world...but I'm not feeling it. :?: Anyone ever feel like this and how long did it take to go away??

I haven't met my weight loss goal so I can't speak specifically about that particular goal, but I know I have met with the let-down or "what now?" feeling after meeting other goals. What I have found out about myself is that I am a person who needs something to look forward to, something to strive for. If I have a goal or some kind to work towards, then I function a lot better than when I am having that aimless feeling. Do you need a new goal? I know that maintaining is a goal in and of itself, but you have just kind of done the equivalent of climbing the Everest of weight loss. Maybe you need a new objective, like mastering a new form of exercise, or learning a challenging new skill. Or maybe it's just a matter of settling into your new life, but for me, it always helps to have a goal. When I accomplish one thing, I need to have something else lined up or I feel lost!

I find this to be true. I worked so hard and it seemed my entire life was focused around weight, food, diet, exercise, etc, then I met my goal {the first time}, and I felt I could relax. MISTAKE! I looked around and didn't know what to do with myself, I had dropped serveral hobbies while focusing on weightloss, and I wasn't interested in picking them back up. I seemed lost, then dropped back into old habits and then next thing I knew I was looking at the scale thinking "what happened!"

My lesson was that just reaching my goal didn't mean I could stop trying. So here I am again, trying to re focus on the weightloss. Apparently there's this thing called 'maintainence"????? LOL

I second Windchime's remarks. Although I've never met a weight loss goal, I have met many other life goals and I have found I must always have something I'm working on to avoid slipping into a major funk.

Thanks ladies for the support. I do have few new mini-goals that are totally non-weight related, (restoring an old building and gardening stuff) and of course I do not plan on gaining back the weight. I have found that maintaince is pretty darn hard...and frustrating, but I really have faith that I will not gain my weight back. (I pray a lot about it!) I am totally committed to staying right where I'm at. The physical aspect of a normal weight body is just too awesome to let it go. The mental challenges are what I'm really struggling with. I'm also getting a little too emotional to catty comments, something I had thought I had "let go of" a long time ago. I have basically fluctuated between 156 to 154 for the last 5 weeks, and if I hear the comment, "You are wasting away" one more time, I. will. SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!

Perhaps a fitness goal? Like a 5k? Not only is it something to exercise and look forward to but also something to help with making maintenance less stressful.

Loribell, I have been following you for sometime now. I refuse to use the term "lurking"; it just has unsavory connotations. You are remarkable, and that is a gross understatement.

I have been following you for many reasons, but most of all because I grew up on a dairy farm. There is no harder work; no greater work ethic. I am a lot older than you are, but still, that farm..country..small town mentality is still a bond.... I know it and love it well...truly I do...I have moved from one end of my big, diverse county to the other for personal and professional reasons...plus took time away for college and career...now the issues are different......not so focused on my wt. but on my political views.......but, still, that country, small town mentality thrives.

You can't tell from my ticker that I spent my whole childhood and adulthood until ~ age 40 plus (mumble, mumble, mumble.. I no longer lie about my wt. so I lie about my age! :-) )...at around 220#s. Was about 210 or so when I married...have maintained ~ an 80 pound loss for 7 to 8 years.

Maintenance is a challenge...and the maintainers know it well...have it figured out and give great council; I read the thread regularly for the wisdom imparted there.

The only question I have for you is one I have had of others as well. Why is everyone so offended if someone says, "you are too thin" or "you are wasting away"? At 5'7" plus a little bit more, and 138#s, I hear that a lot. I say, "thank you". It ain't nobody's business but my own. Truly. Just try it. Just smile and say "thank you!"

I have read your concern about gossip about your wt. loss...so what? That is his or her deal, not yours. So what? You will never be "thin"..you will always have to "maintain"...that is your cross to bear. Thank goodness you have a strong faith. It will sustain you. You GO, girl!

I think you are remarkable. Congratulations...and hang in there..there will be rough spots. If you pray daily for guidance and the wisdom to see them as they arise, you will be fine...let your guard down..........rough sledding.

Good luck and God Speed,

Lori,
I am sorry that I don't have any useful suggestion but I just wanted to say HANG IN THERE. I do sometimes feel my mind slipping into the old ways (and once the mind slips, the mouth is only too eager to follow) but I always pull myself up again. I really don't know how - I guess will power, and the determination that I WILL stay slim and healthy and that I WILL wear those cutsie sleeveless tops that I like so much.
So just some virtual hugs your way - you are a huge inspiration to so many at 3FC!!!

I can't say I get the blahs since getting to goal 20 months ago, I am very happy about it. BUT I have to work at staying at goal it doesn't come easy, but it is soooooo worth it. I would really be in the dumps if I ever regain what I have lost.

I think what you are experiencing is pretty common, actually, because it happens to ALOT of people who strive to meet a goal, be it weight loss, education -related, or athletic in nature.

Gold Medal Olympians in particular experience this regularly -- they train and train and work and think and train some more and reach the pinnacle of success and afterwards, it is a "well, NOW what" sense of LOSS. Like a loss of purpose. And I consider you a Gold Medallist in the weight loss arena, so it makes sense that you would feel the same sort of blues. You've trained and planned and worked and sacrificed and focussed on this goal and been successful. You've dreamed about it, visualized it, and now you have it. So now what???

You might find this helpful as an explanation:

http://thehappinessfactor.com/HappinessFactorBlog/?p=31

While major achievements can bring on a bout of depression that can be more serious. While goals and achievements are important and good motivators, we should be careful not to assign too much meaning to them. No goal can make you happy; no singular achievement can make you happy either. Happiness is created from the inside out. A goal is a goal, a step along life’s path, a measure of improvement and accomplishment. It does not define who you are. Too much meaning in a goal or achievement can create a never-ending pursuit of one goal after anther to find satisfaction and prove your self-worth. Your self-worth is an inside out phenomena. Look for ways to grow it from within and you will begin to feel happiness

I think you might be in a period of adjustment, where more self-reflection as to who you are NOW and redefining yourself in new terms might be of the most help...I really think that when we lose weight, we think primarly of the goal (hence the terms goal weight, setting mini-goals, getting to goal and so on). And when we get there, we are still essentially who we WERE with a goal tacked on. And what we SHOULD be is doing is redefining WHO we ARE rather than simply striving for a goal.

This might not make sense, but I think of it like this. I want to be 137 lbs. So I my trying my darndest to define myself as a thin, 137lb person right now. I am thinking like one. I am emulating the habits of one. I am redefining myself as one, even though I was 244lbs when I started out! Because when I get to 137 lbs, I don't want to see myself as "at goal" -- I want to see myself as "ah, I'm back to normal. Finally!". I want to BE that 137lb person, rather than a 244lb person in a 137 lb body who has to struggle every single day against the thought patterns and self-definitions of a 244lb person. And as weird as it sounds, I think alot of those who maintain struggle with this -- it seems that many continue to define themselves as a "fat person in a thin body" with the according daily struggles because of their old thought patterns and habits, and they struggle as a result. Now, I'm not suggesting that a struggle to maintain a certain weight isn't legitimate for maintainers.

But it is also there for what I term "normal weighted people" like my DH, who has maintained his weight without food issues or EDs. He weighs about once a week, and if there is a bump up, he cuts back consciously for the following week. He doesn't think much about food -- his life isn't food or diet-centric. He doesn't panic at a small bump up the scale at all. He accepts it, says "Man, I gotta cut back on the idle-bits (which is what he terms desserts!), and gets on with it. He defines himself as a 182lb 6 ft man who has to exercise and watch the scale number and cut back on his food as required -- pretty much like everyone else of a normal weight that he knows. Which makes weight maintenance for him a pretty normal and routine activity.

I wonder if I redefine myself in this way if maintenance will be "easier" in a sense -- if I replace my 244lb thought patterns and food centric behaviours with those behaviours that I see in my DH, perhaps maintenance will become "natural". So this is why I think self-reflection and ruthless redefinition of WHO you are and thinking outside of self-imposed definitions might be valuable in the long run, rather that focusing on the goal and the maintenance of the goal. Getting through the external to the internal truth, so to speak...

I don't know if this makes sense, or if it helps at all. I feel for you, and I know you'll get through this...

Kira

Because when I get to 137 lbs, I don't want to see myself as "at goal" -- I want to see myself as "ah, I'm back to normal. Finally!". I want to BE that 137lb person, rather than a 244lb person in a 137 lb body who has to struggle every single day against the thought patterns and self-definitions of a 244lb person.

I like the way you put this. I think the same way but hadn't articulated it.

Thanks again for the awesome words of wisdom and support ladies. You don't know how much it means to me to have you guys to turn to.

When I had my children I experienced what I would consider moderate postpartum depression. Not bad enough for medication, but I was pretty teary some days. That is kind of how I feel now. Maybe some of it is hormonal, I'm sure I've stirred my hormonal pot by dropping over 175 pounds....;)

Also, Kira thank you for the link. I did find it interesting, but am having probably the hardest time with the highlighted area.

You might find this helpful as an explanation:

http://thehappinessfactor.com/HappinessFactorBlog/?p=31

While major achievements can bring on a bout of depression that can be more serious. While goals and achievements are important and good motivators, we should be careful not to assign too much meaning to them. No goal can make you happy; no singular achievement can make you happy either. Happiness is created from the inside out. A goal is a goal, a step along life’s path, a measure of improvement and accomplishment. It does not define who you are. Too much meaning in a goal or achievement can create a never-ending pursuit of one goal after anther to find satisfaction and prove your self-worth. Your self-worth is an inside out phenomena. Look for ways to grow it from within and you will begin to feel happiness




My weight loss HAS defined who I am, (in my community). It is my new life, it is what makes me different than most everybody else (around here)....Not that I really want to stand out in a crowd that way, but it is the way society has labeled who I am. Even people I have met recently, (locals that I have never met until after the weight loss), know me as the lady who lost loads of weight. I just feel all this pressure...LOL. Okay, enough whining for me! I need to get back out in the garden...my tomatoes and other delicious veggies don't care that I once was a fat chick, they just fear me because I gonna eat them! ..LOL

I totally hear you. I think that this kind of personal change comes from the inside-out. It means that instead of working for external validation, you need to work for inner understanding. And to do this, you like ALL of us really need to live in the NOW. If you live anywheres else, you are lost because you are nowheres. And this might be why you are feeling, well, lost...

The past (the big person that you WERE) is history. It doesn't exist anymore for you. Even if people keep bringing it up, it just doesn't exist. And you can't live in the future because it hasn't happened yet. You can only live in the NOW. And if you don't -- if you define yourself as the former big girl OR the future maintainer, you are living nowheres because the past and the future don't exist.

It seems to me that you feel "labelled" or defined by society and by others by your achievement. But don't forget that their definitions are external ONLY, and it really doesn't matter to the fundamental reality of YOU. You need to define yourself, because that's what's important. With time, the memory of who you were will fade for others, making your self-definition that much more important, because THAT is what people are going to know and understand about you and the goal that you achieved will be a secondary thing. You can't let external forces define you...

The key I think might just be to stop, breathe, and figure out who you ARE. This change you've undergone is a huge, huge HUGE one -- physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. You aren't the same person that you were. And achieving the goal and getting the external praise and external definition of who you are isn't resolving the core issue...who IS Lori Bell today?

You'll get there, ya just gotta think and relax and just BE for a while...

:hug:

Kira

Hello everyone,
I am a newbie here...and wanted to comment on this thread. It has taken me 2 years, but I am finally at my 'goal' weight of 145 - this is the weight that I set when I started this journey and I have to admit that I am a bit disappointed. I just reached it a week ago...and realize I still have more to go!!

I went on a trip home recently to visit family and was excited to show off; I went clothes shopping, was ecstactic if not floored to see that I can now fit in 6's and smalls? really?! I have never fit into those clothes before (and I still think I'm fat!) - last time I lost, I was in a 10 and thought that was great (but then I gained it back). I really think there is something wrong with the sizes in the store...if just doesn't seem right. I am not comfortable wearing sleeveless or shorts (I still have problem areas!!) But anyway- seeing my family was nice and hearing the - "you look great" sounded good too... but then its like ok- there is more to me than my weight...now what??

It has been amazing journey and it feels good, but there is also some disappointment and realization that yes I reached a milestone, but the journey is not over.

A year ago I moved to a new job (here in Germany); and I came here already down 50lbs. But in Jan09 I made some changes and worked on finally getting to goal...and very few people at work have even noticed (or don't care) that I've lost over 20lbs since then. Being overweight has defined me for so long and these people really never knew that part of me. I just want to say - look at me - before I was sooo fat, I was so miserable in my clothes and insecure and thought for sure everyone was judging me - aren't you proud of me now? But there is no magical transformation or miracle moment or bikini reveal (don't even go there!:o). Yes I am more confident and like myself better, but it almost feels like I am invisible and that it really wasn't a big deal to anyone -except me!! I expected people to like me better now? But now I feel guilty around other people who are overweight, I want to help share my story, but they don't want to hear it. And I get this feeling, ok I lost this weight - no one really cares - and they really don't want to hear me dissing on their fast food choices and lecturing on what is healthy and what is not. I don't fit in with these people...its so crazy how we all strive for this, but once we reach it, it is so hard to find people to relate to. You want to find people to shop with and share in your glory - but there just aren't that many people out there (except you guys :D).

I just have to remind myself that I did this for myself, it was my dream, my goal and it helped improve me as a person (and my health). And I will continue to work on it - and help others who ask. I've got to stop looking for validation outside of myself which is what was mentioned earlier. I think I can lose more/tone more etc (I changed my goal to 135), and I want to work on physical challenges (5Ks, 10Ks, hiking etc). I am just living, I don't count calories, I eat healthy (clean) most of the time, exercise and still enjoy treats. I think with the let-down of reaching that magic number, I have been testing my limits a little bit lately, but I am ready to get back on track.

Thanks for letting me vent and figure this out. I look forward to posting on the maintenance board and meeting you all! Sorry if this was a bit long..

Welcome Germangirl!

Kira, you are a wise woman! You offer such insight into the post-goal slump that many of us fall into.

Lori, I don't have alot to offer other than what a close friend told me recently after a co-worker make a catty remark to me. My friend said, "I think that comment says more about her, and what she's feeling, than you." I certainly do understand the feeling that your weightloss is what currently defines you in your community. But I don't think that it will forever. Something will happen to take the focus off of you and pretty soon people will forget about it and move on. You weight loss will be in the past. Maryblu's suggestion of just saying "Thank you" is probably the most effective way of dealing with all of the comments.

And congrats to you--you are an inspiration to all of us!

Welcome, Germangirl!! You are right---we do understand. I'm glad you found us!

I'm kind of worried about this as well... I think the only thing we really CAN do is make new goals. Otherwise it's kind of like, "So what?"
Your body isn't changing anymore, the compliments have died off, and people now take you being thin for granted. It's no longer something of praise, it's just normal. So now what?
I think that's why we NEED other goals. We're not going to have the compliments forever, and without them we lose our sense of purpose. Do I REALLY need to exercise today? Do I REALLY need to not eat that piece of cake?
Once you hit maintenance you don't have that changing scale number for motivation to keep up your willpower, which is why fitness goals probably become so crucial. I plan to start training for a 5K or something myself, once I reach goal. :)

THIS IS the thread for me today to get over my fear of failure. Thanks, ladies! Kudos to you!
10 years ago I lost sooo much weight so quickly I could have been a model, but guilt and boredom and depression ruined my ability to hold on to my size 4 lightness. My life was a stay at home Mom of two little ones, so I couldn't really see why I needed to stay thin at such a cost. Even my MD was telling me I was ridiculous to try to stay thin. I lost all my friends and felt like I'd only gained envious looks.
At home, I was having temper tantrums like a hollywood diva! And I threw out my back so I couldn't exercise!
Looking back, I should have addressed my obvious depression with a visit to a psychiatrist. Depression certainly is a reason people overeat (self-medicate) and then diet! If I couldn't afford medicine and psychiatric support to fine tune it (I highly recommend a psychiatrist, not the family MD), then I'd go for EXERCISE. What I've learned is that exercise alone doesn't help with the scale (I actually gain weight, muscle mass, with exercise) but Exercise addresses our emotional battles because it gives us an outlet for pent up emotions. Goals in exercising as far as fitness or strength are fine but they are not necessary to benefit from a good workout. Anticipating ritual exercise to release frustration and break a bad mood is so helpful. Even at goal weight, the human body craves stimulation through effort. And exercise works our core muscles, which definitely affect our appetite and desire for food. Improving our contentment with our new bodies and less craving may counter the let down, I hope!

Another suggestion is to seek out new friends who are thin. Again, the shortest route is through a class such as yoga, or ballet class for adults. That way we find we are not alone and motivation to stay thin. Letting yourself perform in public helps too, another motivation to be at your physical best!

This is definitely my problem -- I'm approaching goal and I still hate the way my body looks... maybe it's because I lost it all by dieting and not exercising more (always my problem), but I feel like I've just traded "fat" for "skinny-fat"... haha... and the last thing I want is to end up looking like Amy Winehouse (!). But knowing that my body won't be an "ideal" but just *my body* at any weight has been an important realization for me. I have to love who I am already. And get on those ellipticals.

Weight was just the first goal for me. Becoming the healthiest and fittest person I can be is a never ending goal. I mixup my diet every 3 or 4 months. I never stop looking for healthy foods/recipes. I do the same in the gym. Strength and flexibility are life long commitments as well as goals.

Weight loss was about implementing new diet and exercise habits. Maintaining is about building on and reenforcing those habits until they are entirely unconcious to you. After several years of this work, I can't imagine going back to my old eating habits. Those just aren't part of my brain anymore.

Mark

I don't believe mine is post goal blues since I still have more goals to reach but it is unbelievable how people now treat me. My so called closest friends say horrible things to me. ie Did you go all anorexic on us? I have been called a "santimonious ****" because I serve healthy snacks and veggies at get togethers. At a cook out we had this summer, a couple of girls came up to me and stated "We have started the we hate Jenni club hahahah".

I have battled weight my entire adult life. I finally have after all these many years, adjusted my lifestyle. Food doesn't rule me, it is only my fuel. I love excercising and going to the gym. I am no longer hypertensive and I no longer have heart disease. I also quit a 3 pack a day smoking habit. I am a completely new person and people around me can't accept it. (That is the feeling I get) No one in my life has ever seen me like this. I have never been this healthy or trim ever. (5'8" 152lb and a size 8) So I feel like a stranger in my own life.

I did this all on my own. No support from anyone. All I get are snide remarks from friends, my family, especially my husband. Sabatouers abound. How do you find new friends at this stage of life?

We hadn't seen my husbands family in about 6-7months. We arrived at a family wedding and not one women on my husbands side would even speak to me. I tried to make conversation, but people actually got up and walked away. I have known these women for over 20 years. We are family and love each other. I couldn't understand what was happening. Men are the only ones who will talk to me. Which of course just pisses off my husband and then he hurls insults at me as if it is my fault.

This was a lifestyle change for me. I simply wanted to get healthy. To be able to get on the floor with my grandbabies. To breathe. Yet all the people around me are horrible. I cry all the time.

The sad joke of it all, is if I went even a bit back to the old me, pehaps gained 20lbs, the snide remarks would be even worse. "Slipping up are you? What about eating healthy?"
I sometimes laugh at the thought that if I had gone on biggest loser,or some other public outlet, I would have had support. I really don't know where to turn. I went on antidepressents several months ago, which have helped but the new me needs a new life.

I have never, ever shoved my lifestyle at others. When asked "how did you do it?" I tell them. But of course, they, like me previously, wanted it to be the quick fix answer.
Any help anyone can give me would be appreciated. Words of wisdom. Has anyone else experienced this? Lori Bell, I too will scream if one more person says I should put on a few more pounds.

Aw, Jenni, that's really sad the way they're acting. It's not right. In the end, you have to decide what you want your life to be, and make it happen. Sometimes it just doesn't happen any other way. I hear you on finding new friends, it's hard. Congratulations on all your success!

Its weird that sometimes we feel a let-down or "what now?" feeling after meeting our goals. To avoid this, I usually make sure to seize the day so that I've lived well and enjoyed the journey, enough to enjoy the fruit of my sacrifices.

Lori,
I just recently met my Christmas goal and I am trying to decide if I want to go lower or not...... but I can relate to the "you are too skinny" remarks. I am a tall/big girl and I would not look right at 150 or so..... but I think I could pull off 175, so I am pondering it..... but the point is that is MY business. Now, if you looked like an emaciated dog (?) it would kinda be other's business. But from your photos I cannot tell that you look unhealthy; in fact you look very healthy. Could it be that most of them are jealous b/c like what was posted before..... you HAVE accomplished the impossible in WL. I mean who loses 160 pounds without surgery(I am not putting surgery down, it is a personal choice)...... well you did and a FEW people from here do, but most do not. YOU used your farming work ethic, dug you heels in and took off with it! You are awesome. Maybe some affirmations telling yourself how strong willed, and totally awesome you are would help.

Now, back to the post about goals. I can see this in myself too. A bet that my 15 year old son made me started my WL journey...... and over the past year I have found that I am very goal oriented...... to the point that others say I am obsessed..... but I have learned from the many wise women here.... you have to be "obsessed" about this b/c it is worth it.
I agree with Idealmuse..... maybe you could start training for a 5K or something like that. I plan to do at least one. It will help me focus on eating properly and getting my exercise in.

I know that you are a strong woman and you will figure this out. I wish you the best. Remember you have a lot of people on here who truly look up to you. Don't let this ruin your Christmas! Just think..... this is the first New Year in a long time that you don't have to resolve to "lose" weight....... that is an awesome thought- huh?