Weight Loss Support - Sad Days




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Onederchic
08-07-2009, 08:37 PM
Tomorrow will mark the 3 year anniversary of my daddy's passing. Days like these are always extremely hard for me emotionally, of course. How do ya'll deal with days like this? I just want to do something that isn't what I usually do - sit around bawling all day :(. I can't visit his grave because I moved here to NY with my bf and my daddy is buried in TN :(. I just need some ideas to help me stay on track and off the depression slide.


mandalinn82
08-07-2009, 08:45 PM
What did he like to do? Did he have a favorite place or a favorite thing to eat?

I like to celebrate people by doing or seeing their favorite things...things that they would be happy and proud of me doing. So, for example, when my aunt and grandfather-in-law both died of cancer within a year, we signed up for Relay for Life, and while there, we split a peanutbutter and chocolate ice cream bar (his favorite flavor...yes, calories were high, but I walked a full marathon in those 24 hours, so I'm OK with it) and listened to music my aunt would enjoy on my headphones while I walked.

Can you go somewhere he liked to go? Can you cook something he liked to eat? Think back on things you did together, things he liked to do, and etc, and come up with a plan that honors those things he liked. And then schedule some time to take care of yourself, too...you know that he would want you to, right?

Lots of :hug: for you.

weightlosswanted
08-07-2009, 08:45 PM
so sorry about your loss : ( long walks outside or some time spent with friends usually help me beat the blues. writing about anything that really brings me down is a big help as well!


AbbySinthe
08-07-2009, 08:51 PM
I am so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, I have no good advice to offer since my mom just passed on Easter. So whenever I'm feeling sad, I talk to people that knew her really well like my sisters or my dad (even though they divorced, he's got great stories from her in her hey-day). That seems to make me feel better, when I know someone else knows how I feel.

You know, it's ok to be lump some days. Let yourself be sad, and remember him and cry. Get it out. Give yourself that time to cry. And then get up the next day, and keep doing what you're doing. :hug: I'm so sorry :( that I couldn't help more... xoxo

Edited to add: Maybe you and the bf can plan to go somewhere you haven't ever gone before. A new park or a new restaurant, something that's totally new that will take your mind off of things.

giselley
08-07-2009, 09:18 PM
Yeah. My father died in 2005. In August. Similar, so I understand. My father was very much a realist and did not want much of a fuss made over him after his death. I think the nicest thing is to try to do something in his name. money's tight, but have you thought of a scholorship in his name, or something similar. How about the yearly feeding of a zoo animal in his name? Often the name of the doner is made public, often with a plaque. it is a good gesture. There is also Kiva which gives out loans to people usually in "third world countries" for businesses. You could give a kiva loan in his name. for example, my dad studied locksmithing, so I might give a $100.00 locksmith loan to a person in the Congo, or India. The person would pay back the money and I could give it out again to some one who wanted to learn locksmithing somewhere else. It would be an on-going use of my father's name to benifit some person who was interested in the same thing he liked.

Pita09
08-07-2009, 09:49 PM
((((Michelle)))) I'm sorry for your loss and for your sad feelings. One of the things that might help is if you sit down and wrote your daddy a letter. So, much has happened to you, and maybe if you write about your boyfriend, the move to NY, your incredible weight-loss journey, and other things going on, you might feel a connection to him that will soothe your sadness. You could save the letter or you could burn it if you like the symbolism of it. The most important thing for anyone who is grieving is that it's OK to feel what you feel. There is no wrong or right. We are here for you. :hug:

patchworkpenguin
08-07-2009, 10:50 PM
Chic, so sorry for you loss!

No great ideas here, but others have given some excellent suggestions. :hug:

Onederchic
08-07-2009, 11:22 PM
Thanks so much ya'll for the kind words and ideas :hug:

walking2lose
08-07-2009, 11:44 PM
Oh, I'm so sorry. You got some really great ideas here. Hang in there, sweetie.

kuhrisuh
08-08-2009, 01:35 AM
What did he like to do? Did he have a favorite place or a favorite thing to eat?

I like to celebrate people by doing or seeing their favorite things...things that they would be happy and proud of me doing. So, for example, when my aunt and grandfather-in-law both died of cancer within a year, we signed up for Relay for Life, and while there, we split a peanutbutter and chocolate ice cream bar (his favorite flavor...yes, calories were high, but I walked a full marathon in those 24 hours, so I'm OK with it) and listened to music my aunt would enjoy on my headphones while I walked.

Can you go somewhere he liked to go? Can you cook something he liked to eat? Think back on things you did together, things he liked to do, and etc, and come up with a plan that honors those things he liked. And then schedule some time to take care of yourself, too...you know that he would want you to, right?

Lots of :hug: for you.

I second this.. I'm so sorry that you're going through this :(. Stay strong!

thinpossible
08-08-2009, 07:38 AM
I'm sorry, it must be so tough. I dread the day my parents die. I second what Mandalinn said, find some way to honor him.

touchmytoes
08-08-2009, 09:39 AM
my dad passed 8 years ago, he doesnt have a grave and even if he did i too have moved away from home.its still hard even now but the one thing i do when its that day again is stop and have time out by myself. this year i went for a long walk,took the dog out with me and just had a little cry by myself then got back to it by making sure that i had lots to do...

ask ur boyf to take you out somewhere, cinema( something funny) maybe bowling, something that will require some level of concentration...

its hard chick i can understand x x

dragonwoman64
08-08-2009, 09:56 AM
:hug: My friend used to go to the river and throw a flower in to commemorate her dad's passing. Maybe a gesture like that. Or planting a tree for him today (they planted a tree for my mom).

She died in 96, I still feel like she's with me (in spirit). I'm sure your dad is too, and he wouldn't want you to be sad. (and I should add I'm sure he'd be incredibly proud of how you took control of your health.)

paris81
08-08-2009, 09:58 AM
Onder--this must be difficult for you right now. I can't at all relate, but I dread the day it's time for my parents.

I think that the best way to honor a parent's memory is to live a happy life--that's what they want for us anyway. So do something that makes you happy!

time2lose
08-08-2009, 02:19 PM
I don't have any additional ideas. You have been given some good ideas above but want to give you hugs. :hug::hug:

Bonnie+J
08-08-2009, 02:27 PM
i'm so sorry for your loss. its a very hard thing to deal with.

((((Michelle)))) I'm sorry for your loss and for your sad feelings. One of the things that might help is if you sit down and wrote your daddy a letter. So, much has happened to you, and maybe if you write about your boyfriend, the move to NY, your incredible weight-loss journey, and other things going on, you might feel a connection to him that will soothe your sadness.

i love this idea. write him a letter about all the things going on in your life right now, include little bits of news that you know would have made him smile, and then allow yourself to remember the times you had together.
then go out with your bf, have a good laugh and a cry and allow yourself to grieve for your father.

i hope its not too difficult for you. :hug:

SunshineCA
08-08-2009, 02:35 PM
Just wanted to pop in to give you a big ole :hug:!!!

Onederchic
08-08-2009, 05:58 PM
Thanks everyone :hug::hug:

betty grrl
08-08-2009, 06:05 PM
So sorry about your loss.

I have somewhat of the same idea as Pita. Except, attach helium balloons to it (go somewhere quiet, maybe a lake)....and let the letter reach your daddy in heaven....

Onederchic
08-08-2009, 06:13 PM
How very sweet, Rena, thank you :hug:

p7eggyc
08-08-2009, 07:02 PM
I read the thread with interest because that anniversary day for my mom has been difficult so far (was 2 years in May). Last year my dad, brother and I were together. This year my brother went out of town so I spent the morning with Dad and then had told him ahead of time that I wanted the afternoon for myself. I plan to take the day off work always. It was not so terribly emotional for me (I get upset at weird times and the 'obvious' times seem to go pretty uneventful anymore :shrug:) but I did go out and took a nice long walk in nature and thought about her and tried to remember more than just her illness. It worked out ok. My grief therapist suggested nature so that is why I did that.

The other suggestions all sound good too. The thing I really decided this year was not to try too hard to do 'something'. I really struggle with thinking I have to honor her or do something 'just right' and the thing I've learned about grieving is there is only 'just right' for me and for the moment and what is 'just right' for the others in my life isn't the same. If 'just right' for you is a good cry, I don't think you need to try to do a single thing differently.

Hugs and congratulations on your new screen name...I LOVE IT! :)

Peg

Onederchic
08-08-2009, 07:04 PM
Thank you so much, Peg :hug:

I did write my daddy a letter about all the new changes in my life and I got his favorite movie - Cat Ballou - and plan on watching it tonight in his memory.

ruby2sday
08-08-2009, 11:01 PM
:hug: Michelle. I'm sorry for what you are going through. The anniversary of my Dad's death was not long ago, so I can relate.

Everyone has had some good suggestions for you. For me, I always end up just thinking about him and little things he would do or say, then I usually have a little laugh and a cry.

Thinking about my Dad also helps remind me of my goals, because I know that he would be happy for me that I am working towards my goal of good health and living life more fully.

Whatever you decide to do, take that little bit of time to think of him and all he was to you. Cry if you need to let it out. And remember how far you have come with your journey and how proud of you he would be.

Onederchic
08-08-2009, 11:08 PM
Thank you so much, Christina :hug:

EZMONEY
08-09-2009, 05:30 PM
Thank you so much, Peg :hug:

I did write my daddy a letter about all the new changes in my life and I got his favorite movie - Cat Ballou - and plan on watching it tonight in his memory.


Hey MEESH, sorry I am just getting here...computer issues and busy week-end.

great on the movie!

My dad passed away almost 20 years ago....not a Dodger game or Raider game goes by w/o a memory of him...or seeing a Little league game, Harley Davidson, etc.

My mom passed away almost 2 years ago. We celebrate by having all of our family over and I make Grandma Judi's chili....for those that wish, we share a memory of any loved one that has passed on...from my brother/dad/mom/grandparents/etc.

We make it a fun day with games, puzzles, football/basketball and shuffleboard.

Prayers for you!

kiramira
08-09-2009, 05:45 PM
:hug:

There is something to be said about celebrating his life through doing something that used to bring you and him great joy...

:hug:

Kira

Onederchic
08-09-2009, 05:58 PM
Thanks so much EZ and Kira :hug::hug:

jendiet
08-09-2009, 06:59 PM
hey sweetie...my dad passed in Jan 2006. It still hurts alot. He doesn't have a grave, and I wouldn't want to visit it if he did. Instead, I let myself deal with the grief on the day he died. I celebrate my dad's birthday every year. we even have cake in his honor. And I planted a tree in his honor. It starts blooming in August which is when he was born. August 23rd.

I know how much it hurts I'm sorry for your loss too. HUGS.

Onederchic
08-09-2009, 07:02 PM
Thank you, Jennifer :hug: (I was just wondering where you had been! Glad to see a post from you :hug:)

jendiet
08-09-2009, 07:14 PM
I went on vacation. It was great, but now I'm afraid I totally set myself back!

jamiewyn
08-09-2009, 08:36 PM
:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

Onederchic
08-09-2009, 08:38 PM
Thanks, jamiewyn :hug::hug: