Weight Loss Surgery - Slightly OT- Need to know I'm not evil....

08-05-2009, 04:57 PM
I belong to many boards. This one is the nicest. in many many ways.

I even own a board but it's for South Beach so I don't get a lot of understanding of my early WLS struggles. I do get a lot of joy and happiness there.

I love a busy active board. I have been hanging out at another board that's very WLS specific. they have many boards including local ones.

I'm a strong personality. I had a public clash with another very strong personality. It's really hurt the board.

Today I got an evil PM from someone and I was basically called a lowlife.

I started to wonder why I continue to hang out where I'm not wanted....

and I have a couple of reasons.

1. there are folks there that do want me. (although most of them have stopped posting a lot because of this)

2. and most importantly I really feel the need for support for my journey with WLS from folks who have BTDT....

until today I really thought I would stay at the other board and 'tough it out'

but this hateful PM really pushed a button. I guess I only act tough....

08-05-2009, 05:38 PM
Maybe you should apologize to the person you clashed with through PM then try to move on and next time you get heated- get up, walk away, and then come back later when you are more calm.

I moderate on another board and there are people who just want to push your buttons, who are ALWAYS right, who just want to pick fights, and so on. You just have to not feed into them. I swear it get's them off.

You aren't evil, you are human, people fight, it happens, you apologize (if possible I have people I absolutely detest on my board but I just stay away from them), and move on :)

You aren't a lowlife btw :hug:

Shannon in ATL
08-05-2009, 05:51 PM
I've never noticed you post anything evil in any of the posts I have read from you. As a matter of fact, a lot of your posts were pretty darn helpful to me when I first started my calorie counting process. :)

It is hard to get your point across on a BB sometimes, and people often feel free to respond to things a lot more aggressively than they would in 'real' life. Makes some stronger personalities come across stronger, might have done that to the person that you clashed with, and allows others to act differently than they would in real life, hopefully that person who was so mean in the PM would never look another person in the face and act that way.

As beerab said, you aren't evil, people just argue sometimes. Doesn't give anyone else a right to just be mean. Don't let it get you down. You aren't an evil lowlife honey. :) :hug:

08-05-2009, 06:12 PM
Nessa I've known you for a long time. . .You're a straight shooter and you speak from the heart
in short you rock!

08-05-2009, 06:32 PM
I agree with Kyr. Some people don't know how to deal with straight-shooters these days. Straight-forward people have become a rarity. Did this person come to you first with no prior contact or interaction? Just curious. I had a similar experience elsewhere.

08-05-2009, 11:42 PM
Believe it or not some people actually find the truth refreshing.

Don't let the opinion of one, effect you and your personality.
I'm learning that I will never make everyone happy....So I will just make myself happy.

Don't let it get you down~:hug:


08-06-2009, 12:04 AM
The Internet is what it is. Many strengths involved. Many flaws. Clashes with other folk are a given. Communication via this imperfect tool is difficult at best.

Nessa - I've read your posts for over two years now - you are an asset to 3FC. We are all enriched for having you here.

I even used your Nessa Bar recipe as a basis for creating my own protein bars. :D

So, let the dust settle, put the squabble into perspective and move on


08-06-2009, 12:33 AM
I have read your posts since I came to this board last february. Never have I had the thought that you were a "lowlife" or evil. It's been only enjoyment when I read your posts. And I can honestly say I was aware of your absence and hope you come around more often.

and good luck with your WLS!!! :)

08-06-2009, 08:09 AM
Nessa I've known you for a long time. . .You're a straight shooter and you speak from the heart
in short you rock!

yeah I think that's part of the problem.

Sadly the person who sent me the hateful PM is not the person I have an issue with but part of the "posse" and she thought she was defending her friend.

BTW these are folks I know in person.

I just hate to leave a place that can offer so much support and that really needs some balance.

It's really a very complex issue.

but you guys have shown me that while I'm blunt and sometimes obtuse, I'm not mean...

08-06-2009, 08:10 AM
I have read your posts since I came to this board last february. Never have I had the thought that you were a "lowlife" or evil. It's been only enjoyment when I read your posts. And I can honestly say I was aware of your absence and hope you come around more often.

and good luck with your WLS!!! :)

WOW thanks!

08-06-2009, 08:10 AM
oh BTW,

this did NOT happen HERE!

08-06-2009, 01:19 PM
Nessa??? MEAN??? a LOWLIFE???? not the one who hangs out here!!!! those other people must be thinking of someone else. Not OUR Nessa.

they're confused.

08-06-2009, 02:23 PM
oh what a sweetie you are!

08-06-2009, 08:09 PM
I've been reading your posts for a long time, and I agree with the others, never seen you be mean. I too am a straight talker, and sometimes on the internet people don't get it, cause they can't see facial expressions, hear the tone or whatever. Maybe it's something like that?

08-06-2009, 10:11 PM
I think you and I have shared differences of opinions at times, but I would never call you a lowlife or anything so absurd. Having an opinion does not make one a bad person.

Different boards definitely have different feels/vibes, and I agree that 3FC is the nicest by far. But sometimes, I don't want to just be nice :devil:

08-06-2009, 10:17 PM
oh Jilly you are right.. sometimes I just want to SNARK.... and I surely can't snark here....

08-06-2009, 10:29 PM
I just had to jump in here and add my 2c. worth for my friend.

I've known you for a long time, Nessa, even met you IRL, and you are one of the nicest, sweetest, caring people I know! :hug:

08-06-2009, 11:03 PM
well hello Cottage...

thanks so very much! I am realizing more and more I over reacted to being attacked. I'm way more sensitive than folks think.


08-09-2009, 08:30 PM
Hey Nessa :hug: I just had to jump in add my agreement to much of what has already been said. Yeah, you tell it like it is and you can have a wicked sense of humor (which I very much appreciate ;) ) but I have never seen you being mean to anyone. And a "lowlife? Give me a break. I look forward to seeing your name pop-up, even followed you here just to see what you were up to :)

Been in a few dust-ups myself over the years (try to act surprised). Hopefully if you don't feed her she will find something else to rant about. Some people just use the internet to vent their RL frustrations and some people I wouldn't give the time of day to in RL so why bother online.

I don't know anything about the other board but I know it would be really diminished if you left.

08-09-2009, 09:28 PM
I've had a couple hateful pms (none here). Only once was really bad. I tried to "make nice" with the person and apologize and try to see her side, but the more I tried to be nice, the more she attacked, and it became really clear that the woman was just a complete nutcase.

I've never seen a hateful post from you, and I can't imagine you doing so. Some people do feel that any disagreement is an attack, but people who go off the deep end, often have mental health issues.

In my head a "borderline personality disorder" alarm goes off when I encounter that kind of response. I'm NOT saying that a mental health diagnosis can be made in response to an online post, but it's a gut reaction bbecause when I worked in the mental health field it was such a classic (and dramatic) symptom. For people with the disorder, everyone is either their bestest friend in the universe, or their worst enemy/satan himself.

For a reasonable person, feeling pure hatred coming from someone is a very uncomfortable feeling, and the natural response is "what did I do?" but the answer is nothing, this is all in her head, not yours.

Even having the degree behind me knowing all of this, when it happened to me on the boards, I pm'd bunches of people on the group, asking if I had been out of line. I got the same advice you're getting now, some people are just nutburgers (the "clinical term" of course).

08-10-2009, 02:44 AM
NESSA?!!?!!?!!? WOW, that situation is nutty! You can't have that many opinions floating around a site and not have tentions, I guess. I've had them here and there but I just try to let things go.

Don't ever let go of the thing that's most valuable...you're supportive, kind and funny! Now, look at the 12+ remarks here and weigh the importance of them against one PM. You're loved and they are wrong, honey...that's the long and short of it.

I think the worst PM I got here was "honey, you need a new bra, that one's doing nothing for ya!!!" hehehehehe