Just can't stay on track. Gaining instead of Losing.(rant)
I just need to go on a rant here to get some things off my chest.
To make a long story short. I use to weigh 240lbs. I lost the weight and got down to 195. In the process of trying to get down to my healthy weight which is 145. I went through some depression in early of 2007 and I just started eating anything and everything. Now I'm back to 232lbs. I'm only 8 lbs away from where I use to be.
For some reason I just can't stay on track. And in these past 2 years My weight has just been climbing. At this point I feel out of control. I eat until my tummy hurts. Sometimes I don't even realize I have overeaten until my stomach hurts and by then the damage is done.
I've become so depressed due to my weight. All my hard work is out the window basically. I feel like such a failure.
I'm like a junk food addict now I'm just looking for my next fix. Literally everyday I get up with the intention of eating healthy. I even always have healthy breakfast of eggs or whole grain cereal. But then by afternoon things just go out of the window. I can't even go one day without junk food.
Now I do have some personal issue( i have no friends no spouse, even though I live with my parents I still feel lonely) which probably triggers the binges and overeating. But at this point and time I simply cannot work on my personal issues. and finding friends and spouse is out of hands. tried making friends didn't work. and as a chubby girl you don't get that many offers from men.
These days I can't even be bothered to exercise. Because it's like what's the point of exercising. when I continue to put so many bad foods in my body and not lose a pound. Actually these whole past years I have been keeping up my exercise. At point I was even exercising everyday. But didn't lose one pound and actually kept on gaining because of my out of control eating.
At this point and time I'm just tired of fighting this. I'm tired of getting up everyday with the intention of not eating junk food and wind up somehow stuffing my face with cookies or ice cream. or fast food. and then afterwards i feel so bad i wind up having crying spells. It's like a cycle everyday like this.
I'm so tired of weight loss. Sometimes I try to just say to myself I need to accept that I'm fat and probably going to be like this for a while and forget about losing weight. But I know I have lose weight. It's just I can't even stay on track. I really do try hard but I somehow wind up putting bad foods in my mouth.
I can honestly say that I relate to how you're feeling. For instance, I've been doing super for a while now. I've kicked butt this summer. So, today, I can't help it ... I gorge and eat like 3 brownies. I was SO mad at myself that I cried myself into an oblivion. I cried so hard I thought I'd be sick. It's hard to climb over the mountains and see the other side. I've come to terms that it may be a food addiction for me. I can't help but see pictures, smell foods, etc and think that I NEED them.
But at the same time I've learned to love that my jeans are a bit baggy. I've learned to appreciate the fact that people are noticing.
I understand how hard it is to make friends. That's a big struggle for me as well. Are there any types of fitness classes you'd be interested in taking? Or Weight Watchers? Some of my MIL's best friends are the women she's met at WW and/or her belly dancing classes. She has done SO much better because of them.
My heart goes out to you. This feeling you speak of is something I'm SURE we've ALL felt. It SUCCCCCKS. I really hope you can overcome it for you. Feel free to message me anytime if you want to talk about it. If you didn't live in Philly, I'd totally say we should start taking a class together or something.
I hear you - I have lost and gained so much, over and over. Do you think it was the depression or do you just "not do maintenance?" I find it`s the hardest bit and I often said to myself, let`s just accept that I`m large.
It does not however always work, or it only works on good days. It`s a compromise, and I don`t want to continue living a compromise for the rest of my life.
If you are sick of diets at the moment, how about concentrating on not bingeing. You don`t need to diet and excercise, but just try not to binge? It`ll hopefully keep you going (and losing a bit!) until you are ready for another "proper" weight loss regime?
All my hard work is out the window basically. I feel like such a failure.
I think this is the part that you should work on. You know how to lose weight. You have done it before. You can do it again.
Getting stuck in the guilt and making ourselves fees like rubbish over 'failing' is what often keeps us fat and going back into self destructive behaviour - and lets face it if you have used food to cope and to entertain yourself in the past its often comfortable that place that is so uncomfortable.
Just do what works for you. Just for one day. Then you can deal with the next day and the next.
But cut yourself some slack and then start to make some positve changes because they feel good - ie. eating fresh foods . . . going for a walk with a friend just to get some air and clear your head - any of these 'healthy' habits that also make us feel good.
We have all been there, but sometimes the fact that your not alone doesn't really help?! Everyone's struggle is different....but the support along the way helps. The main thing i advise is DON'T LOOK BACK....whatever has happened weight loss or gain....FORGET IT! Look at today and focus on tomorrow coz thats what we are all living for, too many times I look at old photos and remember when I was slimmer but the fact is i'm not now and I want to be!
Right so the next thing is making friends...i moved to another country(from uk to dubai) and i know noone here so being lonely is just part of the problem. Why dont you join a gym...start doing classes...they are fun and you will meet people.....yeh i know it will be tough to go at first but all the good things are hard to do but the reward will be worth it
Take each day as it comes but the main things is don't give up!!!!!! Remember what you want more.....a brownie or the slimmer you?????
Take care.....best of luck....i'm here if you ever need to talk...
I think its time to reflect a little. Why are you beating yourself up so much? Today is a new day, and this is the new you! You are capable of being the best version of yourself you can be, and you can make those choices because you are worth it!
What are the things you are focusing on right now? Your weight? STOP IT! How you've gained back? STOP IT! How you feel you won't make friends? STOP IT RIGHT NOW!
Focusing in on those things will only make you beat on yourself over and over. You say you start off well an then it goes downhill. Well, don't let yourself. Take a huge bowl of fruit and set it on the kitchen table. Just looking at a beautiful display of fruit will help you think to eat it. Get rid of all the junk food bc if its there, you might be tempted. Try your best to go out there and make friends. I know, it seems so hard right now. But look at all these people on this site that are supportive and helpful. There are people not on the cyber world that would be just as helpful. The suggestions on here are right. Join some classes. Take some risks! Plan every meal so you set up how you will be successful. We are all backing you up! YOU can do it! You proved yourself before, now do it for you!
I just wanted to drive to Philly and give you a big hug when I read this. You sound so crushed.
And there's absolutely no need to be!
For starters.... we all fall off the wagon. Sure, I'm lower than my starting weight now, but look at the date I joined 3FC. I've been working on taking this weight off, and inadvertently putting half of it back on for YEARS now, as have MOST of the women here! You're not a failure. Weight loss is a journey, and it won't always be a straight line downwards.
I was doing the same thing as you a few months ago. I'd gained back about 10 lbs that I'd worked really hard to lose before... Probably had something to do with the fact that every morning I woke up with every intention of eating well, then SOMEHOW I always wound up at Dairy Queen or a fast food place that afternoon. Or mid-afternoon I'd rationalize my weight as "hopeless" and eat a box of KD (Mac 'n Cheese) until I felt ill.
My point is, I've been where you are, eating-wise. Intending to be good, always winding up eating junk by the end of the day, making it all seem so hopeless.
For me, the best motivator to start, and keep going is to see a result. I hate exercise, and I hate working so hard to eat well.... so I chose the lesser of the two evils to start. Eating better, but continuing to sit on my butt. I couldn't motivate myself to start working hard again until I'd seen a loss on the scale.
If you're anything like me.... my suggestion would be to say... screw the rest of the week. I can eat a whole chocolate cake if I want to tomorrow. But today... just today, I'm going to be perfect. But this time, don't just "intend," as I so often did.... PLAN. Write it out. What are you going to eat today? what are your snacks going to be if your tummy growls unexpectedly between meals? Fruit? A 100-calorie bag of popcorn? Something else you adore? What are your parents making for dinner. Can they make a healthier version of it? Can you ensure you portion-control your part of it? Come up with a low-calorie dessert you're excited about, so you WANT to stop eating dinner and move on to dessert.
If you've been eating badly, chances are you'll see a water-weight loss on the scale by the very next day. Seeing that scale go down is THRILLING, and I usually can't resist repeating my good days to try to coerce the scale to go down further. It's worth a shot! I have faith in you. If you plan it out, you can do this, even if for just a day or two. Prove it to yourself. Prove that it isn't that hard. You know you've done it before, and you KNOW you can do it again.
You're not a failure. Everyone gains back at some point. It's the fact that you're not even back to where you were before, and you came back! There are people who lose, then gain it all back plus 50 more. You didn't do that. You're ready to stop this weight in its tracks, and we're all here for you to help you make that happen.
Good luck honey, I have faith in you. I know you can do this.
P.S., as for friends.. I just moved home from my university town, and any friends I had are pretty much all in their own home towns, or still in their university towns as well. I figure... sure, I only have like.. one friend now. But I'll make more in the future. Friends come and go. But at this moment... being happy with yourself is more important, I think. I figure... why will anyone else like me if I HATE myself?
I know that you know what you need to do, and I know that you're capable of doing it, but can I make some suggestions that might help?
1. Find somewhere to volunteer. It's a great way to meet people, and even if you don't make any friends, you'll be doing something to help people in general, and yourself in particular (cuz it will make you feel good). I have friends who live in philly who didn't know anyone else for a while, and then they volunteered to do set building for a theater company. It took up a TON of time, but that was great for them, because otherwise they would've been sitting at home alone.
2. Find someone on here (and I'd be happy to do this, but if there are other people you know better or are more comfortable with you could ask them) who will e-mail back and forth with you on a daily basis. Just once a day, every morning preferably, report on what you did food/exercise wise the previous day, and be completely honest. This way, you'll be accountable. Every time you think about eating junk food, think about that you'll have to report that junk food to your e-mail buddy. Also, this person can provide support and encouragement on a daily basis.
3. I don't know if this is a financially viable option for you, but if you can afford to, I suggest you start buying your own food, and ONLY eating your own food. When I was living with my parents I did this for a while and it helped a lot. So if my mom bought ice cream and put it in the freezer, I couldn't eat it, because I didn't buy it. I just stuck with that rule hardcore, and it helped a lot.
Anyhow, I'm really sorry you're having a hard time, but like many people on this board, I've definitely been there and moved past it, and you can too, whether or not you feel like you can right now.
Shoot me a PM if you want to e-mail back and forth.
I have been where you are before. It is very frustrating to start out the day with the best of intentions and then blow it by the end of day. I have done it many, many times. It becomes a pattern. You have to break that pattern. Make it through one day of eating healthy and getting some exercse and then build on it. Let your healthy lifestyle become your pattern instead. I promise, once you get on a roll, you will start to feel like you have some control and the more days you stick with your plan, the more motivated you will become. If you fall off the wagon occasionally, welcome to the club. The important thing is that you get back on track immediately.
Hey hun. I've been where you are many times before. I still get low points every day where I'd just rather have a sundae than go on a walk. But I too have lost a significant amount of weight before (40lbs) so I know I can do it, that's all that matters and that's what pushes me out the door in the morning. I have this book that was a total motivator to me and when ever I start getting down again I pick it up and read some more. That author has been through what many of us are going through. It's called Secret of a Former Fat Girl. It's insightful and funny and just plain truthful. I found it a thrift store and I think it's helped to change my mindset set to "maybe..." to "I can!"
We have all been there, but sometimes the fact that your not alone doesn't really help?! Everyone's struggle is different....but the support along the way helps. The main thing i advise is DON'T LOOK BACK....whatever has happened weight loss or gain....FORGET IT! Look at today and focus on tomorrow coz thats what we are all living for, too many times I look at old photos and remember when I was slimmer but the fact is i'm not now and I want to be!
Right so the next thing is making friends...i moved to another country(from uk to dubai) and i know noone here so being lonely is just part of the problem. Why dont you join a gym...start doing classes...they are fun and you will meet people.....yeh i know it will be tough to go at first but all the good things are hard to do but the reward will be worth it
Take each day as it comes but the main things is don't give up!!!!!! Remember what you want more.....a brownie or the slimmer you?????
Take care.....best of luck....i'm here if you ever need to talk...
Oh my god i can't agree with you more ... especially looking at the old photos of me... That has been my number one motivation killer , getting stuck in that time period and thinking of how small i use to be. But it's we'll time to get over it, that moment has past. Your so right about facing today and tomorrow for that matter.
Brilliant advice given by everyone! you guys are all so great and supportive, and all the advice given is really good.
The only thing I will add is that I think the accountability idea is a really good idea and certainly has helped me! I have been dieting practically my whole life! and I too LOVE junk food. I sometimes day dream about eating it! it gets that crazy! I sometimes go to sleep fantasising about eating it lol.
i've been on and off diets all my life.
you can do it. like what others have said. take it 1 day at a time.
or join this thread, where you confess what you ate last (throughout the day). that way when you reach for that junk food, you might think twice, thinking oh i'm going to have to confess this as soon as i eat it!
you can do it!! we're all here to help you every step of the way!
one day plus another DOES have an accumulative effect. the healthy food you eat today, will make a difference in the long term, it will feed your body with the nutrients it is craving. so that way your junk food cravings will lessen.
and the exercise - just start off slowly. go for a walk or something. it doesnt have to be mad running to start off with.
"wherever you are, it is the place to start, the effort you expend today, does make a difference".
good luck!
OR if you like you can just start posting your food aims and food confessions in this thread.
Thank you all for your advice. I will try and apply it. It really cheered me up and got me kinda of motivated. I just hope the motivation stays up for me. It's just good to know I'm not the only that feels like this.
Just can't stay on track. Gaining instead of Losing.(rant)
I was SO mad at myself that I cried myself into an oblivion. I cried so hard I thought I'd be sick. It's hard to climb over the mountains and see the other side. I've come to terms that it may be a food addiction for me. I can't help but see pictures, smell foods, etc and think that I NEED them.
Feel free to message me anytime if you want to talk about it. If you didn't live in Philly, I'd totally say we should start taking a class together or something.
I couldn't motivate myself to start working hard again until I'd seen a loss on the scale.
we're all here to help you every step of the way! 