General chatter - Dating support...give it to me straight




Jensaloser
08-03-2009, 04:41 PM
I lost my husband in '01. We were 30 years old. I knew him since I was 12 and then later in our teens we started dating and then married.

I've dated a few times about 3 years after my husband's passing and it was definitely way too soon. I decided to enjoy my children and dedicate myself to them while they spent the last few years home before college.

I'm finally ready to date again. I mean I'm really ready. But I am clueless. I don't know how ppl meet ppl to date. I've tried a couple of online sites but doesn't really seem to be for me. I've had a long road with my weight loss goals and my health goals and my healing after the loss of my husband.

I feel ready to "get out there" but I am not quite sure how to meet men that I'd be interested in dating. So how do you get back into it, especially after some weight loss but not all the weight loss.

I feel myself considering waiting until I hit that magic number because I have some body image issues. Case in point, saw photos of an old friend on Facebook recently, my age, and wow. She looks fantastic and I immediately felt defeated. I thought, "well, if she is still single what chance do I have?". Which btw I know is ridiculous because I am very aware that I have a lot to offer. But why do those initial thoughts cross my mind??

no I'm not serving snacks at this pity party lol honestly, i'm really not having a pity party, I really want some input here. Give it to me straight.


Onederchic
08-03-2009, 04:46 PM
I too lost my husband. He passed in 1999. He was 28, I was 27.

I didn't meet anyone until 2003 and it was via the net. But it was a game site and not a dating site and I had no intentions of meeting anyone for any type of relationship, especially the romantic kind. But I just moved from Tennessee to New York to live with him last July and it has been very very good for me :).

I don't have any real advice for dating, sorry. Just wanted to let you know that others here can relate :hug:

beerab
08-03-2009, 05:01 PM
I am sorry about the loss of your husband (both of you) :(

Since you said you tried online dating but didn't like it what about (if you are religious) going to Church and trying to get more involved there and possibly meet someone?

Got a dog? Take them to a nearby dog park if possible.


Onederchic
08-03-2009, 05:03 PM
Thank you, beerab :hug:

Eumie
08-03-2009, 06:06 PM
Here's my advice--

Realize that you're always going to have body image issues. It doesn't disappear with the fat cells. It's being a woman.

Finding a man who will love you as you are is important no matter how good you look. If you are ready to date now, start now. Don't wait until some magic number, because you'll keep changing the number.

BerkshireGrl
08-03-2009, 10:11 PM
You might check out www.okcupid.com - it's free, and I personally really enjoy it :)

You self-select your matches after answering questions that determine how you feel about many topics. The higher your match percentages, the better you may get along with people. I find usually 80% and up is a good bet :D

Good luck either online or out in the real world!

Jensaloser
08-04-2009, 10:37 AM
Great advice, all of you!! Thanks so much. I will try ok-cupid B-Girl, what the heck right? maybe i just haven't found the right site. Yes, true about church and yes I do attend but the database for unattached men in my age range is nil =o( although that would certainly be my ideal way of meeting someone. However, I would love to branch out and attend other Christian functions so maybe that is something I really have to set my mind to. Thanks again for all the wonderful advice.