my rant - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

daisy5819 · 08-03-2009, 10:45 AM

So I have a very close friend of mine that happens to be a guy. (he's very fit, in fact i think he's too skinny and too obsessed with being healthy for his own good). This morning I was eating my mid morning snack (an apple, string cheese, and a hundred calorie pack of almonds) and he says to me you really think about food all the time. I replied with I'm trying to eat every two hours, he comes back with maybe you should eat every 2 1/2 hrs. I let it slide. He asked me how many WW points I get and I replied with 28. He goes you should only eat 24. I was like WTF, its working for me who the **** do you think you are to tell me what I should do.

Its VERY frustrating for me. Because why I know he may think its coming from a good place, I find it very disrespectful. I mean I know that I'm fat, but i'm working on it. And I dont think he knows how it made me feel.

okay end rant

sorry...i'm just annoyed with him today and I needed to vent.

JulieJ08 · 08-03-2009, 10:52 AM

It really is ok to say to him, "Thanks, but I'd really appreciate it if you didn't talk to me about weight, food and exercise. I'd just rather not talk about it."

lottie63 · 08-03-2009, 10:52 AM

Then tell him.... ?

lottie63 · 08-03-2009, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JulieJ08

It really is ok to say to him, "Thanks, but I'd really appreciate it if you didn't talk to me about weight, food and exercise. I'd just rather not talk about it."

^^ This.

daisy5819 · 08-03-2009, 10:55 AM

I did. but its just annoying. I think i'm annoyed with him from this pseudo drama. We hang out like we are dating, but we aren't....and I really dont want to date him. But everyone thinks we are dating. He has the emotional maturity of a toddler...and its frustrating to me because I allow myself to be put in these situations.

Onederchic · 08-03-2009, 10:59 AM

He was very insensitive and I too would be upset. Want me to pay him a visit with my trusty baseball bat?

JulieJ08 · 08-03-2009, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by daisy5819

I did. but its just annoying. I think i'm annoyed with him from this pseudo drama. We hang out like we are dating, but we aren't....and I really dont want to date him. But everyone thinks we are dating. He has the emotional maturity of a toddler...and its frustrating to me because I allow myself to be put in these situations.

Some people are like that. Annoying, frustrating, and immature. There just really is no way to make it better, except not hang with with him.

kiramira · 08-03-2009, 11:20 AM

Here's your response::

Him: you should eat every 2 1/2 hours.
You: Ya, you know you're probably right... (keep right on doing what you are doing)

Him: you think too much about food.
You: Ya, it's CRAZY isn't it!! (keep on doing what you are doing)
Him: you should stop thinking about food so much.
You: Ya, you know, you're probably right (keep right on doing what you are doing)

Don't engage him in arguments. Don't defend your choices. Don't explain what you are doing. Just agree, and keep on your path. And think "poor thing, it's the best he can do" and KEEP. ON. YOUR. PATH.

In a few months, he'll see. But for now, he wants to control the situation. While he can butt in, he can't make you conform! The key is to agree with him thus deflating the situation, and then just carry on with what you are doing!

This really works -- the amount of advice I got about what I should or shouldn't do at the beginning was STAGGERING. I just did the above and kept on my path, and I'm not doing so badly. NOW those people with the advice tend to ask ME about how I've done it...

Kira

kaplods · 08-03-2009, 12:00 PM

I think most people do this, it's just not always about weight. I mean, if you're a reasonably intelligent person (or think you are), and enjoy hearing other people's opinions, you may also enjoy GIVING people your opinions - and they're not always welcome.

I do easily share my opinions, but I don't expect everyone to agree with me. Sometimes I like the sharing of opinions so much, that I can get careless and overlook signs that my opinions aren't welcome (though a lot of people are also good at hiding their reaction, and I only learn later that they were offended - sometimes it stumps me, especially from people who are pretty free in expressing their own opinions and suggestions).

My husband is a pretty opinionated guy. It was fun and challenging when we were dating, and it still can be, but sometimes it's just frustrating. Still, I don't think he's necessarily doing anything wrong, he's just being who he is (some would say being a jerk, but he's really far too generous in spirit to deserve that label, he would do anything or give anything he had to anyone in need, even virtual strangers).

I'm NOT saying that you welcome every suggestion, just that you don't have to be hurt or offended by others points of view, even when they're in opposition to your own. When you are really confident in your own opinions and decisions, criticism doesn't have to sting. You may ignore it, you may laugh at it, you may roll your eyes, you may decide to discuss or argue, but it doesn't have to "stick," into you.

I know that some people want to control others, and not all criticism is meant constructively. Some people intend to hurt others. Laughter tends to be my response, because if the person didn't mean to hurt you, laughter usually doesn't hurt them. However, if a person does mean to hurt or control you, laughing or being dismissive really IRKS the heck out of them (either way I WIN).

I'm not saying that I never lose control, or never get frustrated or angry at other people's opinions, but usually I can let them slide off without feeling bad. It's more about them, than about me. Hubby and I recently had a bit of an argument about what I perceived as "controlling behavior," and he said something to the effect of "If you disagreed with me, why didn't you defend your opinion or just tell me to shut up because I'm an idiot instead of shutting down and getting angry at me?"

It got me thinking that men in our culture are taught to be frank and confident in their opinions (my husband says, "of course I'm sure of my opinions, because if I weren't they wouldn't be opinions.") Men do tend to say what they think without much editing. Women are taught on many subjects that "it's ok to think it, but not to say it," and to try to word our opinions (if we share them at all) in ways that are least likely to cause a confrontation or argument (so we don't have a lot of experience defending our opinions either).

I'm not saying any of that is ok or a great thing, but I think understanding it does make it easier to take other people's opinions for what they're worth (and sometimes that's not very much).

Misora · 08-03-2009, 12:08 PM

Personally I would probably tell him that I'll take his advice when he becomes a certified and licensed nutritionalist and until that point I would ignore anything he says. And I mean that literally. Just because someone asks you a question doesn't mean you have to answer it at all. Likewise "The number of points and with a frequency my paid counselor has advised" is a perfectly acceptable answer. Intentionally or not he's crossed the line of ettiquette.

salsa chip · 08-03-2009, 12:17 PM

I'd thump him!

(er...maybe. Ok, probably not)

dragonwoman64 · 08-03-2009, 12:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kaplods

It got me thinking that men in our culture are taught to be frank and confident in their opinions (my husband says, "of course I'm sure of my opinions, because if I weren't they wouldn't be opinions.") Men do tend to say what they think without much editing. Women are taught on many subjects that "it's ok to think it, but not to say it," and to try to word our opinions (if we share them at all) in ways that are least likely to cause a confrontation or argument (so we don't have a lot of experience defending our opinions either).

I agree with this. it's a generalization, for sure, but women tend to be much more sensitive and accommodating, at the risk of denying their own true opinions (yes, I've been that way).

Bonnie+J · 08-03-2009, 12:23 PM

its hard when well meaning people hurt your feelings. but like the other ladies said, its just better to take it with a pinch of salt and ignore it. you only end up upsetting yourself and making yourself feel worse.
smile and nod, let it in one ear and out the other. you are kicking butt with your weight loss, you are doing what works and being healthy. stuff him.

CLCSC145 · 08-03-2009, 01:08 PM

Everyone fancies themselves an expert these days, don't they? Try to let it roll off your back and remember that you are on a good path.

jrsygrl · 08-10-2009, 07:23 PM

Forget that knuckle head. Look how far you've come without his advice. Like the others have said keep on doing what you're doing. It's working.

If you want my posse and I can come hit him in the throat for you....LOL!!!