Hi everyone! I'm Rachel, I'm 19 years old, and I've been severely overweight my entire life. I was always the biggest kid in the room at school, even my older sister (now 21, 5'2" and 120 lbs) used to make fun of me to the point of tears!
I'm 5'8" and I started at 245lbs. I've been doing a mix of weight watchers (i use the flex points system), slim fast (i have the shakes for breakfast cause they're really good...lol) , and plain old exercise for 17 days now, and I've already lost 9 lbs! I'm now 236, and definitely on my way to my goal of 160...but I'm still having a lot of issues with confidence and knowing I can do this.
When I was 13 years old, I was already in a size 14 womens jeans. I was the average size for a woman, and I wasn't even done with middle school. I've always been afraid to wear tight clothes, I hide underneath baggy hoodies as much as I possibly can. Right now I'm in a 20 jean, and should probably be in a 22. My jean size is bigger then my age...it's just mentally devastating. I can't buy any of those cute clothes girls my age are supposed to be wearing anymore...they don't sell my size at the stores. I have to spend $40 on a shirt or $60 on a pair of jeans just to get it to fit right AND look like everything else people my age wear. I didn't even dance at my prom because I was afraid to look like some stupid fat girl.
I guess I pretend to have confidence, but when my boyfriend tries to hold me around my tummy area, I pull away. I don't like to be touched, I don't like to be looked at...I try as much as possible to stay invisible. I just want to be normal sized...I don't want to be stick thin. I think that girls with curves and a little bit of extra padding are so much more attractive then anything you see in the magazines anymore....but at the same time, I can't help but think that everyone around me is comparing me to those stick girls in the magazines and wondering how I let myself get this bad...
The other day my mom saw my stomach, and I think her exact words were "Girl, you're not supposed to have stretch marks like that until after you have kids!" I mean...how is that supposed to make me feel? I go to the beach and get in the ocean with my swimsuit cover up STILL ON to hide the stretch marks on my arms and thighs. Life isn't supposed to be like this...and I NEED a change.
I know that I am beautiful, I see beauty in my face...but then I see the rest of myself and I look away...because when I see the rest of myself, I sure don't FEEL beautiful. I know if I were able to lose all this extra weight, I would finally be able to be comfortable with myself...
I'm glad I came across this forum, because I definitely need to find a good source of support. My boyfriend is kind of helpful, but he has that mentality that he'd rather be fat and happy then thin and have to care about exercise and what he eats...so it's hard for him to understand why I want this so badly. I don't think he understands how different it is for girls. He can still go to the mall and find clothes that fit him in almost all the stores...I have what, Layne Bryant and Torrid?...and they aren't even anywhere near my house. He just doesn't understand...and obviously my mom is no help. She's overweight but has a bad back and bad knees and physical activity hurts her so she can't exercise, so no matter how much she diets she can't lose the weight...and I think the fact that I'm trying to lose the weight makes her feel worse...and she lashes out by saying hurtful things. I can understand it, but still it's no help to me.
I just need that support. I need to communicate with people who are going through the same thing that I am, who are trying to achieve the same kind of goal...who really understand....
Welcome! You will definitely find support here. I think everyone here understands, no matter where she (or he) is starting from, what it feels like to struggle with all those years of discouragement and pain. Congratulations for taking control (even if you feel out of control sometimes)! 9 pounds is an awesome start- that shows a lot of commitment, and it sounds like you are doing this in a very realistic way. Stick with what is working for you, and keep us posted!!
"I guess I pretend to have confidence, but when my boyfriend tries to hold me around my tummy area, I pull away. I don't like to be touched, I don't like to be looked at...I try as much as possible to stay invisible."
That sounds just like me. Even after losing almost 140 pounds, I still see 330 pounds when I look at myself most times.
This is the best place to come for support, encouragement, advice, tips and much more.
Kudos for wanting to get your life on a healthy trek and congrats on your success thus far. You can do this and we are here to cheer you on
Hugs
Michelle
Last edited by Onederchic; 08-01-2009 at 10:25 PM.
Welcome sweet Divine! You sure sound like me with the body issues! My husband always tells me how beautiful I am and I just "pshaw" him. I heard it put one time that you rob that person of thier good feeling about you when you do that. SO...even though I don't mean it yet - I have started to smile and say "Thank you". What's that saying - free your mind and your butt will follow...
Glad you are here - sounds like you are doing SO well already!! I, for one, am very proud of you! I'm sorry your Mom made that hurtful comment. ***Sigh*** sometimes people just don't think. I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you.
Hi Divine! I'm young like you (21) and also have never been under a size 8, and that was BEFORE I had kids. My husband is the same as everyone's, he says he loves me just the way I am. I can totally relate to your wanting to look good, because when you look good you FEEL good and confidence is priceless! I wish you good luck on your journey!
You can already be so proud of yourself for staying strong for over two weeks! Pretty soon people will be telling you how amazing you look and how much they envy your accomplishments.
Until then, try not to miss out on life. Once you've lost the weight, you'll know how good you look, and you won't care how much you weighed when you went to the beach or to prom. So get in some more fun times!
Ohh my goodness.. your post almost made me cry! .. because I feel for you! I'm like.. in the EXACT same spot as you. I'm 19.. pretty close to the same weight (but you're a little bit ahead of me! ) and I just want to feel comfortable in my OWN skin for once in my life. Girl, lets do this TOGETHER! PM me if you ever need anything!
I hear ya. My mom is sorta the oppisite, skinny as a rail, but nagging me because I'm not built like her(even when i get the last 10 pounds off, i'll still be about a size 12)
I found that baby-doll style tops(they sell them in the juniors section at wally world, all the way up to a 2x) look really sexy, if you don't mind a plunging neckline. Pair it with jeans and your good to go (random, i know :P)
Hi Rachel!! I feel the same way. Very similar story and I have been on plan 3 weeks and already lost 11 lbs but its still hard to be confident in it.
I think that reaching out to all of these ladies made the biggest difference in my life. There is a combination of 1000's of pounds lost and lives regained here at 3FC! All of these people really so care about you and your story.
Keep pushing forward but look for mlore support. You need people to pat you on the back, say GREAT JOB! and appreciate your struggle. Having a thin family can leave you with very little understanding.
I hope you stick around! This really does make a huge difference.
AJ
Hi Rachel--I know exactly how you feel! SO many of your statements sound exactly like how I have felt at times (or still do feel). From what I can tell--this is a great place to join for inspiration. I'm new on here too, and I think if we are all really great at helping motivate eachother, it will really help us all. You can do it! You're already 9 pounds down!
New and Needing Inspiration
Glad you joined us! 3FC is a great site for support and encouragement. I hope you will post often 
What's that saying - free your mind and your butt will follow...
