Would love some advice on redefining your identity, not thinking of yourself as fat anymore...
Always been overweight--first the "cute & chubby" baby, then a kid with some "baby fat", then throughout school always the "smart, funny fat friend." Grew up in an overweight family, too, so have always accepted it as the norm. Moved to UK and lost 40 lbs without really trying that hard--just came off over the past year gradually. I'm walking (not driving) everywhere, and eating healthier here (I really miss American food--put on 4lbs in 2 weeks when I went home for spring break!).
I'm not "thin" yet, but the 40lb. and 3 size loss has really messed with my body image and identity. How long is it going to take for me to 'get used to it' (if ever)?
Also, any advice on coping w/ the fear that it'll all come back on?
It takes a while to adjust to your smaller body. I'm still working on it myself, but it's getting better. Change is hard for me even when it's a good thing. Just give it a little time and you'll adjust. As for the fear of gaining it back, realize that you have control over that. You know what worked to get the weight off and you can use that knowledge to keep it off.
I think you need to tell yourself its not an option to gain it back.Keep saying it over and over...........its not an option.You have done amazing.You will keep doing what you have learned.
I agree with H8cake... give it time and eventually you'll feel secure in your newer, thinner body. I think everyone shares your fear of re-gaining. And I hope it eventually goes away ... I guess it goes back to the "time" thing.
You are doing so wonderfully well!! Enjoy it, embrace it, and keep up the good work. YOU DESERVE IT!!!
It IS a hard mindset to break. I get where you are coming from -- we are about the same height and weight and I started a bit bigger than you, so I understand about changing the mindset. I too am from an obese family and have been self and other-identified as the "chubby friend" or the "fat one" amongst friends. For years, this is what I saw and said to myself REGARDLESS of the truth of the matter.
So to help me "adjust", I do a couple of simple things. First, I focus on my clothes size. Now I know that sizes aren't necessarily accurate, BUT what I say EVERY. TIME. I put my jeans on is "WOW, I'm in size 10 jeans". And when I put a shirt on, I say "WOW I'm a size 10 shirt." EVEN if I feel chubby or don't see a thin person in the mirror, I just reemphasize to myself that the OBJECTIVE DATA is that I AM A SIZE 10 (or 12! depending on the manufacturer).
I force myself to go into stores and shop for clothes (couldn't drag me there when I was big) and I FORCE myself to look at the size 10s and 12s. Nothing higher. I normally gravitate towards the 16pluses, but have to SAY "NO, I'm a SIZE 10 so I HAVE to start there". It becomes more natural with time, but it feels weird at first! Seriously -- like "what am I DOING looking at size 12's? Im an 18-20!". And I have to actually SAY when I go past plus size stores "There is nothing in that store for me because I am a size 10". If you do this enough, it begins to sink in.
The only other thing that I say alot to myself is "is this what a thin person would do?" -- I find that if I have the urge to eat eat EAT a large pizza and buy a bag of M&Ms afterwards, I HAVE to do a reality check. "Is that what a normal-sized person would do?" and the answer is ALWAYS "NO". And then I say "well, I AM a normal sized person, so I won't do that either"...sounds simplistic but it really really helps in all sorts of situations. If I want the jumbo sized Oh Henry cause I'm bored, I say "Is THIS what a thin person would do?" and I wind up changing my behaviour.
I don't know if this helps at all, but these things work for me. If I TELL myself OFTEN enough that I am a thin person and I wear a size 10, I actually begin to believe it. And if I can believe it, I can live it!!!
I love what you do, Kira. I do the same thing...."Why am I looking at Size 12s??" and then I have to stop myself and say, "I AM a size 12" (or 14 as the case may be). :P
...it's so funny to say, "Man! There are too many 18s and 16s here. Nothing in my size". I got to say that this past weekend and I nearly giggled out loud. :-)
But I do still have days where I wake up and feel fat and I constantly fear that the weight will come back on...
I also like the idea I heard once to take a picture of yourself and look at it...you should be able to see the difference there. Better yet, compare it to an old picture. I can barely look at the old pictures of myself. I didn't realize I was so big!
Lastly, I usually see my real size when I am in different environments. Such as, looking at my reflection in store windows and situations like that. When I'm at home, I see fat (because my mind is used to seeing that at home).
I've always thought a little fear about regaining was never a bad thing. I'm terrified of regaining. I think this is what keeps me in check a lot of the time. Not that I live a life gripped with fear, but I know it's a very real possibility that I will gain the weight back- IF I don't pay attention.
Your mind will take a little longer to catch up, but it will That was sucha shock to me, that I had to wrap my mind around all the changes.
Just remember to breath and to think positive- this is a good thing!
I have been at goal 20 months and still don't really "see" myself as slim and trim, I know I wear smaller clothes. I recently went to a party where a lot of picture were taken. In those pictures was a small lady, looked like me......it was me!!!! I could see it when I looked at the pictures but everyday looking in the mirror after getting dressed I just see me , not fat, not thin, just me. Try having a few pictures taken, just some snapshots , you will be surprised at how different you look now.
Ya, photos are good, too Ms Cali and Ms Bargoo! I have befores and durings but I make sure I look at them without looking at my head/face! Sounds weird, but if I connect with my FACE then I lose all objectivity...but if I cover up my head in the photo, it becomes a "body of a certain size" and then I am able to compare the photos objectively. Instead of saying "OMG I still have a double chin" I can say "boy, those arms are thinner now"...
Again, sounds weird, but being objective is the key here, and I'm not so good at that...
I took all of my progress pictures and put them on one document and posted it on my office wall. Because it's in my face everyday it's hard to ignore the progression. Not to mention other people commenting on it.
Identity crisis
... I guess it goes back to the "time" thing. 
That was sucha shock to me, that I had to wrap my mind around all the changes. 
