General chatter - Vacation Challenge, Mama Drama




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kaplods
07-25-2009, 12:51 AM
My husband and I are visiting my parents. We drove down yesterday, and I did very well during the five hour drive down and even did ok with dinner (my Mom made spaghetti and meatballs with garlic bread).

The dinner choice was a bit odd, since mom is diabetic, and is supposed to be watching carbs. I suppose that she wanted an excuse to eat it herself. I didn't make a fuss.

Well, yesterday, Mom told me her new scale only had a 275 lb capacity (which I knew was a lie, because she had already told me that it had a 400 capacity when she bought it).

I decided that she didn't want me to "break" her scale, so I didn't make a fuss and just bit my tongue. She must have reconsidered, because this morning she made a bit of a show in asking my sister what the scale capacity was, and said "oh good, you can try it, Colleen."

In hindsight, I think it was a set up to see if I weighed what I said I did. Her scale weighed me 8 lbs heavier than at home, but I was wearing heavy jeans, so I wasn't overly concerned.

I noticed in their bathroom that they still had the "old" scale, which had a 330 lb weight limit, so I asked if I could take that to the downstairs bathroom (when we visit, we sleep in their finished basement, which has a 3/4 bath).

I'm glad to have access to the old scale, because it will keep me on track without having to ask Mom to use her new scale (which she keeps in her bedroom). I also get to weigh nude, which is my normal habit.

Mom did offer to give me her old scale, but I asked that she allow me to keep it downstairs, so I had a scale when we visit.

Today didn't go completely as planned. I went into "vacation mode," justifying some poor food choices. Which isn't a terrible thing, as long as I don't make it a habit.

If I don't lose weight this week, I won't be broken-hearted, I just want to make sure not to gain.

The scale really is going to help (at least the old one - I'm not getting on mom's fancy gadget again, at least not with her looking over my shoulder).

Food has always been an issue between my mother and I, and this trip has been no exception. She's pretty controlling on the subject, either telling me that I shouldn't be eating what I am - or pushing food on me "just a little won't hurt." It's ironic that the messages are so mixed, she's almost on an alternating schedule. If she criticizes what I'm eating, ten minutes later she's trying to push brownies, or banana bread or leftover spaghetti on me.

One of the reasons my husband and I tend to go out to eat so much when we visit my parents, is that they tend to eat very traditional (boring) starch-heavy meals. So my mom, of course (because she always does) suggest that we would lose more weight, if we ate out less. Probably true (which I told her while smiling and nodding as I flipped her off - well the flipping off was inside my head).

Ah well, only five or six days to go.

No doubt I may be here a few times to vent, and remind myself that mom's food issues don't need to become my issues.


EZMONEY
07-25-2009, 01:05 AM
COLLEEN....what no steak and shake?....wink

W/O knowing all the family dynamics here dear....what if your mom is dissapointed about your weight on one hand and makes remarks....but on the other loves you and wants to "feed" to your desires....as in the heavy foods you grew up with. It can be complicated...


what if you told her "ma, lets make a meal together tonight...I will show you what myself and DH are doing now for (fill in the blank....chicken) instead of (fried)..." or any other of your better choice meals...

SunshineCA
07-25-2009, 02:20 AM
I was going to suggest you and your DH prepare a few meals for the family while you're there. Preparing meals with Mom is also an excellent idea.

Hang in there. :hug: Make the most of this visit. Although parents may drive us crazy, it's moments like these we'll miss the most when they're gone. :)


dutchgirl
07-25-2009, 04:18 AM
I don't know about you, but my mom always seemed to be able to push my buttons and have me furious at her in no time at all!
It made me not want to be around her very often and that is sad, when you think about it.
Do what you need to do to take care ofyourself and remember that she is probably doing the best she knows to do. And count to ten. A lot.
I wish you strength and patience:hug:

kaplods
07-25-2009, 06:21 PM
COLLEEN....what no steak and shake?....wink

W/O knowing all the family dynamics here dear....what if your mom is dissapointed about your weight on one hand and makes remarks....but on the other loves you and wants to "feed" to your desires....as in the heavy foods you grew up with. It can be complicated...


what if you told her "ma, lets make a meal together tonight...I will show you what myself and DH are doing now for (fill in the blank....chicken) instead of (fried)..." or any other of your better choice meals...

Yes, I know that's exactly what is going on. My mom is the controlling type, not because she's mean-spirited, but because she feels that if the world stops spinning, she could have and should have done something to prevent it. I'm exagerating, but only a little.

Mom's lost about 80 lbs, then put on about 30, and has lost 10 again recently (still a 60 lb loss). She's frustrated right now, and at the "tired of dieting" stage, so I know that having me here is an excuse for her to "cheat" and overindulge, especially if she can get me to do it first. Whether I provide the excuse or not, the mixed messages are still there (for both of us).


Let's face it, many, if not most of us have "mixed feelings" about food. I think that being an adult child, still sometimes feels like being a child. I find myself thinking I'm "supposed to" do what she suggests, and the mixed messages (along with the mixed messages inside my own head) make me feel like I'm being pulled in all directions. I feel like a rebellious teenager all over again (and I was never very rebellious as a teenager). Sometimes I feel like I just chose to start rebelling late (basically at 35 when I met and chose to continue seeing a man my mother disapproved of - my now husband, who my mother is just now starting to like {a little} after six and a half years of marriage).

Usually we do prepare some of the meals when we're here (either together or for everyone), and it's sometimes a bit hard, because my mother is a bit possessive of her kitchen. It's sometimes frustrating because she doesn't take suggestions well, especially when they come from me. I've been using olive oil for years, and suggesting it to Mom and she always told me that she didn't like olive oil and that it was too expensive anyway. So last night when I saw her using olive oil (from an almost empty bottle), I was a bit surprised, but thought she'd finally decided to give my suggestion a try - nope. She didn't even remember my having ever suggesting it, she'd seen it on Rachel Ray's show (If I say it, it's weird or stupid, but if she hears it from Rachel or Oprah it's genius). Oh well, it's kind of funny, really.

Any way, today we bought Carnitas (roast pork) home from a mexican grocery for every one. It's a bit of a tradition when we're here. We buy the roast pork, pico de gallo, and tortillas. The little mexican grocery makes the roast pork every Saturday, and is only a couple miles from my parents' house, but they're intimidated by the store because everything is written in spanish, and the staff have thick accents, so they always ask my husband and I to "go get that pork, we all like." (It should be noted, that neither my husband or I speak spanish, we go in and point to what we want, and hold up fingers when telling them how many pounds we want).

The pork is fairly lean (you can buy fattier pieces, but they ask if you want "just meat"). Sometimes they have roasted chickens also.

While we were there, I saw some oxtail (cross-sections of beef tail) - raw. The pieces were very lean, but also very meaty, so I bought a package to make vegetable soup (we had brought down a lot of vegetables from our trip to the farmers' market before we left Wisconsin).

I told mom that when I saw the oxtail, it gave me a craving for "her" beef vegetable soup, so I'm going to be making that for everyone on Monday. It is basically her recipe, so she was happy with that. Whenever I suggest one of "my" recipes, she always looks worried and asks "what if I don't like it," (and if my husband is within earshot, he'll say "you'll explode, and your head will probablu pop off" - and I wonder why she doesn't like him?).

SunshineCA
07-26-2009, 04:03 AM
I'm happy things are looking up! :hug:

EZMONEY
07-26-2009, 11:08 AM
..... she always looks worried and asks "what if I don't like it," (and if my husband is within earshot, he'll say "you'll explode, and your head will probablu pop off" - and I wonder why she doesn't like him?).

:D:D:D

painted lady
07-26-2009, 11:56 AM
hah, i like your husband.

when my boyfriend and i go visit his grandparents and mom, i always have fifteen panic attacks because they eat terribly. his grandma never cooks when we are there, so we always go out to eat... and his mom is really picky (Iowans are very weird about food sometimes), so we either get: fantastically delicious greasy cheesy subs, pizza, or pasta. it drives me insane.
the last time we were there, i was freaking out because i hadn't gotten to work out the night before, and i had been eating way too much junk. his mom said to me, "i think you worry about food a lot." i said, "well, when i'm here, we eat out so much that i'm doubly worried about the cost and the nutrition." ugggh.

the next time we go visit, i am going to bring stuff to make dinner for his family. only thing: what do i make?? my "signature" dish is Chicken Paprikas, a Hungarian dish from the "homeland." (hah.) however, his mom hates green peppers, and i think his grandma would think it was weird.

i'm really glad i grew up in a house where baked chicken, steamed veggies, brown rice, and tofu were the norm.

EZMONEY
07-26-2009, 07:23 PM
PAINTED LADY is there any way you can make the dish w/o the green peppers for the mom's serving? One thing I do, because Angie doesn't like green peppers...more they don't like her....is I make the pieces bigger than usual so she can pick them out...still flavors the dish (fajitas) but she doesn't get the acid reflux issue/heartburn after picking them out.

painted lady
07-26-2009, 09:14 PM
it sucks because the green peppers are sort of essential to the dish, and his mom hates the flavor of them. but it's the thing i cook the best! boo hiss.

i also make really good curry, but the most ethnic food his mom will eat is italian... i.e., pasta with jarred sauce, which can be delicious, it's just sort of boring.

EZMONEY
07-27-2009, 12:37 AM
Painted one...can you make just hers with red or yellow peppers...different flavor for sure.

Nothing wrong with jarred pasta sauces if you find the right ones...plus you can always add veggies and spices to them to perk 'em up.

painted lady
07-27-2009, 01:13 AM
i LOVE Newman's Own Sockarooni sauce. also, the name is fun to say. :D

i'm sure i can tailor the recipe to her liking... the bigger problem is: does she like paprika? if not, i'm giving up. there are three tablespoons (TABLESPOONS) of Hungarian paprika in my version of Chicken Paprikas. soooo good.