100 lb. Club - Bathing suit fear




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Nori71
07-24-2009, 08:17 PM
So, we are heading out to the Oregon coast for a few days and I'm having a crazy amount of inner turmoil. Regarding bathing suits.:( I cannot get over myself. There is no way that someone my size can really look good in a bathing suit. I have disproportionate legs and arms for my weight and carry percentage-wise the most fat there. I actually have some nice waistline definition this year and less in the way of back fat rolls! But, I want to conveniently *forget* my bathing suit. I know I'll feel guilty not getting in with my 2 little girls. I need to just get over it. But not sure I can.

How does one get over this complete fear of bathing suits?? I see many women on the beaches as big or bigger than I am and I don't judge them at all as I sit fully clothed. I know I'm the one who looks ridiculous! Are any of you not self-conscious in a bathing suit?


thinpossible
07-24-2009, 08:23 PM
Of course I am self conscious in a bathing suit. How could I not be, I'm huge! But I wear it anyway. I get in with the kids, and after a while I forget about it. What other people think of me are their own private thoughts, and thankfully I can't read other people's minds, b/c it's none of my business. Have a good time, and take your suit.

kiramira
07-24-2009, 08:43 PM
You said it best yourself:

I see many women on the beaches as big or bigger than I am and I don't judge them at all

You aren't the only one out there who isn't perfect, body wise. And YOU don't judge THEM. So perhaps THEY aren't judging YOU, either. Perhaps you are really JUDGING YOURSELF...

So, once you recognize that you may be projecting your own self-judgement onto others, it becomes easier to say "WHO CARES HOW I LOOK???" For goodness sakes, you are at the BEACH and it is normal to be in a swimsuit.

I'll bet that if you get a nice suit that emphasizes your tiny waist, and just stop the self-loathing, you will have a great time with your daughters. AND you'll be glad you did, cause your daughters don't give a flying FIG that your arms and legs are big. They just want to have the memory of having a great time this summer with their mom. And that's EXACTLY what they'll remember. Not your swimsuit size, but time with Mom. And who doesn't want THAT?

Relax and have FUN!

Kira


jab91864
07-24-2009, 09:06 PM
Last fall I went on a cruise to the Caribbean. Normally I am paranoid about my huge arms not to mention other things. But I bought myself some really comfy board shorts and matched them to some pretty plus size ladies tankini tops and went on the cruise with the feeling of I don't know these people and will never see these people again....

I ended up competing in the belly smacker contest on board the ship and I won...lol. So much for hiding in my suit in my cabin. Three fourths of the ship knew my name when we got back to port the final day. The charity group we cruised with still has pics of me on their website in spread eagle form over the pool. It's a fat girls nightmare but somehow I am ok with it...lol.

So find something you like, go and have fun. Life is too short to worry about what other people think all the time !!

better health3
07-24-2009, 09:36 PM
I ended up competing in the belly smacker contest on board the ship and I won...lol.

This was priceless. I hope you didn't hurt yourself too much. At least you are out there living life to the fullest...

nooch
07-24-2009, 09:40 PM
Honestly, it never occurred to me to be self-conscious in a bathing suit. I look at it this way - it's not like they can't tell I'm fat in jeans, t shirts, and sneakers. It's not a secret, you know? I (and you, and everyone here) has the same right to enjoy summer as the non-fat. Get in that pool and have fun :D

WildThings
07-24-2009, 09:41 PM
My advice would be to just do it...stick the suit in your suitcase, when it's time to swim put it on, put a shirt and shorts on with it if you really feel like you need to and go in the water with your daughters. I have done this with myself...just for this week, or just for this day, I'm going to do what I'm afraid or embarassed to do. Then, after the vacation, if another situation comes up and all you can remember is being uncomfortable, then you don't have to do it again. You can go back to sitting on the sidelines until you are more comfortable, but my guess is, when you get back from vacation, you are going to remember how much fun you had with your family and not what you looked like in your suit.

Have a great vacation!

CHUNKEY_MUNKEY
07-24-2009, 09:46 PM
Honestly, it never occurred to me to be self-conscious in a bathing suit. I look at it this way - it's not like they can't tell I'm fat in jeans, t shirts, and sneakers. It's not a secret, you know? I (and you, and everyone here) has the same right to enjoy summer as the non-fat. Get in that pool and have fun :D

i love it she said it all !!


im 5'6 and 221 lbs wearing a size 16 and i love wearing my bathing suit you just have to find THE ONE <---- this makes all the diffrence in the world i love my bathing suit i actually have a few ... they make great little swimdresses , swim skirts and tank tops and and even board shorts with a tank can look nice have fun girl !

jab91864
07-24-2009, 09:47 PM
It was me and nine large men in the competition...lol. Everyone had a camera or a phone pointed at us and there was a guy in the pool filming as we went under. They made a video. Sent it to me and the other 1,000 folks with the group .

All I could think of watching it (the edited cleaned up version mind you) was of the National Geographic channel documentary on the elephants when they show them trying to swim across the river, the stubby legs moving back n forth. I had quite the laugh at myself.

I was very bruised, and cut the inside of my mouth when my front teeth went into the flesh (I think that was the 3rd smack... I thought I had knocked out my front teeth on impact ) but ya know it was a proud moment and I grinned big for the cameras. Like a dork I did an encore smack and summersault at the end. Can we say ham...lol. But hey I'd never had that many people chant my name before.

It was a lot of fun !!!!!!!!

Nori71
07-24-2009, 10:11 PM
OK, the suit is going. It was going to anyways, but now I'm happier about it. Thanks ladies. I've felt this way for so many years. the crazy thing is I'm totally comfortable in my skin around those who love me most, why is it perfect strangers that make me uncomfortable...your daughters don't give a flying FIG that your arms and legs are big. They just want to have the memory of having a great time this summer with their mom. And that's EXACTLY what they'll remember. Not your swimsuit size, but time with Mom. And who doesn't want THAT?
That puts it all in crystal clear perspective! "Not a flying FIG" Thanks.

thankfully I can't read other people's minds.love it!


I ended up competing in the belly smacker contest on board the ship and I won...lol. So much for hiding in my suit in my cabin. LOL! HILARIOUS!! WTG! Wow, 1000 people have it on video! Must have been a great show!!

Honestly, it never occurred to me to be self-conscious in a bathing suit. I look at it this way - it's not like they can't tell I'm fat in jeans, t shirts, and sneakers. It's not a secret, you know? GREAT ATTITIDE! Thanks for sharing. I'm not so delusional that I think I look skinny in my clothes, but it's a bare skin thing!! On top of being large, I was also raised in an ultra-conservative-long-skirts-and-braids wearing family. It doesn't help.

I have done this with myself...just for this week, or just for this day, I'm going to do what I'm afraid or embarassed to do. Then, after the vacation, if another situation comes up and all you can remember is being uncomfortable, then you don't have to do it again. Thanks for chiming in with that. I don't doubt that I will be uncomfortable and wearing a sarong while walking. But maybe by being willing to "take the plunge" I'll find out it's not as bad as I thought it would be... I LOVED being in the water when I was smaller. I'm sure I still will have a blast.

you just have to find THE ONE <---- this makes all the diffrence in the world i love my bathing suit i actually have a few ... I actually like my suit as well. I have 2 different halter tankini tops and a swim skirt. (If I cross my eyes while looking in the mirror I like what I see!)

nooch
07-24-2009, 10:27 PM
Oh it'll be great :D Halter tankinis are a godsend, honestly. They hold the girls in and they don't need constant adjustment!

HVEECK
07-25-2009, 12:23 AM
I have always hated the way I looked in a bathing suit (of course) but the fun you will have with the kids and the memories they will keep forever, is way more important. have fun! Dont worry, because most people are probably being so self conscious about the way THEY look, that they dont even look twice at you ;)

TraceyElaine
07-25-2009, 05:56 AM
Honestly, it never occurred to me to be self-conscious in a bathing suit. I look at it this way - it's not like they can't tell I'm fat in jeans, t shirts, and sneakers. It's not a secret, you know? I (and you, and everyone here) has the same right to enjoy summer as the non-fat. Get in that pool and have fun :D

Amen!

dragonwoman64
07-25-2009, 09:46 AM
oh, boy, I love swimming though I'm not that good at it. heh. I go every once in a while to the Y to do it. It can be tough for me to get in that suit and walk out of the locker room into the pool area, I feel so self conscious sometimes. You know what, no one looks, and I have a great time.

the last time I went, I saw an extremely heavy woman taking a swim class with her incredibly adorable baby. all I could think was how wonderful she didn't let any self consciousness keep her from that experience with her little girl. I guess it made me think about how I've let myself forego opportunities in my life because I've felt too embarrassed about my body.

I seriously want to be that woman who has that body confidence. It's such a gift. I loved your story, Jab

Judy Lynn
07-25-2009, 10:26 AM
OK, the suit is going. It was going to anyways, but now I'm happier about it.

Good for you! They don't stay little for very long, so enjoy it! :hug:

Lizzyg
07-25-2009, 02:42 PM
Glad you're taking it!

I love being at the beach so much, I dont care anymore what people think. If others want to take time out of their day to be negative jerks, that is their issue and not mine. I'd rather have fun and swim, than sit there fully clothed.

And I remember my mom never wanting to go swimming with us, and the few times she did, I remember it and have fond memories. You're kids will love you going swimming with them!


Have fun!!!

lottie63
07-25-2009, 03:08 PM
Honestly, it never occurred to me to be self-conscious in a bathing suit. I look at it this way - it's not like they can't tell I'm fat in jeans, t shirts, and sneakers. It's not a secret, you know? I (and you, and everyone here) has the same right to enjoy summer as the non-fat. Get in that pool and have fun :D

I agree with this! I have no problem in my little patterend swim dress. They know i"m fat in it or jeans so....

we are the only ones we are fooling. ;)

caryesings
07-25-2009, 03:16 PM
I hereby lend you my mantra for feeling self conscious on vacation"

"I'm never going to see these people again"

Nori71
07-25-2009, 06:45 PM
So, it's hot hear in Seattle today and guess what I'm wearing. :-) Only in the back yard, but hey, you should have seen my little girls faces when I walked outside in it!!! Thanks for the encouragement and reality check.

girlonfire
07-25-2009, 08:01 PM
Hmmmm the Oregon Coast is pretty chilly(even in the summer sometimes), although Oregon is having a nice lovely heat wave right now.

Although I agree with all the other ladies that you should just enjoy yourself and be confident, if you're feeling very self-conscious and it's hampering your enjoyment, I know some lovely out of the way beaches that don't get a lot of traffic.

kiramira
07-25-2009, 08:37 PM
WAY. TO. GO. You'll never regret it.
:carrot:

Kira

Jennelle
07-26-2009, 12:06 AM
I wore a bathing suit for the first time in ten years this year. I was at a pretty conservative church camp where "mixed swimming" (boys and girls together) wasn't allowed, so I decided I would just go for it. I weighed about what you weigh now. I found a decent swimsuit at Wal-Mart, shaved my legs and armpits, and went for it! And you know what? No one cared. I wasn't being stared at, laughed at, or anything else. Your girls won't care. In fact, they probably won't remember that Mommy was a little jiggly in her suit, but they *will* remember if Mommy didn't even go swimming with them. And as for anyone else - who cares? Seriously. Do your thing, be confident, and ignore the haterz (as my students would say).

:hug:

dragonwoman64
07-26-2009, 10:46 AM
that's so cute, glad to hear it!

kaplods
07-26-2009, 01:01 PM
I've been obese most of my life, and don't know that I've ever NOT felt self-conscious putting on the bathing suit and walking to the water (even when I was a little kid), but I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE (did I mention that I LOVE) the water.

Sometimes it felt like a death-march, but once in the water, I'd be fine (and I did realize that pool water is transparent, but I "felt" covered in the water - weird).

For me, a beautiful suit is priceless. I hate my current suit (a black two-piece skirt and blousy tank). I think it probably looks better on me than my last suit did (a long-skirted navy and turquoise swimdress with tiny yellow fish all over it), but the suit is so boring and frumpy, that I feel boring and frumpy in it.

When I was still working, we belonged to a fancy health-club (because of a big corporate discount). There were several muslim, mennonite and orthodox/conservative jewish families, and the women would often wear very pretty, but modest suits. I went online looking for something similar, because they were so pretty, yet covered so much (to the elbow and to the knee- or longer). I found some websites, but nothing in my size.

One lady's suit looked a bit like the '80's style aerobic costumes (but not as gaudy). A solid lycra t-shirt and capri pants, covered by a print lycra tank dress. A modern version of the turn of the century bathing costumes.

I've thought of making something similar, but I think standing out so much more because of the uniqueness of the style, would be harder than revealing the extra flesh.

I do miss a suit that had an amazing stretching skit. Once it was wet, the skirt would get so heavy from absorbingt water that it would stretch/sag past my knees. Basically it began as a thigh-length swimdress and became nearly calf-length. I loved it because it covered the dreaded fat-knees uckiness.

Windchime
07-26-2009, 02:21 PM
I ended up competing in the belly smacker contest on board the ship and I won...lol. So much for hiding in my suit in my cabin. Three fourths of the ship knew my name when we got back to port the final day. The charity group we cruised with still has pics of me on their website in spread eagle form over the pool. It's a fat girls nightmare but somehow I am ok with it...lol.

So find something you like, go and have fun. Life is too short to worry about what other people think all the time !!

You know, this post is so encouraging! And it made me start thinking--how many times do we set these self-imposed limitations on ourselves, staying home or covered up and on the sidelines, simply because we are afraid of being judged? I know I have done it a LOT and really, it's so silly! When I see a heavy lady wearing a tank top or a swimsuit, I don't think critical, hateful thoughts about her, so why do I do it to myself? And why do I imagine that others are doing it to me? I acknowledge that there is the occasional jerk who will say something; enough of us here have posted about those experiences and they're very painful and can be embarassing. But why? Seriously? As another poster said, people of all shapes and sizes deserve to have fun and participate in summer activites and I would guess that the VAST majority of observers don't think a thing about it.

So I think I will make that my challenge this week. I will do something that stretches my boundaries, something that that makes me uncomfortable for fear of being judged. Maybe I'll go try on swimsuits. I haven't owned one for a decade.

touchmytoes
07-26-2009, 02:35 PM
hiya

I have a funny old shape too...tiny on top to the point of boyishness!? its so not a good look and the more i lose the littler they go...but the bum still doesnt want go anywhere id say im a size 8-10 uk on top and 12-14 on the bottom..not huge but vastly different looking!
its hard..but ive got a style that suits the difference until the difference (if i can file down my hip bones!) starts evening up...i wear tie at the sides pants and a halterneck padded top..its the only way that i will venture out and then im wrapped up with a thing round my middle...

i go to the bar get a few down me and the i couldnt care less...but its hard..i know this...ive had holidays where ive only worn linen trousers to cover my larger lower half...it was a very uncomfortable holiday..

we can do this ladies .....

starfishkitty
07-26-2009, 03:18 PM
2 things....

Find the right suit. Or the thing closest to the right suit that you can have.

And..... I just remind myself, all the time, that there's absolutely no one on that beach that I care at all about what they think of me. *shrug*