20-Somethings - "More to Love" New Fox dating show

So I saw a promo for this new dating show on Fox, a Bachelor-style show but the twist is that all of the women are plus-sized. There's nothing wrong with that, but the description is what bothered me. It say that this man is dating "real women" to prove that love comes in all shapes and sizes.

My issue is that it implies that thin women are fake and unreal, and that in order to be a "real woman" you have to be, well, fat, or plus-sized. I think it's great to give plus-sized a woman their own show, but I just take offense to saying that they're "real women." When I lose weight and am not fat or plus-sized anymore, will I not be real anymore? I also just hate that assertion that "real women have curves" because it implies that thin women with no curves aren't real women. I don't like putting qualifiers on who is a real women or not. You're a real women if you're a woman, period.

I think it's a good idea, just a tad misguided.

I agree. The man is also pretty heavy and he talks about wanting to settle down and have kids. I don't promote the unhealthily thin lifestyle that much of Hollywood does, but by the same token I don't promote being overweight. I have struggled with my weight since I was 16. I have a son, and because of my struggle I make sure he eats healthy and plays and has a healthy concept of food because I don't want him to struggle. I want food and exercise to be something he does right without thinking, because it's not so fun to have to work so hard just to not be obese. Anyway, I appreciate the equal time I guess, I just wish a show would emphasis health instead of size. Or more importantly, I wish we lived in a world where a man of any size could fall in love with a woman of any size based on her character, and vice versa.

But the thing is, it's not necessarily about Hollywood. The women on the Bachelor weren't pin-thin. They had regular bodies and were in shape. They didn't have bones sticking out and looked anorexic. According to this show, they aren't "real women."

Another problem is that this show fetishizes plus-size women, because they're all plus-size. Why can't there be thin women on the show? I can understand him being attracted to bigger women, but you never know. I don't see the point in limiting yourself.

Yeah I agree. I just think Fox needed a concept though and it had to be "catchy". If they had just made a dating show with women of all shapes and sizes it wouldn't be as "interesting" because the women with the body shapes that the man is less attracted to would be cast off first and the show would lose its "twist" and therefore some of its fans. I don't agree that they should be promoting obesity and that it's "ok" to be fat. I do like the idea of having real women but like you said, you don't have to be fat to be a real woman!! It's also nice that they're showing the world that heavier women are just as beautiful/sexy and you don't have to be a size 2 to find a mate.

What bothered me the most is that they say "the average size in america is 14-16" and I was just those sizes eariler this year. The women on the show seem to be size 18-22. So why say that average is 14-16 and then have women that are bigger than that- and say they're average women?
I agree that it's still one sided- just the other side :)

To be honest, I'm a little embarrassed by the ads for the show. I haven't quite decided why yet. I mean I'm glad that they're showing people who aren't "reality tv-normal" in a romantic situation but at the same time I agree it does seem a little exploitative. I wish the world was size-blind but its not and the truth is most of those women wouldn't go very far if they were in a regular romantic reality show. As far as what is normal/real, I think it's whatever size one is happy and healthy at, no matter what it looks like.

I don't agree that they should be promoting obesity and that it's "ok" to be fat.

I don't really see this as promoting obesity, but I've never seen the show. It is "ok" to be fat in many cases. In some cases, it is less healthy to "yo-yo" diet than to not try to lose weight at all, but rather focus on eating nutritious foods and being active (things that do not necessarily lead to weight loss--I have always eaten nutritiously and exercised, and I was heavy). I also don't think that people are gonna go, wow, look at those fat people finding love, I wanna be fat too, given that images promoting a very thin body ideal vastly outnumber shows portraying obese people in a positive light. It may make some people think, hey, my sense of self worth doesn't have to fluctuate with my weight, and I think that's a good thing...because then people can focus on adding healthy practices to their lives without the stress and pressure of losing weight and the tendency to abandon those practices if the weight doesn't come off.

I'm not saying that people should be fat or shouldn't try to lose weight for health/aesthetic reasons (after all I'm here, aren't I?). I'm just saying that the opposite isn't true for all people either (that they should be thin and they should try to lose weight to be healthy). So a show that features fat people doing something other than trying to lose weight, for me, is a good thing.

Another problem is that this show fetishizes plus-size women, because they're all plus-size. Why can't there be thin women on the show?

This the the problem I have with the show. I feel like the idea is "hey watch this show about a freak who likes big girls" And they show all the big girls crying about how they thought they'd never be loved but now that they found this fetishist they can finally be happy. It really just embarasses me.

This the the problem I have with the show. I feel like the idea is "hey watch this show about a freak who likes big girls" And they show all the big girls crying about how they thought they'd never be loved but now that they found this fetishist they can finally be happy. It really just embarasses me.

Seconded. SO very seconded.
The point of a show like the Bachelor or Bachelorette is to find love, it's a dating show. The fact that... in the commercial for the show, there's a girl sobbing about her weight and how she wants her fairy tale ending despite being fat... I mean. The show's not going to BE a dating show. It's going to be a show that focuses on the fact that the people on it are "fat," and "look, fat people are real people too, and they can fall in love, and go on dates!" and thus it doesn't appeal to me all that much...

I also don't like that they're saying that only overweight women are "real" women. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that overweight women AREN'T real women... of course they are! But my sister in law is 5'7", weighs 120 lbs soaking wet, and SHE'S as much of a "real woman" as I am...
I feel like... if they were trying to promote the idea of "real women," they would have all different shapes and sizes, and find a guy who showed no genuine preference for overly thin or overly heavy women, and was truly looking for love with the right woman for her personality. (They're out there, I'm sure. I don't have a real preference in my mens' body types.)

As for the promotion of it being okay to be overweight... well. I think they're just kind of insinuating that to be overweight is to be a real person, where as thinner people are just idealized versions of human beings... and that I'm not necessarily into.

It may make some people think, hey, my sense of self worth doesn't have to fluctuate with my weight, and I think that's a good thing...because then people can focus on adding healthy practices to their lives without the stress and pressure of losing weight and the tendency to abandon those practices if the weight doesn't come off.

I agree with that completely. I think if these women are health conscious there's nothing wrong with it. I'm just concerned with it promoting obesity and making some unhealthy people that are watching think "well, since i can still get a man being fat, i don't need to get in shape or start eating healthier"

I also don't think that people are gonna go, wow, look at those fat people finding love, I wanna be fat too, given that images promoting a very thin body ideal vastly outnumber shows portraying obese people in a positive light. It may make some people think, hey, my sense of self worth doesn't have to fluctuate with my weight, and I think that's a good thing...because then people can focus on adding healthy practices to their lives without the stress and pressure of losing weight and the tendency to abandon those practices if the weight doesn't come off.

I think their point was that it's giving a pro-fat message to people who are already fat.

This the the problem I have with the show. I feel like the idea is "hey watch this show about a freak who likes big girls" And they show all the big girls crying about how they thought they'd never be loved but now that they found this fetishist they can finally be happy. It really just embarasses me.

Think of it this way... would they ever have a show with a white man dating all Asian women (a common fetish)? Or a black man dating all white women, or a white woman dating all black men? Or a show with all amputees?

Fat is a fetish, just like being into only Asian women or something to that degree.

I think their point was that it's giving a pro-fat message to people who are already fat.

Even so, I still think it holds that media the media inundates us far more with pro-skinny messages, and if this show makes some people feel good about themselves (which is arguable anyway), then fine.

And I also happen to think that it "is" ok to be fat. In some cases I think it is better to be fat than to be on an endless cycle of dieting. Again, not saying it's bad to lose weight, just that for some people, it might be a better decision to focus on getting healthy at the weight they are at. Which is not the message this show is trying to send, I'm not saying I agree with their message, just that I don't agree that "pro-fat" messages are unilaterally bad.

I agree with everything you all are saying. I am actually very exciting to watch the show. Here's why- I want to see CONFIDENT girls. It's hard in this world be be confident when you are not this skinny little thing, but it sure would be nice to see someone who is. I really agree with the fetish thing. I do not like guys who are "chubby chasers" I want someone to be attracted to me, not got after me only because I am fat.

To be honest, I'm a little embarrassed by the ads for the show. I haven't quite decided why yet. I mean I'm glad that they're showing people who aren't "reality tv-normal" in a romantic situation but at the same time I agree it does seem a little exploitative. I wish the world was size-blind but its not and the truth is most of those women wouldn't go very far if they were in a regular romantic reality show. As far as what is normal/real, I think it's whatever size one is happy and healthy at, no matter what it looks like.

You know, I've felt embarrassed too. And I think it's because the women are really whiny and tearful and insecure. They're expressing all the emotions you feel alone after a string of bad dates or something but it's just because they're larger in the dating world. And I guess it all comes across as a little pathetic to me, because I know plenty of larger beautiful women who struggle with finding that right person who are still full of life. And many women who are large and have some other issue too, whether they're single parents, work demanding hours, take care of their own parent or whatever. So it all just seems a little sad that these women act as though they've given up on love just because they're larger.

This is not to say that I can't be insecure too, I'm just not going to let that or my weight be exploited.

I first saw commercials for this show in the last few days. While I have always said that "big girls need love to" (as a joke but also because I am a big girl who is ignored by most guys as a romantic interest because of her size), I think this show's concept is ridiculous. All it's doing for overweight men and women is saying that they need their own show and their own little community to find a girlfriend or boyfriend. It's alienating and offensive, and a joke for tv viewers. Mmkay, rant over.

About the show's comments on "real women": I don't think that they intend to say that fat women only are "real" women, I think the producers just think that as fat women watching the show, we will all rejoice over being called "real" women, as opposed to thin women who we are supposed to despise out of jealous rage or something. Again, all this does is add negativity and alienation.

I've never interpreted the "real woman" phrase referring to women with less than perfect bodies to mean that beautiful, physically perfect women weren't "real." Instead I've seen it more as an acknowledgment that the "ideal" woman often portrayed in the media does not reflect the majority of women. It isn't that gorgeous women aren't "real," but that gorgeous does not reflect reality for most women.

I see the phrase of "real women" not just referring to plus-sized women (even though it is sometimes used that way) to mean all women who do not fit the "beautiful people" ideal you see in magazines and in the media.

It doesn't mean the beautiful people aren't real, but often in the media it can seem that anyone who isn't beautiful isn't quite real. You don't see very many unattractive people on television. TV's version of "ugly" is a beautiful person wearing glasses and unflattering clothing (In the "real" world, the person would still be seen as pretty).

I think that it can seem like the perfectly beautiful people have such a social advantage, that they can seam unreal - like princesses, angels or fairies not like "the rest of us."

I don't like dating shows period. They're lame, shallow, and as much for entertainment purposes as daytime talk shows... a place where viewers at home are free to hypocritically judge every little aspect of someone's personality, looks, and emotions. They're not for me.

I mean, come on, do you really think people are looking for some kind of political or moral statement about fat people when it's rolled into a dating show? Using fat people is just that. They're used because it's something different, and people like twists on already established ideas.

And fat is the thing now for reality shows.
I think more than anything else, it's just a outlet to GAWK at fat people. Nothing more.

Another reality show that I won't waste my time watching. It does look sort of disturbing and exploitative to me.

Another problem is that this show fetishizes plus-size women, because they're all plus-size. Why can't there be thin women on the show? I can understand him being attracted to bigger women, but you never know. I don't see the point in limiting yourself.
Agreed. the focus STILL seems to be on weight.

Or more importantly, I wish we lived in a world where a man of any size could fall in love with a woman of any size based on her character, and vice versa.
Yes.

I feel embarassed by it too, I'm glad I'm not the only one! The fact that I have the appropriate stats to qualify for this embarasses me.

It seems that this is just a modern day version (and a socially acceptable one, at that) of a freak-show. "Look at these fat women, they can find love too! It's that shocking!" I don't like it at all. It just shows again that this is one of the last acceptable forms of prejudice. They would never do this with race, like another poster wrote.

I certainly won't be watching it, although I suppose that doesn't say much because I avoid reality dating shows like that.

I think part of what is holding me back from truly disliking the show is that larger women are so heavily( no pun intended) underrepresented in televised media. I don't think it promotes obesity as healthy and acceptable; rather I think it is trying to show that beauty can come in all different shapes and sizes. Health and beauty are different for me because while being overweight is unhealthy, some people are naturally built to be larger and carry more fat on their bodies than others. Health is very difficult to judge, imo from the outside.

The point of this is that if it were a health show, I would have problems with it. It is just a dating show( that nobody really takes seriously anyway) featuring a man who likes bigger women. Many men like larger ladies and tehre is a social stigma attached to that. There will always be overweight people for whatever reasons and there will always be people who love them :)