100 lb. Club - Heartbreak is just crappy, I don't care what anyone says.
07-18-2009, 10:39 PM
Caution, post of a broken heart ahead.
So I ended a 2 year relationship today. It needed to be done and be done before we were so far into being unhappy that it turned to anger and resentment. At this point at least a friendship can become of it which is how it should be. It was not a mutual loving caring supportive relationship and it wasn't meant to be. The break up was also very civil in it's technicality. It was a mutual feeling, we are going different directions and want different things. We left it with the best hug I'd had from him in months and a good bye kiss. He waited in the doorway and watched as I pulled away. As much as I realize this and know that this was the right thing to do and that I will survive and things will be better in the long run, I am honestly just heart broken. I've taken today to just be sad. I've cleaned the apartment... the kind where you clean behind the furniture and scrub holes in the counter tops... therapeutic cleaning. I've packed up his things to be picked up, packed up our memories so I can start the moving on process but still, I am just heart broken. I'm terrified of having to at some point try all over again with someone else, I'm terrified of being alone.
I've got some incredibly supportive people on my side and that helps a little but I've still got a hole now that is gaping and sad and full of tears. A hole that despite how far apart we had grown apart only remembers the very clear good memories that I take with me. I suppose at least I'll probably lose a good 10lbs of sad weight... I admit I ordered a pizza today. Whatever, I'm sad and it's 90 degrees out with no ac in my apartment so who wants to cook. I put the whole thing in the fridge and it's still just sitting there. I don't think I could eat if I tried. Along with that, I'm happy that I also don't want to drink to help get through this... though I'm hitting the diet coke pretty hard. I'll probably just throw the pizza out tomorrow.
I want to get up tomorrow and start recovering. Work out, go to yoga, work in the garden, make a strategic plan... but for now I'm still just heartbroken and alone and scared. Alright, that's it. Thanks for listening, I had to get it out somewhere and I'm putting on the 'I'll be ok' face everywhere else.
07-18-2009, 10:43 PM
I'm sorry for your sadness. I'm sure that breaking up a long-term relationship is much like going through a divorce, and there are stages to recovery from that life-altering event. Let yourself go through those stages of grief over the loss.
Wishing you peace and healing.
07-18-2009, 10:48 PM
I've been there. It sucks. But it will get better and you will find the love you deserve, and have a sparkling clean apartment for a while.
07-18-2009, 10:49 PM
It is always hard ending a relationship. Sounds like you're on the right track, it'll just take time to work through it. Hang in there.
07-18-2009, 11:04 PM
Break ups do really suck, don't they? It's sometimes so hard to see how you will get to the other end of being OK -- but you will.
Don't put too much pressure on yourself to get up and get going again. There is nothing wrong with being sad and taking time to do it. Eating will take care of itself, one way or another, but battling the two things at once would be so overwhelming.
Hang in, hon. Each day will be one more step to coming out on the other side. And you should be so proud of yourself you recognized something that was not working and took action. That is not easy.
07-19-2009, 12:01 AM
Yoga, let yourself be sad, it's OK. Then when you are ready, put positive energy towards deciding what kind of guy you really want--the Universe will send him to you when you are ready. It really will! Big hugs!
07-19-2009, 01:30 AM
Oh. I'm sad for you :( *many soft hugs*
07-19-2009, 03:01 AM
Yoga, let yourself be sad, it's OK. Then when you are ready, put positive energy towards deciding what kind of guy you really want--the Universe will send him to you when you are ready.
such good advice! Seriously, I just choose to move on and put positiveness out there myself for a great guy nd it's so exciting to see what it's bringing. lol I'm supressing my giddiness.
07-19-2009, 03:18 AM
Big hugs, because although I know you know you Will feel better, it's horrible just now. :hug:
07-19-2009, 03:42 AM
I know how horrible that feels. :( But as you and others have said, give yourself some time to hurt; that's part of the healing process. :hug:
07-19-2009, 04:06 AM
i think youve made a huge stride by being brave enough to end a relationship that wasnt fulfilling....best wishes
07-19-2009, 09:08 AM
Thank you everyone. Today is a new day and it's a bit better, despite the left over swollen and stinging eyes. Still have the gaping sad hole, and I think that will be a while but the tears are gone, at least for the morning. I will give myself time to recover and go through the stages of adjusting but I've decided not to do that by just sitting in my house feeling bad for myself.
Today is a beautiful day and I'm going to go to the gym for the first time in months, and spend some time outside maybe go for a walk. I'm planning for some upcoming work travel which will take me to the south and allow me to see some old friends. I've also got a lot of vacation days to use up so I'm going to plan on taking some time in the fall. I'm also working on a trip to Iceland next year and am very excited about that. Planning on keeping myself busy I guess, and planning some time by myself. All and all, I still know that this was the right thing to do because you really can't force something that isn't there. I will have a great friend out of this in the long run and now have the time to get to know myself and make the changes I've wanted to make in my life. When it's time, I'll absolutely be sending out the positive vibes on what I want into the pool again. For now though, it's just going to be day by day until I'm ready, which I will be someday.
07-19-2009, 09:45 AM
07-19-2009, 11:46 AM
your plans sound fantastic! you sound like a woman who knows how to take care of herself. good luck with everything!!
07-19-2009, 12:05 PM
I think it comes from years of not taking care of myself at all... going through hard times and break up with Chinese takeout and a ton of booze. I just want to do it right this time and really move on in a positive way. No day but today.
07-19-2009, 12:24 PM
I'm terrified of being alone.
I'm sorry for your loss. Journals are great tools to have to vent everything out. You'll eventually be just fine. This will be one of the best times in your life. Your plan sounds great. We are wishing you well.
07-20-2009, 12:13 PM
I am very sorry for your loss. I wish I had some advice to give but at the moment I don't. Last week I ended a 3 year realationship myself. I know the gapping hole that is there. The good news for me, is that I didn't over eat. I will figure out where to go from here.
07-20-2009, 04:13 PM
Hey L., you are awesome and I know you will get through with time.
07-20-2009, 07:54 PM
I can so relate to what you are going through. My husband recently left me after 25 years of marriage. I feel completely dead inside. Like I want to wake up from this nightmare and find everything is back the way it's suppose to be. I never saw this coming and I'm hurting so bad. There is a big gaping hole right where my heart use to be. I'm thinking to focus on other things like losing weight. I have to have a hysterectomy in the next few months and after I've healed from that I'm going to look for a job.
I've got to push on, make goals, to live...so I stop feeling like I want to die, if you all know what I mean.
Best of luck to you!
07-20-2009, 08:23 PM
just wanted to wish you all the best.
07-20-2009, 08:42 PM
Thanks everyone. I am actually doing awesome in comparison to thinking about how I could be. Yesterday I seriously had the least stressful happiest days I've had in a long time. Every time I find myself getting sad or scared or anything I just think to myself...'but he didn't love you', he said that from the beginning. If there was no love then there was no relationship to be had. I got up yesterday, not hungover, had a great work out, worked in the garden, went to the store. I wasn't stressed out, I wasn't rushing nothing. Got a good night's sleep and made it through today. I got a lot done at the office, am planning my upcoming visits with my friends and I'm off to the gym again tonight.
I honestly look back and realize I have been eating and drinking and crying my way through dealing with the emotional weight of loving someone who didn't love me back for the past near 10 months. As much as I miss the good times, as the minutes go on I just keep looking ahead and realizing there is so much more to come. I feel great, motivated and I'm just going to try to keep the momentum going and surround myself with positive things and plow on. The hole is still there but it it will fill with time.
And justmary, my heart goes out to you. 25 years of marriage is something that I think is beyond the grasp of my imagination only being 28 years old. Stay strong, stay positive I have faith in you.
07-20-2009, 09:20 PM
I honestly look back and realize I have been eating and drinking and crying my way through dealing with the emotional weight of loving someone who didn't love me back for the past near 10 months.
Oh hon, I went through that too. Eating, drinking, crying, the whole nine yards. Luckily I got out of that relationship, but it took me about four years to do so (I don't count the first year of the five since it was actually a happy time). Anyway, I'm glad you got out as early as you did.
It's often easier to stick it out in a bad relationship rather than go into the scary territory of being alone. But I know that beyond all the hurting and frustration I felt over breaking up, a weight was lifted off my shoulders.
Sounds like you're doing ok. If you find yourself in any dark moments ahead, just remember that you have a lot of good things to look forward to. We all do, and we all deserve much more than an unhappy, loveless relationship, even if that means standing on your own. :hug: