Weight Loss Support - Too fat for a baby




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Missunderstood
07-18-2009, 02:46 PM
Hello everyone. I haven't taken time to post in a long time. I have filled my nights with walking and Zumba. I got on the scale this AM and lost 3 pounds....in 2 MONTHS! I do 6 days of at least 60 minutes per day of exercise and I lose 3 pounds? Granted, I have had MANY MANY functions this summer where I eat off plan so I suppose all this exercise is just making me maintain. I do feel like I am almost down another size by the way my clothes fit, but I really want to get to 235 because this is a "healthier" range to be at for pregnancy according to my Dr. in comparison to where I am now at 248. But even at 235 I am high risk.

I was 198 when I got married and "only" had 40 pounds to lose. I have 153 pounds to lose this time and I am down 63 of it. 90 to go. It will be one year 7/23 since I got serious with this. That is 1 pound per week and I shouldn't complain because I think I will keep it off this time by going slower. I did this back in 2003 and gained it all plus 26 pounds back. UGH. I need to just relax, but I am so mad at myself for doing this. 32 and too fat for a baby. And this is something I feel I am running out of time for.


ennay
07-18-2009, 02:52 PM
First of all, yep food is 80%, exercise is 20%. You clearly have had the food part down in the 63 lbs lost and maybe have lost it this summer by falling into the all too common trap of feeling like the exercise should make up for it. But you maintained, you now have a strong exercise base, when you add back the food component you should have no problem losing again.

Second. There is a desirable weight to be at to have a child for sure. But unless you have specific medical issues, with extra monitoring many heavy women do successfully have children. Getting as healthy as possible will make everything easier, but dont put your life on hold "until"

Onederchic
07-18-2009, 02:53 PM
Don't be mad. Believe in yourself. Know you are strong. Know you can and will do this.

For me, I count calories. Very rarely do I go over the amount I have allotted for myself on each day. If you want to lose and not merely maintain, I suggest tightening the belt on your caloric intake and being more determined and accurate with it. This may just be so for calorie counters but I like to believe it's calories in versus calories out and you need to get control of them both.

I think your exercise plan is pretty awesome. Have you thought of incorporating any weight/strength training?

Good luck with your goals and remember, only you can decide if you succeed or fail. We are here to cheer you on your way :D :hug::hug:


jendiet
07-18-2009, 04:09 PM
First of all here is a hug. Don't think of it as too fat for a baby. Think of it as you want to be healthier when you do get pregnant, and you want to be able to keep up with the rascal.

Some good news. Many women who can't get pregnant find if they just lose 20 lbs viola! they get pregnant.

you got the exercise. I agree a little strength training and then watch those calories!

sunflowergirl68
07-18-2009, 06:17 PM
It's honestly nothing personal about the not being healthy enough to have a baby. Plenty of people are not healthy enough for a baby, and that includes people that are too thin! I haven't had a baby yet, but I do know that it puts your body through a LOT, and having excess weight can make it especially difficult as well as dangerous.

I see this as a great motivating factor for you... it's the ultimate reason to lose weight.

That's so great that you're exercising, now you just need to work on your diet. I know you can do it!

newleaf123
07-18-2009, 06:51 PM
You are doing a great job with your loss! Once you get back on the losing train this time, you'll get back in the groove. I think having lost 63 pounds in a year is excellent!

As for getting too old, I had my first baby at 34 and my second at 36. I never felt too old at those ages... Now at 44, yeah, I'd feel too old! But at 34 and 36, it never felt that way. Having children ages 0 - 5 takes *a lot* of energy, and from what everyone says who has had a lot of weight to lose, you'll have much more energy at 158 lbs than at 248 lbs...

Good luck and try not to get down on yourself! You have plenty of time still... :hug:

bindersbee
07-18-2009, 09:43 PM
I just want to give you a little perspective that might inspire you to eat more consistently so the weight will come off.

I struggled through years of infertility and FINALLY became pregnant with twins after many failed treatments. I weighed 198 when I got pg. I delievered the babies at a weight of 227 lbs. They were 11 weeks early. My daughter nearly died and it is only because of a miracle that she has no long term disabilities. My body simply could not maintain all 227 lbs. of ME + two babies. I later had a singleton and went full term without incident.

It is impossible to say whether your weight will have the same effect on a pregnancy that mine did. Everyone is different. I can tell you this- watching your child fight for their life as a 1 lb. 15 oz. baby after 12 minutes of oxygen deprivation is the most heartwrenching thing. I would not wish it on anyone.

In retrospect, I WISH I'd have taken my weight problem more seriously BEFORE I tried to get pg. If ME losing 30 or so pounds BEFORE I got pregnant would have bought those babies even one more week of time in-utero, it would have been worth it. The GUILT of feeling like she could die because my mind and body failed her was pretty tough to take and it was YEARS before it really went away.

You would probably be just fine getting pregnant at the weight they recommend but there's always the possibility you could end up like we did. And if that possibility even exists, I hope that you'll use it as a reason to fight your way down that scale.

myrrah
07-18-2009, 09:49 PM
Eh, I think the obstetrics industry does women a lot of harm by declaring us unhealthy and 'shouldn't get pregnant' simply based on weight. I got pg with my first at 266 lbs, delivered her at 271 lbs, totally natural birth, alert healthy baby. Got pg with my second at 219, gave birth at 250lbs, another natural birth, she was born at home, healthy and perfect in every way.

I think it's good to focus on eating well and exercising in preparation for pregnancy, for sure! Also during pregnancy. But to declare someone unfit to be pregnant simply because of your weight, I call BS!

sunflowergirl68
07-18-2009, 10:18 PM
You're one of the lucky ones myrrah. Not all women can say that who were pregnant and were overweight.

Being overweight/obese is a medical condition in and of itself, and throw in pregnancy, and it has the potential to be dangerous

The complications of pregnancy alone are risky, my mom was a very fit 120 lbs with me and got gestational diabetes. You never know how being pregnant will affect your body, so it's better to be safe than sorry.

OB/GYNS aren't saying that overweight women shouldn't get pregnant to be mean, they're saying it because they believe, as medical doctors, that it's both healthiest for the mother and the fetus.

Jinksie
07-18-2009, 10:27 PM
can your work out too much? i know sometimes if i do 6 days a week instead of 5 of work out (and not change my eating plan) i dont loose weight, but do when i do less

HungryHungryHippo
07-19-2009, 02:03 AM
You are SO not running out of time! You have another 10 years, easy, and another 8 years, possible, after that!

ennay
07-19-2009, 10:41 PM
You're one of the lucky ones myrrah. Not all women can say that who were pregnant and were overweight.

Being overweight/obese is a medical condition in and of itself, and throw in pregnancy, and it has the potential to be dangerous

The complications of pregnancy alone are risky, my mom was a very fit 120 lbs with me and got gestational diabetes. You never know how being pregnant will affect your body, so it's better to be safe than sorry.

OB/GYNS aren't saying that overweight women shouldn't get pregnant to be mean, they're saying it because they believe, as medical doctors, that it's both healthiest for the mother and the fetus.

But as you pointed out, neither can healthy weight women.

I do think the medical profession does often use obesity as an excuse. Does it increase some risks? yes. Is it as alarmingly dangerous as they often portray it? no, I dont think so. Often if there are ANY complications they will blame it on weight even if weight has nothing to do with it.

bindersbee - I am sorry for your struggles, but I doubt they really know that it was your weight that caused the difficulty. Twin births are difficult. I had 3 friends who were all pregnant with twins at the same time, all healthy weight and all 3 had complications, including one who delivered very early with twin to twin transfusion and lost the little one. All 3 had previously delivered singletons with no complications. There was nothing you could have done to guarantee a healthy pregnancy for your daughter.

Missunderstood
07-20-2009, 12:20 PM
Thank you all so much. I am really having a tough emotional time with this; like I am never thin enough. Wasn't thin enough for my wedding, wasn't thin enough to wear the clothes I really wanted to, wasn't thin enough to go on a vacation and do the things that required weight limits, and now not thin enough for a baby. I need to stay focused and just keep trying. My DH will be 36 and he tells me all the time he is getting too old for kids. Our families tell us all the time we are waiting too long. I can't take the presssure anymore, I feel inadequate. I don't want to be all doom and gloom so I need to just tell myself that there is a reason for everything and when it is my time, it willbe mytime for a baby.

dutchgirl
07-20-2009, 12:41 PM
My dad was 45 when I was born and I couldn't have wished for a better dad than he was.
It's all about attitude, not age.
And don't get too hung up on numbers and statistics, just get as healthy as you can and go for it!:hug:

wendyland
07-20-2009, 05:07 PM
I've had babies at various weights. I started at 155. Second one, I weighed 195. Third, I weighed 215. It was harder at the larger weight, but it was mainly because I was very sedentary before the baby and during pregnancy. If I had been exercising, it would have been a lot easier. I've also known women much larger than me, that had great pregnancies and healthy babies. Maybe give yourself a date (6 months, 1 year???) and then go for it.

meliann
07-20-2009, 05:31 PM
I don't think that at 32 you're running out of time. I've been there thinking that I was too fat for my wedding, to have a baby, etc. But as a PP mentioned, don't put your life on hold. I was 200lbs when I got pregnant with my first son, delivered him at 253 (I gained a lot obviously, but ate healthy and was somewhat active the whole time). My 2nd son I was 220 and delivered at 250. Both pregnancies were completely healthy - no GD, no high BP, and I felt pretty darn good the majority of the time :) And both babies came out without any health problems. Both were also average size.

Of course any weight lost before getting pregnant is a good thing, but as long as your doctor says you're healthy enough to get pregnant, I wouldn't put it off if you're ready.

Missunderstood
07-21-2009, 10:12 PM
Today was a better day; thanks to all of you yesterday! I decided to keep pushing and losing and ry to get to 200 before pregnancy but if it happens before I just need to be mindful and follow what my Dr. tells me. Until then...may we all continue to gain some more usccess to our similiar battles of the bulge! :D

Altari
07-21-2009, 11:21 PM
Missunderstood, whatever you do, get on a REALLY effective b/c until you hit the weight you want! I was waiting for an IUD last summer. I made the appointment for September in late July. Long story short, losing 20 pounds sent my reproductive system into hyperdrive, the condoms failed, and my little man was conceived in August. We knew we wanted one more, but I was going to wait until I was 180 pounds. </tangent>

sunflowergirl68
07-22-2009, 01:22 AM
My only point is that before you have a baby, you should be at the healthiest you can be to limit risks. You're not too old, you have another good ten years. There's no such thing as "not being thin enough" but there is a thing as not being healthy enough. I am not healthy enough to run a marathon. And thin people can not be healthy enough to run a marathon. Do you think Lindsey Lohan could run a marathon? She'd probably have a heart attack because she's too thin.

Healthy =/= thin, either. Healthy means eating right, getting enough protein and vegetables, exercising regularly, limiting alcohol and not smoking, and being at a good weight for your height.

Sassy_Chick
07-22-2009, 05:38 AM
Thank you all so much. I am really having a tough emotional time with this; like I am never thin enough. Wasn't thin enough for my wedding, wasn't thin enough to wear the clothes I really wanted to, wasn't thin enough to go on a vacation and do the things that required weight limits, and now not thin enough for a baby. I need to stay focused and just keep trying. My DH will be 36 and he tells me all the time he is getting too old for kids. Our families tell us all the time we are waiting too long. I can't take the presssure anymore, I feel inadequate. I don't want to be all doom and gloom so I need to just tell myself that there is a reason for everything and when it is my time, it willbe mytime for a baby.

((((BIG HUGS)))) :hug: I can truly sympathize with you. I have PCOS (PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome) which causes Inferfility, among other lovely things. But my dh and I have been ttc for 10 yrs now. I have heard about every piece of "advice" from everybody who thinks they are an expert and I hear all the pressure of "when are you having kids?" and my mil saying, "I'm never going to be a grandmother" and bawling :cry: Yeah lemme feel guilty for that too, why don't ya? So trust me I know. All I can say is you got to somehow block them out because you know what, we are adequate, heck more than adequate!!! Live for you and nobody else! If you wanna join us in the PCOS forum (http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/pcos-insulin-resistance-support/175754-pcos-wl-support-july-09-everybody-welcome.html), even if you don't have PCOS, feel free to drop by. ;)

Always remember, you are not alone, you have all of us here at 3FC.

:grouphug:

Missunderstood
07-22-2009, 11:45 PM
Healthy =/= thin, either. Healthy means eating right, getting enough protein and vegetables, exercising regularly, limiting alcohol and not smoking, and being at a good weight for your height.

I eat right - veggies, protein, barely any sugar and very light on the carbs, and I also have healthy fats. I drink nothing but water - no soda, no coffee, no caffeine drinks. Now and then I will have a beer but again, aside from this all water for me and it has been this way for almost 2 years. I exercise 4 times a week now - was 6 until last week when I hurt my foot and I have been doing this for several months. I think all that is left is a healthy weight for my height which is my point of being a bit upset over the scale. I am still obese in BMI range, and wouldn't be considered "healthy" until I was 158 pounds. Ugh the stresses of the consequences of a bad diet for so many years! :)

Missunderstood
07-22-2009, 11:49 PM
Thank you so much Sassy Chick!!!