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Wannabeskinny
07-15-2009, 11:03 AM
Has anyone watched "Ruby" on the Style network about a nearly 500lb woman struggling to lose weight?

I've been trying to be supportive of the concept but I can't really get into her character. She is surrounded by so many people trying to help her, nutritionists, psychologists, doctors, trainers, friends, the list of "support" for her is endless and yet she still seems like a whiny spoiled brat to me. She's always complaining about other people eating around her which is not fair, and she needs people to do so much for her. I've never been that overweight but I can't help thinking this is not an accurate representation of a morbidly obese person's struggle to lose weight. I don't find it entertaining, what does everyone else think?


Deana
07-15-2009, 12:12 PM
I watch Ruby (not consistently) but I think I am pretty much up to date on the most recent season and this new season. I don't know that I find Ruby "whiny" as much as I find her co-dependent. She requires A LOT of assistance and is somewhat high maintenance. I admire her courage for trying to lose the weight naturally (she never had surgery right?), and find it interesting to see some of the struggles she faces...many I have never thought about. Do I think she is a role model for morbidly obese people? I can't say that I do, primairily because she has a PHENOMENAL support system that 99% of the population do not have. Further, she does not work (although I believe this will be changing shortly). So I think her lifestyle might be somewhat unrealistic and not very inspiring for those people struggling without the nutritionist/specialty doctor/fitness trainer/free food, etc.

Amy8888
07-15-2009, 12:23 PM
I watch this show and love it. I don't mind the whining most of the time, I think it's funny! She says what I'm thinking most of the time. I wish I could be as straightforward as she is about what she needs from people.


mamaspank
07-15-2009, 12:31 PM
I love the show and find it very inspiring. I feel so bad for Ruby, in that she has missed out on so much life. I think between that and the fact that every embarrassing moment of her life is being filmed and put on display, and that is all part of what she signed up for, has to make one co-dependent. I mean, I just hopes that if the show were to tank, that these doctors would still make sure she reaches her goal and maintains her health. My mother was morbidly obese my whole life up until three years ago. She had done yo-yo dieting and the whole bit. I was only able to help her when I was 18 and she decided to lose some weight after a total knee replacement. She lost 180 pounds on her own, and then gradually gained it back on her own after five years. She was attacked by a cow, my dad got sick with cancer, my dad died, and then she decided it was time to take care of herself again. She had a gastric bypass three years ago and dropped the weight, but she still has the mentality of an overeater/obese person. We are going to Disneyland in October and it took forever to convince her that she could walk it. She still won't throw out her canes; they are like blankies to her. She used to ride around in one of the motorized little carts and that's what it was like for several years. She blamed everything on her knee, even though her knee was bad because she was so heavy.

So I guess what I am trying to say is I get Ruby, and then on top of that, I love her voice. Even when she is worried and sort of whining, I think that southern drawl makes her so lovable. And did I mention brave.

wendyland
07-15-2009, 12:34 PM
I love Ruby. I think she's a joy to watch. Her whiny and complaining don't bother me. She's coming to my city this Saturday to do a walk. I'm going to try to make it down there to walk.

Amy8888
07-15-2009, 12:47 PM
So I guess what I am trying to say is I get Ruby, and then on top of that, I love her voice. Even when she is worried and sort of whining, I think that southern drawl makes her so lovable. And did I mention brave.

I love your whole post, but I wanted to say that the drawl usually drives me batty. It's an unfair bias I have as a northerner, but I'm sure many folks hate my Chicago accent too!. Anyway, I don't even mind Ruby's drawl at all, that's how much I like her!

I'm looking forward to the next episode when she goes to the lady's doctor. I've been avoiding that because of my weight (all doctors really) and I KNOW that's the wrong thing to do. Maybe I'll actually make an appointment after seeing the episode. If Ruby can do it, so can I!

Glory87
07-15-2009, 01:12 PM
I lived in the south growing up, I hate hate hate Ruby's "super fake sweet voice" she uses so much. She has a perfectly normal voice, but so often she is all "how are yoooooooo" in that fake sugary southern voice way. Grates on my nerves so much I had to give the show up.

kaplods
07-15-2009, 02:01 PM
I think it's easy to see her as "ungrateful" for complaining with all of the help she gets. I'd like to think that if I had all of those advantages and assistance, I would be grateful every moment, but I know that probably isn't true. Even if I had the support she has been given (the meal plan with food provided, the doctors, the personal trainer, the nutrition and cognitive behavioral therapy...) I know that it would still be difficult, and I would still complain sometimes. I'm a "venter," so when things get overwhelming or I get frustrated, I ***** and moan. Not all the time and not very long, but if it were video-taped I'd look like a whiny brat too.

I also wonder how much the cameras and film staff influence her behavior. A lot of the situtations in reality shows are actually set up by the producers. Behind-the-scenes, you might see the film crew encouraging her to talk about x, y, or z - or set up the situations in which her friends are eating pizza and icecream (to me, it seems the show does spend an awful lot of time watching her friends eating crap. It seems there's some kind of party every episode where the friends are eating deep fried foods, greasy pizza, or huge pieces of cake. They may not be fat, but I do wonder if they're destroying their own healths, but thinking it's all ok because they're not fat).

kiramira
07-15-2009, 02:13 PM
All the help that Ruby has simply downloads her issues and problems to others to solve. And when she doesn't have the control over her own solutions, she gets whiny and grating -- "Oh my GAAAAAAAAAAWD! I don't think ah can DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO that! I've NEEEEEEEEEEEEVER been able to DOOOOOOOOOOOOO that beFOOOORRRRRRRE!"

I reached my personal limit when there was a team meeting last year to decide if she was "emotionally ready" to make her own food. HONESTLY. Welcome to REALITY. If you need a TEAM. MEETING of a bariatric specialist, a psychiatrist, a nutritionist, and two trainers to figure out if you should boiling a freaking EGG for breakfast in the morning, you're in for a heap of trouble in the long term.

BUT it makes for "good tv". I just wonder how she can afford it all with no visible means of support.

Look, I wish her well. I want her to be successful. But IMHO I really think that devolving the responsibility for making food choices and preparation to her meal delivery service and her nutritionist, the responsibility for moving to not one, but two trainers AND a doctor, the respoinsibility for "feeling good" to a psychiatrist, and the responsibility for managing her case to her bariatric specialist, I wonder HOW she'll manage when the cameras are off and the team isn't holding her aloft anymore...

JMHO

Kira

Onederchic
07-15-2009, 02:21 PM
I watched all last season and so far this one but honestly, I am not sure why. I don't like her whining and complaining either. I don't like the fact that she doesn't seem to want to take control of her own life but instead has it played out by her "team" of experts. Also, and I know some or most will disagree but this is my opinion only, I really hate how she gets upset when her friends are eating foods "they know she loves". I have not once asked my boyfriend not to eat something because I don't want it in my diet. I find the strength within myself to just say no to the food. I also didn't like the NY fitness guru :nono:. Anyway, enough of my blabbering. I will probably continue to watch and continue to question why :D.

wendyland
07-15-2009, 02:36 PM
BIT it makes for "good tv". I just wonder how she can afford it all with no visible means of support.



I figured that the show paid for it and/or compensated her for doing the show.

SunshineCA
07-15-2009, 02:51 PM
I like Ruby and tune in every week. I find the show to be very inspiring. She has a lot of weight to lose and has done well thus far. :) I commend her on making a decision to lose weight or die, as her doctors told her.

Let's also remember that this is a TV show. The media has to put a spin on her life and issues to make it interesting and entertaining for the masses. Whatever they air is still her life but there are a lot of things that go on that we'll never see. I can only imagine what it's like to have the world watch you go through your weight loss efforts.

She has an excellent support group. Her friends have spoiled her all her life and this isn't going to stop any time soon. She has the type of personality where people will always want to do things for you. I can totally relate. ;) However, there's a fine line between spoiling her and being enablers. It seems they are learning to back off a bit and allowing her to take control of the reigns of her life.

I wish Ruby and all of us much success on our weight loss efforts.

kiramira
07-15-2009, 02:57 PM
Yeah, I figured the show footed the bill. Which kind of makes a weird message -- if you want to lose weight, well, here's an example of a team that you need to do it. Which is discouraging for those with limited means -- if Ruby is having a tough time with a TEAM, what chance do I have?

It would be cool if this show was simply RUBY without the team. Just a real-life honest look at how danged tough it is for the vast majority of us who don't have the luxury of trainer(s) and meal delivery services and all that.

But, maybe that is WHY she's finding it difficult -- if you aren't responsible for your choices, it is easy to "act out" or rebel against them...

Things that make you go hmmmmmmm....

Kira

Skinnycow
07-15-2009, 03:07 PM
I got to meet Ruby, and she was so nice! I love her show. Her voice doesn't bother me. My roommate in college sounded just like her so I'm used to it.

kaplods
07-15-2009, 07:17 PM
Actually team approaches actually increase people's odds of long-term success, regardless of the behavior it is addressing. Unfortunately, insurances aren't likely to ever approve suce a wide-range of services. Too bad, because many people would benefit greately from a much larger support system than they have access to.

time2lose
07-15-2009, 09:03 PM
The 3 Fat Chicks Forum is my "team"! :)

Beck
07-15-2009, 09:08 PM
I haven't seen the show, but this thread has made me interested in watching, at least once. What network is it on?

Onederchic
07-15-2009, 09:13 PM
Style Network

kiramira
07-15-2009, 10:36 PM
I always thought a team approach with respect to weight loss referred to personal support, as opposed to a "dream team" of highly trained people. And we've all seen that those with such teams are no more or less able to maintain a loss (hello, Oprah?) because at the end of the day, it is UP TO YOU.

YOU are your own best guardian of your health, your choices and your life decisions. Decision by committee rarely works for an individual, IMHO...

NOTE: I am NOT dismissing the value of a team approach when determining treatment plans for medical disease processes such as cancer, diabetes, or for those with co-morbidities. I just don't believe that obesity falls into this category because it IS possible to "cure" this disease on your own, without medication, without surgery, and even without external support. Sometimes all you can count on is YOU, in life.

Kira

Deana
07-17-2009, 06:08 PM
I got to meet Ruby, and she was so nice! I love her show. Her voice doesn't bother me. My roommate in college sounded just like her so I'm used to it.

Haha too funny! I love your avatar

kaplods
07-17-2009, 07:09 PM
NOTE: I am NOT dismissing the value of a team approach when determining treatment plans for medical disease processes such as cancer, diabetes, or for those with co-morbidities. I just don't believe that obesity falls into this category because it IS possible to "cure" this disease on your own, without medication, without surgery, and even without external support. Sometimes all you can count on is YOU, in life.
Kira

The ability to "cure" oneself doesn't seem to make a team approach (or dream team approach) any less (or more) helpful than for medical disease processes. Substance abuse is also "self-cureable," but a team approach has been proven to be far more effective than a person doing it on their own.

As a probation officer, we encouraged probationees to develop their own support system - and often it wasn't just encouraged, it was court mandated (sometimes even dream-team style), the rationale being that the statistics show that the larger the support system, the lower the recidivism rates.

I think that often being able to do it on ones own, without any help is seen as somehow more virtuous, than seeking or needing help. But the research shows that when you're talking about behavior change, regardless of the type of change whether it be in relation to substance abuse, mental illness, obesity, smoking cessation, illegal behavior.... the wider the variety and the larger the support system, the greater the chance of long-term success. Instead of encouraging anyone to "do it on their own, without help," the more responsible choice is to encourage folks to build their own dream team and social networks.

If a person has the resources to build a dream team of medical, nutritional, exercise physiology and mental health professionals, as well as getting family and friends involved, I would encourage them to do so, because (statistically) having those resources is associated with greater success.

Yes, you can choose to do it on your own, but why would you not take advantage of tools that are known to improve your chances of success and reduce chances of relapse.

I do not believe that white-knuckling it solo is the more virtuous choice - it just makes the challenges more difficult than they have to be, which isn't virtuous, it's foolish.

Momofsteel
07-17-2009, 07:34 PM
I agree - the drawl is tough to listen to - I've only gotten to the show a few times. I liked the episode where she went camping - doing something she was always afraid to do (personally I hate camping - I'd rather be poked in the eye with a sharp stick).

She says she doesn't work - is she on disability? How does she afford her home and if she wasn't on the show, her program?

What did you all think about the exercise "gooooruuuu"? I thought he had some valid points but not to build muscle made no sense. Muscle burns more calories than fat, no?

mandalinn82
07-17-2009, 07:42 PM
I think that often being able to do it on ones own, without any help is seen as somehow more virtuous, than seeking or needing help. But the research shows that when you're talking about behavior change, regardless of the type of change whether it be in relation to substance abuse, mental illness, obesity, smoking cessation, illegal behavior.... the wider the variety and the larger the support system, the greater the chance of long-term success. Instead of encouraging anyone to "do it on their own, without help," the more responsible choice is to encourage folks to build their own dream team and social networks.


I do not believe that white-knuckling it solo is the more virtuous choice - it just makes the challenges more difficult than they have to be, which isn't virtuous, it's foolish.

Yes, these, times one million. Where's the point in making things harder for yourself than they have to be? Weight loss is hard enough as it is! And I agree that a team approach, combined with a strong personal commitment, is really statistically the most likely to yield results. You're not going to get anywhere WITHOUT the strong personal commitment, with or without a team. But if you have that commitment, a team is going to increase your chances of success, if those people are well chosen, well-educated, etc.

In fact, that's what I think is great about 3FC...it's essentially a large, cheaper version of a "dream team" to answer questions, give you guidance, make suggestions. It's not that the other posters here are responsible for the weight loss of others. It's that everyone here has a place to go to get answers, get suggestions, and talk about issues.

Now, if you thought that just going to 3FC was going to cause pounds to drop off, obviously, that's not going to work out, and Ruby won't have success without making that commitment either. But once the commitment is made, isn't it good to have extra resources and support? If not, why would we post here?

Jen415
07-19-2009, 09:23 AM
Okay, I just watched this week's episode. Ruby is looking for a part time job, and is having trouble doing physical parts of some job.

But the part of the show that bugged me is when she was going to the gynecologist for the first time in years. She would not call body parts the proper names--she nicknamed them silly things (she called the vagina "Christmas" because "it's nicer to say and it is like a gift!", and breasts were "breasticles."

I'm trying to be sympathetic, but she is REALLY bugging!!!

Pita09
07-19-2009, 10:55 AM
I watched Ruby for the first time yesterday afternoon. The voice was annoying as heck, but then again I'm southern and no doubt sound just like her, so I won't judge too harshly. :D

I saw the episode with the NY guru. I liked the guy and thought he had some valid points to make. Ruby definitely shouldn't be on the treadmill if it hurts her knees that much. I just had to give up the treadmill until my groin pull heals and now use the bike, which I hate! Ruby should of course walk as much as possible, but she really does need to do what will give her the optimum cardio workout. I agree that weights aren't as important (at this time in her weight-loss) as doing sustained cardio where she will burn more calories.

I might watch again if I can remember when it's on.

kiramira
07-19-2009, 12:52 PM
I don't think "curing" obesity on one's own is more virtuous -- in fact, I haven't made ANY moralistic judgements about the path that each of us chooses. I think it is possible to do it on your own moreso than, say, addressing congestive heart failure, and those who are successful at weight loss and maintenance have realized that this issue can't be solved by anyone other than themselves. It isn't up to your MD to solve; it isn't up to a trainer to solve; it is up to YOU.

My only point is this: not everyone is fortunate enough to have 2 trainers, 1 sports medicine physician, a nutritionist, a bariatric physician, a psychiatrist, and a meal delivery service at one's beck and call. And I don't think it is particularly helpful in the long run as it becomes easy to download one's problem onto others to solve. "tell me what to think, tell me how to move, make me something to eat" isn't a life-long solution. Because if you don't learn to manage your new lifestyle right off the bat, you are going to have difficulty when the cameras are off and the team is no longer together. I don't think THIS degree of support is any more or less successful than those who have other support networks in place (you see it all the time in celebrity weight loss stories -- more money/trainers/personal gyms/mds at hand does NOT predict an increase in WL maintenance).

In life, we only have a team of ONE at the end of the day. We find our support and resources where we can, because this IS something that IS in our power to control. For some, this is in the form of WW meetings, or 3FC, or extended family, or OA. I'm not suggesting that one doesn't benefit from some sort of support. However, there IS a distinction between a network of support and OVERRELIANCE on others to carry you through the journey. It seems to me that Ruby actually enjoys the attention of all of these people -- that for her, it isn't about their help with her journey to lose the weight. It is about having many, many, many people around to stroke and massage her efforts continually. She comes across as being extremely high maintenance, as though she craves the constant attention. Which, IMHO, isn't helpful in the long run because it becomes easy to deflect her issues onto others for resolution and when the external support isn't there and when the cameras are off to another reality series, the internal resilience one needs to sustain the effort hasn't been developed.

And if one relies so heavily on a sustained team effort, and the team doesn't "come through", it is easy to download the reason for not succeeding onto someone else. How easy is it to say "well, my meal delivery service didn't give me meals I enjoyed, so I ate something else" (we heard this last season, I believe), or "my therapist isn't really "there" for me so I self-medicated" or "my trainer makes me confused so I stayed away from the gym today". And I believe we've already heard the latter excuse from her last week, which doesn't bode well for the future, IMHO.

Virtue has nothing to do with it. DETERMINATION, GUTS, INDEPENDANCE AND PERSONAL ACTION has everything to do with it. And these are personal attributes which can't be downloaded to a team. And if you don't accept the simple fact that this is a PERSONAL journey with PERSONAL responsibilities and that INDIVIDUAL ACTION above ALL will lead to success, then you are probably not going to be at the weight you would like to be at any time soon.

JMHO

Kira

Momofsteel
07-19-2009, 05:43 PM
I think the team approach is wonderful, but eventually, the team needs to move on to someone else. You need to learn from the team and be able to stand on your own. That was my problem with Weight Watchers - I looked at it like a race. Once I met goal, I stopped and I got sloppy with the program. I put back on double the weight.

kaplods
07-19-2009, 08:31 PM
I've seen so much criticism of Ruby, particularly questioning her ability to lose weight without the cameras, and the extensive support system, and I wonder if people realize that she lost over 216 lbs before the first episode was ever taped (without any team of professionals). So far, she's lost over 365 lbs, so she's still lost more "off camera," without the team of professionals, than she has with them.

I think those of us who do need team support find a way to get it, and there's nothing inherently "weak" in that. The team doesn't eventually have to leave or move on, if you have the money to keep paying them OR if you find no-cost team members.

3FC, Weight Watcher's, TOPS, our family doctors, our family and friends - gyms and health clubs.... they're available to everyone to some degree. No one can afford all of the expensive services, but for every component of weight loss/good health you can build a team to suit your needs. There's no reason to go it alone.

The stats are, that the larger the team, and social network, the more success a person has in behavior change. So it doesn't necessarily boil down to only self-determination, or more people without support systems would succeed. It's part of the puzzle, but it isn't the entire puzzle.

I think the need for the social aspect of weight loss is often overlooked and underestimated, largely because we do it without even realizing we're doing so. We may even think that we're doing it "all on our own" without appreciating how much help we're really getting from others. Very few people have no team or support system at all. We all, to some degree, want and need a little attention and approval for all of our efforts. Some folks have a higher need for the attention and approval of others. I would argue that ANYONE who makes their lives public - whether on a television show or on their own blog, has a greater than average need for attention.

Will Ruby be able to keep the weight off with no team? Maybe not, but that doesn't even mean that she won't keep it off. Rather when her life is no longer of interest to the Style network, she may find other ways to meet her attention-getting needs. She may have to build her own team from her family, friends, and anyone else she can keep in her life to help her.

Social pressure can have advantages.

SunshineCA
07-19-2009, 08:46 PM
Looking to see what time it comes on. I don't have it programmed this season.

:lol: at Christmas. I do consider my vajajay a great present! ;) By the time I let it get unwrapped again, it'll be worth millions!! :lol:

kiramira
07-19-2009, 09:28 PM
:lol: Ms Sunshine!!!

Kira

SunshineCA
07-19-2009, 09:49 PM
:lol: