LA Weight Loss - People dont get it.. i can't eat that

07-12-2009, 06:57 PM
Ok so I am on a lean protein, low carb type diet, and it works for me. So why the heck does everyone try to offer me yumm temptations like baked potatoes, mac n cheese, enchilladas..etc. My mom is the worst. "Hey we are having dinner tonight with the family can you come over.. spaghetti and garlic bread".... does anyone have a good way of avoiding these situations. I feel like I want to smack everyone around me. Why not just shove chocolate cake in my face while you're at it!:club:

07-12-2009, 07:11 PM
"I would love to come over mom, I will bring a dish to share with everyone"
Code word, I would love to eat with you but I am bringing something that I can eat.

Never feel bad about turning down food, make sure people know that you just cant eat such and such, but they are more than welcome to try some of what your brought.

07-12-2009, 07:25 PM
Why not look at it a different way? They aren't trying to feed you bad food, they want to spend time with you and they are simply serving what they've always served.

Say yes, and bring a big salad, some chicken and a fruit salad and have fun!

07-12-2009, 07:39 PM
Why not look at it a different way? They aren't trying to feed you bad food, they want to spend time with you and they are simply serving what they've always served.

Say yes, and bring a big salad, some chicken and a fruit salad and have fun!

I agree. They may know you're on a special diet, but they wan't your company. Take your own food and enjoy your family.

07-12-2009, 07:47 PM
My aunt does this too me everytime! I work near her house so I often stop by around dinner time to vist with family and gab a little. My aunt, who really is just as sweet as pie, always has something sooo delicious but very fattening cooking in the oven. I always pack my own dinner and she's always offended! I try to tell her i just can't eat those delicious, mouth watering ribs but she thinks her cooking is perfectly good for her and her family so it's perfectly good for me!! I think the suggestions the other lady's made sound great!

Me Too
07-12-2009, 08:02 PM
Non thanks Mom I can't come over for dinner tonight, I have to shave my legs.

07-12-2009, 08:48 PM
Whats up with the pic chickie??? You and Duff?Sorry, off topic, had to ask!!

07-12-2009, 09:26 PM
While I'm cool with the BYO healthy dish to share stratagem, I feel compelled to ask would you TOTALLY fall off the wagon if you had just a tiny amount of spag? Get back on plan tomorrow.

07-12-2009, 10:46 PM
It can affect the way some people burn fat. Also eating can be very emotionally charged for some people. So for a lot of people even having a little bit can affect them greatly.

07-12-2009, 10:49 PM
Cebsme -

I am the kind of person that if I go off track a little, I tend to keep sliding downwards because my mind goes into a "well, I've already messed up today so it's okay to have all this other junk too" mode. So I work really hard to stay on a healthy plan as much as I possibly can. I have myself a "treat" food very rarely and normally is is a handful of potato chips or french fries and I am okay with that.

07-13-2009, 12:19 AM
I feel like maybe you misunderstood my post. I was making a point in response to ANOthers post, that for some people yes it is a big deal, and can cause people to "fall off the wagon"

07-13-2009, 12:13 PM
See if I didn't see my family everyday then I could understand bringing something to eat for myself and to share. and maybe I should have added that I do see them at least 4 days a week. Oh and to top it off I get to listen to my mother complain that she and my father are overweight and really need to do something about it.... then stop making food you shouldn't be eatting. Last night was Wolfgang Puck Mac N Cheese (at least 900 cal per serv) plus hamburgers and pinapple upsidedown cake for dessert. Goodness!

07-13-2009, 12:14 PM
Whats up with the pic chickie??? You and Duff?Sorry, off topic, had to ask!!

Harrismm Yes that is Chef Duff... LOVE HIM! I got to meet him when I worked for HSN and he was selling his cake pans.

07-13-2009, 12:49 PM
See if I didn't see my family everyday then I could understand bringing something to eat for myself and to share. and maybe I should have added that I do see them at least 4 days a week. Oh and to top it off I get to listen to my mother complain that she and my father are overweight and really need to do something about it.... then stop making food you shouldn't be eatting. Last night was Wolfgang Puck Mac N Cheese (at least 900 cal per serv) plus hamburgers and pinapple upsidedown cake for dessert. Goodness!

Can you invite them over some night for a super healthy and yummy meal? Just to show them that healthy food can be delicious.

07-13-2009, 12:52 PM
I feel like maybe you misunderstood my post. I was making a point in response to ANOthers post, that for some people yes it is a big deal, and can cause people to "fall off the wagon"

No, I didn't misunderstand. I was just making a point in agreeance to what you said ;)

07-13-2009, 01:25 PM
I totally hear you! It's almost like they want you to eat what they are eating so they can feel better about eating that. If you don't, they have to look at what they are eating as something they maybe shouldn't be eating.

Case in point: Last night we went out to eat on the spur of the moment with my mother and father, brother and his kids. They all wanted to go to Pizza Hut. So, as soon as we got there, I asked for a nutritional info brochure and was going to order from that. I saw they had a "Fit & Delicious" pizza that I could eat for quite a few less calories than regular pizza. So when ordering time came, I asked for that.. and the waitress gave me a blank look. She said, "A what?" I repeated myself and she said she had never heard of it. I showed her the nutritional brochure and she said they don't make that at this particular Pizza Hut. Well, that started a round of everyone at the table trying to tell me to just order this or that and it won't hurt... my mother telling me to just have some of their MEAT LOVERS pizza just this one time. I kept just repeating over and over that I was NOT going to eat that. So I ended up having them make me my own small, thin and crispy (as thin as they could get it) pizza with some ham, pineapple and tomato.

My extended family (especially my parents who are also overweight).. just wanted me to eat like them .. and I know it was because they didn't want to feel bad about what they were eating. It was hard, though... and more than a little irritating!!!

Just keep doing what you are doing and ignore the comments as best you can!

07-13-2009, 02:08 PM
At work I can understand the temptations. People like to offer some to everyone when they bring cake, cookies, etc. and they don't push when you politely say no thanks. My mom has done this same diet on her own and with me before. She knows how to eat healthy, just chooses not to. I know she doesn't mean any harm, it's just annoying. Kind of like when you ask someone not to give your kid any more sugar and they give them a cookie... thinking it's different somehow. But thats a whole other subject I won't get into.

07-13-2009, 03:17 PM
OK, so here's a different point of view...

I have a friend who is on an extreme diet and eats mostly raw and whole foods. I am on WW. Whenever she comes over, I make sure there is lots for her to choose from. Whenever I am invited to HER place, there is NOTHING there that accommodates what I eat. The rationale is that it is "her place" so I should eat what she eats. But when she comes OVER, it would be rude of me not to accommodate her diet.

The same goes for my vegetarian friend - she won't eat anything off my BBQ because it MAY have been used at one time to cook meat on it. So I accommodate for it. But at her home, I'd LOVE to see her cook SOMETHING to accommodate ME. Doesn't happen. And if I offer to bring a dish, it better not have meat in it or else it will be put in the bin.

It goes both ways.


Thighs Be Gone
07-13-2009, 03:52 PM

Why aren't there whole foods or raw foods you can eat at her place? This doesn't agree with WW?

I completely understand the vegetarian perspective. When I was living in India, there were some around me that didn't even want to smell my meat cooking. I learned rather quickly why it was such an issue for them. Shopping a while back a Hindu friend and I were sharing a basket at the market. She moved her items away from mine because I had a box of corn dogs in the basket! When I go to homes of vegetarians I most certainly don't expect for them to have cooked meat for me. I would never think to take meat over either in any dish. On the same hand, it won't do me any harm to ingest vegetarian dishes and certainly doesn't go against my philosophy or religion.

07-13-2009, 04:22 PM
You know, though, Ms Thighs, I don't think it is an issue of "agreeing" with the WW principles. Of course I can make it work. Because with WW, EVERY situation can work.

Our dietary plans are our CHOICE. If someone CHOOSES to eat low-carb, great. But don't expect others to accommodate your CHOICE. Because it really IS a choice. I mean, if you are a high protein low-carber and go over to a friend who is a vegetarian's house and she's made potatoes 3 ways, what would you do? And if she comes over, do YOU make potatoes 3 ways to accommodate her? And I'm not talking about religious choices or choices made for medical reasons. I'm talking about pure choices.

Your comment is EXACTLY what I encounter -- "you can eat anything, so eat what I eat". And once, just ONCE, it would be nice to have my preferences considered when I go to my highly restrictive friends' homes for dinner.
If you CHOOSE to restrict your diet, don't expect others who are providing the food to accommodate your choice.

Drives me NUTS!!! But I still accommodate for food preferences out of respect. It would be nice to go to my raw food friend's house and once, just ONCE, hear her say "you know, I love raw foods but I KNOW you love lasagne, so I made one for you", instead of "Here are some mung beans. I soaked them overnight to make them soft enough to eat. Besides, you can eat ANYTHING so chow down!!!" Or at my sugar's-the-devil friend, I dream of the day when I hear "I made an angel food cake for dessert, but I'll stick to the berries", instead of having the same old whipped tofu with prunes dessert. Because I go out of my way to accommodate her, and the converse would be nice, just ONCE, no?

And it is at the point where I'll eat BEFORE I go, because then I can pick at the food enough to be respectful without starving to death...:lol:



07-13-2009, 04:23 PM
What is wrong going to a friends and having a meatless meal? Long before I went vegetarian myself, if I went to a vegetarians house, I'd never bring anything that contained meat. I'd figure is I was bringing something over, it'd be something to share and if they don't eat meat then how could I share it with them? It isn't like I couldn't eat everything that they were serving which is usually the opposite when a vegetarian goes to a non vegetarian event where there may only a couple things they could eat.

I'd also agree with the whole foods/raw friend. WW is very friendly to various eating practices, why wouldn't there be something you could eat there on WW?

If you don't like whole foods/raw diet, then that is one thing and you could certainly pass on eating there if you wanted or bring something like a fruit salad ? Eat before you go (vegetarians do this a lot)? Again, I wouldn't want someone to change their practices they believe and have them go against their own beliefs for me.

One other thing I'd say is often people choose vegetarian or raw diets for various reasons. Vegetarians (especially vegans) usually choose it for animal rights (harmful to animals), environment (harmful to environment) or health (harmful to your health). Raw may be similar although many choose that way for health. They aren't dietary choices in the typical sense as 'oh I want to avoid carbs' so they actually think eating otherwise is bad on one level or another.

I'd also add that before I went vegetarian, I had many family meals with my in laws including my brother in law/gf who are vegetarian. When I knew they were coming over, I did make sure everything I made was vegetarian. At our wedding, I also made sure there were plenty of vegetarian options as well although there was some meat. I always believed vegetarian meals are friendly to others and if I had a low carb friend coming over, I'd look at making lower carb vegetarian options but it'd still be vegetarian.

07-13-2009, 04:39 PM
I think it's a bit extreme to expect a vegetarian to cook meat.

07-13-2009, 05:45 PM
My husband and I had this discussion a lot when I started trying to cook better foods that he wasn't feeling, and then we had this discussion many times when I was complaining about going to his granny's house, where she fries everything and slathers it in butter. NOT eating wasn't an option, because she'd see it as a major slap in the face, and bringing my own lunch while the rest of the group was eating her food would be just as big an offense to this woman.

His question on the foods I was cooking for US: "Why does it have to be YOUR way? I'M not on a diet." I tried to explain to him that I was trying to lose weight, and didn't want to eat those things, etc., but he made me realize some things.

Everyone isn't "out to get me." His granny and others we eat with are cooking for the group, of which 99% of people are NOT watching what they eat. If you had a group of 10 people coming over, and 9 of the 10 didn't eat pork chops, would you cook pork chops because that ONE person wanted them? accommodate the group as a whole (unless it's a special occasion for the one, of course).

It took me a while to realize that not everyone is trying to lose weight. My family didn't want me to eat pie at Thanksgiving because it made THEM feel better...they like it, cooked it and I USED to eat it. Why should they be expected to keep up with what I can or can't eat, or will or won't eat?

With my husband, I've just had to learn to compromise. I don't want to eat fried things, and he's changed his way of thinking a lot, but I don't and can't expect him to go forever without asking me to please make his favorite meal of chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes and the fixings.

When I go to group gatherings, there is SOMETHING there I can eat. If it's at his granny's house, I'll eat a small portion of the meat, some beans and other things that aren't fried or overly buttery. If it's a situation like spaghetti, I'm fortunate enough where it doesn't trigger me. If it triggers you...maybe some salad?

Life's about compromises, as much as I hate it sometimes....

07-13-2009, 08:24 PM
I think what Kiramira is saying is that she has always been aware of other people's dietary restrictions when they come to her home and makes a great effort to accommodate for them by providing things that they eat. But she feels like that is never taken into account on their part when she visits them because yet again at their house they're thinking about their own restrictions again. People with these many restrictions can be very self involved I'm sorry to say.

People don't care about you, they care only about themselves and having what they need. Next time you invite these people to your house tell them to bring their own darn special food :p Last time I had a BBQ I prepared a delicious bunch of portabella mushrooms that I had marinaded in garlic/balsamic vinegar, etc for my vegetarian friend. When she came over you know what she said? "Are these organic? I can't eat them if they're not organic" and so she just had salad and potato salad (which were organic). I was a bit disappointed but that's her problem - I did the best I could and if she needed all the food to be exclusively organic then she should have provided or at least let me know. I know if I ever visit her home there will not be anything there that would appeal to me, there's only so much puffed wheat I can eat you know?

07-13-2009, 08:27 PM
Ms Wannabe: Best. Post. EVER....

I don't think it is reasonable to EXPECT the world to accommodate your personal choices. As a host, I WILL do it gracefully, even when my preferences aren't in turn taken into account...whether I am on WW or not is immaterial...

I've often thought I should go on Medifast, invite all these guys over, and serve up a shake for each of them. After all, that's what I eat!

And for the record, I don't have alot of issues with food at vegetarians' homes. It is with the whole food, raw food, organic only, high protein low carb, and no carbers that seem to be, well, self-absorbed...and as a GRACIOUS guest, I ALWAYS partake of what is put in front of me with a smile. Even if it smells like decaying compost and looks not much better...

But maybe my friends are just crappy cooks!!!



07-13-2009, 08:59 PM
So, what did you do when you were on Medifast?

If you have friends who don't ask you about what you can/can't eat then I would say it is them. Usually people with special diets make it known to others. I'm actually hesitant to go over to someone's house for a food event because of my own restrictions. I eat a whole foods vegan diet and I know that could be intimidating to many but I really wouldn't want anyone to accommodate me. My only real exception is my mom who I visit for long periods but I basically give her a list of things I'd want but most stuff she'd have normally (rice, beans, veggies, fruit) and a few items she wouldn't (unsweetened almond milk, some whole grain cereal).

07-13-2009, 10:07 PM
To the OP - try to remember that, in these relationships with family and friends inviting you are the one who has changed! It may be a change for the better, it may be important for your health, no one is disputing that...but you and your behaviors have changed. Everyone is going to need a period of time to adjust to your new way of interacting. It'll be weird at first for them, and hard for you...but you'll work out a new way of being social together that works for everyone. It just takes some time and effort to forge that new path...making suggestions, cooking dinner for them, offering to bring things, etc.

The topic seems to have shifted to the duties of hosts vs. guests in situations where one guest has a dietary limitation. I am a HUGE etiquette buff, so prepare yourselves for a long rant!!

Part of being a gracious host is making your guests feel comfortable, part of the group, and not ostracized for any reason (dietary restrictions or preferences, table manners, whatever). Part of being a gracious guest is making your host feel comfortable and not making demands or having expectations, and especially not doing either of those that you don't communicate clearly and offer to help solve. But there is nothing ungracious about turning down offered food that you can't eat, nor is there anything ungracious about politely turning down an invitation if you don't think that attending will be possible to do without being an inconvenience to your host.

My dinner party rules for the guest: if you have dietary limitations, its your job to make sure you have something you can eat...first by asking the menu ahead of time if you are limited (in a non-aggressive way...I usually go with "ooh, what are you planning to serve? Can I help at all?"), then by expressing kindly your limitations and asking to bring something (as in, "you know, I'm eating a vegetarian diet - I'd love to bring a vegetarian entree to share!" or "I'm allergic to shellfish. Since that's the main course, may I bring another dish I can eat with the group? I wouldn't want you to change your menu on my account").

Similarly, for the host, if you know or suspect someone might have limitations, your job is to ask about them if they don't bring it up. I have several friends who are long-time vegetarians, and I still ask before they come over exactly what their limits are (because they change! One ate fish only prior to being vegetarian, and now is almost entirely vegan with the exception of eggs...shifts over time). This ensures that I can be a good hostess and make them comfortable without making them stand out as "different", which is really the basic goal I have in entertaining - making everyone comfortable. So long as I get enough notice to change my menu before the event, I'll accomodate within reason (though personally, I go for "make your own" type parties where everyone can do their own thing without standing out...we do a great "pizza bar" with WW or regular crusts, a variety of veggie and non-veggie toppings, various sauces, and a big bowl of greens (so people who don't want a crust at all can throw pizza toppings on a salad)).

I was always taught that being a good, courteous friend and hostess comes without expected reciprocity. Now, you may opt to cut off contact with someone who is rude to you (nothing wrong with that!), but continuing to be nice and then running a balance sheet of the times you were nice vs. the times they were rude isn't any better on an etiquette scale than being rude in the first place, or at least, that was my upbringing.

07-13-2009, 10:21 PM
My last BBQ at my home:
I accommodated a dairy free diet, a high-lean protein low carber, a vegetarian, a bunch of meatitarians, and my dear SIL-God-Love-Her who is somewhat OCD and changes her eating plan on an hourly basis who suddenly became a whole foods enthusiast and swore off sugar, at least for the evening...I call her "the Random Factor"...

For appetizers, I made phyllo pastry spanakopitas (for everyone) and phyllo pastry tomato basil tartlets (for the vegetarian and the dairy freer) and small coctail chicken sausage bites without pastry (just the sausages on toothpicks) for the high-lean protein low carber. Had to do the pastry in the oven, and the sausage on the grill. Oh, and watermelon cubes for my Dear SIL God Love Her.
I had to then sterilize the grill by heating it to 700F (we have a natural gas BBQ) for 30 minutes, let it cool, and cook the vegetable skewers. I took them off the grill and put them in one oven.
I then cooked the chicken skewers sprayed with Pam and with herbs. Removed them, put them in my second oven.
I cooked Ribs, removed some and put them in the meat oven (for dear SIL God Love Her)
I cooked the rest of the Ribs with home-made maple glaze, put them in the meat oven (for the meatitarians).
Resterilized the grill.
For sides, I made couscous with veggie broth for the vegetarian. I made potato salad for the meatitarians and my Dear SIL God Love Her who decided to make an exception from her whole foods and sugar free diet and had a HUGE serving. I baked 2 potatoes with dairy-free spread for the dairy freer. I had a tossed salad with veggies and balsamic and oil dressing for dear SIL God Love Her and the vegetarian and the dairy-freer, and with home-made Caesar salad dressing and croutons and bacon bits for the meatitarians, and with fat-free spray vinagrette for me.
For dessert I had fresh strawberries for dear SIL God Love Her, a tray of apple and orange slices for the high lean protein low carber, with Cool Whip on the side for the dairy freer, real whipped cream for the meatitarians and sliced angel food cake for everyone to make their own strawberry shortcake thingees.

DH got to do the dishes :lol:

It was fun (Canada Day and all) and it CAN be done. Graciously. Just wish the reciprocal would happen, that's all...


07-13-2009, 10:32 PM
Kira - then you went WAY above and beyond what etiquette required of you (particularly the grill-sterilizing), and I'd venture to say your guests failed quite a lot in their guest duties as the least, the vegetarians ought to have offered to bring over their (meat free) grill. No doubt it was a fabulous party, though!

07-13-2009, 10:42 PM
It WAS awesome. The meatitarians come from out of town and email AHEAD for ribs! And because I do dishes separately and people serve themselves, noone feels "self-conscious" about what they eat. As in, NOONE is "branded" for being on a diet. Everything comes out in platters, the meats WAY far away from the veggies, and you take what you want. Everyone has something on their plate, and noone says "how come you aren't eating X" for example. Because everyone is too busy eating their own stuff!!!

It is the best way to go, IMHO -- just part of being a good host and making sure EVERYONE is comfortable in their own skins...



07-13-2009, 10:58 PM
I entertain much like that, too...but I'm an entertainer and hostess at heart (as you seem to be!). Most of my friends don't/can't reciprocate the types of menus I do, but it's never bothered long as they fulfill the basic obligations of hostess etiquette rules, I'm happy (and if I follow my guest rules, I never feel weird or offended either). That's why I love etiquette rules...keep feelings from getting hurt and resentments from getting built!

07-13-2009, 11:07 PM
Amanda - I think your post about responsibilities is right on.

As for vegetarian grilling, when we did it with my brother in law, we used 2 grills. Although if I only had one grill, I'd probably make something vegetarian non grilled. I'd also ask guests to bring a dish. I don't entertain though and I don't like to entertain. I usually go over to my inlaws and cook for them and they are happy with that. Last Thanskgiving, I told them that they could cook a turkey if they wanted but I wasn't cooking it. I'd cook everything else. They opted for the vegan thanksgiving and they loved it.

ETA - I was also thinking about this earlier today and another example is quite the opposite. When I go visit my family in California and if there is a family party, I'll bring my own food and eat with my family. Since our family parties are big, its not like anyone really notices. If there are things acceptable to my diet at the party, I'll eat those as well but I think the most important part is sharing time with my family, not having to worry about what food they might be prepping and how I may have nothing to eat. I also don't want to have to explain to my 80+ year old grandma about how I can't have beans/tortillas with lard or rice with chicken stock and that she'd have to change everything for me.

07-14-2009, 02:11 PM
Wow this posting sure took on a life of its own... lol

p.s. mom is making grilled chicken and veggies tonight!