Weight Loss Surgery - SHHHHHH it's a secret.




View Full Version : SHHHHHH it's a secret.


worthylady
07-10-2009, 12:40 PM
Okay, so I had to deal with my feelings on telling people that I had WLS. I disclosed to people that I was close to, that I either was having or had surgery but not random people. I felt like if I just told folks I had surgery I would begin to feel stressed because people would place an expectation of weight loss on me. I felt that they would begin comparing me to their friend, co worker, mother who had surgery and lost "X" amount in "x" time. I didn't want that pressure. Well to date I have one more pound to lose and it will be 100 off for me....YEAH. Usually I accept the compliments and just say thank you but felt like it wasn't anybody's business how I have lost the weight. Later, people would say things like "I need to do what you are doing" or "I sure wish I could lose weight", that made me feel guilty. So I have began being a bit more open about it now. I just don't want to answer stupid questions about the surgery. I do feel better now that I just say "I had WLS".


GinaG
07-10-2009, 05:28 PM
Congrats on your near 100 pds !!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I hear you about telling people about wls. My husband has told everyone he sees and it does put extra pressure to do really well you feel like your under a microscope and if you run into somebody that knows somebody who had wls they always say well my friend lost more than that in that time frame.
I try not to let it get to me, I will lose the way I lose and I can't compare myself to others. So I think your doing fine telling people you wnat to tell.

worthylady
07-11-2009, 12:25 AM
I am glad to hear I am not alone. I really get annoyed when people tell me stories of someone dying or sick. I look at them and think "do you really think that is helping here???" Anyway, the loss is very noticeable now and I don't want to lie.


Leenie
07-11-2009, 07:49 AM
First congrats on the 100 # whooohooooo ;)

2nd, you are not alone, people do put pressure on you and they think because you had the surgery losing weight should be easy peasy. I have told no one and I'm glad b/c right now I am struggling with a few issues. I also agree with you that its nobody's business :D

:hug:

jiffypop
07-13-2009, 05:37 PM
congratulations!!!!!! you've done GREAT - and it 'ain't nobody's business if you do' or something like that.

SpookyXXL
07-14-2009, 03:11 PM
That is funny all my friends and a lot of strangers have known I am going through this for a long time, I talk about things that stress me out.

Jiggly Wiggly
07-14-2009, 06:54 PM
In my case, I didn't really want everyone to know, but remember for every one person you tell, it seems they tell at least 10. It went around work so quickly that I just give up and say "Yep, I did it!! And I feel GREAT!!!"

worthylady
07-14-2009, 11:39 PM
Funny thing, today I hit my 100 pound mark :carrot: :dance: :dancer: and someone said wow I can really tell you have lost weight. Then of course they said what have you been doing, I just replied and said "WLS" and kept going. It felt good just to say it and not dance around the truth. I am still selective of who I tell though.

GinaG
07-15-2009, 01:54 PM
:cheer2::hug:Yeah 100 pds off !!!!:bravo::dancer::cheer3:

Lori Bell
07-15-2009, 02:12 PM
Congratulations on your 100 pounds lost. That is terrific!!. You know, I'm on the other side of the fence, and didn't have WLS, BUT the huge rumor going around my small community is that I did have "super-duper secret gastric by-pass" :) LOL So after awhile wether you had it or not, people will say you did...because people are just weird that way. :hug:

Cannwarren
07-21-2009, 02:27 AM
I just had surgery today and the only family members that knew were my husband, daughter and Mother. I told only a few select friends but also have decided for the same reasons to just keep it to myself. The added pressure can suck. WISE CHOICE!

ladybugnessa
07-21-2009, 07:16 AM
Congrats on 100 pounds! Century Club!

I'm pre-op but dang I've already told EVERYONE. three years ago I lost 80 pounds on south beach (over a 2 year period) that was noticeable then... this will be so obvious I can't even imagine not telling.

jiffypop
07-21-2009, 05:20 PM
SOOOO CANNN - you posted on the day of your surgery!!! how are you doing???

just a word of caution for those of you who are on the 'tell/don't tell' fence - in SOME Cases, when the weight comes POURING off, people will think you're sick - that you have cancer or some other dreaded disease, and they might start the rumor that you're dying.

you might have to GENTLY correct them if this happens.

Cannwarren
07-21-2009, 06:04 PM
Hey JiffyPop,

I feel great. The only thing that is bugging me now is my throat is soar from the stupid tube down my throat. A little soreness today on the site areas but nothing I need pain meds for. I'm on the fence too with Tell/don't tell. I finally told my sister in law today. My fear, as I mentioned to her is that she'll tell her hubby who will tell my mother in law (they are very close) and then most of the family will know. I told her, I'm not ashamed of what I did, but I would like to make that surprising moment since they all live out of state and we don't see them all that often.

kittycat40
07-21-2009, 06:27 PM
Hope you have a swift recovery. be well :)

worthylady
07-22-2009, 12:23 AM
Hey Jiffy, your comment is what started happening. I have been steadily losing weight but it seems like now people are staring. I think some folks think I might be sick or wondering what's going on. Yes, I have dealt with the rumors. However, I think mostly about people that desire to lose weight are harder on themselves when they see my weight loss. I remember looking at people losing weight and feeling like a failure when I couldn't do it on my own. That is really the only reason I care and sometimes will say.

worthylady
07-22-2009, 12:25 AM
Hey JiffyPop,

I feel great. The only thing that is bugging me now is my throat is soar from the stupid tube down my throat. A little soreness today on the site areas but nothing I need pain meds for. I'm on the fence too with Tell/don't tell. I finally told my sister in law today. My fear, as I mentioned to her is that she'll tell her hubby who will tell my mother in law (they are very close) and then most of the family will know. I told her, I'm not ashamed of what I did, but I would like to make that surprising moment since they all live out of state and we don't see them all that often.

Cann, congratulations on your surgery. You have certainly come to the right site to get advice and support. I now think people just know about my surgery. They ultimately find out. I always hope people don't ask me silly questions out of curiousity.

Cannwarren
07-22-2009, 09:06 AM
Thanks WorthLady. I so agree with you. These boards are great for help/support and motivation. I have told a few people I'm close with about the surgery but most don't need to know. I'm sure when they start to notice, rumors will fly also. For now, I'm just doing my own thing.

By the way, your stats are remarkable! Great Job!

swtgila
07-22-2009, 12:56 PM
I didn't tell anyone but ppl I was close to as well for all the same reasons. I didn't want to be compared to others and their success or failure. I had lapband so it was easy. The weight loss was slow and I have yo yod all my life so it just seemed normal.

jiffypop
07-22-2009, 04:56 PM
worthylady -

you're a sweetie to be concerned about all those people who haven't had success. I've seen the look in their eyes, and some of them are hurt, and others are jealous. but please be careful - some of them will now be ANGRY with you - and i still haven'[t quite figured that out. i understand that kind of 'gee, wish i could do that' sort of thinking, but moving into the 'i can't talk to her anymore and i'm going out of my way to avoid her and i'll just gossip about her along the way' is just way too much of a leap for me to understand.

your relationships will change. the way you look at yourself, and at your life, will change. be kind to yourself, and do what works best for YOU. you can't be responsible for anyone else's reactions or issues

worthylady
07-28-2009, 11:03 PM
Thanks WorthLady. I so agree with you. These boards are great for help/support and motivation. I have told a few people I'm close with about the surgery but most don't need to know. I'm sure when they start to notice, rumors will fly also. For now, I'm just doing my own thing.

By the way, your stats are remarkable! Great Job!

Thanks so much!

worthylady
07-28-2009, 11:05 PM
Yep, everything you said is correct Jiffy. I have already witnessed what appears to be jealousy and changing relationships. I believe that I have done well handling those issue....so far any way.