100 lb. Club - snap out of it!

View Full Version : snap out of it!

07-08-2009, 10:52 PM
Like me, my hubby is seriously overweight. He's 5'7"-ish and probably weighs close to 280 lbs. It is all in his midsection (he's about 52" around right above his almost completely flat belly button) and it is the worst kind of fat - the visceral fat that surrounds the organs. It's all under the muscle. When he sits straight up in bed, you can see his abs contracting on top of all the fat. He's not always been this big. When he was in the military, he struggled a little but generally stayed under 200 lbs. When he retired eight years ago, he probably weighed 190 and wore a 36" waist.

He has some obesity-related health problems. He's got a horrible case of sleep apnea and wears one of those Snuffalupagus masks even when he naps. (Truthfully, he'd still have the sleep apnea if he were smaller, but it would be much less serious.) He's a diabetic and on Metformin, but refuses to acknowledge that he has diabetes - it's always "pre-diabetes" or "a slight case of diabetes." He takes comfort in the fact that his blood sugars and A1C levels are always on the lowest end of high.

He went to the doctor today for a case of pinkeye and the doctor went ahead and ran an A1C. It was 7.1. The doctor says he'd like to see it around 6.0, but the internet says that 7.0 is "normal" so hubby thinks that 7.1 is fine.

Hubby has asked for my help in the past, then completely ignored it. He asked me to put together a plan for him. I did - I spent a few hours on it. Did he follow it? Nope. After he came home from his appointment today - where the doctor really got onto him about getting some of the weight off - he headed for the pantry, pulled out a large bag of chips, and ate about 3/4 of it. I made pork chops, mashed potatoes, and broccoli for dinner. He ate reasonable portions. When I came home from church, he was eating what basically amounted to a second dinner: three microwaveable burritos covered in sour cream. All this - the potato chips and the two dinners - was eaten over the course of about four hours.

I want to kick his behind. He complains and whines about how fat he is, then does NOTHING about it. He's seen both his father and his sister DIE from complications directly related to diabetes, but he's doing NOTHING about it. And you know, I can truthfully say that I do not mind his weight from an aesthetic standpoint. We engage in plenty of nookie - with the lights on. What I *do* worry about is being a young widow. I'm 42. He's 45. His father died at 64. His sister died when she was 54. It angers me that he won't take care of himself, but I'm afraid to tell him how MUCH it angers me and scares me because, well, with the exception of one time very early in our marriage, my weight - whether it be 130 or 270 - has never been an issue for him and I'm afraid he'll think I'm attacking him. I know that he has do this for him, but it's affecting those who love him as well.

So. It is what it is, I suppose. I just needed to vent.

07-08-2009, 11:58 PM
Dear Heaven! If I didn't know better I would accuse my husband of being a bigomist because I would swear he's the same man your married too! Fortunately (or maybe its unfortunate) I know my husband is too lazy and too lacking in energy to even attempt it.
He is EXACTLY what you describe in your husband! He was recently diagnosed with diabetes. He also takes the Meta for it and doesn't do anything else. There was a drop in his AC1 so he assumes the pills are doing just fine, he doesn't need to do anything else about it! It drives me nuts!
I'll make a healthy meal for him (have even gotten to the point where I portion it out and dish it up for him) only to have him go back for 2nd...3rds... maybe 4ths depending on the dish. So my response was to quit making so much food and if we have leftovers (cause we have kids and their appetites vary from night to night) I refrig them ASAP.
Haha, thought I was being clever. Till I come in the living room and he's got the peanut butter jar open with a spoon in it. Or he's going "healthy" and has about a pound of grapes gone or has cooked ramen noodles, smothered them in butter and is stuffing them down like no tomorrow!
I also get the double talk. I'll try to be...well, nagging I guess, and point out, "Honey, you can't eat a pound of grapes, that's a lot of fructose! Um.. that's sugar dear." He will preceed to ignore me but then later if I make a meal and scoop him extra veggies and try to cut down the meat (which is still a LARGE portion) I get... "I can't have this much carbs, I'm supposed to eat protien!" GAHHHHHH!!!!!
I feel for you so much cause no matter how you might try to lead the proverbial horse to water... well, you and I both know.
I'm in the angry phase right now. Fine you want to die young, go ahead but I'm not going to help you kill yourself and don't come running to me when it turns all to heck! Course I don't really feel like that but he makes me SOOOOO mad!
Do you do all the shopping for your household? Cause my husband is now banned from "helping" me shop. His job is to stay home with the kids which means he can't add his "extras" into the cart and he is completely at the mercy of my grocery list.
As far as talking to him, it's always better in a marriage to be honest. Try the managment approach, 2 postives for every 1 negative. Like "Honey, I love you. You are such a great husband! But I worry that your health is going to get worse and I won't have you around anymore. You mean a lot to me!" And emphasize that you don't care IF he loses weight, so long as he's trying better with the diabetes (which will undoubtedly make him lose the weight but so long as your making it clear that THAT is not your objective).
Otherwise, feel free to message me, we can exchange numbers if need be and have venting sessions.:hug::hug:

07-09-2009, 12:33 AM
Tara, it's so nice to know that I'm not alone in this! I do most of the major grocery shopping and I don't buy the ice cream/cookies/chips, but it doesn't matter. He will stop by Walgreen's or Kroger on the way home from work and pick up whatever he wants. He doesn't eat breakfast until about 9:00 (he says he gets sick if he eats too early, which I do believe), and I know his breakfasts usually consist of either a chicken biscuit or sausage and biscuits from Mrs. Winner's, which is on his way to work. Instead of packing a lunch, he eats cafeteria crap at work. It is MADDENING!

So anyway, all that to say thanks for making me feel like I'm not a spaz/nag and that I have valid concerns. I may be PMing you in the future! :)

07-09-2009, 01:51 AM
Oh dear. What a difficult spot you are in. How do you make someone care about themselves? You can't. Just like no one could make you start this effort before you were ready. I think you are right to not hassle him about his weight, but I think you can express your concern about his health and your worry that he will die and you will be left all alone. Then let that sink in.

And then I think the only thing you can do is keep working on yourself and getting your health in order and pray that he one day sees the light and follows suit. In the end, it's his life, as entangled in yours as it is, and his to throw away.

07-09-2009, 03:37 AM
I cannot relate however I am here and listening to your words. That must be SO FRUSTRATING and I imagine that my HUSBAND knows how you feel as he must have felt that way about me.

07-09-2009, 08:54 AM
Love you Jenelle and I heard you.

07-09-2009, 08:55 AM
I feel you my dear. Whe I met my husband we were both quite thin. A few years ago, after a lifestyle of too much beer and takeout, he looked 9 months pregnant...with twins. That fat that lives behind the belly amoung the organs is dangerous.

He finally decided to do something about it and did P90X. I never thought he would finish it. But that was a year ago and he still does it. He is in better shape that he has been in his whol life. And looks good ;)

Sometimes it takes something outside to get the idea across. God knows if I had said he should start working out he wouldn't do it. And since when do men listen to doctors? They tend to need to come up with the ideasthem self or at least think they did.

Hang in there hun. Be persistant and make healthy options available and keep the topic open for discussion. sometimes thats all you can do.:hug:

07-09-2009, 09:34 AM
Jenelle and Tara, I so feel for your pain in watching someone you love doing so much damage to themselves. My ex-husband was the same way and because he wasn't obese he never saw how dangerous his eating was. Not even when the doctor told him that he was bordering on type II Diabetes. He wouldn't accept me trying to change his way of eating by taking away his potato chips and Pepsi.

I wish you both the best and my only advice is to continue to take care of yourselves. Maybe seeing you as examples of good health and fitness, your husbands will get with the program.