Weight Loss Support - Weight Loss Slap in the Face
07-07-2009, 11:29 PM
Something crappy happened to me today on my weight loss journey. Yesterday I hit a huge milestone when the scale hit 177 - meaning I have lost 40 lbs since I started. I decided to finally tell my mother how much I weighed and currently weigh. She acted shocked...told me she couldn't get her head around those high numbers and she never would have thought I weighed that much. I continued to try to talk about other things but she kept on about how she can't get over it. I'm trying real hard not to let it get to me, but it is.....anyone else have anything like this nagging at them? and how do you deal with it? Trying hard not to let it get to me but the lack of support is irritating. :(:?:
07-07-2009, 11:46 PM
No one can offend like family......
In situations like that I always find sarcasm helpful.
"Well geez Mum,thanks for all your support" might have been a good come back.
07-07-2009, 11:47 PM
Some people just have no tact and I'm sorry your mother is not supportive. My mother was totally unsupportive when I first started. It took a few months but she is much better now then she was before. I hope you keep on keepin' on because you are doing AWESOME!
You are doing great and even if your mother is going to act like your weight is so high she "can't get her head around it", you know that you are on the right track and are doing great.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm super happy with the weight I've lost and I'm only at the weight you started with! :)
07-07-2009, 11:51 PM
Is you mom fairly thin? Most people really have no clue what I weigh since I can carry it better than most.
Just try to let her comments go. Your reward was that you felt liberated enough to divilge that number and you never plan on being there again. Her reaction is more about her, not you or your loss. Be proud of all you have accomplished!!
07-07-2009, 11:56 PM
Yup had a simmilar situation last night on a night out one of my friends couldn't shutup about how much i'd lost which of course was lovely BUT she also kept saying how b4 i was pretty big and chubby all over. She was drunk but still it kind of stung bcos yes ok now i realize i was a big girl but i just never thought it was that major but she kept saying yer you were BIG before u look so much better now. I no she means it nicely but i dunno i haven't lost that much so i feel like i must be still major if i go by what shes saying. Sorry rambling. Yeh it is a slap in the face isnt it but i just keep reminding myself and mayb u could to, that that's in the past what they're talking about and this is now so enjoy the nowness!! haha i hope i'm making more sense to you than i am to me right now :) congrats on how far you've come and how healthy you are in comparison xx
07-08-2009, 12:05 AM
Ignore her hurtful comments and let it put a fire under your tush to work harder. Then, when you are at your goal you won't care. I know it can be irritating and depressing not to have the support....that is what we are here for....
07-08-2009, 12:08 AM
Try not to let it get to you. You know you are doing great and doing it for you! YOU celebrate your victories and don't worry about anyone else. Tell her, "Hey you, get off my cloud!" :hug:
07-08-2009, 01:37 AM
It sounds like you already had a feeling that she would not understand, but I think it's great that you tried with her. It makes absolutely no difference to your 40 pound loss that she doesn't get it. That success is yours - do not let her take anything from you.
What's important now is that you let it go and keep moving forward. If you haven't already, find a friend or another family member who you think will be supportive and come back here whenever you need a boost.
(Could not resist the dancing carrot) :carrot:
07-08-2009, 02:03 AM
Yup, I support ignoring that sort of thing but it is awfully hard when it is someone you care about. Just focus on your amazing loss and not her lackluster reaction.
07-08-2009, 06:39 AM
I know for me, I am a terrible judge of what other people weigh and how much they have either gained or lost. Terrible. So perhaps, your Mom is like me and really was shocked to hear those numbers. Maybe all this time she assumed you weighed a lot less. Regardless, what she certainly could have been a lot more sensitive, tactful and supportive of you. But she wasn't. It's unfortunate and I'm sorry that you had to endure the brunt of it. I urge you though to not use this as an "excuse" and let it derail you in any way whatsoever. Support if fine and dandy. But you can't rely on it. Losing weight is a solo act. All along, from day one and all through your journey - this is about YOU. You're the only one that can get and keep the weight off. It's up to you to continually make good choices, eat well, exercise, and every thing else that keeping to a healthy lifestyle entails. I would ignore Mom's comments and focus on becoming the best you possible. You're doing this for you, no one else.
You're the one who gets to benefit from all your hard work. YOU get the big pay off. You're doing fabulous. Just fabulous. YOU need to be and should be proud of all your hard work. :)
07-08-2009, 07:38 AM
I haven't shared this story with 3FC yet, so now's a good time to pull it out.
I used to be a bartender in university. I always bought black cotton pants for work. Cotton, as we know, stretches. One time my parents were visiting (in university I only saw my parents every 3 or 4 months) and I was wearing those pants--I had worn them a couple times and they were a little stretched out, especially in the bum. My mother says, "Those pants make your butt look big." I responded in some reasonable way, like "Um, what?!?" And she laughed. Then to her, this was the great running joke. Every time she saw me for two or three years, the first thing out of her mouth was "Those pants make your butt look big." If I recall correctly, it took us getting in a big fight for her to realize that is not an appropriate way to greet anyone, even if it's a "joke". I think my mom was using it to make herself feel better. I have always been thinner than her, and before she had kids, she was the size I am now--quite thin and petite. Even at my high weight I was a good pounds thinner than her, and I think on some level it made her feel better to insult me like that.
My point: don't let your mother's comments get to you, and definitely don't let it affect the amazing progress you have made! The thing about family is that someone we take each other for granted. If one of my friends lost weight and told me, "I've lost 40 pounds. I used to weigh XX pounds," my response would be "Good for you!" I would never say, "OMG! I can't believe you used to weight so much!" Really, who would? If we did we wouldn't have friends anymore. But for some reason, with family those kind of comments are common. I think the fact that family isn't just going to "stop being friends with us" encourages the kind of meanness that we wouldn't get away with with friends.
If you want, you can think about why your mother would be motivated to say something like that to you. For example, does she have weight issues herself? Does she weigh more than you, or more than her sister/sisters-in-law/cousins? Does she have an unhealthy relationship with food? Does she support you in other areas of your life, meaning this comment was an exception? Did she act in ways when you were growing up that supported your weight gain?...Figuring out why your mom might have motivated to say something like that won't make you feel better, but it may help you understand her enough that you'll be prepared next time.
Thighs Be Gone
07-08-2009, 08:42 AM
It sounds like you are threatening to your mom somehow. Something about your weightloss has triggered the green-eyed monster called jealously--at least that's how it sounds to me.
The fuel you feel like throwing on your moms fire--throw it at your weightloss. Living well and living beautifully is absolutely the sweetest revenge. :)
07-08-2009, 08:46 AM
well, the fact that she couldn't believe you weighed that much shows you were carrying it well. Still she should have said congratulations. by the way congratulations!!! That is awesome! I'm trying to break the 180s myself!
07-08-2009, 08:51 AM
I am so very sorry. Family can be so vicious sometimes. Your mother should be your biggest supporter and fan...period. We all support you and are proud of your success. Keep succeeding cause you are worth it :hug:
07-08-2009, 09:20 AM
Family! Gotta love em!
My whole family knows I'm losing weight and has known from the start. None of them thought I'd stick with it, but they are wrong!!
I told my dad on the phone that I had now lost 37 lbs and his response was "it must be nice",:dz as though I'm just lucky it's falling off and had nothing to do with working out every day, watching what I eat and living a much healthier lifestyle now. So, I know exactly what you mean. My mom said to me one time that if I hit a size 12 then she'd have to lose weight too, I'm in 12's now but of course she's doing nothing.
My parents eat and cook in the worst way possible and do nothing to change how and how much they eat so they'll never lose weight. My dad already has 7 stints in his heart and I'm sure it won't be long before he has another assuming he doesn't drop of a heart attack, :(but I've stopped trying to be the food/exercise **** and let them do what they want, because I can only change my behavior not theirs.
Sorry about the book, I'm a bit aggravated that they don't even try. At any rate, don't let your moms comments get you down. I would choose to look at it that she truly didn't think you were big to begin with and so now she realizes and she will be supportive in the future but if she's not, so be it.
I work out alone every day, my hubby won't work out, my daughter who's also losing weight won't work out, so it's just me by myself every d**n day!
You can get to your goal without support at home it's all about you!
Congrats by the way!!:carrot::carrot:
07-08-2009, 09:44 AM
congratulations on losing 40 pounds!! that's awesome- and that's the only "high number" that matters!!
07-08-2009, 09:47 AM
(((Spleenqueen))) Sorry for your Mom's reaction BUT great job on the 40 lbs!!!
I appreciate your post because it reaffirmed something for me. I had a sneaking suspicion that I should NOT discuss the actual numbers if discussing my weight loss, not my starting weight or current weight, just stick to pounds lost. I am sure that my Mom would have the same reaction as yours. I am the only large person in my family and I just think the numbers would shock them.
My Mom commented on my loss recently, she was doing great, just the appropriate amount of praise without overdoing it UNTIL she said "even your boobs look better, they didn't look like giant cantalopes under your shirt!"
So close to a compliment that made me feel good, and then she blew it with making me embarrassed that apparently I have had these huge cantalopes swinging from my chest.
Oh well, just gotta let it go. I will stick to my original idea of not telling anyone that I am trying to get a handle on my weight.
Because at the end of the day, it really is about me, myself and I. How I feel and how I see myself. It just stink that receiving a compliment can be such a land mine issue. When someone says you look good and you hear it that you have looked bad for a long time.
Congrats on closing in on your goal!!
Thighs Be Gone
07-08-2009, 10:00 AM
round--great idea not to discuss actual numbers..I rarely, rarely tell anyone what the actual number is..to me, it's just opening the door for speculation...nothing to gain from it as far as I am concerned..
LOL--I would be okay with having cantaloupes. ;) It would be a nice change from walnuts.
07-08-2009, 10:09 AM
Well gosh. Let's not be too hard on Mom here. I understand that the OP was looking for some congratulations at having lost 40 pounds, but Mom didn't know how much the OP weighed to begin with. I will bet that there aren't too many mothers who would be delighted to know their daughter had been over 200 pounds, even if they have now lost weight. So, Mom is dealing with shock. Mothers are not perfect, and they don't give perfect responses. Let her be a human being!
SpleenQueen, if you're lucky Mom will get over that high number quickly. Just believe that she is glad you've lost and keep on going. If she persists in the "I can't believe..." statement, then tell her in a nice way that you think you've heard enough about that and would she kindly stop.
07-08-2009, 10:17 AM
I don't think it is a "Mother" thing...personally some people are just lacking tact in certain situations. We've all been there, said or did something that wasn't maybe the "best" thing to do. Maybe in the future, don't share your weight loss numbers or totals with her. Maybe share other accomplishments on your journey.
I would say something if she keeps on about it, but in a polite way. I mean show her how you want to be treated.
*HUGS* Congrats on the weight loss! :D :D
07-08-2009, 10:50 AM
Congrats on your weight loss!
07-08-2009, 10:55 AM
I understand completely where you are coming from. I had bariatric surgery Feb 12, 2007, and still have not told my parents and two of my brothers. THey are so critical and negative, I chose not to go there. They just think I have lost weight. haha. and I see them on a weekly basis.
07-08-2009, 11:28 AM
I'm soo happy for you! 40 lbs is a great accompishment.
I do understand the hurtful mom comments. My mother loses weight with this diet or that and she expects everyone to fawn over her loss and rave about how good she looks ( when in a few months she puts it back on). When I lose weight she passes it of and says well thats nice.
Some people. Don't get discouraged your doing great!!!!
I sometimes get the same reaction but it doesn't really bother me. I've had people in total disbelief saying "you can't be a size 12 and weigh 190 lbs!!"
My mom is only 1 size smaller than me but she's 60 lbs. lighter. It's a medical mystery!
07-08-2009, 02:48 PM
I may be way out in left field here, but I'm wondering if she's taking responsibility for your weight. I know I feel really bad that I didn't teach my kids better eating habits. My older one has weight problems and I blame myself for it. I try not to say much about it because I don't want to make it worse. I do tell him that I worry about his health, it is my main concern. Having spent 25 years as an obese person, I know all of the emotional damage it does. I wish I could save him from that as well. I'm hoping the changes I have made in our eating habits and exercise will help him. He's still at home so I have hope. I'm sorry your mom hurt you, sometimes mom's can be clueless. You are doing so well and she should be very proud of you!
07-08-2009, 03:17 PM
congrats on your weight loss! as for me, my mom is the same. me and my mom are both 5'2" and at one time, when i was 165, she was 140. now im 140 and shes 165 . she tells me that i am huge and that i need to lose weight for the wedding. but when she visits me, she brings cookies and cake and tells me to eat it and that im already thin. i just dont get it.
is it jealousy? wtf? i dont understand.
and she tells me to not work out anymore...
you are doing great! dont let your mom's comments get to you. keep doing what youre doing.
07-08-2009, 11:18 PM
Congrats on the 40 lbs, good job.
Mothers really know what buttons to push on us. I always figured my mother knew the buttons because she was the one that installed all of them. I love my mother, but know that anything I say to her is going to be turning into being all about my brother. I lose weight and he would lose if his health was better (he's over 350lbs) I'm eating healthy, so is he if you ignore the plate of brownies he's scarfing down before dinner while hiding in the kitchen. I just deal by not saying anything to her about it and if she comments on something I just say thank you. It's been that way my entire life so I deal with it.
07-09-2009, 12:10 AM
If your mom is short, or small-boned, she might just be coming from a different frame of reference. We get fat at pretty low numbers.