Weight Loss Surgery - Letter to my parents

Hi all.....

I'm not sure if anyone is interested, but I mailed this letter today to my parents trying to explain to them why I NEED to have WLS. They don't want me to have surgery because they're concerned something will happen to me. However, while I respect this, I think they need to have a full understanding why I made the decision I did. It's a personal letter, but I wanted to share this with you. Maybe you feel this surgery is the right choice for you, but don't know how to tell your family. It can be hard if people don't approve, and support is needed and wonderful. At the end of the day though, you have to do what is right for you. Let me know what you think about my letter.....I wanted it to be clear, but kind. God Bless......Just me.....Robin

Dear Mom and Dad,

I've wanted to write this for some time, but I had decided to wait until I had a confirmed surgery date, which I still don't have. However, I feel now is the right time for me to try and explain why I plan on having weight loss surgery as soon as I possibly can. I'm hopeful after reading this, you'll understand why it is so important to me to pursue surgery, and I hope I'll ultimately have your support.

I do understand why you'd prefer for me not to have surgery. I know that it is because you love me that you'd like to see me try (another) conventional method of losing weight. Call me weak or undisciplined, but it is so very obvious to me that I am unable to lose the weight I need to, and more importantly, keep it off. From the days of my 1st diet.....around 5th grade, when my lunch box would consist of carrot/celery sticks, cottage cheese and half a sandwich, to all my latest attempts, I have never been able to achieve and maintain a permanent weight loss. Maybe some people think I haven't tried hard enough or given it my best shot. The truth is, I have, and I have a clear conscience knowing this. I've been fighting this fight for over 30 years, I'm tired of it.....and I realize I can't do it on my own. Food always has had control over me, and for the 1st time in my life, I feel like I have hope that I will finally have control over what I eat. Do you understand.......hope.

I fully understand there are risks involved with this surgery. Please know that I did not enter into this decision without giving it a lot of thought, doing my research, and discussing it completely with Chuck. The truth is, my life is no more in jeopardy by having this surgery, then it is by remaining morbidly obese. I just had to decide if I wanted to continue a slow death staying as I am, or, if I would rather take a shot at having a normal, healthy life....whatever is left of my life. I made the choice to live.........

I have missed out on enough of life and enjoying my children because of my weight. Just a few months ago, Megan's music class had an invitation to parents to come participate with their children during class. Certain portions of this class involved mom's/dad's getting on the floor with their child. Did I go? No. Because I didn't want to embarrass myself or Megan by getting on the floor and not being able to get up with dignity. Did Megan want me to go? Yes. Can I go bike riding with my children without being embarrassed? No. Can I go to an amusement park with them without the fear of humiliation if I go to get on a ride I might not fit? No. Do I panic at restaurants that only have booths knowing there is a good chance I may not fit or will have to squeeze in? Yes. You both know all too well what I am talking about. You have lived my life in so many ways. The only thing is, we are choosing to take action to change things in different ways. My only regret......is that I didn't fight to have this done several years ago when I first asked about weight loss surgery and was always put off by the base hospitals. It makes me so sad and angry to think of the time that has been wasted and what I've missed out on by remaining passive.

The bottom line is....I want to live!!! I have a complete peace about having this surgery and feel completely confident that I will be all right and safe. True, for several months I will only be eating small amounts of food. The 1st 8-12 months are the primary time to lose the more significant amount of weight you need to lose. Eventually, your weight loss slows down and stops. After around a year, I should be able to easily eat 1500-1800 calories a day. This surgery is only a tool. I will have to do my part not to abuse this tool, as I know I could end up right where I am now. This surgery is by no means an easy way out. But again, it is what I need to ensure that I will no longer eat more than my body is suppose to have, and will allow me to have control.

I guess I don't know what else to say. I have enclosed a list of "why I want weight loss surgery." I did not write this list, but easily could have. Not everything on the list applies to me, but so much of it does. Please read this list. I hope it will give you a better understanding of my feelings and why this is so terribly important to me. And please Mom, don't send me a retort to this letter. I know how much you love me and want me to be safe. That's why I love you both so much, because you have such an undying love for me. I hope and pray after reading this, you'll support my decision. If you are not able to do this, it will greatly sadden me, but not change my mind. But, I do thank you for hearing me out.

All my love always,

Robin

Robbin,
A very well though out letter. I hope you get a date soon and can get a new start on life. I feel your pain about the kids and I wish you all the best.

hang in there.
-L

robin..

your beautiful letter brought tears to my eyes. you have obviously done all the research and looked at all the risks and benefits. and you know that it's not a quick fix, and that you will have to follow certain rules. but we've always followed rules for our diets: so much of this, no that, eating at this time, not combining this with that, and on and on and on.

in short, you really and truly have done all your homework and probably have an impressive diet history list to show your doc for the all-important approval process.

but it also seems as if you're fully aware that you may never have your parents' approval. and i'm sorry. it really hurts when those who love us can't support our decisions.

as for waiting a few years, while you think you have delayed your happiness and physical well-being, please remember that this surgery is relatively new, and it takes awhile for docs to become adept and for the standards of care, especially afterwards, to develop. so, in some ways, it may actually be a good thing that you're having it now.

best of luck to you, and you always have a hug and a shoulder around here.

Robin, what a wonderful letter. I was like you about telling my parents that ALVINhad decided to have the surgery. But to everyone's uprise, they were excited that he was able to qualify and was able to have a chance at a new life.

Even though our kids are grown, we too missed out onso much of life because of Alvin's size. He is now 2 months post op and he's like a different person, he feels so much better. and I think part of that is that he doesn't feel hopeless anymore.

To those who have posted a reply....or even just read my letter....

I want to say Thanks so much!!!

I know you can relate to my words, whether you have/had family support or not. I'm very hopeful my parents will give me their approval, but as I said, I plan to press onwards without it.

It's funny, as they are both overweight, too, but they still feel traditional dieting is the best answer.....even though neither have ever achieved a healthy weight themselves. It's just the "parent" in them, I know, that makes them say they don't want me to have surgery. I love them for that.....it beats them not caring at all. Nevertheless, at age 40, I have to do this...for me.

So, again, I want to thank you for your kind, uplifiting words. They mean a great deal to me and I will hold them in my heart. I'm glad we're all in this together!!! God Bless....

Just me....Robin
Pre-285
Desired-150/160

Robin,

What a sweet, wonderful letter!! It was so thoughtful.It too brought tears to my eyes.If I were 100 lbs. overweight (I think that's what you have to be??)
I would have the surgery done.

Good luck to you! Please let us know how your Parents responded to your letter. Take care & may only the best come to you! :angel:

Sherry (Sher-Bear)
Forum: The Loozing Floozies
190/178/150

That is a well thought out and heartfelt letter, it gave me a lump in my throat. My parents were very supportive, but my husband's family was not. I got several nasty, and inconsiderate comments from them. I know what you are going through. It sounds to me like you have done a lot of research and a have put a lot of thought into your decision. I hope you get a surgery date soon. Hugs to you sweetie!!!

Good Luck Pooky2, we are all rooting for you. You'll be in my prayers :grouphug:

I haven't been on this board for ages.....I don't know why really. For some reason tonight I just thought of checking in on 3FC's and see what was happening and low and behold, I see an old post by me!! Please do note the original date.....pushing 3 yrs. ago.....oh my goodness!

Just a short update: I DID have RNY surgery back in Nov. 02 and lost 105 lbs.....wheee!! I have essentially maintained this loss but still need to drop a good 25 more pounds. But, as we know, as time goes on, this becomes more challenging and takes more work and discipline on our part. I haven't given up, but I do need to give myself a good kick in the butt and get my act together! Regarding my parents....they NEVER were happy I had WLS - UNTIL it was over and they knew I was safe. Of course, since they've seen my weightloss and know my diabetes is gone (okay, I know it never goes away, but I still say mine is gone), they are very happy for me. I don't know if the above letter I wrote to them ever made a difference in their feelings, but at least they knew where I stood and why.

Anyway, thank you for letting me make this post! Best wishes to all the recent post-ops and those waiting for WLS. I have absolutely NO regrets and would do it again in a heartbeat....it has changed my life for the better in so many ways. God Bless...

Just me...Robin
Open RNY: Nov. 13, 2002
290/190ish/165

Oh, just another note....Pookie88, just wanted to say how much you resemble my mother when she was much younger.....she's still lovely today, but I always thought she was was beautiful when she was a younger gal. Have a great day....God Bless...

Just me...Robin

Hiya Pookie,

I lost my weight the 1st 8 mos. after surgery. Then, I had a hernia repair at that time and for some odd reason, my weightloss stopped dead in it's track after that point...no kidding!! I'm not sure if there is some relation to the 2nd surgery and me not losing anymore weight, but I still wonder. But, I do have to confess I didn't do as well with my eating around 9-10 mos. and found myself eating more things I shouldn't be. That's what I mean about giving myself a kick in the butt!! If I lose anymore weight, it's all going to be up to me now. Yes, I still can't eat large quantities of food, but, if I munch all day long, I can still easily pack away 3000+ calories...so I have to be careful. I want to get down to 165 lbs. but I could live with 175 or so since I'm about 5'8" tall. Anyway, I hope that answers your question. Thanks POOKIE!!! God Bless...

Just me...Robin

Well Pooky2, I too am glad to see you back here. Yours was one of the first posts I read when I came to this sight and one of the reasons I joined this site to begin with. I'm happy things have worked out for you as well as they have, despite your parent's lack of support. I had an RNY done on Jan 26th and am down 37 lbs. I have found a wealth of support and knowledge here and hope you will keep coming back to be a part of that wealth. In time, I'd like to think I will have something to offer people here.


Angie

Hi Pooky2,
glad to see you back and that things worked out, despite your lack of parental support. I hope you keep coming back. The ladies (I don't think I've seen any men) around here are just a wealth of knowledge and support.
Angie