Weight Loss Support - 4 days in and I've already "slipped"




TaraLee
07-02-2009, 12:26 AM
:mad:I know I won't be perfect on this journey. I've done pretty well working out daily. I haven't missed a walk since I started, I've been pretty good at watching my calorie intake (I haven't restocked the food since I've started so I can't say I've been eating healthy... just trying to eat less of the less than healthy food we currently have, like Hamburger Helper/Tuna Helper).
It's been only 4 days, and this evening we took the kids to Dairy Queen... and I slipped.
Hubby's been bugging me about getting ice cream (like going out and buying one of those huge gallon tubes and bringing it home for him to have).
Now here's how we ended up at DQ in the first place...
My son finally seems to be getting the FULL idea of using the bathroom (he's 4, he's been fully toliet trained twice but due to the arrival of baby sister and a cross country move we've been pulling our hair out trying to get him to use the toliet to poop in anymore, TMI, I know). So since he did such a good job and was a Big Boy he got to watch a show this morning (generally a restricted activity) and we decided we'd do something special and take him out for ice cream (not okay to reward kids with food, but its a 30 minute drive to get him the ice cream and he loves riding in the car and pointing everything out he sees so it was an extra special reward for him), plus, it got hubby of my back. I figured if we got GET ice cream I won't have any around the house calling to me from the freezer.
Before we even get there I decided... I'll get a cone. No syrups, no candies, just a plain cone. And I did.... a large, and OMG. I have never seen an ice cream that size!! I have to admit, initially, i thought I found the door to heaven. Split second later realized "uh-oh." Hubby offered to "take care" of some of it for me... but no. I ate the WHOLE damn thing.
Now, like I said, I know I won't be PERFECT on my diet. I've already told myself, I can eat what I'd like but portion and moderation above all else. This was definitly not either of those two requirements. What irratates me was I'm only 4 days into this journey and I can't believe I've already slipped up!
I don't feel like I'm going to cascade down the "Well, I already screwed up so lets eat everything," "or why bother?" But it concerns me! I need to get better self control, and I've never been good at self control! How does someone get better self control? I mean its an enigma. You can't discipline yourself but you have to learn the discipline anywho! I guess I just feel all defuddled up over it. More cause I keep wondering how much longer is this going to take me cause I can't just seem to say, NO!


luvja
07-02-2009, 12:36 AM
:hug: Here's a hug for you. It happens, and it won't be the last time either. This road is full of many bumps. Tomorrow is a new day, just dust yourself off and try again :)

Jacqui_D
07-02-2009, 12:59 AM
Starting off is the hardest. That's when you have to have the greatest willpower because dedicated commitment hasn't quite kicked in yet and your body is still having cravings. So it's very understandable, but you do have to make the decision to say no to those temptations. It is a choice. A hard one, but a choice nonetheless! Good job not throwing in the towel!


Brown Eyed Staccie
07-02-2009, 01:05 AM
Good job at not going down the path "well I already cheated so I am going to raid the 7-11" - that's what I am struggling with.

For me - unfortunately - I am going cold turkey. This doesn't mean that I am never going to slip up but until I learn a better sense of self control and one taste doesn't mean tasting the whole bag - I am choosing to not eat any of it. I had the worst food hangover ever and it turned me off a lot of things.

Good luck, and don't give up!

Madison
07-02-2009, 01:27 AM
Best thing you can do is leave any guilt in the past, call it a one-off and move forward. I find guilt etc very conducive to more slips . . . you are doing great, just keep going, one day at a time :)

CLCSC145
07-02-2009, 01:36 AM
Yeah, probably not one of the better ways to spend 470 calories and 14 grams of fat (9 of those saturated). Just keep going.

Thighs Be Gone
07-02-2009, 01:52 AM
Good for you to be thinking about your options before arrival. WTG! Next time you can always ask for a small cone with a spoon. If they hand it to you too large, scoop some off and toss it out.

Good for you to stick to your guns on the NO TUB OF ICE CREAM in the house! It sounds like you are setting yourself up for success. I try to keep nothing in my house binge worthy. My poor kids don't have cereal very often because of it. I simply cannot have it in here.

kaplods
07-02-2009, 02:17 AM
I think that there are many cultural myths and stereotypes surrounding dieting and weightloss that we internalize, and believe to be true, without even realizing. And I think the worst of all, is the assumption that the ability to be perfect from the start, is an indicator or predictor of ultimate success.

It's backwards really, what other skill would we expect perfection during the learning and practicing stages. I think sometimes we look at weight loss as a skill we should be able to be perfect at, because we "know what to do," so we don't treat it like other skills.

Let's take bowling as an example, I know "what to do," but that doesn't mean I'm going to be a good bowler without a lot of practice, and I don't expect change to come easily.

It's a social stereotype that "perfect from the start," is the way dieting is done, and not doing so is a "sign" that the person isn't "really" committed.

I think that's hogwash. I don't think it's a coincidence that I've have the most long-lasting (slowest, but most long lasting) weight loss since I started looking at weight loss as a set of skills that I would gain mastery over by slow but steady progress, and stopped looking at every slip as proof and premonition of failure.

Lori Bell
07-02-2009, 09:16 AM
I think that there are many cultural myths and stereotypes surrounding dieting and weightloss that we internalize, and believe to be true, without even realizing. And I think the worst of all, is the assumption that the ability to be perfect from the start, is an indicator or predictor of ultimate success...

I have to respectfully disagree with Kaplods post. While slow and steady often wins the race, statistic show that people with addictions do much better giving up their drug of choice "cold turkey". I've seen alcoholics try to "drink socially" for years before they come to terms with the fact that they just need to STOP drinking, or face sure death. Same with smokers and the same with a druggie or 2. Morbid obesity is a killer, and it can kill quickly and silently, just as an OD on heroin can. Sure a person can decide to lose weight slowly and give themselves room to "eat socially" while taking years to lose weight, but in that time dozens of weight related diseases can develop and kill. Just because a morbidly obese person is "practicing" weight loss and losing 1 pound a month, (as an example) does not mean they are immune to diabetes and heart disease. With a morbidly obese person there is an urgency to lose weight in order to live.

To the OP, you have 2 small children to think about. It is very hard to be a morbidly obese person, I can't imagine how hard it is to have 2 young children that you can't fully be the best you can be because your weight is getting in the way. If you want to be around to see them graduate from HS I would seriously consider giving up your trigger foods cold turkey, and take control over your sugar addiction. Good job not bringing home a tub of Ice Cream...you are heading in the right direction.

littlelion
07-02-2009, 09:43 AM
As others have said it is hardest in the beginning, so the good news is that it WILL get easier....you just have to do the best you can! My approach in a situation like this is to say to myself "Okay, I admit I went over my calories today, so tomorrow I will eat light (mostly fruits/vegetables, low sugar, low carb) and make an extra effort at the gym." If you "make up" for a mistake, at the end of the week it won't make a difference, because the total calories for the week will be about the same. At least that's how I think about it!

In the same way, if I know that I will be going out for a meal, or to a party/barbecue/whatever, I keep my calories in check and my heart rate high at the gym the day before, and of, the event. This doesn't give me the excuse to eat a huge quantity of the food available, but it allows me to enjoy it without stuffing myself and going over my calories.

Hope that helps a little! Don't be too hard on yourself, just remember to take things one step at a time... :hug:

thinpossible
07-02-2009, 10:01 AM
Hmmm, just reading kaplods and Lori Bell's posts. I can see both points of view. So I'll just share my personal experience.

I made many many slips and false starts before I finally got going strong. So in a way, slips can be practice. If you were learning to roller blade and you hit a tree would you throw the skates in the trash bin? No, you would keep trying. And your skills and knowledge would improve as you practiced. You will get better at this because you are going to keep practicing!

Finally I personally had to give up sugar. But if you would've told me that four days in, I wouldn't have been willing or able to hear that. I couldn't have even heard it at four months in. In fact, my resistance to the idea should have been a clue how much of a problem I had with sugar.

So I say, do what you can do. Make the changes you are willing to maintain permanently. If you feel you have a real problem with sugar, then make the changes regarding sugar that you are willing to make. It sounds like you are working on portion control and exercise, and those are great places to start! Great job on the exercise and on not throwing in the towel when you slipped!

Mrs Snark
07-02-2009, 10:10 AM
Most of us make less-than-stellar choices from time to time -- that is not the measure of our commitment or our success. What matters is that we do NOT stop doing our best to make good choices going forward, every single day.

The beginning is VERY, VERY tough. You have no positive habits to hang on to yet and you're battling your physical and mental withdrawal from a bad pattern of eating. We all KNOW how hard it is. Do not discount your positive efforts, every step in the right direction counts and you want to KEEP making those steps forward. It will get easier, but you have to keep fighting the good fight. You CAN do it!

Lori Bell
07-02-2009, 10:35 AM
I made many many slips and false starts before I finally got going strong. So in a way, slips can be practice. If you were learning to roller blade and you hit a tree would you throw the skates in the trash bin? No, you would keep trying. And your skills and knowledge would improve as you practiced. You will get better at this because you are going to keep practicing!

Very true, but how many times would you need to hit the SAME tree before you avoid that tree, or cut it down? :D I'm not saying get rid of the skates, I'm saying get rid of the tree! The point in giving up trigger foods is to cut down the tree, (so to speak). SUre there will be more trees down the road to avoid, but once you hit it, it's time to get rid of it. I have sugar issues, and I have found that it is more powerful than alcohol or cigarettes. It sucks I can't have it it moderation, but it also sucks that I can't stop at one glass of wine....or one cigarette.

Tomato
07-02-2009, 11:12 AM
Good that you don't see this as a complete failure and reason to stop trying.
But, if your DH wants ice cream so much, why doesn't he get some when he is out of the house? He surely must know that you are dieting.
The next time, perhaps it would be better to avoid going to Dairy Queen altogether (I mean you, not the rest of the family). Personally, I could sit at Dairy Queen all day long without a single lick of an ice cream (because I find their ice cream totally eeew) but I would find it practically impossible to go to McDeath and watch everybody else having french fries without being able to have some myself.
So it is often best to remove yourself (physically) from the temptation. If ice cream is your pitfall (which I would undertand, that is why I NEVER buy the big containers of ice cream because I can't have just a serving) maybe spring for the Del Monte frozen fruit bars or Skinny Cow ice cream bars .... there are probably other options as well which would all be better than the arterie-clogging stuff that DQ sells.

Thighs Be Gone
07-02-2009, 12:31 PM
I love Skinny Cow too. I sure wish though they sold them each rather than an entire box. An entire box I have a problem with so they rarely make it into my home anymore.

Okay, so you had your slip. Now, you know how to better prepare yourself for the next time a temptation appears.

As for the debate overhead, most of my thoughts regarding this fall in line with Lori Bell's. CUT DOWN THAT FRIGGIN' TREE ALREADY!!!!

Sorry Kaplods! I still heart you though. :)

TaraLee
07-02-2009, 12:51 PM
Thank you all!!

I know as the OP I was the one needing the guidence but I actually see Kaplods and Lori's comments as complementary to one another. If I take the advice from Lori- cut out the sugar, go cold turkey, it WILL undoubtedly help. Besides which dear hubby was diagnosed with diabetes so most the sugar in the house is gone anyways. All that remains currently is the childrens Cinnamon Toast Crunch and my son's popsicles. I don't like the cereal and baby girl and I split a popsicle if I get into them at all. And once those items are gone they're not getting replaced. We're also switching over to spelnda.

But there is more to weightloss then just cutting out the sugar. My main problem is not just a sweet tooth, its portion control, I was eatting portions at least 3 X's bigger than the serving sizes at meals. I could cut out all the sugar but if I'm still downing meals at 1000 cals or more and fat grams toppling 30, its not going to improve my health enough to keep me alive to see the kids graduate. Which is where Kaplods advice comes in. If I begin learning, practicing and improving on healthier skills (like portion control, healthy eatting, exercise) I will and those skills may take time to master (it is confusing sometimes, there's bad fat, carbs, sugars, etc vs all the good kinds, how to balance a meals carb vs. protien intake, etc) So thank you both.

You've given me a ton to think about and I appreciate and value all of your inputs.

Thighs Be Gone
07-02-2009, 12:57 PM
TaraLee, moderation is something I have had to learn as well. Also, I have found replacements for high-calorie, fat-laden foods. I am still eating mass quantities on occasion but still staying within "normal" limits for calorie intake. The whole foods forum may be a good thing for you to check out.

thinpossible
07-02-2009, 01:04 PM
Thank you all!!

I know as the OP I was the one needing the guidence but I actually see Kaplods and Lori's comments as complementary to one another. If I take the advice from Lori- cut out the sugar, go cold turkey, it WILL undoubtedly help. Besides which dear hubby was diagnosed with diabetes so most the sugar in the house is gone anyways.

If you are able to give up the sugar cold turkey I think you will find it immensely helpful. For me, once I cut it out of my diet I pretty much lost interest in food altogether. I didn't realize it, but sugar was fueling my appetite for other foods as well. I don't know how common my experience is, but cutting sugar may be even more helpful than you think, and effect you in positive ways you weren't expecting.

Glory87
07-02-2009, 01:24 PM
Now that I'm in maintenance, a DQ cone is a good treat for me. It's a single serving, out of the house. The person making the cone can make it as big or as little as you ask. I always tell the person I want a kiddie cone and I get a cone where the ice cream just barely clears the top of the cone, perfect!

When I was actively losing weight, it was very freeing for me to simply say "I don't eat that." No agonizing, no wondering if I can fit something in for the day, no extra time on the treadmill to make up for it, no rationalizing, no slippery slope. I had the foods I ate, the foods I did not eat and the clear-cut black and white decision making process was easy.

Maintenance and learning how to add treat foods/special occasion foods back in to my diet was a learning curve - valuable, but I'm glad I didn't have to learn healthy habits AND managing treat foods at the same time. By the time I was ready to figure out how to add a DQ chocolate dipped cone to my life, I already had a firm healthy lifestyle in place, with a ton of good habits to fall back on.

Along with a few of the other posters, I have sugar/carb issues and the dramatic reduction of empty carbs/sugar in my diet has liberated me from most cravings and all binges. If you had told me 5 years ago, I wouldn't eat muffins, scones, cookies and M&Ms, I would have thought you were crazy. Instead of feeling like I'm in food prison where I can't eat what I want, I feel like I am free from food - I have much more control over what I eat. In the past, I would diet by eating low calorie snack foods (like Teddy Grahams). I would consume boxes of "low calorie" snacks in one sitting - because I would eat a serving and then be unable to stop until the box was empty. I don't have problems like that with a snack of a tangelo! or a String cheese or the foods I eat now.

You're definitely right about the lack of perfection. Last night I had 2 handfuls of salt-vinegar cashews while I was cooking dinner. Wasn't on plan, added a ton of extra (albeit healthy) calories to my day and I really had no good reason WHY I ate them. Back to it today - no agonizing or beating myself up, although I may bring those cashews to work to share and get them out of my line of fire at home.

p7eggyc
07-02-2009, 01:30 PM
Tara,
A couple of other thoughts:

1. You might want to consider the words you use to describe this. For me, the words you chose say something about the whole eating plan/healthy lifestyle start and really you are talking about one little corner of one day. You could say something about "My cone plan didn't work out" or "Need another strategy for next time" but "I slipped" seems bigger than the issue seems to deserve. I spent a lot of time early on stopping myself from saying "I blew it". That was a place of all-or-none thinking for me and I just had to give THAT up cold turkey. There wasn't a single food I needed to do that with but man, did I need to give up that stupid all-or-none stuff.

2. You did so many things right here I want you to be sure to credit yourself. To my way of thinking, the only thing you forgot was to tell yourself you were going to get a small or child's cone instead of just a cone. It could be that simple, just deciding ahead of time what you do want to do in a little more specific way and then STICKING to that. You were trying a way to keep tub o' ice cream out of your house, you obviously usually would've gotten something more indulgent and decided against those choices, you even recognized that it didn't work and maybe most importantly you recognized this wasn't the end of the world and your plan. All of those deserve :carrot::carrot::carrot:.

3. While I agree about not driving into the tree over and over again, I really believe on Day 4, you cannot begin to have a good sense of what trees are truly going to deserve chopping down and which ones are going to create a beautiful balanced life for you yet. You're going to plant and groom a beautiful healthy garden of trees, bushes and flowers but there is no rush to determine that tree is the dangerous one yet. Take your time. You didn't get here in a day and you're not going to figure this out in a day but you can and will figure it out.

Peg

men7al
07-02-2009, 01:33 PM
You can IM if you feel like slipping and cheating anymore.We can win this war and everyone slips just don't fall and give up.

I hope you are doing this for health reasons and not to be skinny sick.

I'm taking zantrex 3 and is really addicting and I don't care..since,I just want to lose the weight to have a new baby lol..ironic but true..so true.

I'monline now..if you want to talk or stalk each other bout slipping.

I'm real laid back and not a pain in the a$$ I have a weakiness for nachos anything saltine strange but,no sweet tooth and I heard chips are bad too lol

I take 2 zantrex pills and I feel so happy whoa..is better than my meds for real.

I have lost in the past with trimspa and it was like total of 15 lbs but they stopped making it..wtf..I want them so bad..anyone know where I can get something similar to it?

Oh..I suggest you start reading something even tabloids anything so you won't eat..I'm reading a book called seeds of yesterday from andrews.I think reading has paid off since,I have kept off some lbs.

post pictures of how you can look if your thinner I do that..and it sure keeps me wanting to OD on anythingJK..

peace-

I hope you don't slip and fall..I WILL try to catch ya..

for some odd reason..I have slipped just not fallen dead lol

rockinrobin
07-02-2009, 04:09 PM
I'm in the cold turkey category - especially in the very beginning. In my book - DEFINITE NO'S are a DEFINITE MUST. It takes away that decision making process - should I? Shouldn't I? It was wonderful to not have to give "those foods" a second thought. They were no longer an option for me. That was it. I told myself time and time again, something very similar to what Glory said "I just don't do that anymore, I don't eat like that". "I just don't do that anymore. I don't eat like that" And then eventually - I didn't and didn't need to say it. It became automatic.

I also think it's important to set yourself up for success. I told my family I needed their help. And that meant no junk in the house and no going to restaurants that didn't have EXCELLENT choices. I was on a mission. I had a job to accomplish and I took it VERY seriously. VERY. And I wasn't taking ANY chances by letting myself get a taste of "those foods". Just like an alcoholic can't have a sip of vodka. Nope. Not worth the risk.

As far as the portion control - calorie counting was my answer. IT forced me to set my limits since I didn't have a turn off valve. And planning - very essential. Plan out your foods in advance - and no veering. It's also essential to ADD in great, healthy, DELICIOUS lower calorie foods. You may no longer choose to eat certain foods - but you get to explore and experiment with new and healthier and more tasty fare.

Get back to that plan ASAP. But please be open to changing it and tweaking it as need be. Losing weight and a lot of it is doable and without a doubt, any one and every one CAN do it. You included. I look forward to hearing of your success! :)

Onederchic
07-02-2009, 05:54 PM
It happens to (almost) everyone from time to time. Just keep your head up, remember your goals and always believe in yourself *hugs*

JulieJ08
07-07-2009, 01:03 AM
Tara,
A couple of other thoughts:

1. You might want to consider the words you use to describe this.
...
"Need another strategy for next time"

Nice, that's a great phrase to use instead of "I cheated" or "I failed" or whatever. I really like that.

kaplods
07-07-2009, 01:23 AM
Whether you consider yourself a food (or a type of food) addict, or not and whether you approach the problem through cold-turkey "perfection" or gradual modification - I'm not sure the method matters as much as the messages we tell ourselves when we don't live up to our expectations for ourselves.

When I worked with alcohol and drug addicts, it was surprising (at first) to see that the people with the most remorse, guilt and self-recriminations, didn't have the most success. A little guilt seems to be a good thing, but if you don't move past it quickly, it can become a trap instead of a motivator.

Also, the number and/or frequency of relapses didn't always correlate with ultimate success. Like food "addictions" the ability to get back on the wagon sometimes was a lot more valuable than the number of clean days in a row a person could manage. If an alcoholic "slips" about once a month, and gets right back on track after one drink - it's still a "slip," but their life functioning may be much higher than the person who only slips once a year, but goes on a massive bender when they do. Some may never slip, some may struggle with slips all of their lives. Trying to label one person more successful than another may be pointless.

The issue I think is how you treat yourself, and how you respond to mistakes. Are you able to get back on the horse that threw you?

If beating on yourself is useful, and you're satisfied with doing so - ok. It's not how I want to live my life, but if it works for you, then so be it.

However, if imperfection triggers feelings that erode your confidence in your ability to succeed, you've got to rethink the process. For practicality sake, if guilt isn't assisting you in positive change, you've got to find something that does. For me, that is recognizing that the process of change is difficult, and that I don't have to think I'm stupid, lazy, or crazy in order to pick myself up, dust myself off, and get back on the road.