Weight Loss Support - No Support At Home

View Full Version : No Support At Home

07-01-2009, 11:03 AM
I find that my husband might be what has been keeping me from retaining my healthy eatting habits.

Last night I reheated turkey spagetti that I had made the night before. He couldn't tell the first time he ate it that it wasn't beef. He did comment that it looke unappealling but tasted ok.

Last night he throws this huge fit about he doesn't want to eat it cuz it's turkey. So I told him to eat something else. (There were tons of leftovers in the fridge.) He get's mad cuz I won't prepare it for him. I said that I had already made dinner and that if he didn't like it he could fix something himself.

Now he's all pissy with me and I'm in a terrible mood, and it's his birthday today. I did however manage to keep myself from stopping for a huge mocha latte this morning. Enjoyed a Naked Juice Smoothie, cereal and one slice of 12grain toast. But thats besides the point.

The point is, it is soooo difficult to try to please his palet (meat and potatoes) and still eat healthy. He constainly makes comments on any new recipes that might be alittle diffrent from the tradtional fare that I have made in the past. Heaven forbid that I try couscous or any other side dish that isn't potatoes or rice. Any whole wheat pasta is out of the questions. And 2 veggies at dinner and no potatoes, what in the world is a matter with me???

I have even gone so far as to try WW recipes and stick with the portion size for myself. They do offer some very tradional hearty recipes that I was sneaking past him. But he would go back for 2nd and 3rds. And this prompted me to consume more. I know, I know, I'm in control of me, but it doesn't help when he doesn't think that what he does affects me.

He tells me if you want to lose weight than lose it. Easier said than done. And he knows that cuz he weighs 50 lbs more than he should. But he says that hes happy with himself and see no need for change.

I guess sometimes I just want to pull my hair out and scream. But I'm not sure that anyone would even notice. :(

07-01-2009, 11:15 AM
Wow that is very childish! I would just make my own meals (enough for 2 people still) and he can make his own meat and potatoes! There's no reason why the two of you HAVE to eat the same thing, just sitting down together for dinner is what matters.
He might be more willing to try your food if it means he doesn't have to cook lol. I'm sure he will come around to some of the healthier fare if you keep it up, and I'm sure what you're making is delicious!

07-01-2009, 11:24 AM
WOW, im not sure what to say...my hubby sometimes has a issue with eating healthy, but he eats eat, and if hes still hungry he makes himself od sandwich after wards. however he does love his chip and dip, and will eat it right next to me and it drives me crazy.

its hard when your spouse isnt supportive. I have found that im able to make alot of traditional meals, more healthier, and not telling them, makes it easier..


Lori Bell
07-01-2009, 11:25 AM
Your husband is not making you fat or keeping you fat. (He may "want" you fat though).

I have found it MUCH easier to make a meal the way my family likes it and modify my servings, instead of forcing my way ON them and listen to them b*tch about it. I am the only one who is concerned with weight and they are not. It's just so much easier to not fight it. I make things much healthier now, and they don't notice the subtle differences, (like olive oil instead of loads of butter and lean meat instead of fattier cuts etc.) I also have plenty of fruits and veggies at their reach. You can only do so much.

I have a friend that can only be on a "diet" if she puts her entire family on one. I think she feels guilty if she is getting healthy while her family wallows in fat....Well, it never lasts more than a week and they are ALL off their "diets". I really think people learn the best from example. I know my family is much more aware at what they eat. They still don't always make the healthiest choices, but at least they understand the concept.

07-01-2009, 11:38 AM
I'm with Lori Bell, and it's like you described my husband to an extent. He's also a meat and potatoes guy, but will do the whole wheat pastas. He hated rice for a while, but we actually had rice instead of fried potatoes with something I made recently, and he loved it. He's all into rice now, and even REQUESTED chicken and rice for supper tonight. He still eats too much of it, but at least it's not all deep fried and fat-filled.

But like I started out...Lori Bell is right. There are things my husband just won't give up, like fried pork chops (the only way he eats them) and the occasional homemade chicken fried steak or other fried side dish or entree. When those things come up, I'll bake myself a portion of it, or find some way to make it healthier for me.

He doesn't realize this...but it's been a week since he ate any part of a potato. Shhhhh....don't tell!

All I can say is just keep it up. Maybe throw in a couple of things new a week...slowly lessen the old stuff. He'll either come around or eat a snack after dinner. It's a compromise...

07-01-2009, 11:48 AM
It sounds like he is selfish and not very supportive of you. I've been there before in a past relationship.First I think you really need to look at your relationship. maybe some counciling(but if he's anything like my ex won't go for it even for the sake of our children) or some kind of talking to eachother about why things have to get to that point. talk at a time when things are calm or if he won't change little things for you maybe look in to divorce. I learned at a very young age that if there isen't a 50/50 relationship there is nothing. It was always him and never me and things got really bad. so please becareful.Second maybe put everything into your weight lose and prove to him you can do this even if he's a jerk(i know easier said than done but when you reach your goal you will feel so good and I bet he will be jealous watch and see).But please keep safe and don't let him control you.You will not have a good life,you will not like yourself,you will probably eat and eat from depression and things could get physical like mine did 7yrs. into the relationship(but he was always mentally abusive).Good luck and hang in there!!!!;)

07-01-2009, 12:00 PM
I think that the whole family "diet" is out of the question. I understand that it works from some people, but I would never really want to do that.

I guess that I'm just trying to instill better eatting habits. We had a house full of little girls who I know watch my every move and I just want them to have to best chance at a healthy body image and eatting habits. Lord knows I didn't get them and I'm trying to rectify that now.

I feel that if they see my husband eatting whatever and being overweight and see me eatting healthy and being slim and fit, that it will really confuse them.

I'm just going to stick to my guns and try to make more healthy fare and try to slow work in health stuff.

I've already cut out chips and sugary snacks with no complaints. Switch to fruit, granola and yogert. We do have chips for cookouts but never just laying around.

I do have a pack of Oreos in the house. I'm not sure I should, I have a hard time controlling how many I eat and I dumped out the last of my Pepsi yesterday.

I guess this is just going to be a little more difficult than I thought.

I'm going to do it though, I can't bear to see my girls go thru the same crap I went thru growing up.

07-01-2009, 12:20 PM
I revised, revamped and overhauled all the food in my household. I am the chief cook and bottle washer.

The best gift you can give your family is one of good health and nutrition, something I didn't do for many, many years. The family eats what I eat. There are exceptions though. I will make some additional "other" foods for them once in a while. I'll make potatoes, since they can eat a normal sized portion, but I can't. So, I DO make it for them - every now and then. Sometimes I'll make pasta for them, but I'll stick to spaghetti squash.

They love what I'm cooking now. It's much more interesting and tasty and varied then the standard rice and fried chicken I was making before. They love the roasted veggies, wonderful rich soups, interesting salads, chilis, and all sorts of health-ified chicken dishes that I make now. They really don't miss much from our "old" life. I've taken away lots, but added in much, much more.

As far as support, I gotta tell you, my family was pretty darn good. But even with all their "support", I have found this weight loss/maintenance thing to be the most solo act in the world. It's all been up to me. I'm the one doing the planning, shopping, preparing, cooking, packing of foods and what have you. I'm the one who makes the "right" choices day in and day out - all day long. Day after day, week after week, month after month. I'm the one resisting temptation. I'm the one getting my butt in gear and exercising on a regular basis. It's all me. me. and me.

It's hard, but not THAT hard. You get used to it and it just becomes "what you do" and "who you are". Eventually, you won't give it a second thought. Find the joy in it, find yummy foods to eat in replace of those other ones, start reaping the rewards and the word "hard" will be low down on the totem pole as a word to describe this healthy lifestyle. :)

07-01-2009, 12:34 PM
You can't really control what your husband will or won't eat, but (depending on their ages) you can control what your girls eat. I think you're doing the right thing -- putting out the healthy foods for them to grow up thinking are normal, that the unhealthy foods are treats. I don't think they will be confused by their father eating crap and being fat vs. you eating healthy and being health conscious. In fact, doesn't it drive home the lesson?

I find that what I do is make extra food with dinner. I'll make whatever the meat is, rice, a large salad, and a steamed vegetable. That way I can take a small portion of meat, no rice, a huge salad, a huge side of veggies. And everyone can customize it to their liking.

Good luck; it sounds like a challenge. I'm lucky - my DH will eat what ever I make. The boys, though, aren't too keen on tofu stir fry (for example) yet -- they are 8 and 10 -- so I do still cook somewhat to accommodate their tastes, too.

Shannon in ATL
07-01-2009, 12:38 PM
Some people are resistant to change, afraid of what it entails. DH could be afraid of what will happen if you lose weight - might worry about you not finding him attractive anymore. He could be intimidated by eating foods outside of his comfort zone. He could just not understand how important this is to you and how worried you are about your kids. Have a talk with him about it, outside of the traditional mealtime. It will be hard to not make it into a fight if you present him with some new meal item and then challenge him on it. Ask him in advance about some recipes and see if there are some foods he likes more than others, or specifically dislikes. Find ways to make favorite dishes more healthy, like Robin said. DH & I still eat tacos, hamburger helper, spaghetti, enchiladas, chili, a lot of traditionally bad for you foods, but we make them in a way that they are better for us and fit within my calorie budget.

And, it might have been a challenge for him to have turkey spaghetti one night and then reheated turkey spaghetti the very next night. I try to space out any leftovers so they aren't back to back, or send leftovers for lunch. DH may have felt that not only are you changing his meals to things he doesn't like, now you are making him eat the same diet food two nights in a row instead of fixing something new? Just a thought.

Robin is right, it is hard to make a big change like this, but it is completely doable, it just takes some time. Good luck. :)

07-01-2009, 12:57 PM
It's hard to change habits overnight. Specially when someone is RAISED on steak and potatoes and doesn't want to lose weight :(

When I started to lose weight my husband was like you do your own thing I do mine. And his "solution" was to order food out and that really bothered me not to mention it cost a lot!

So then I asked him to help me lose weight by at least trying some of the things I ate. He agreed to at least try and I told him I would never intentionally give him something I was sure he hated. His few things he won't eat are mushrooms and beets. Which I don't care for those either so we are all good!

What I started doing was cooking things he'd eat but healthier. So instead of mashed potatoes I'd cut up a few potatoes with the peel and then cut up zucchini, onion, carrot and bake it till soft. I'd also make rice and chicken to go with it. He got his potato fix and I got my veggies.

The other day I made grilled pork chops with grilled zucchini and corn and rice. My husband ate the corn and zucchini and I ate the rice and zucchini. It works out fine for us.

Now my husband is more willing to try things which helps out- before he'd NEVER eat zucchini and literally it was like asking a child "just try 2 bites, if you don't like it you don't have to eat anymore." AND lo and behold he REALLY LIKES IT! He went back for seconds and thirds- sometimes I have to make like 3 large zucchini's for TWO of us cuz he'll eat so much of it. Which definitely makes me VERY happy :D

It's definitely going to be hard- but my advice would be to do small changes- switch from butter to olive oil, and so on. If he says it tastes funny say "it tastes fine to me." It usually takes the palette some time to acquire the new tastes- but I'm sure with time he'll come around, and I bet when he sees he's losing some weight he'll be more eager to eat healthier :D

07-01-2009, 01:03 PM
To add since you posted- why not tell him "hey I want us to eat healthy for our children- so they don't grow up overweight or have body issues or eating issues, please help me do this for our children..."

He might agree even more so then :)

Also there are some great multigrain pasta's made by activelifestyle and they are VERY good- can't even tell the difference!

07-01-2009, 01:54 PM
When I started to lose weight my husband was like you do your own thing I do mine. And his "solution" was to order food out and that really bothered me not to mention it cost a lot!

I thought only my hubby solved the dinner problem that way!!

My DH has a long list of foods he doesn't like. And he expects me to cook to his liking, never mind that there are other people in this house. He doen't like any beans or lentils, which really rules out a lot of dinenrs! He also doesn't like several veggies, and since I used to be a vegetarian and even vegan at one point, I love veggies!! But we are limited to broccili, carrots and asparagus. The list of what he doesn't like is a mile long.

If I don't make something he likes he throws a fit like 2 years old. Saying I "never" take into consideration what he likes when I cook. I wish I was kidding. Then he says he has to order out. I tell him to cook something on his own or make a sandwich, but he won't. The worst thing is hubby isn't working, I am. So he doesn't care if he spends $ because its me right now working. UGH! (He's a full time student. Its not like he's doing nothing)

Hubby is nearly 100lbs over weight and has a very serious food addiction. Messing with his food by not having a good dinner when he comes home means a tantrum. (He like mac n cheese, pizza, pasta, and anything thats loaded with fat, cheese and carbs)

For a while I was going out with girlfriends at night, and one evening before going out he came to me upset. I thought he was going to say he felt sad that I got to go out with friends so often, while he had been stuck in with school work. He said it make him sad that I get to go out and eat "yummy food" and he doesn't. He was serious. I assured him we are all watching out weight and none of us is eating anything that good. :(

07-01-2009, 03:05 PM
Good grief this thread makes me happy I am single! Hard to believe these guys are adults, they should be happy you are making them dinner at all! But that said i think you are taking the right approach, these girls have lots of great suggestions-portion control, introducing things slowly etc. Maybe just sit him down and have a talk about how you need his support and you would really appreciate it if he tried some new things with you? Or you guys could work together to come up with some menus that would suit you both?

07-01-2009, 05:42 PM
wow Glamour girl! I am sorry to hear that! I would really have a talk with your hubby and tell him that it's unfair for him to expect YOU to limit your food so much just to make him happy. I suggest you tell him to cook dinner from now on for BOTH of you :D

Then complain about everything he makes lol. ;)

07-01-2009, 06:34 PM
I've been married for 27 years (June 26 was my anniversary) and my DH and I don't eat alike. When I met him, I was a vegetarian. Over the years, I cooked to his liking (he's a meat and potatoes guy too), but now that I am overweight (and so is he), he does not have a problem with my eating healthier foods, because honestly, he likes the look of me thinner! He's never complained about my weight, but he does compliment me like crazy when I'm thinner. So now, if I cook something that he doesn't like, he just makes a sandwich or grills a hamburger or orders pizza. In fact, he's gotten into the habit of saying, "Am I on my own tonight," meaning do I need to make my own dinner. And if I say yes, he has no problem with it. But you know, he has quickly adapted to whole grain wheat spaghetti, tuna steaks, more green veggie sides, salads, etc., lol!

07-01-2009, 07:00 PM
. But you know, he has quickly adapted to whole grain wheat spaghetti, tuna steaks, more green veggie sides, salads, etc., lol!

Who wouldn't adapt to that? You can feed me any time. It sounds super. :T

07-01-2009, 07:13 PM
It sounds like he is selfish and not very supportive of you.....talk at a time when things are calm or if he won't change little things for you maybe look in to divorce.

WOW!! That is some of the most absurd and ridiculous advice I've ever heard. I'm sorry that you were in a dangerous marriage but we're talking about a man wanting to eat steak here...not a man beating the crap of out his wife. None of us makes the perfect spouse.

I'm going to agree with Lori Bell. Husbands can be difficult to deal with but they are not the reason we don't lose weight. I don't lose because I don't want to do what is necessary. It's not my husbands job, it's MINE. I try to cook things that I believe are healthy but I also cook for my husband. I don't try to make him eat things he doesn't like. I wouldn't like being treated that way and I don't treat him that way either. It can take time...as do many things in marriage. If you work on it slowly he'll come around and see that he DOES like new things that he didn't think he would, such as whole wheat pasta. Just give him room to learn and grow.

07-01-2009, 07:30 PM
Who wouldn't adapt to that? You can feed me any time. It sounds super. :T

I agree, lol! But my guy still prefers his white grains, red meat, and starchy veggies! He's at least trying some of my healthy foods now though!

Phantom Goddess
07-01-2009, 08:13 PM
Hopefully you can put your foot down and find a happy medium. He needs to realize that being healthier is much better than what is happening now.

07-01-2009, 08:33 PM
Sounds like he wants to eat what he wants to eat. And you NEED to eat healthier. And you are doing the cooking.
There are a few ways to tackle this:
You can make him big batches of food, and he can reheat as required (i.e. stews, etc.) and you make your own food.
You can cook more WW recipes that you both eat in order to cut your work down, but stick to the one serving. (the problem with you eating 2 servings is really your issue, not a result of HIM...)
You can cook your own food, and he can cook for himself...

Other than that, he's going to do what he likes. You can have him try foods, but you can't change what he's going to do. The key is to find a solution that works for YOU...



ps. There may be more to this than the food -- the food may be a symptom of something else: is he insecure if you lose weight? is he not supportive of a separate identity for you? Just asking...

07-02-2009, 10:37 AM
Lots of good advice, thank you.

DH and I have been married for 4 years, together for 6, friends for 22. We have seen eachother at our highest and lowest points. In every other aspect of our lives he is super supportive. I could not ask for a better husband. It's just this one little slice of our life that he has a problem with.

The doctor told him last year he needed to lose weight (he topped out at 286). Dr. said work on it and come back in a few months. DH solution was to switch to lite beer. Cute, but it didn't work. He gainned 5 pounds and the dr. was not amused. So he took on the diet industry and try slim shots, slim fast, and tons of diet snacky crap. Of course none of this worked. (Side note, he's a truck driver and not big on exercise, phyical activites yes, working out no).

Dr. then puts him on an appetite supressant. This works pretty well, he lost 22 pounds in 3 months and people could tell that he was starting to lose the weight. So he got us memberships to Anytime fitness. I was preggo at the time but still went doing cardio and light weights. He went 3 times and gave the membership to his ex-wife(by the way I'm fine with that, me and her are friends now). Now he doesn't even take the meds.

Personally, I think that his issues stem from his parents. His mom has been in the nursing home since she was 58 and his dad suffered a stroke in his early 60s.

I think that he will come around. It's just soooo frusterating. I understand that I'm in control of me and his taking seconds and thirds should not affect what I'm putting in my mouth. Monkey see, monkey do. I'm working on that. I've got some will power issues to say the least.

I'm working on being a stronger woman. That with the weight loss should make me a very attractive woman.

Thanks everyone,

07-02-2009, 10:50 AM
Shouka... I was wondering...could your DH's behavior be because of the doctor and his birthday..meaning age? Maybe he is going through something and feeling things and just is overreacting when it comes down to the meals. Maybe he is fearful of change?

I think personally that there is usually something there, other than the "issue" that is the real cause. Like the core of it...maybe it would be a nice thing to talk about it with him. I don't think he is meaning to be selfish and non-supportive.

I have a boyfriend who is very picky about food. I remember the first meal I cooked for him he said and I quote "this isn't like what my Mom makes." So I said "Then don't eat it." Well he ate it and loved it, but I'll never forget those words. And his Mother cannot cook...woosh! lol