100 lb. Club - Is it still success??




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Trazey34
06-30-2009, 06:30 PM
I had an odd conversation with a friend today. She and I started losing weight at the same time, and i'm down about 85 lbs., and she's up about 15 lbs. We started at basically the same, but I'm about 1 inch taller.

She asked me "what do you think made you successful" and I said "Knowing what I can't have (ie. even low cal ice cream bars in the house is a no no, an ice cream OUT once in a blue moon is ok, but if they're in the house, I'd eat 'em) and no snacking after dinner.

And she said the strangest thing.... "well, if you can't handle food in the house, or snacking after dinner, i guess you've never addressed all your problems so it's not a real victory is it??? it's just staving off the inevitable."

Part of me says WTF?? I think KNOWING what you can and can't handle is worth it's weight in gold, but now I'm thinking is she kind of RIGHT??? I mean, is it a failure that I can't snack at night, or is it common sense if that's what works for me? Do always-skinny people do that? do they KNOW what they can't eat and stay away from it?? SHould we all be working towards incorporating everything back into our lives?? I'm not mad at her, you'd have to know her LOL not a lot of people can handle her, but now i'm curious if she's kinda right...


thistoo
06-30-2009, 06:36 PM
Didn't Robin just say in a post earlier that she can't keep Skinny Cow in the house any more than you or I can? I don't know anyone would would call her a failure around here.

Of course we shouldn't incorporate everything back into our lives! Maybe you'll get to a point where you can have ice cream in your freezer until it gets frostbite, but what's the point? Going out for the good stuff once in awhile seems like a smarter plan to me anyway.

Your friend is just jealous that you've succeeded where she hasn't. I feel for her, but don't let her derail your thinking. You're more than halfway to goal, and I'd say that's pretty successful!

JulieJ08
06-30-2009, 06:39 PM
Uh, does that make abstinence not a real victory? I mean, "well, if you can't drink a little alcohol when you want it and then stop, i guess you've never addressed all your problems so it's not a real victory is it???"

Now, should you work toward incorporating some of those things back into your life? Well, sure, if you want to and you think it's safe. Otherwise, well, it's just not smart :), "failure" or not.


skinnyinsideout
06-30-2009, 06:40 PM
Two words - sour grapes! Talk about jealous - that friend doesn't sound very happy for you! I think it's a success and a major victory to not only realize what you can and can't handle, but then to stay within your limits! Just because you know you can't handle having diet ice cream in the house, doesn't mean you have the strength to keep it out. I know I can't have baked goods in my house - but sometimes I buy them anyways and eat them and then suffer from major regret. NOT buying them is a success :)! Tell your friend that when she's perfect she can offer her opinion on whether you're successful or not - until then - shhhhhh!

stargzr
06-30-2009, 06:41 PM
I have to say yes and no.
Yes she's right because if you can't even be around something, then that doesn't show self control.
BUT
On the same token, she is VERY wrong. When a person first starts to lose weight and eat healthier, it's common sense to keep any foods you know will cause you to eat and eat out of the house and away from yourself. Once you've gotten used to eating healthily and have the ability to choose fruit instead of an ice cream bar (for instance), then you can slowly reintroduce the bad foods back in... Or maybe you'll never be able to reintroduce them back in. It's completely individual and all of us are different. Besides, once you've lost the weight and are at the maintaining level, you will be able to make choices with food based on how hungry you are and not mainly about what "sounds good" at the time.

So, don't worry, your loss is definitely deserved! You've found a food you can't be around and eliminated it. Good for you! It takes a lot to get rid of it in the first place!!! Congrats on your weight loss! It is absolutely amazing and definitely motivates me to keep going!

HeidiNicole
06-30-2009, 06:42 PM
Of course it's still success. You have addressed it by not having it in the house/eating after dinner. Is an alcoholic a failure because they choose not to keep alcohol in the house? No, they are just choosing not to tempt themselves any more than absolutely necessary. Seems smart to me :shrug:

kaplods
06-30-2009, 06:47 PM
Of course it's success - isn't success defined by the results, not the method.

It's a bit like saying a recovering alcoholic isn't successful in their recovery unless they have a fully stocked bar in the house, or perhaps even unless they can learn to "drink socially."

Actually, it's more like saying that a book author isn't successful (they haven't "really" written a book, unless the book was completed using a specific tool (whether that be a computer or a pencil). What on earth does the method have to do with the success of the results?

Success is how YOU define it, and sometimes I think it's the definition that gets some of us into trouble in the first place. One of my stumbling points, is repeatedly trying (and failing) to "prove to myself" that I can eat some foods as long as I count and control the calories.

Wouldn't it be a lot more practical for me to just admit that some foods just aren't worth the risk?

If your expectation is to return to pre-diet habits, I think only then could you be "staving off the inevitable." If you do what you always do, you get what you always get.

RMatS
06-30-2009, 06:55 PM
She's totally rationalizing her non-success by trying to find fault with your success! And you asked how always skinny people behave -- how would I know? :D But, they're all different, too. Some of them pig out and have really high metabolisms through exercise or nature, and some of them have to work for it.

The alcoholism reference is perfect -- recognizing your problem and doing something to fix it is definately success!

cfmama
06-30-2009, 06:58 PM
Of course it's still a success. Success IS KNOWING what you can and cannot handle. Does a meth addict consider it a success if he can avoid the meth sitting on the counter? Why would one even think of torturing oneself that way? I CANNOT HANDLE chips in my house. I'm no more of a success if I can buy them and not eat them then if I don't buy them in the first place. I don't think you would call me a failure... and I certainly wouldn't call you one!

You are a success. You are successful in losing weight. She's... jealous ;)

Shelley
06-30-2009, 07:01 PM
Heres what I think. I need to completely retrain myself. I am not going to put myself in danger of a food relapse by having food around that I can't eat right now. You have been successful and your friend is still struggeling. Who's program is working? I was told by someone this is not forever, and at some point we will be able to have some of the foods we are forbidden now. Part of the success of this program is behavior modification, and that takes time. Hang in there, try not to second guess yourself and God Bless!:hug:

kaplods
06-30-2009, 07:01 PM
I have to say yes and no.
Yes she's right because if you can't even be around something, then that doesn't show self control.


I disagree - I strongly believe, that the better part of self-control is very often, not allowing yourself to get into situations in which temptation is present in the first place.

"If you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas," and the more you seek out temptation, just to prove you can resist it, the more likely you are to find yourself yielding to temptation. The smart (self-controlled) person exhibits the self-control BEFORE they're in a situation to resist it. They don't put themselves into situations in which the inwanted behavior could even be a temptation.

It would be a bit like encouraging your husband to spend time with and sleep (just sleep) with naked women to prove he has the self-control not to have sex with them.

Or telling your kids to seek out alcohol and drug-using friends, and to go to parties where drugs and alcohol are present in order to "practice" self-control.

CLCSC145
06-30-2009, 07:14 PM
Think of it this way: There are two people on a busy road, one safely on the sidewalk and the other walking down the middle of the road managing to dodge cars by jumping out of the way at the last minute. Both are currently alive, but who is the smarter person? The one who knows how to ensure safety by staying on the sidewalk? Or the one who is exhibiting risky behavior by playing in traffic? Who will be more successful (i.e. alive) for the long term? Why risk playing in traffic if you know how to keep yourself safe on the sidewalk?

I think there will always be something different in the brain of a person who was once fat and now is not and the brain of a person who was always thin and doesn't have food demons. A person's self is composed of their experiences and being fat and eating like a fat person changes how you see food. You can change your behavior, but your thoughts and feelings you once had about certain foods cannot be erased. Hopefully the thoughts and associations that led to the weight gain will fade over time, but if not, it's your responsibility to control yourself. I can't imagine that there will be a time in my future when I won't remember how sinfully decadent it felt to consume mass quantities of food like ice cream. Knowing that, why torture myself by keeping it in the house?! I have an unhealthy relationship with it and would be drawn to it like a moth to the flame.

So I consider it a success every time I walk past the ice cream aisle at the store and don't buy any. You are successfully controlling your behavior by controlling your environment.

mandalinn82
06-30-2009, 07:20 PM
Another vote for "She's jealous".

Weight loss is really about behavior modification - modifying your behavior to support healthy habits. Behavior encompasses a lot - what you buy at the store, what you surround yourself with, your behavior at parties/events/etc. All of that is a modification of your BEHAVIOR. Sure, it may eventually cause that change to become a habit, to occur automatically, but first you change the behavior, then let the brain follow as it may.

Look at Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for something like OCD or severe phobias. You start with learning behaviors that help you avoid or manage the panic or obsessive thoughts. Eventually, using those learned tools and behaviors, your thoughts and habits MAY start to shift, and the phobias or obsessive behaviors may occur less frequently or be less severe, but you ALWAYS start with learning coping mechanisms and behaviors, then use those techniques when in the situations that distress you.

MapleLeaf
06-30-2009, 07:29 PM
I agree that figuring out your limits and respecting them is definitely a HUGE success. Expecting perfection (especially right away) is never helpful. And lots of healthy people have the same limitations, often they are just more aware.

For example, I have a very healthy friend who has always been a normal weight. She cannot keep macaroni and cheese in the house or she will eat the entire thing. But she has known this about herself since we were 14 years old and only eats it when out at restaurants. And that is why she has never gained weight-- she accepts her limitations. I think that is something beneficial to everyone, not just people with "food issues."

Ultimately, it is always more of a success to do what WORKS. And this is obviously working for you! :D If you get to the point where you can have ice cream in the house and not eat it all, that's great! If not, that's fine too! What's important is that you're respecting your body and your health by recognizing that for right now, it's better to keep it away.

CountingDown
06-30-2009, 08:09 PM
She is definitely jealous.

Her argument doesn't hold up. Life is always about choices. Those that make wise choices are usually referred to as successful. Colleen is right, Success is defined by results.

As others have stated above, we make choices EVERY day - in a thousand different places and ways. By her definition I am not successful in many areas of my life:

1. Putting money in my savings account so I won't spend it
2. I put exercise equipment front and center in my living room so that I will use it
3. I avoid buying trigger foods
4. I avoid certain stores when sales are going on so that my closet doesn't become overcrowded
5. I don't keep my favorite wine on the counter. I put it in a place where I have to make a conscious decision about whether I want some
6. I wear my skinny jeans when I go out to eat to help remind me about portion control
7. I set a timer when I surf the Internet or call my friends to help me manage my time better
8. I keep my Bible near the coffee pot so that I remember to start my day with scripture.

I could go on. Ironically, each of the above actions help me be successful in an area of my life. The strategies that we use to achieve the desired results are the roadmap on our journey. It is the fact that we reach the destination that counts, not whether or not we used a map to get there.

Tracy
06-30-2009, 08:24 PM
I also can't have certain foods in the house.Most people trying to lose weight are the same way.Maybe it will be different at another time . But ,now defiently NOT!Of course it's success. Don't feel too bad,at what she said,I agree it was the GREEN EYED MONSTER!

time2lose
06-30-2009, 08:29 PM
It would be a bit like encouraging your husband to spend time with and sleep (just sleep) with naked women to prove he has the self-control not to have sex with them.
:rofl: We could just ask the governor of my state, South Carolina!

I don't have much to add because it has all been said. She is jealous. You are successful. Don't let her take your accomplishment away!

WildThings
06-30-2009, 08:30 PM
I have a sister who is skinny, has been skinny her entire life. At 5'2", I am pretty sure her highest weight ever was 120lbs, she is generally between 110-115lbs and wears a size 2. She cannot keep ice cream in the house-period. I don't know how she does it, but I have seen her clean a half gallon of ice cream in one sitting. Her and her boyfriend would both buy a kind they want, within two days, both would be gone, her boyfriend would be wondering where his ice cream went because he had never opened it. I wouldn't think she was destine to be overweight later in life, she just knows that to maintain her weight, ice cream cannot be in the house. She has successfully maintained a steady, healthy weight her entire life...I consider that successful weight management.

Tai
06-30-2009, 08:44 PM
Don't doubt your success for a minute. Definitely some sour grapes on her part!

There is nothing wrong with knowing what works for you and following it all the way to your goal.

bargoo
06-30-2009, 08:49 PM
She is not right. I can have a piece of pie at a restaurant but I can't have a whole pie in the house, same with ice cream, it's just common sense for me, I know what made me overweight in the first place. Your friend is jealous.

Tracy
06-30-2009, 08:49 PM
Time2Lose,
Very good comparison!:lol3:

rockinrobin
06-30-2009, 09:01 PM
She's an idiot. How dare she say something like that to you. She's an idiot.

I am the first to admit I still have food "issues". And I always will. I've no doubt. I am a compulsive over eater. It is my condition. One that can't necessarily be cured, but it can be treated, managed and kept firmly in check with careful planning, monitoring, strategies and coping mechanisms. With these tools I can go on to lead a perfectly normal and long life.

If I waited around to solve my "issues", I'd be like your "friend" - 15 lbs heavier then where I was when I started on this journey. Or worse.

And by the way, I DO eat ice cream and other indulgences from time to time - but outside of my home, in a controlled setting. Because I have issues. So be it.

I'm not sure why people think nothing of closely monitoring and setting guide lines and restrictions for other aspects of their lives that matter and are important (their money, their jobs, their children ), but don't think it's necessary to do so with their food intake which directly relates to their health - probably thee most important thing of all.

Windchime
06-30-2009, 09:01 PM
You are down 85 pounds and she is up 15. It's pretty plain to me who has the more successful strategy! Maybe she is having trouble losing because of all the sour grapes in her diet?

H8cake
06-30-2009, 09:03 PM
Why in the world would you torture yourself by keeping something in the house that you have a problem with. I own a bakery and sweets are my weakness. It feels like pure torture sometimes, to not dive in to the frosting bucket and eat myself into oblivion! I have considered finding a different line of work, but I've worked hard to build my business and it is successful. I've managed to lose the weight anyway, but it has been so much harder with the constant temptation. You have worked hard to lose the weight and don't let anyone down-play that!

GirlyGirlSebas
06-30-2009, 09:21 PM
A wise and victorious person will evaluate her circumstance, formulate a plan of attack and follow through with it. You are wise and victorious as evidenced by the fact that you've lost 82 pounds so far. You are also wise enough to figure out how to keep the weight off forever. Re-gaining the weight is not inevitable. Hopefully, your friend will figure this out for herself, too.

Momto2Ms
06-30-2009, 09:48 PM
Sounds like she wanted to sabotage you, but you seem to know full well what works for you.

I am sorry she made you doubt yourself.

Alana in Canada
06-30-2009, 10:41 PM
Poor girl. I don't know if it is sour grapes so much as it is this notion that you must have utmost "self-control" and must always do things by sheer will power--from this perspective manipulating your environment can look like "cheating."

It's a mistaken and self defeating way to think, of course. But it is a point of view. I think it's also a result of being in denial about the fact that you have limitations. Perhaps she thinks it's unacceptable somehow to admit that there's something she can't handle. I don't know--just guessing here.

In the end, though YOU really are the successful one, and unfortunately, (but inevitably, poor woman) she is not.

thinpossible
06-30-2009, 11:02 PM
Honey, I'll take -85 lbs of failure over +15 lbs of success any day. Yeah, gimme some of that kind of failure, please!

Idealmuse
06-30-2009, 11:14 PM
I agree with everyone else.

PLUS I think you did exercise self control, by making the decision to not bring stuff home. Its not always easy to pass things up you want while food shopping, so by doing so you've just set yourself up for success.

Trazey34
07-01-2009, 12:20 AM
thanks for all the comments - i chatted with my friend Ingrid who's weighed about 100 lbs. since she was 14 lol, and she said she never keeps cereal in the house because she'd eat the whole box - strangely, that made me feel better! Sigh, it won't derail me, that's not my makeup, but it did make me pause and think a bit -- i do think the changes i've made are do-able for life, i don't feel anxious or deprived at all because of it (lol it took me over a year & a half to lose 80 lbs. so i'm not exactly going gung ho). Thanks for all the opinions, cool to see where everyone's at

PS my hubby kind of LOVED the idea of testing him by making him sleep with naked hot chicks ;) hahah j/k grrrrrr

Arctic Mama
07-01-2009, 01:30 AM
You are down 85 pounds and she is up 15. It's pretty plain to me who has the more successful strategy! Maybe she is having trouble losing because of all the sour grapes in her diet?

This, exactly. You should be nothing but proud of your loss and lifestyle change, she's just trying to rationalize her own failings where you have succeeding.

Rosinante
07-01-2009, 02:19 AM
Interesting. I was reflecting only this week that I really do have food issues that are only addressed by not having them around, and I was feeling not guilty but aware that that's not the perfection, the 'normality' I want.

Your friend's response is a plateful of sour grapes, prompted by how grim she must feel about herself and the 100lb gap that's opened up between you. However, the gap is her fault, not yours. Sure, if she'd been sticking to a strategy she wouldn't necessarily have lost the same, wonderful amount as you have, but she can't be sticking to anything at all to have Gained 15 in the same time.

I do feel sorry for her, I remember the number of times I've squandered 'diets' before, but making you feel bad about yourself is a really cheap thing for her to have done.

I'm interested and reassured to read about always-slim people who have trigger foods that they don't keep in; and I agree with what the others have said about true success being developing a longterm strategy; and with the comparison between food-triggers and alcohol (and sex !) triggers.

You are totally a success!

TraceyElaine
07-01-2009, 05:54 AM
Sounds like the green eyed monster to me. Unfortunately we are people who (most of us) have eaten ourselves unhealthy. If we didn't have these rules for ourselves we'd be no better off than before. We also make rules to eat better and exercise and avoid unhealthy temptation if possible. It is these rules that help us get our lives back.

JayEll
07-01-2009, 08:00 AM
The time may come when you can have those danger foods in your house and successfully not care about them and not eat them. But it might not be anytime soon, and it doesn't matter at all. The POINT is to do whatever you need to do to lose your weight and keep it off. If you manage that, you're a success. I'm a pragmatist--not a perfectionist.

Jay

rochemist
07-01-2009, 08:07 AM
This, exactly. You should be nothing but proud of your loss and lifestyle change, she's just trying to rationalize her own failings where you have succeeding.

I think EVERYONE has pretty much said it, but I think I would have said it to your friend, "Jealous much? I am Vice President in charge of me and what goes in my body and my house. So you do you and I do me and you can step off."

Here is the only other thing I would say to you. What she said bothered you and obviously hurt your feelings enough to ask others about it, what can you do to address that kind of negativity? You have been successful doing what you do, there shouldn't be a doubt in your mind. If there is, than maybe you should look at your expectations? Do you expect some day to over come all the little demons you have with food?

chickiegirl
07-01-2009, 08:10 AM
I think it's absolutely ridiculous to say in order to be successful, you have to be around all sorts of foods and resist them. What kind of logic is that?

I'm sure many people must avoid many different things in their lives because they can't or do not want to be around them all the time/any of the time. I think the only reason it's an issue is because she's not losing and trying to find some way of rationalizing her failure compared to your success.

You've made fabulous choices and done wonderfully and you just keep doing what works for you. Doesn't matter if someone else doesn't like it. This is about you and you deserve to be on a plan that works for you and your health.

scarletmeshell
07-01-2009, 08:34 AM
This is unfortunate and I agree with everyone here. Really would you life be better if you could have ice cream in the house? You have done a wonderful job, never forget how fantastic and strong you are!

Madison
07-01-2009, 08:40 AM
You are down 85 pounds and she is up 15. It's pretty plain to me who has the more successful strategy! Maybe she is having trouble losing because of all the sour grapes in her diet?

Amen.

Couch
07-01-2009, 08:57 AM
I think it's pretty mean that she tried to make you feel bad about your success, but after thinking about it for awhile, I feel a bit sorry for her.

She's falling into the same trap that I did of having unrealistic expectations for myself and my eating habits. I may never have a healthy relationship with food, but if I can work out strategies and habits that keep me eating healthy food in sensible amounts, at least I can be a thinner person with an unhealthy relationship with food. By demanding "normality" she isn't allowing herself that option, and that's a shame.

Lori Bell
07-01-2009, 09:34 AM
You are a success, she had failed, (so far). I guess I don't understand why she thinks you should have junk food in the house. Why spend money on food to "watch it rot" when you can spend that money on SMALLER clothes and girly stuff. She's obviously not the brightest bulb in the box.

Madison
07-01-2009, 09:38 AM
I may never have a healthy relationship with food, but if I can work out strategies and habits that keep me eating healthy food in sensible amounts, at least I can be a thinner person with an unhealthy relationship with food. By demanding "normality" she isn't allowing herself that option, and that's a shame.

Excellent point!

Devsmama
07-01-2009, 10:14 AM
Honey, I'll take -85 lbs of failure over +15 lbs of success any day. Yeah, gimme some of that kind of failure, please!

:rofl:

Glory87
07-01-2009, 10:38 AM
I disagree - I strongly believe, that the better part of self-control is very often, not allowing yourself to get into situations in which temptation is present in the first place.



Kaplods nailed it (as usual).

This month is the 5 year anniversary of the date I changed my life. I lost 70 lbs and have kept it off. I don't bring ice cream, cold cereal, crackers, chips into the house. After all this time, I STILL get out my measuring cup and measure a 1/4 cup of cashews if I want a snack.

I consider myself wildly successful - successful beyond my biggest dreams when I was heavy and wishing, hoping to lose weight.

One of my big eureka moments was realizing I had a problem with sugar/empty white carby foods. Severely limiting these foods was an epiphany, everything I thought I knew about me and food was wrong. I didn't have a problem with food, I had a problem with SOME foods.

Trazey34
07-01-2009, 11:17 AM
Here is the only other thing I would say to you. What she said bothered you and obviously hurt your feelings enough to ask others about it, what can you do to address that kind of negativity? You have been successful doing what you do, there shouldn't be a doubt in your mind. If there is, than maybe you should look at your expectations? Do you expect some day to over come all the little demons you have with food?

no no, she didn't hurt my feelings at all (to know her is to love her, she's a crazy person lol) but she DID make me go hmmmmmm?????

I've done a random survey of my circle of friends, all lifelong thinnies, and here's what I got:

Ingrid - no cereal in the house (explains why she ORDERS cereal when we go out duh lol)

Paul - doesn't buy chips or cookies because a bag is a serving. He's rail thin! He says if it's THERE he'll EAT IT, no questions asked and he's trying not to eat a lot of fats and sugars, because his dad had heart disease. He was kind of a GIRL about the whole thing! fascinating! i never thought boys even noticed what they shoved in their gullets!

Tracey (not me, my friend) has kids and buys every treat type thing imaginable but limits what they have, and doesn't indulge herself. Just doesn't want it.

VERY intriguing! I want to know more about the habits of thinnies! I'm going to track them in their natural habitats lol

p.s. I chatted with my friend again, and I think I got thru to her -- it's not like i dropped 85 lbs by drinking lemon water with cayenne pepper, it's not a fad diet or fly by night, it's all with changes that i don't really think about any more, so I think she got it??? Anyway, she's made a commitment to stop drinking (real) soda as of TODAY! I'm really happy for her!!!:hug:

kaplods
07-01-2009, 11:57 AM
I think we need to remember that your friend voiced what many of us have thought at one time or another, and in fact largely what we're taught to expect. It's still very, very common for people to believe that they will be able to eat whatever they want again when they reach their goal weight (which why so many people regain it).

It reminds me of What is so often said of many diets, especially lower carb plans: "When I started eating normally again, I gained it all back."

Uh, yeah - that's how it works - if you return to old eating habits, or become less vigilant, the weight will generally return.

(And yes, I know that lower carb dieters tend to regain faster, but I also think because of the addiction-like pull of carbohydrates for some people, that rather than just going back to old patterns, people are likely to go on a carb bender, eating every "bad" carb in sight because of the "deprivation" of low- carb. Another effect that can't be dismissed is that higher carb eating, seems to cause water retention in many people - certainly me - so some of that more rapid gain may be water).

High fat and carbohydrate foods are ingrained in our culture. Celebration foods and comfort foods are often high fat/high carb foods, and so I think they're very difficult to envision giving up. But, I think one of the reasons that celebration foods tend to be high calorie/fat/starch foods, is because of the historical rarity of those foods. Sugar and refined flour were once extremely rare (and not very long ago, from a historical viewpoint) - rare to the point that many if not most people spent their entire lives without tasting either.

Our great, great grandparents didn't have to worry about temptation being around the house, and add a few more "greats" and they didn't have to worry about it being anywhere.

In essence, we're showering diamonds from the sky, and asking people to use self-control and leave them lie.

I'm not blaming "the environment" for my weight or anyone else's. Blame is too harsh a word, and implies that the individual has no power or control. Rather the environment, the individual and the individual's physiology(and even genetics), all interact to affect the outcome. Some of our struggles are within our control, and some are not. Obstacles truly do exist, and if we don't acknowledge their existence, we hith them like brick walls, instead of learning ways to navigate around or over them.

Because the obstacles are unique, we're not all running the same race. As a result, "success" must also be definited uniquely.

WhitePicketFences
07-01-2009, 12:21 PM
I actually don't have a big issue with junk food in the house, for the most part (though I don't keep it around much either ... why would I?)

I do have a difficult time ordering a plate at a restaurant and only eating X percent of it. This despite the fact that I would have no problem portioning X amount onto my plate at home without wanting to go back to the stove for more!

So I go out to eat less, and when I do it's with as much planning as possible.

And I do well picking and choosing at a buffet -- others here have said the opposite, a plate is preferable.

We all have some limitation or another. I have a bunch of other ones that may be kind of weird. Point is ... You are a success because you are honest with yourself about your limitations. Denial does no good here.

So many good comparisions, but Kaploid's infidelity example took the words right outta my keyboard -- because frankly I have seen so many people brag about their trust and lack of relationship boundaries, only for it to end in, er, failure.

rockinrobin
07-01-2009, 12:22 PM
I think we need to remember that your friend voiced what many of us have thought at one time or another, and in fact largely what we're taught to expect. It's still very, very common for people to believe that they will be able to eat whatever they want again when they reach their goal weight (which why so many people regain it).


I also think a LOT of the problem lies in the fact that I was always told I had to figure out, solve and resolve my issues with food BEFORE successful, long term weight loss could occur. I was led to believe that if I didn't work out my issues that I'd never mind, NOT get the all the weight off - but that I would surely gain it all back. Plus more. Immediately. If not sooner. So why bother?

Well, I pretty much identified some of the issues - carbs and sugar made me crazy. I ate when I wasn't hungry - used food for enjoyment, depression, sadness, anger, annoyance and every other emotion under the sun. Didn't have a turn off switch. Yada, yada, yada. The resolving part - that was another story. So instead of working on resolving these issues - I worked on ways to get around these issues. I started counting my calories instead of leaving them up in the air, I set up boundaries, made rules and food laws for myself to follow, lots of definite NO's and only in certain circumstances, basically incorporated HEALTHY habits into my life - set myself up for success - in spite of my issues.

I really wish I'd hear more of - "You don't HAVE to have everything figured out when you first start". Look for, delve & seek out ways around your obstacles. Don't throw needless temptation in your face. FIND ways to make this easier.

Trazey34
07-01-2009, 12:31 PM
Robin - you'd advocate working on those issues in tandem tho right?? not just find ways around them? I know I've done a lot of work in that area, but you're right - i didn't WAIT til I had it all figured out before i put the fork down LOL . I do think that dealing with feelings and staring yourself in the face and say WHY are you doing that is a good thing, a necessary thing. It sucks kinda lol, but worth it.

It's canada day and my visitors are a bit late :( wahhhh

rockinrobin
07-01-2009, 12:51 PM
Robin - you'd advocate working on those issues in tandem tho right??

Nah. Who needs to work on shoveling food in their mouths the first time a little tension surfaces ;)? Kidding.

Once I started counting my calories, which was one way I thought of to deal with the obstacle of my overeating, THAT put the brakes on turning to food for every little good, bad or indifferent incident that occurred in my life. So by adding in that one thing - the calorie counting - I was forced to find other ways to DEAL with those emotions and soothe myself, hence working on those "issues" in tandem.

Fox
07-01-2009, 01:01 PM
I don't have time to read all the responses because I have to get ready for work but I wanted to add my 2 cents.

I think that yes, you are a success. You've lost weight and that was the goal right? True, you may not be able to handle ice cream in the house but that doesn't make you a failure.

She does make an interesting point though and I don't think she was doing it because she's jealous or spiteful or anything like that. I think it's just a different way of looking at things. Everyone approaches situations in life differently. When losing weight some people are little by little, other people are all or nothing, people have all kinds of preconceived notions about how they're going to do things and how it's going to work for them and how they're going to end up. People view success (and the whole journey) differently and I think that's all it comes down to.

thisisnotatest
07-01-2009, 06:11 PM
All my friends (since we were kids) are naturally skinny. All of them eat/act differently. One runs around like crazy (always has), barely eats through the day and has a huge dinner (not a binge, just big dinner) she has no food issues, and has always eaten unprocessed, whole foods. The only time her weight fluctuated (slightly) was when she was pregnant.
Other friend also tiny (~5ft tall/under 100lbs). She's fairly sedentary, eats oreos and processed crap, always fills her plate up, but doesn't always finish eating it. Again, no food issues, no fluctuations.
I could go on, but the point is that everyone is different,different activity levels and different eating habits.
You cannot model one person after another. We all have our own path

I would never say to one of my 'skinny' friends, oh, you don't eat breakfast so you aren't really thin? Enjoying life? A success? It would sound ridiculous.
Just as this womams comment to you, besides probably being motivated by jealous, is just plain silly and makes no sense.