I've been lurking & reading here for a few weeks now, & I finally decided to take the plunge & join in! I'll be turning 40 this August, & I promised myself last December that I'd get into really good shape & look awesome by my B-Day. I actually did lose a lot of weight over the following months, but lately I've been gaining it all back again & I'm starting to panic! I'm actually a very active person- I'm a runner, I lift weights & I don't sit still much in general, (I hike, bike, do lots of yard work, etc.) My real trouble is my EATING. Most of the time I follow a healthy low-carb approach, (lots of lean proteins & veggies), but unfortunately I'm also a binger/ compulsive eater.
I'm here because not only does this look like a wonderful forum in general, it also has a place for people with my food issues to get support. Awesome!
I'm ready to get a handle on my problem, and I'm also ready to admit that I can't do it on my own, (I should know- I've been trying handle it alone for years now.) I think that with a little support & accountability, however, I'll make it, so I'm really excited to jump into the forums & the binge-free challenges!
Thanks for being here for me, and I can't wait until I can put a weight loss ticker in my signature line & start using those little chickie "pounds lost" avatars!
I did great from December through about April- I lost weight & gained muscle and was starting to look pretty good, but then I fell off the wagon & started gaining fat again.
My problem is sugar & flour, (all grains, really.) I have an addictive response to them, and once I start eating them it's really hard to get myself back on track. I went home to see my mom in April & I ate lots of off-plan food, (& brought my re-awakened carb addiction back with me.) It's kind of been a downward spiral from there, and it's been REALLY out-of-control since I started training for my upcoming half marathon. I have to eat at least some carbs in order to have the energy to run thirteen miles, and it's been really hard on me. I'm only supposed to eat them before my long runs, but they've been creeping into my regular, every day diet. Eating them also causes me to have crazy, insatiable hunger & cravings, and yesterday was really the last straw: I basically spent the entire day going in & out of the kitchen, eating & eating & eating and still wanting to eat more. I always think I can handle having some carbs in my diet & I think I'll be able to control how & when I eat them, but it never actually works out that way...
I want to be a marathoner, though, so the time has come for me to get my act together & deal with this problem.
Oh, I should also mention that I have extreme hypothyroidism, (I have no thyroid gland), so I'm super insulin resistant. Anything other than lean proteins and non-starchy veggies make me gain weight like crazy!
Reading both your posts tells a familiar story for me. I was an Anorexic and then bulimic many years back, both addicitve eating patterns.
Just a question on your eating Moxiegirl, do you know why? We usually self-medicate with whatever substance does it for us, i.e. drugs, alcohol, food, - because of emotional pain which we are wanting to dull with our chosen analgesic. What I can hear in your story is that you are trying to stop the behaviour by just not doing it. But that is a bit like hacking the top of a weed in the garden rather than pulling it up by the roots. Maybe you already have done work on this, but if not you might need to work on the underlying issues. That was how I got out of my active carb addiction.
I wish there were quick fixes for these things, but I suppose that really is an addict way of thinking too. Slow and steady wins the race they say.
Wow! Good on you for the marathon goal! My partner is into running too. He's in training for another half coming up soon. My hat goes off to you guys!
Yep, I do know why I am the way I am with food, (it all stems from my childhood- big surprise, huh?) I was anorexic for many years also, (which is why I have no thyroid gland today- I fried it out from years of starvation.) About three years ago, I decided that I wanted to recover from the ED, so I started eating normal portions of healthy foods. Unfortunately, (and I've found this is extremely common in recovering anorexics), I swung all the way from one end of the spectrum to the other & became a binger and COE. I guess when you finally "unlock" yourself from years of restriction, you can sort of unleash a floodgate, so to speak. I spent a few years working on closing that floodgate back down, (without going back to starving again, which was really hard for me because I gained a LOT of weight), and just trying to have a normal relationship with food. I do pretty well most of the time, until I start "getting into the sugar & flour" again. It's just very addictive stuff for me, and one bite leads to massive cravings & out-of-control binges. (You know what they say, "One bite is too much and no amount is ever enough.")
I guess what I mean to say is that YES, I do know what my emotional triggers are, and I no longer let myself binge because of them. As for my physical addiction to sugar & flour, well, I'm still working on that one....
wow that sounds rough, but i hope you succeed! i took a guess at my emotional triggers but for me nothing makes sense. when i do exercise and feel right--i feel good even though i eye a donut and think how good it would taste. and at first i refuse it and i feel ok about it. and this will keep on for a week or two and then for some reason i wake up, ignore everything and binge until i make myself sick. or i dont exercise. either one of those makes me feel sick and awful. now what i dont understand is why am i repeatedly doing something that harms me? if i feel good about exercising and eating right why do i always fall off the wagon? im so frustrated and beginning to think ill never be the way i want. i know its not going to disappear over night but looks like its not even moving at all.
I know for me I thought maybe I have some sort of food addiction because I feel I always want to eat- even if I just ate an hour or two ago.
I just started reading the book:
Conquer Your Food Addiction : The Ehrlich 8-Step Program for Permanent Weight Loss by Caryl Ehrlich
And honestly I'm liking it- sure I'm not too far in- but it's making me go hmmm a LOT! I'm like this really makes sense to me- how I've formed habits and I have to break them. It's like the cigarette smoker who has quit but usually after work craves a cig- the only reason why is because they used to smoke a cig right after work everyday- it just takes time to get out of that routine.
I'm also reading: Food Addiction: The Body Knows: Revised & Expanded Edition by Kay Sheppard
It talks about how some of us are just more sensitive to the effects of sugar and carbs and helps you to rewire a bit- the only part I don't like about this is it has a diet plan, but it's a relatively short and straightforward book.
Personally I like the first book better because it goes into behavioral issues.
thanks for your suggestions. i almost feel like theres nothing wrong with me, although others would say i have an ed..not saying theyre not real but its not real with me. but then again i havent succeeded. of course ill try again but i really need to stay on track even though this is exactly what i said the past 3894798745395 times
Beerab- thank you for the book suggestions, I'll definitely check those out! I've read like everything by Geneen Roth, and also a few others like "When Women Stop Hating their Bodies," and "It was Food Versus Me, and I Won," (that one's by Nancy Goodman & I really liked it a lot!)
Emma,
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when i do exercise and feel right--i feel good even though i eye a donut and think how good it would taste. and at first i refuse it and i feel ok about it. and this will keep on for a week or two and then for some reason i wake up, ignore everything and binge until i make myself sick. or i dont exercise. either one of those makes me feel sick and awful. now what i dont understand is why am i repeatedly doing something that harms me? if i feel good about exercising and eating right why do i always fall off the wagon? im so frustrated and beginning to think ill never be the way i want.
Ohhhh boy, do I ever see myself in your words! I could have written that post. That's why I'm here- I've been doing my regular runs with my husband on some evenings, but lately I've been totally blowing off my strength training workouts & everything else I normally do in the mornings, and I've been heading straight to the fridge instead. I'm "back in the food" again lately, and I'm hoping that joining here will help me back out of it again, (for good this time, maybe? Please?) It's a mystery to me why I do this too- Maybe Finni is right, & I still have some emotional stuff I haven't worked through yet?
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of course ill try again but i really need to stay on track even though this is exactly what i said the past 3894798745395 times
Ugh, I feel your pain & frustration SO MUCH right now! Believe me though- I'm right there with ya'!!! Maybe we should buddy-up??? I don't know if I can send PMs & stuff yet, since I'm brand new here... I'll have to check into setting up a journal or something, so I can continue with this writing & talking to people who are in the same situation as I am, it really helps me to know I'm not going through this alone!
I have recently come to accept I am also a binge eater. I have been struggling for a while. And I was just starting to research overeaters annoymous but the group idea scares me.
I did just buy Shrink Yourself which is suppose to address the issues of binge eating. Its a first step to getting better.
Also the carb thing for me is what sets me in a tailspin. When I binge its usually sweet carbs like pop tarts, little debbies, cake, ect. I can't eat just one so I trying not to keep it in my home. Yesterday I threw a angel food cake down the garbage disposole after I ate more than 1/2 of it! It was the only way I would stop (getting rid of it).
Boy, I sure can't tell you how many times I've put stuff down the garbage disposal, (in a mad panic, of course, and with my mouth still full of whatever it was I was trying not to eat the entire thing of!)
Sounds very, very familiar!
I've been back on track for two days now, and for me "back on track" means back on low carb & back on eating pre-planned meals at planned times ONLY, no snacking & no getting into my husband's sugary, carby stuff, (like his granola. One bite = MADNESS!)
Here are my main daytime meals:
Breakfast: Post-workout low carb protein recovery shake
Lunch: (Pick One daily)
Chicken breast on top of a small mixed veggie salad
Tuna or egg salad on low carb tortilla
Turkey sandwich on low carb tortilla
Small chef salad with hard boiled egg & turkey
Dinner:
Salad with salmon burger on top
Grilled salmon with sauteed broccoli or brussels sprouts
Chef salad
low carb soup
grilled chicken or pork with side salad or sauteed veggies
Weekends are more "fun" but still low carb. We usually barbecue some sort of meat like steaks or pork chops or sausages, and we'll have low carb coleslaw or something along with it.
If I can manage to stick with this and just use my sugary, carby PowerGels & Gatorade during my long runs ONLY, I think I'll be A-OK!
(Hey Emma, I actually did my morning workout today, YAY for me!)
You seem exactly like me except that I would be happy to do half a marathon It is so horrible to ruin all the work out I put in with all the food I intake. I´m so disapointed in myself for that.
Binger/Compulsive eater
