Weight Loss Support - Embarrassed about weight loss comments




megwini
06-25-2009, 07:34 PM
Since Father's Day I've started getting comments about my weight loss, even from people I haven't said a word about it to. On Father's Day my aunt asked me (in front of like 4 other family members, including my parents!), "You look like you've lost weight," and I blushed red and even though I KNOW I've lost over 25 pounds, I simply stammered out, "I don't think so," to which she said, "Really? You look thinner. Especially your face looks a LOT thinner" and I tried to change the subject as quickly as possible and pretend I had no idea what she was talking about. She embarrassed me in front of the rest of my family, and I didn't like it.
A few days ago my dad asked me if I'd lost weight (in front of my mom) and once again, I said, "I wouldn't know" (I haven't discussed my weight loss with my parents, only with a few friends).
But then today one of my best friends asked me when no one else was around if I'd lost weight, and I smiled sheepishly and said "Yes, a little bit" and she was like, "Well you can really tell," and I said thank you, and it was fine, not embarrassed at all.
So what I've learned? When people ask me if I've lost weight and anyone else is there, I get flustered and can't answer. If they ask me one-on-one, I'm fine. Ugh, what am I going to do?! I can't stop people from commenting!!!!!!!!!! But it really GENUINELY embarrasses me to have it brought up in anywhere public. :o I want to be healthy, but I HATE having attention drawn to myself, just hate it. I wish people would only ask me in private. :o
Anyone else hear me on this one? I know it's unavoidable and I won't give up my journey to make the comments go away, but I was just wondering if anyone else felt like I did about this. To me, talking about weight loss is just... private, and to have it brought up in public really flusters me, I guess.


Tracy
06-25-2009, 07:40 PM
I can't wait for people to start noticing. I won't care who is around! But, that's me.:D
:congrat: on your weight loss so far! Good Job!

rowan108
06-25-2009, 07:45 PM
I love it when people notice too. It gives me motivation to keep going.


munchievictim
06-25-2009, 07:54 PM
It totally depends. My boyfriend my and grandmother have both commented that I look "trimmer" and I think I enjoyed it both times (i had to think about the fact that my boyfriend commented on my weight for a bit, but I decided it was good.)
But just random people talking about my weight is not so welcome.

amynbebes
06-25-2009, 07:56 PM
I completely understand! While I truly am flattered that people notice my hard work and it is a bit of a self esteem boost I still want to crawl under a rock when a spectacle is made. A lady I work with is just as nice and can be and I like her but yelled "hey guys, look how skinny Amy is getting!" to 4 or 5 coworkers. I could have clubbed her over the head. On the other hand my dh just wasn't saying jack about it until the last week or so and that hurt my feelings that he hadn't said anything.

Rosinante
06-25-2009, 08:15 PM
So far, the only person who's commented is my dogs' kennelmaid, so I'm being spared embarrassment this time - but I do recognize the feeling!

Michelle1210
06-25-2009, 08:23 PM
I love/hate it!!! I don't tell anyone then they notice, then I feel every time I go into work or church people are really scrutinizing me and commenting..... I know they mean well and want to encourage, you know checking out my backside, my face, my upper arms. After I had my last son I had gained 80 lbs with him and carried it around for a few years, before I lost weight with him, then I get to be around 150 and people are commenting on don't you think its time you stopped dieting etc, and wow you look anorexic...and when is a 5'2-3 anorexic at 150???.And everyone is an expert about dieting, diet tips, exercise, yeah I want to scream!!!So now We have moved across country and no one knows I am loosing weight. I tend to sabotage my effeorts when the comments start to roll in. I haven't met any people to know me before and after yet???

Jacqui_D
06-25-2009, 08:43 PM
I am losing weight to get healthier but also to feel more attractive, so it doesn't bother me at all for people to comment. I'm flattered! If they had commented while I was gaining weight, now, that would have embarrassed me! I have no reason at all to be embarrassed now that I'm finally trying to take care of myself!

tarryn
06-25-2009, 10:01 PM
ohhh i know how you feel!!!

I just can't work out why i get embaressed? i just dont know what to say when people mention it anymore!

It could be that im embaressed that they noticed how big i USED to be?
I do love the comments at the same time...but sometimes the way people say them just makes me go red!

Lori Bell
06-25-2009, 10:32 PM
I too have a love/hate relationship with compliments. I love them from some people, hate them yelled across a room...I do have a few "close" friends who have actually NEVER mentioned it. It's like they have never noticed that over 1/2 of me is gone...weird.

It took me about 50 pounds lost before anyone besides my husband noticed, and the first few compliments felt REALLY great. After awhile, and I actually bypassed fat and entered the "chubby" stage, the compliments with insults attached began to surface their ugly little heads from the "fat" crowd. It was then that I realize I was at my usual breaking point. I had 2 choices, I could quit and try to maintain "chubby" or it was time to thicken my skin. You can imagine after losing over 170 pounds, on my own, with no "programs", no "surgery", and no "magic pills" the gossip mill was going NUTS. No one could/can believe this was done all by sheer determination (and actually a little stubbornness). Since I'm losing weight very slowly now, a lot of the comments have died down. Hopefully someday people will kind of forget I was ever morbidly obese.

munchievictim
06-25-2009, 10:36 PM
Lori Bell--you're such an inspiration. And of course, that breeds jealousy. But it's incredible, all that you've accomplished. I can't believe you have friends that have never commented on your tremendous loss. I thought that was going to be the case with my boyfriend, but this time around he's already started making comments.
Thanks for being around to inspire us all. :)

thinpossible
06-25-2009, 10:37 PM
Ugh! I totally dread this. I think the way I'm going to handle this is if someone asks me I'll say " a bit" and if people compliment I'll say thanks. Then I will steer the conversation away as quickly as I can!!! If they persist I'll probably just grin and bear it.

jajabee
06-25-2009, 10:42 PM
I also HATE being the center of attention in a group of people, especially people I don't know very well. I blush really bright red and usually say something stupid. I found a therapist a few months ago who specializes in encouraging personal growth (not treating serious disorders), and we've been talking about my embarrassment (when we're not talking about my screwed-up family :) ). She has me practice being aware of feeling anxious in this sort of situation, accepting that it's ok to feel anxious, and then letting it go. She wants me to focus more on what the other people in the room are thinking, and less on how stressed I feel and what I should say/do. I have to say, it's really helped me relax and enjoy this sort of thing a lot more.

Anyhow, big congrats on your progress so far! We have similar stats, so I have an idea of how good you must be feeling! :)

forestroad
06-25-2009, 10:45 PM
Hehe I asked my bf why he hadn't said anything about my weight loss and his response was "I didn't want to jinx it"...LOL that boy has no filter...

munchievictim
06-25-2009, 10:46 PM
forestroad-OMG! hahaha. I don't think I would have spoken to bf for a solid day.

Skinnycow
06-25-2009, 10:56 PM
I've lost 32 lbs. so far. I can't wait for people to start noticing. Every Sunday, I go to church expecting someone to notice and ask if I've lost weight, and every Sunday I am disappointed.

megwini
06-26-2009, 01:34 AM
ohhh i know how you feel!!!

I just can't work out why i get embaressed? i just dont know what to say when people mention it anymore!

It could be that im embaressed that they noticed how big i USED to be?
I do love the comments at the same time...but sometimes the way people say them just makes me go red!

That's so me! Like I feel happy on the INSIDE about the comments, but at the same time, I get so embarrassed and wish they hadn't brought it up. I think it might be that I'm embarrassed because it's bringing attention to the fact that I'm FAT. Yes, I've lost weight, but I'm STILL fat. And it kind of brings attention to that, indirectly, and I think it makes me self-conscious.

tarryn
06-26-2009, 01:52 AM
That's so me! Like I feel happy on the INSIDE about the comments, but at the same time, I get so embarrassed and wish they hadn't brought it up. I think it might be that I'm embarrassed because it's bringing attention to the fact that I'm FAT. Yes, I've lost weight, but I'm STILL fat. And it kind of brings attention to that, indirectly, and I think it makes me self-conscious.

DEFINATELY to that last part!!

I think its cos im still not happy with my self, and am still a little overweight, that it feels like i cant hide behind something anymore..that its obvious they ARE looking at me and judging me..and really SEEING what i look like?

rockinrobin
06-26-2009, 06:31 AM
I was much more embarrassed by needing to lose weight, by letting the world see just how out of control and irresponsible I was, then by getting compliments after losing that said weight. Much more.

losermom
06-26-2009, 07:00 AM
Meg and Taryn, I am right there with both of you! I am really embarrassed by alot of attention surrounding my weight, whether it's good or bad! But each and every compliment and comment is always followed by, "What's your secret?". They then wait expectantly for my answer. When I tell them that I am watching what I eat or calorie counting and lots of exercise, they always respond with a disappointed, "Ooh." It's not what they want to hear.

SkinnyNOTACow, is that you with Ruby in your avatar? I LOVE Ruby!

Thighs Be Gone
06-26-2009, 07:36 AM
I was probably down 30 pounds or so before anyone noticed. I just said thanks and that was all. I loved the compliments and it helped to keep me on track. When my weight loss really moved along and I had lost 60 or 70 pounds I honestly tried avoiding certain people because I didn't want to talk about it for some reason. I am also a person that has a hard time with attention being on me. Sometimes now I will be out with a close friend and they will tell some random stranger in our presence how much weight I have lost. I absolutely detest that! I tell them too after I meander my way out of the situation.

Wannabeskinny
06-26-2009, 09:03 AM
I've lost 22lbs and nobody's noticed yet. It might be a good thing (i'm not being bothered) or a bad thing (is it my imagination that I'm losing weight?). I don't know how I'll handle it when people start noticing it but I'll probably say "oh really? maybe a little" like it's no big deal.

Lori Bell
06-26-2009, 09:12 AM
I was probably down 30 pounds or so before anyone noticed. I just said thanks and that was all. I loved the compliments and it helped to keep me on track. When my weight loss really moved along and I had lost 60 or 70 pounds I honestly tried avoiding certain people because I didn't want to talk about it for some reason. I am also a person that has a hard time with attention being on me. Sometimes now I will be out with a close friend and they will tell some random stranger in our presence how much weight I have lost. I absolutely detest that! I tell them too after I meander my way out of the situation.

OMGosh...HOW I HATE that too! Gurrr. I also have a friend that does that. I think she is really just proud of me, but sometimes I don't know. Funny thing is, we are both married...(for many years), but it's kind of entertaining when "other" men flirt. I guess it's because no man, (except my dear husband) even noticed I existed for many years. Anyway, we were at a ball game the other day and a nice looking guy was casually visiting with us. Neither of us had ever met him as his kid played for the visiting team. My hubby was near by talking with another friend. Anyway, just out of the clear blue she blurts out, "Hey, did you know my friend here has recently lost a ton of weight?" The guy shakes his head and said, "No, this is the first time we've met..." Friend says, "She's lost 170 pounds!!!!!!!" :o

The man quickly ended the conversation. I was as red as a beet and she seemed to look very satisfied. UGH. I asked her why she always does that and she says, "I'm just so proud of you"...but in the back of my mind, I really wonder if she thinks I'm going to start bed jumping or something. She watches a lot of Oprah...LOL :D

rachinma
06-26-2009, 09:13 AM
I just say, "Yes, thank you for noticing." I find that pretty much ends the conversation, but on a good note.

jellybellyjen
06-26-2009, 09:18 AM
WHO CARES IF NO ONE HAS NOTICED :shrug:YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR DOING AND WHAT YOU HAVE LOST:bravo: BE PROUD OF YOUR SELF:dance: I'M SURE THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU HAVE NOTICED AND HAS LET YOU KNOW IT :gossip:THAT'S ALL THAT MATTER'S:D YOUR DOING A GREAT JOB:woohoo: KEEP GOING THE COMPLIMENT'S YOU FEEL YOU NEED WILL COME :coach:

:hug:S

koolkiwi
06-26-2009, 10:14 AM
The weight loss comments still make me cringe but nothing like they did when they first started. It seems the further I am from my starting weight the easier I can take the comments whether this is because I am getting use to them, that my starting weight is more distanced from me or that I am proving that I can get to my goal or a combination of all these I don't know.

Starbuck
06-26-2009, 10:34 AM
I'm still waiting for someone other than my hubby to notice my weight loss. I keep thinking when I see my mum that she is going to mention it, but she doesn't.

p7eggyc
06-26-2009, 10:35 AM
I have a couple of thoughts on this...

First to the OP: I would rehearse a few one liners you can use in this situation and it could even give the person a clue that you get uncomfortable...maybe something like "I've been working on it but I don't like to talk about it" or something more subtle that I can't find in my morning brain. I have to say that I'm an extrovert and that sort of group thing never bothers me so I suspect they are much the same and totally oblivious to making you uncomfortable.

I wanted to say that I think that some of those that love us the most and are closest to us don't say much because it's not important to them. My best friend from 4th grade has always been slender but never seemed to notice that I had lost weight or anything. I don't think it was that she was waiting for me to fall or anything, it's just not something she cares about. She loves me fat or thin and much of my family was the same. I still don't think my brother and his wife have said a word. They might be waiting for me to fail though! LOL

My other experience (I lost weight in 2004 and have gained a small amount back so I'm focused on healthy eating again) is that some people continue to remark about my weight MANY years later after they've seen me many times in those years. I have one out of state aunt and another acquaintance who say something EVERY time. LOL I try to laugh but it makes me feel like people really hold on to the memories of me heavier. I try not to let it bother me though. It's a weird phenomenon though.

Peg

saef
06-26-2009, 10:40 AM
When I was fat & in social situations, I pretended that I didn't have a body -- what I call "living from the neck upwards." Any references to it at all were taboo. I was not what I call a "jolly fat woman" who made self-deprecating jokes about her body. No, for me, it was The Unmentionable, The Thing That Must Not Be Discussed, and I was, myself, the proverbial elephant in the room.

This is why I, too, had a difficult time when people began talking about my weight loss. It took them a long time, actually. I think I must have lost about 40 pounds before anyone said anything. I'm convinced that's because people pick up signals from you when a subject is considered beyond the pale, and they agree tacitly to be silent, too. The people who said things were people who barely knew me, and so weren't part of the polite peoples' agreement that I'd bound everyone to.

I'm such a puritan about compliments even now. I thank the person who gives them to me, but if the conversation continues, I always tell them that the weight loss & maintaining it is a lot of work, that I put a lot of time & effort into it. It's not that I'm fishing for more credit for my steely willpower or persistence or anything. It's that I really want them to know this. I'm trying to dispell any notions of magical thinking. So many of them seem to want me to tell them it was a nonprescription pill or the ultimate foolproof diet or a little device you order off an infomercial & use just 15 minutes a day.

Samantha100
06-26-2009, 10:55 AM
Perhaps when someone comments that you've lost weight, it is still a negative because it means that you must have been heavy to begin with. But, you can't expect your friends to anticipate your feelings on this topic. They are well intended complements. One of my most rewarding feelings during my weight loss is when the first person tells me that they believe I've lost weight.

munchievictim
06-26-2009, 02:41 PM
saef--I'm the exact same way. The fact that my boyfriend recently made a comment about me trimming up was a huge surprise to me because he had never mentioned my weight before, and he's seen me go from 200lbs to 170lbs and back again in a year. It's kind of been this totally tabboo subject throughout my life, and the once in a blue moon someone might mention something it was like someone throwing a bucket of ice water on me. I got so good at ignoring myself that I was actually surprised when people hinted or mentioned that I might be overweight.
I'm still overweight, and comments are still very unwelcome, but the couple of compliments I've gotten I've been able to appreciate--which I think is an important part of learning to totally accept my body in order to change it?
Hope so anyway :)

Michelle1210
06-26-2009, 03:16 PM
Lori Bell, How about posting your pics, so we can comment on your success....lol ok kidding aside, sounds like your friend was jealous that a nice young man would be talking to you, that she had to embarrass you, you could always comment, and my friend use to be kind and considerate and not air our out other people's laundry.or now she just has a big mouth!!

funny how we build relationships too, do we have the ugly friend so we can look pretty? do we have the fat friend so we look thin?.....perhaps by loosing weight you upset the balance of her apple cart. Im sure she is proud of you but still not sure of her footing in your new you, thin friend. she knew the role she played in her being friend to the fat girl. she has a lot of issues too unlayer too.

thistoo
06-26-2009, 04:03 PM
I work in an office full of women and every one of them discusses my weight loss, loudly, whenever they feel like it. I've gotten used to the comments by now! But honestly, there comes a certain point when it's just noticeable, and there's nothing you can do about it. Politely saying, "I'd prefer not to discuss it" might work for some people (probably not family), but you might find you get used to and even enjoy the attention after awhile. Now that I'm so much smaller I don't mind nearly as much.

Jacquie668
06-26-2009, 04:22 PM
I'm very open when it comes to weight talk. Hey if you want to have a pow-wow about my weight, fine, but the thing is I do quickly steer the conversation from compliments to constructive diet talk lol. I was thinking about it since the OP posted this thread and you know I get really embarrassed and even have a hard time hearing the positive comments. As soon as someone says, "you are looking great" or "you are really getting smaller" I sort of go "EEEEEE" on the inside with happy excitement and on the outside I'm like stumbling about not knowing what to say for a few seconds. Almost like it blindsides you...if that makes sense.

I'm not embarrassed because of the weight loss, I mean when you're 340+ pounds and you drop some poundage...people notice. lol But it is more that I'm not used to hearing positive things I guess...or maybe I just have a hard time accepting compliments. Probably both.

CJZee
06-26-2009, 05:07 PM
I never want anyone to say anything about my body or my weight loss. I've always been this way. When I was in my 20's, I lost about 40 lbs. one time, and I hated it when people mentioned it.

I think this time, I will just tell people I've joined a gym and am exercising a lot more (which is true). I will just not mention the food component, or mention it only in passing. To me talking about exercise "feels" much safer than talking about food for some reason. A few people have commented to me that I look like I've been losing weight, and this is the way I've handled it and it felt okay.

Wannabeskinny
06-26-2009, 05:55 PM
Compliments are ok once in a while, but "discussing the weightloss" seems rather rude and none of their business in my mind. I mean you don't walk up to someone and discuss the color of their teeth in casual conversation, or their hammer toe surgery, or how they got rid of that rash for that matter. I think everyone feels embarrased about it because it's super personal!!! What I choose to do with my body is not a polite topic of discussion. A compliment about my outfit would suffice - we don't need to get down to the nitty gritty about what I eat and the exercise I do.

If someone asks you how you did it tell them "the old fashioned way" and move on to another topic.

Or how's this one.... next time someone says wow look how skinny you're getting just say "So?"

Moralia
06-26-2009, 08:33 PM
In my opinion, I honestly feel that *most* people are being sincere and trying to give a heartfelt compliment... If I gave someone a sincere compliment and was given the reply "so?" i'd be a little put off to be honest, and that would probably be the last time I complimented, or said much of anything to that person.

kiramira
06-26-2009, 09:07 PM
Hi there.
Weight loss is not only a personal journey, but a PUBLIC journey. You can't lose significant amounts of weight and not become visible for it. It comes with the territory. Irritating, annoying, but a fact.

People are going to ask at a certain point. To prepare for this if you are shy about it, you need to stand in the mirror, imagine a compliment and say "Thank you" out loud. And smile. This is ALL you need to say in response. Soon, this will be second nature. So the compliment when given will have a natural reaction -- "Thank you".

Then you have to prepare for the inevitable "how did you do it". So practice "Hard work, diet and exercise." or something like that. Whatever you are comfortable with. If you are shy about talking about it.

Finally, figure out how to get out of further conversation about it if you don't want to discuss it -- like "I have to go now" while checking your watch, or something like that. I used to walk around my office with a file folder. I picked this up from Dilbert! The theory is that if you are walking with purpose with a file folder, you are deemed to be "busy", and this lets you get out of conversations you don't want, or to leave the area ... "*Gasp! Shuffle of files* I'd love to talk more about it, but I'm late..."

Sad fact is that you have to have some strategies that work for you because the comments WILL come. And pretty much everyone I've dealt with during my journey is curious, full of admiration, and just want to say something nice. So to be respectful in return is, well, a nice thing too.
Kira

Wannabeskinny
06-26-2009, 09:14 PM
In my opinion, I honestly feel that *most* people are being sincere and trying to give a heartfelt compliment... If I gave someone a sincere compliment and was given the reply "so?" i'd be a little put off to be honest, and that would probably be the last time I complimented, or said much of anything to that person.

I agree, I mostly said it in jest but there are times when people will bring this up over and over again like it's a public discussion when in fact a little discretion would be wise. There's a big difference between someone saying "you look fantastic" and "look look LOOK at her, she's WASTING away!" One is a compliment to you, the other is a roast.

Jacquie668
06-26-2009, 09:41 PM
Compliments are ok once in a while, but "discussing the weightloss" seems rather rude and none of their business in my mind. I mean you don't walk up to someone and discuss the color of their teeth in casual conversation, or their hammer toe surgery, or how they got rid of that rash for that matter. I think everyone feels embarrased about it because it's super personal!!! What I choose to do with my body is not a polite topic of discussion. A compliment about my outfit would suffice - we don't need to get down to the nitty gritty about what I eat and the exercise I do.

If someone asks you how you did it tell them "the old fashioned way" and move on to another topic.

Or how's this one.... next time someone says wow look how skinny you're getting just say "So?"

For me the embarrassment is not because it is personal in the context you are describing. Hey I'm all for having discussions, it isn't about that for someone like me. It is about having issues hearing positive comments in regards to me. It is hard to hear for me. I mean like i said, lets have a weight talk pow-wow. I'll tell you what I'm doing, what my diet is...whatever, for me that is okay because I find the topic interesting and I like hearing feedback from people. I mean you can swap recipes, swap techniques, for me that is all positive. However, that is just me and people who know me know that I am open in that way.

I think in general the rule should be not to just go up and start getting personal with anyone on really any subject, unless you know that person is all for that. I don't think it is rude overall, I just like to respect a person's space and that is my take on it. Some people aren't meaning to invade your personal space is my point,. They aren't meaning to be rude.

I do agree with Kira. I mean it is something that is public as well as private. You can't loose large amounts of weight without someone noticing. Part of my journey is learning how to accept compliments and well, get back out there. I like the idea of practicing in a mirror. I might try that! :D

CandieRae
06-26-2009, 11:34 PM
I LOVE the compliments! I eat it up! The only time I ever cringed at a comment was when my husband's buddy said to me "Wow, you have lost some weight. You used to be really big." Gee, thanks pal!

Moralia
06-27-2009, 10:00 AM
I LOVE the compliments! I eat it up! The only time I ever cringed at a comment was when my husband's buddy said to me "Wow, you have lost some weight. You used to be really big." Gee, thanks pal!

Men can be such morons sometimes!!! lol!!! ;)

LittleMoonRabbit
06-27-2009, 10:14 AM
yeah, I went to a party last night, and my friends were all telling me I was too skinny and one of them was like "Hey, you need to start eating. Maybe that's why you were dizzy this morning!"... It was embarrassing. First of all, I have been eating PLENTY of calories lately (haha, too much... around 1800 a day with less exercise than usual) and I am *still* not in the "normal" BMI category yet. I am NOT too skinny and not anorexic. I think some people just don't know how to react to change, lol.

kiramira
06-27-2009, 12:17 PM
Also, sometimes instead of defending yourself from negative comments, the best and fastest way to diffuse things is to agree!!!
Like
"You should eat more! You're too skinny!"
answer: "Yeah, you are probably right."

OR
"You're wasting away! You need to eat!"
answer:
"Yeah, you are probably right."

Agreeing with these negative comments leaves the person nowheres to go, except on to another topic.You won't be sucked into an arguement about why you are doing what you are doing, and how you are eating. You just agree and move on to another topic! And then log on to 3FC and vent! Because we all get it and we all understand...

Kira

flatiron
06-27-2009, 01:46 PM
It is human nature for people to comment on what they see. They look at you and if you look like you have lost weight 99% of people will say "Hey you look like you lost weight!"

It's not rudeness or meanness it's just normal human behavior. I mean you tell each person who mentions something to you "HEY! I don't wanna talk about my weigh publicly, if you wanna talk about it talk to me privately!" But then you run the risk of people thinking YOU are rude.

I would embrace it instead of letting it get to me. Think of a couple of ready made snappy answers! Have some fun with it.

Like ...

Them: "Hey you look like you have lost some weight!"
You: "Yeah I have ... when are you gonna start?"

Them: "Have you lost weight?"
You: "No, my clothes are all baggy that's the style now."

Them: "My have you lost a lot of weight!"
You: "Yes I have and it looks like it jumped right on YOU!"

jendiet
06-27-2009, 02:27 PM
that sounds like social anxiety. I have it too. I experience this in the class room especially when I get the highest grade on the exams. It's like yes, I did it ..but please don't point it out. I actually feel bad for succeeding so much and don't want people to know--especially don't put me on the spot.

I work through social anxiety, by knowing I have it, and then ignoring it...focus on what's going on around me and take my mind off myself.

I am studying to be a nurse, when I have to focus on other people constantly the anxiety goes away as I am not even thinking about myself.

lori bell you are truly an inspiration and I think it is awesome how far you have come!

teresab
06-27-2009, 02:32 PM
The last time I lost a significant amount of weight (30lbs) I was working as a hairdresser. I had worked there for many years and knew alot of the people who came into the salon, even if I didn't do their hair. The problem with seeing so many people so regularly is that they really feel like they know you so they feel comfortable asking very personal questions. This was far more uncomfortable for me when I was pregnant. People I barely know putting their hands on my belly uninvited. Asking me if we used fertility treatments. How long we were trying to conceive. If the pregnancy was planned or an "accident". One person actually lifted up my shirt to see my "twin belly" without asking!

When people started asking about how I was losing weight I would just laugh a little and say "Stupid old fashioned, "right" way. Excersise and eating right" and change the subject.

CandieRae
06-27-2009, 03:06 PM
Men can be such morons sometimes!!! lol!!! ;)

So VERY true! It's like they lack that filter on their mouths.

newleaf123
06-27-2009, 04:04 PM
Agreeing with these negative comments leaves the person nowheres to go, except on to another topic.You won't be sucked into an arguement about why you are doing what you are doing, and how you are eating. You just agree and move on to another topic! And then log on to 3FC and vent! Because we all get it and we all understand...

Kira

Ooh, I love this strategy -- talk about totally diffusing the situation!

cfb8986
06-27-2009, 04:27 PM
I have mixed feelings about people commenting on my weight loss. I have lost 25 pounds in the last year. It isn't 50 but still it is a significant amount of weight and it definitely shows. My parents and siblings know that I've lost the weight and a few other family members. Other than that I pretty much keep it to myself.

I guess letting people know I've lost weight means acknowledging that I was fat (well fatter than I am now.) Since I never acknowledged that I was fat before, I think my friends picked up on my unwillingness to talk about it and have never mentioned it.

I secretly wish more people would comment. I still have a hard time seeing the difference and it helps to make me feel like I've accomplished something.

Sophia Elise
06-28-2009, 06:24 PM
It's a good thing that I'm not gaining weight even though I'm eat more that the usual. But I can now feel the stress (I"m working at night btw). Next plan is to have a regular exercise.

LitMiss
06-28-2009, 06:45 PM
I say be proud of yourself!
You could give them my 12 year old daughter's standard answer for anything,
maybe I have, maybe I haven't.

I am a teacher and have the summer off and recently ran into a coworker who couldn't place her finger on what was different about me. I just chuckled to myself but was secretly pleased someone out there might have noticed I lost some weight!

Good luck with the weight loss and the embarassing public comments.

Darcel

WhitePicketFences
06-29-2009, 11:32 AM
That's so me! Like I feel happy on the INSIDE about the comments, but at the same time, I get so embarrassed and wish they hadn't brought it up. I think it might be that I'm embarrassed because it's bringing attention to the fact that I'm FAT. Yes, I've lost weight, but I'm STILL fat. And it kind of brings attention to that, indirectly, and I think it makes me self-conscious.

Oh, I can really relate to this, your posts.

Yet the embarrassment has been going away as I keep losing and start feeling more comfortable in my own skin again. (To my surprise!)

I still don't like to be a spectacle, of course (ugh!) but I guess I feel increasingly capable when it comes to briefly 'taking the floor' before deflecting.

Of course, I agree that the best people are the ones like my husband's aunt, who found a discreet moment to direct only me and say in a low voice that I look great, I must've lost a lot of weight. I really appreciated that. Very classy way to do it. If I didn't before, I now know that that's the only way I would comment to someone else.

CakeBatter
06-29-2009, 02:50 PM
I like the compliments....I just hate when people yell at the top of their lungs "WOW YOU HAVE LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT". Its like GEE thanks now the whole world knows i was fat. thanks for your help....It seems liek they do it on purpose...

Wannabeskinny
06-29-2009, 04:55 PM
I like the compliments....I just hate when people yell at the top of their lungs "WOW YOU HAVE LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT". Its like GEE thanks now the whole world knows i was fat. thanks for your help....It seems liek they do it on purpose...

That's exactly what I hate about it. It doesn't need to be an announcement or group discussion, just say it to the person in a privately conscious way.